All Comments on 'Wheelchair Girl'

The most original story I've read on here.

What a great story, love it. AAAAAA++++++

Excellent story, completely original.

So far fetched! So unbelievable! So many people shading their ethics! Loved the story, thank you. (shelleycat not logged in)

Great! 5*

After reading "Homeless", I followed you.

Great story! Keep writing!

Great work!

So fine. So original. Thanks.

5*

Thanks also for the tag "pizza blowjob" :)

This is a category I don't often look at but I'm certainly glad that I found this story. In short, it's wonderful from every aspect, romance, drama, retribution, you name it, it's there. You certainly had this old man running through the full gamut of emotions. Five stars and I wish you well for the competition.

(The one thing I didn't care for too much was the pizza-wrapped penis, but then I detest onions so perhaps that was the best way to treat them.)

Excellent story, an interesting tale, and like another commentator stated it is definitely an original story.

The whole previous life thing was a bit meh for me. Otherwise I really enjoyed it

gordo you did it again. now i know why i love reading your stories

Loved it despite the grit I obviously got in my eye.5*

All I can say is WOW!!!!! Nuff said.

Really enjoyed the story, clever!

Yes, I agree. A great story and very original. Thank you for sharing with us.

For someone with end stage kidney disease a heavy salt load could be fatal. Pizza is definitely off the list.

Do you know how hard it is to read a story when your eyes are leaking like a sieve? I thought the start was a little much when Cory just up and kissed Jamie, but the rest of the story explained my concern away. There were a lot of twists and turns that made this story well worth reading. Thanks

Very enjoyable read.

This is a very different, and thoroughly enjoyable story. I hope that you do well in the competition.

Excellent story. Thank you.

THANK YOU!!!!

Original, loving, inspiring

Weird, yet fascinating. Pizza BJ???

a fun tale, a little odd, but worth the read. 5/5. Good luck

Great story. The premise is so imaginative, and it had several plot beats I enjoy reading about. Good luck and here's a 5*

Great story **5** Sometimes no matter how far apart ... there is a connection!

Don't know if this is the first of your stories I've read but thought it was going great through their holiday then you switched to Doc and I found it confusing until I worked through it. However, loved it and especially the connection between them and as for the pizza BJ, I was in stitches. Very moving.

Wonderful story! 5 stars isn't even close! One thing puzzles me, were Jaime and Cory related? I'm hoping for part 2...

@puzzles me: I deliberately muddied the parental issue by introducing identical twins and the remote chance of a 1 in 6 billion match. There would be no way to determine parentage, and at best, they could only discover if they were related. Doc did that test and then destroyed it without looking. The kids don't know about the possibility of being related, so it's unlikely they would ever do a test. There's be no reason. Mary isn't going to ever say anything and destroy their happiness.

In my mind, at the time I wrote it, first cousins were as close as I wanted to come. Or unrelated. Otherwise, I was writing an incest story, and incest isn't something I care for. So worst case. Taboo! At least I thought it was taboo until research popped up the startling fact that 10% of ALL marriages worldwide are first cousins.

If there was ever a part 2 it would go in the direction of a life story and their incredible connection. I wouldn't delve back into the parentage. LOL, you have no idea of how many times I had to invent something to keep it out of the incest genre. Thanks for asking!

great premise. great takeoff. then the pacing got super wonky and the story just kept getting more and more convoluted. if it had been a comedy it would've worked but it kept taking itself seriously.

a more clear cut vision with more build-up and this could've been a Dreamcloud level masterpiece.

as was: 3 stars.

This was a great story, full of twists and turns, romance and humor. I very much enjoyed it.

I want to thank all my readers for their voting. Today the votes were tallied and Wheelchair Girl won second place in the V-Day contest. @4.91 it's also my highest score ever.

Again thank you so much. I couldn't do it without you! 😍😍🥰

mate what a magic story

OMG tears

Aside from feeling a bit manipulated....It's a good story and well written.

So you win all the stars and favorite author status too.

I've never paid attention to arbitrary dates, like valentine's day,

but on that day about 40 years ago, i learned i had testicular cancer, and later learned it had spread to my lungs. A harrowing experimental treatment saved my life but did a lot on unnecessary damage.

Not at all fond of the holiday.

I'd love to see Jamie and her father reunite. Closure and forgiveness are needed.

I was with you until the doctor raised the idea of a girl having an identical twin brother. No. Just, no. If you're going to do genetics in your story, please research that a bit more.

You got the stars for an excellent story. thought you were going for the Twilight Zone kind ending. Just a little twist at the end. So do you drive a taxi for a living? :)

Lots of authors write themselves into their stories.

I liked that you kept your name! It's honest.

Good story too.

Ohh yeah, I loved it. Enjoyed reading the story. I wonder if Cory and Jaime end up with twins of their own.

Congratulations for winning!

??? The whole time reading this I was so sure they were twins. But the mum said Jamie was a single baby?

Half siblings will not be that well connected & read each other's minds. Twins can. I have experiences with twins and I know what twins can do.

Would love more closure to the story (about the couple), and no, I don’t give a crap about the father. Also, if they were half siblings because the father slept with the mum's twin sister, that would mean he was also Cory's father.

Unless you're planning sequels/part 2, I think the father part was unnecessary, but that was my personal preference.

I think the story was more beautiful without him as it caused the focus to shift away from the couple.

Lol, thank you all for the kind comments. Do I drive a taxi? Never driven one in my life.

Dear Genetics: I do a lot of research. But the time lag from when the majority of that story got written to publishing was over a year. I got caught up in volunteering on the front line for Covid. I guess I should have refreshed my memory before I wrote that section this year. My bad!

Fantastic piece! I wish the sex scenes had more detail, but it was flawlessly executed apart from that. Tightly plotted with superb prose - one can't really ask for much more! Gave me major Josee vibes, especially with the beach scene :D

Congrats on bagging the runner-up in the contest, a well-deserved laurel <3

Very nice Valentines romance story! I enjoyed it. It did get a little cloying for me at the end, but I managed. The pizza thing stunned me before I shook my head chuckling at it. Certainly creative!

Regretfully, the story is getting trolled and the score knocked down. Sadly, the behaviour of a few bad apples affects everyone. This is a free site and there are people who consider it their right to behave like assholes...well, let's face it they are assholes. We've seen them on TV over and over lately.

Voting has been turned OFF till further notice.

Absolutely brilliant, a tear jerking romance, beautifully written and gratefully read by this old romantic. DO WHAT I always advise with trolls who have nothing better to do with their time, ignore the ignorant pigs, if they could write as sensitively as you theyd be putting their time to better use. More power to your pen and thank you for the story!!

Really good story, and so well written. Glad to see you placed in the contest. Well deserved!

Simply lovely thanks!

Great story,really enjoyed reading it. Thank You 🙏

Well written story, but it overuses its poetic licence. Dialysis limited to a few years? No chance of a transplant for a young and otherwise fit patient?

If her father's twin slept with her mother's twin, they'd genetically be siblings, not twins.

@wellwritten:

"The disconnect is that most members of this population will live less than five years, but only about one in 10 patients surveyed seemed to be aware of this"

It doesn't matter how young and fit she is, there is a long list of people needing transplants and not enough donations. Doc had advised her that she was UNLIKELY to get one. She was already in the end stages of CKD.

"They wouldn't be siblings they'd be first cousins."

Both of the above were explained in the story. Thanks for your comments but you missed a lot. Skimming, rather than reading?

Great piece of writing. Loved the story. I could feel the story

🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅 (that's 6 stars)!

Like it like Bringing Carrie Home

Great story! I loved it. I’ve been reading some unhappy stories about couples breaking up for silly reasons and this was a breath of clean air. Thank you.

Maybe not just past lovers, maybe past twins.

Wish I could rate this, deserves 5* even if the pizza bj was a little weird for me...

Sorry, you couldn't vote but I take the spirit. Blame the trolls after it went on Lit's front page. 😢

The pizza blow job. Damn, I'm proud of that one. Do you have any idea how much it takes to come up with something totally unique in a blowjob? We could have our own day like steak and a blowjob. Pizza and a blowjob. Works for me!

Thanks for the comment and thank you to all the other readers for theirs.

Was brilliant - only wish I had a tenth of your talent

This is an incredible story! So many twists and turns. The only thing I was able to predict was that Corey and Jamie would get together on that trip, and he would later donate his kidney. Everything else, not a chance. Thanks for writing it. RT

I'm a sucker for happy endings. This did come out well done. Even the villain came out well. Can it happen? We're often told God works in mysterious ways.

The writing, both the story and the mechanics were well done. I did not notice any misspellings, misused words, or grammatical errors. Bravo

Great story... still have tears running down my cheeks. I agree with Jenellesl on no errors noted. Job well done!

What a great love story full of wonder and fate mixed in. When the girl phoned her dad an said daddy it brought tears to my eyes. I have two estranged girls from 40 years ago.

Lovely story. The only thing nagging at me is that genetically, Jamie and Cory are full siblings. Identical twins have the same DNA, and if twins were pregnant with the same man's (or identical twins themselves) children, they'd be cousins in name, siblings genetically. It could cause serious medical issues if they decided to have children themselves, and a doctor would assuredly sit down to discuss that with them.

LOL, if you saw all the dancing around the issues, you mention...😂 Having children when that closely related brings a 25% risk of problems. But that's still 75% that have none. In the original, Doc would sit down with them and explain the risks. But that spoiled the story early on. So I dropped it in favour of burying Cory's parentage in an impossible tangle. We don't know who his parents were, and there is a 1 in 6 billion chance of similar DNA. Besides, Cory and Jamie get to be happy without the baggage of DNA problems in my world.

Thanks for the comment.

Really enjoyed the story . It had the required mushy scenes as well as a hint of super natural.

Love this just as much as your Christmas story

I was totally immersed in the story until the self-insertion. That was a bad move, it jerked me out of it, and I was only vaguely interested afterwards.

There was always GOING to be a taxi driver.

Sorry, it bothered you so much. I'm not sure why you would have such a reaction. It seems like it's a little over the top.

For me, it was a hoot being part of a story. No regrets!

I don't know, maybe because the only reason for those two lines of dialog was to make it clear that the taxi driver was the author, and weren't functional to the story otherwise. First and only time somebody makes small talk with an extra. It felt totally out of place. Also, that's where the focus of the story starts to wander around, so maybe that also made it difficult for me to "reconnect" with it.

Hey, I liked the story! I'm just trying to make you to write the next one more to my liking lol

Well, now I'm going to disagree with you. The lines of dialogue were intended to rub her nose in the fact that it was more than a holiday romance and that she was abandoning the love of her life. (and emphasize it with the readers) The taxi driver and dialogue were planned regardless of what his name was. I consider them very functional in the story.

Fortunately, the name Gordo 12 was only used in a teensy part of the internet universe and when I spun the sacred pencil on paper, that's what it pointed to.

But I will try writing stories more to your liking in the future. 😁

Thanks for coming back and the comment.

PS: glad you liked the story.

page 4 was really weird but you tied it together well. like their sudden romance and life saving kidney transplant

Someone with end-stage renal disease should not be eating pizza. The sodium load could throw them into heart failure and kill them. I know this is all fantasy but the odds of this meeting are so ridiculously low that it made shambles of any shred of believability. Congrats on your win nonetheless.

@ Anon: Seriously? She's already dying. What does it matter if she eats pizza and ingests sodium? Dying is dying!

And for your comment about the odds. I give you FANTASY! It doesn't need to be believable. If it did 99% of all fiction would disappear off the shelves.

I hope we can get a small follow-up or even a post get together story. I would love to read about there life and if maybe they have a set of twins. Awesome story my friend. Awesome !!!

That was a heart warming story, smile on my face at the end ;)

I was very impressed by this very special fairy tale.

Like all fairy tales, it favors clear characters and somewhat exaggerated events.

But that's good, it's just a story and one that went very much to my heart.

And as I used to do as a child, reading my fairy tales, I want to believe that something like this could happen in the reality of our time.

I have learned something through this story of yours. Cryptophasia, how fascinating.

With grateful greetings from Germany.

Greetings back to Germany, Akilara, and thank you for your kind comment. It made my day. 😁

Excellent writing--skill, clarity, and plot. Best writing I've seen on this site in a few years!

Excellent my good sir

What a beautiful story. Loved it. AAAAAA++++++

Excellent story - well paced, I kind of got a little confused toward the end about the exact blood relationship between Cory and Jamie but then I skim read - If I had read it properly I would likely have got it.

Would like to see more.

Great story. 5 stars if I could vote. Sorry about the trolls. Genetically, for first generation incest I was taught that the chance of birth defects is -increased- 25%. (Note - I am not a biologist) If I was taught correctly it appears that the risk rises from 5% to 6%. Less increase for first cousins or half siblings.

Great story 5+ stars

Only thing to make it better would be Sheila being 'hit' by the "karma bus", Brad turns out to be a dud and she finds out how happy Cory is.

It would have been nice to find out definitely that the twin brother and twin sister were Cory's parents even though Cory and Jamie would be brother sister genetically but cousins legally.

Still a great story!

I hope you write more Romances.

Second time reading this one. Amazing story, rich emotions and and engaging storyline thats leaves just enough out to keep you thinking when it concludes.

I noticed no rating turned on but if it was I would be giving this a big five stars!

Sorry about the voting issue. When a story wins a contest, it's opened up to everyone via a link on the main page. That means that EVERYONE, including those trolls that inhabit the political and general boards, are seeing it. The negative shit started immediately, downvoting and comments. Shutting off voting and deleting comments was a defensive move. Also, the high score for the story put it on the Top Lists. That brings about a reaction from some rather possessive authors. Again, the same defensive move.

I was a little worried about the lack of rating, usually stories like that have the rating removed because they were terrible. This was anything but. A just plain beautiful story with two sweet characters that I'm glad got a happy ending, one after a several road bumps and tragedies towards that ending. Pizza blowjob was novel, hopefully the pizza cooled a bit, melty cheese on your johnson doesn't sound fun. Because there is no rating that means I can give this 6 stars in the comments and faved it.

As per the post above you. Voting was turned off to stop the trolls. The story won second place in the Valentine contest so you can be assured it's got a reasonable score. 4.91 at the end of the contest trolled down to 4.88 within minutes after it was announced on the front page. Thanks for the compliment though, and I'm glad you took the chance to read it. 😁

Wonderful story! I don't know why I missed this back in Feb 2022. I would have given it a 5. I'll also check out your previously posted stories.

Damn, I wanted to give this a 5*

Definitely a five star rating 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

This is a small masterpiece.

Very great job! Loved the semi-twin portion. You do fantastic work!

Thank you for sharing it with us!

Bob

A beautiful tender story. Made me cry so glad I found your works.

Very nice.

5 stars.

Thank you.

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

WOW!! JUST WOW!! That was fantastic!! I hope you win. 10 stars. I pay extra for this honor, and you deserve it. The Bear is speechless. I am honored to have read this story. One of my favorites from now on. Thank you.

The BEAR

P.S. Mrs. Bear says maybe I can write this well someday. I hope so. LT56linebacker, The BEAR