When One Door Closes... Ch. 02

We walked in silence until we were back at our front doors. Then I said, "It isn't enough to forgive her. We need to love her, for her sake and ours."

"Sometimes you're a real bastard. I wanted forgiving to be enough." We walked inside shaking our heads. Carol and Jenny were just inside.

Jenny said, "You went for a walk? You went for a walk? What if she arrived while you were casually strolling the neighborhood?" Her anxiety had the two of them standing just inside the door in a state of near panic.

I took both of them in my arms and kissed them. I said, "You could have started without us." They both hit me.

I saw that they had moved furniture. Two couches facing my recliner, sort of a circle. Lights were on, but not too bright.

They went and sat down, leaving my recliner and the close end of a couch open. I stood thinking for two minutes and heard a rap on the door. As I opened the door I saw Pat. Thinner than last time I saw her, no make-up. jeans and a sweatshirt over athletic shoes. Her eyes were puffy. She carried a fist full of tissues.

I motioned her inside and said, "I'm glad you came."

She looked up into my eyes and said, "I'm scared to death. Are you going to tell me what a bitch-slut I was? You don't need to. I beat myself up about it every day. I apologize for not wearing make-up, I've been crying."

"I seem to remember seeing you once or twice without make-up before." I put my hand on her back, closed the door behind us and guided her to the couch. She looked down, not at any of us.

Carol was on the same couch with her. She handed Pat a box of tissues. She whispered, "Thanks", clutching the box like it would keep her alive.

I began, "Pat, look at me. Years ago you behaved like a selfish, self-centered bitch. You threw away a good life. Agree?"

She nodded. Her eyes blinked, but never left mine. I asked, "Has your life been good since you went to Boston?"

"No. I cry myself to sleep most nights. I hate not being loved by you. I hate being alone. Worse, I hate missing you, knowing I probably will be for the rest of my life." She used two more tissues.

"Pat, look around. This is our house. The four of us bought it and are building it so we can live here and love each other for the rest of our lives. Look."

She looked. When her eyes came back to mine she said, "It's beautiful."

"It can't be finished, without you. We realized that we each have carried around anger, hurt, hatred, fear and sorrow about what happened. Those will tear us apart, kill the love this house is being built to hold... unless you let us love you, forgive you and include you in our family."

She looked at each of us in turn and asked, "You can forgive me?"

Mike said, "I forgive you. I love you and will love you for the rest of our lives."

Carol said, "Pete 's right. I forgive you and open my heart and body to you for the rest of our lives."

Jenny said, "I watched how you treated the man I loved for six long years. I hated you. I've stopped. Hating you keeps me from fully loving Carol, Mike and Pete . As of this moment, I declare I love you. I want you to sit in the recliner with Pete , like you used to. I want him to love you in every way two people can love each other. Then, I want to express my love for you, physically. The five of us are family. We will all express our love and affection often and powerfully."

I said, "You have all the power here, now. We've forgiven the past and relegated it to the past where it belongs. We will probably forget sometimes and let old anger invade our thinking. We aren't our old thinking. Neither are you, I pray. If you accept our love and forgiveness, take off your clothes and come to me."

It was obvious Pat was shaking. She stood and lifted the sweatshirt up and off. Her plain white bra remained. Her hands went to the button at her waist. Carol stood and unhooked Pat's bra. When Pat leaned forward to remove her jeans the bra fell off and she stepped out of the shoes and jeans. She still had on white panties.

Mike knelt beside her and lowered them. She stepped out of them and came to me. She said, "Need help?" And she smiled. The tears still flowed, but she smiled.

Many hands helped and soon all of us were nude. Pat crawled into my lap and snuggled in.

She looked into my eyes and said, "I love you. I will never stray again."

"I love you, too. Now, tell them."

She did. She told Jenny last. Jenny said, "Need help getting Pete hard or you wet?"

"You'd help?"

"You're now my sister. Of course I'd help."

I was already hard. Pat said, "I think I remember how this works." She twisted around and slipped me up inside her pussy. I held her back and leaned her tit towards my mouth.

Carol stood behind Pat and held her breasts in her hands. Mike knelt and slipped her other tit into his mouth. As Pat lifted and sank on my cock Jenny knelt behind her and reached around her hip to touch her slit and clit.

As soon as we gave Pat her first orgasm I lifted her up and Mike picked her up higher. He turned and took my place in the chair. We resumed expressing love and forgiveness. When Mike came in her we lifted her again and Jenny helped her lie on the rug. Then she and Carol daisy-chained and all three came again. Mike and I spooned them and we quietly floated in the feelings we created.

We all picked Pat up, carried her to a king-sized bed and put her in. Mike and Carol went to the other king-sized bed a few feet away while Jenny and I put Pat in the middle of a sandwich.

Later, when Pat woke up, she opened her eyes and saw Carol walking towards her carrying a tray with five cups of coffee. Each of us took one and I said, "Thank you."

Each of us said the prayer. After Pat said it she said, "I have a friend who took me to her friend's house. He taught me to think of "Thank You" as a prayer.

I said, "We know. Lee's our friend too. So is Rina."

"I couldn't join their family."

"We know. By joining ours, you joined theirs. We all did."

Mike said, "We've been in Lee's home. We know how he and his family express love, but we couldn't. The negative energy we carried around kept us isolated from all that love. You were there and felt it too. I don't feel isolated now."

"I've loved Lee's energy and his acceptance from the day we met. I just couldn't let it in." Carol said as she handed me the phone. It was dialed and as she handed it to me she pushed "send."

"Lee," He said after two rings.

I said, "You were right. Right up until you said it none of us were willing to see the truth. Pat is here with us now and we love her. I think Pat should have a key chain too."

"Her welcome home party is Friday night, if you all can be here. The dress code is casual, very casual. I need to go now. Rebecca is here and she's in crisis." Lee hung up.

Carol returned the phone to it's cradle. Pat looked at us and when her eyes settled on Jenny she said, "I never thought any of you would forgive me. I don't deserve forgiveness."

I said, "You don't always get what you deserve."

Carol said, "When I was in high school I had lots of teachers. Most of them made me work hard trying to get an "A". The toughest teacher I had was Charlie Course my science teacher. I took every class he taught. On the first day he passed out report cards. Every one of them showed our names and the grade "A". He said, "Right now you earned the "A" by getting into this class and you have it. Keeping it, is up to you."

It was quiet for a while, until Mike said, "Ok. I have a big pick-up that's empty. Let's go get you moved."

Pat's eyes got wider. "Just like that? I'm moving in here with you?"

Jenny nodded. Pat saw her do it. More tears flowed.

I held up my hands and said, "I think we need to talk some more first. Pat needs to understand our family, better than she does." I held out my left hand, showing her my ring. Jenny showed her ring. Carol and Mike showed theirs. "These rings marry the four of us to each other. I am married to Jenny, heart, mind, soul and heart. I am married to Carol exactly the same. Mike and I are husbands. Jenny and Carol are wives."

"And me?" Pat asked.

"You have been forgiven and accepted. If you want in, really in, you must choose to love each of us fully and completely. You need to wear a ring, too. The intention we have to do everything we can to make our lives better every day must be your intention too. Mike works. Jenny and Carol work. I work. All our money goes together to make our lives better. You must do the same."

"Gladly! Willingly! I can cook, clean, dance, sing, whatever's needed!"

"Ok. Let's go get her stuff." I said.

When we got to the garage Mike asked, "Will this truck be enough to carry all your stuff?"

"I think so. I rent a furnished studio. What I have is mostly work clothes."

She was right. We bagged all her hanging clothes and bagged each drawer's contents in individual smaller bags. Jenny packed her bathroom stuff. We stopped at a hardware store and got a bungi-net to hold all the bags from flying out of the truck.

The storage space we built into our home had plenty of room for Pat's stuff. I overheard Pat and Jenny talking as they put things away.

Jenny opened the bag of underwear and bras. She asked, "Did you wear things like this when you were married to Pete?"

Pat said, "Never. I bought really good stuff. I dressed to look good. I wanted to be noticed, to look good!"

"And?"

"And I was so into attracting attention I fucked myself and even helped other people into the gutter."

"Are you finished beating yourself up, now?" Jenny asked.

Pat looked at her and said, "I'm so sorry."

"If you say I'm sorry one more time I'm going to slap your ass! It's in the past! Let it live there! Every time you put on an ugly bra you are punishing my sister, my co-wife for something that is finished! Come with me." She headed for the kitchen. I watched.

Carol was in the kitchen. Jenny said, "Sis, get dressed. We're going shopping. Pat can no longer wear ugly clothes. If she's married to the men we love she has to dress like she's their wife!" Carol put three bowls back in the fridge, threw on some clothes and met Pat and Jenny at the front doors. Jenny found me and said, "Your wife has been doing penitence for years. She reminds herself what a nasty slut she used to be by wearing nun's underwear! We're going shopping."

I got three kisses and they left.

Mike and I called the jeweler who made our rings and ordered another one. We made other changes to compensate for now having five adults living in the house. I called the store we got our two big beds from and ordered another one, a queen this time. We put tape on the floor marking where we mortal, fallible men thought the new bed should go. Mike bet me a hundred that the bed would not live there. I wouldn't take the bet.

We went back to work refinishing some of the wooden beams and we talked.

"You know, if we're really going to open up and love..." I said, then paused.

"Then it's going to be more than the four... five of us." Mike said.

"Our house will be like Lee's."

"We'll need partition walls and doors on the bedrooms!"

We stopped talking for a few minutes then Mike asked, "How're we going to feel when Lee takes Jenny, Carol or Pat to his bed?"

"I've been thinking I really liked our little family and the exclusivity. My ego loves thinking that all the married guys I know have only one wife and we have two. Now three. But, if we really open to love, exclusivity disappears... doesn't it?" I asked. Mike didn't answer. He didn't need to.

We worked quietly for a couple of hours.

The front door opened and three happy women trooped in, each carrying bags from Victoria's Secret, Nordstroms, Westside Pavillion and Century City Mall. For three minutes they happily put things away and bubbled all over the house. One at a time they visited us and we got bubbly kisses.

Less than a minute after Carol kissed Mike all the bubbling stopped. A few seconds after that all three stood near us. Carol said, "It rained in here while we were gone. I, for one, don't like the energy in here. Please come to the living room and talk to us, boys."

She did say please, but it carried all the weight of when a police officer asks to see your license and registration. The cop says please too, but don't even think of saying, "No." We went.

Pat said, "Did I do something wrong? Are you both upset with me?" I saw her eyes fill with tears. None leaked out.

I shook my head. "No, Sweetheart, none of you did anything wrong or bad. We were thinking about implications. Mostly, our energy is reflecting the state of uncertainty we're in."

"Implications? Of loving Pat?? Uncertainty?" Carol asked. Mike shook his head. Then he spoke, "No. For three years we've isolated us from the world. There are people who know I'm married, but only to Carol. There are other people who know Pete is married to Jenny and used to be married to someone else. We lived a protected, insulated life."

I jumped in, "When we saw what the anger, hurt and insulation was costing we took steps to fix it. What we did was right."

"But we didn't look big enough." Mike said, solemnly.

Jenny said, "I see it! It isn't about opening up to loving Pat! That was relatively easy. It's about loving Rina, the nurses, the squids, Corine, Connie..."

"Oh, my God!" Pat said.

"That's why our energy shifted. We don't know how to be with the thought of any of you going to bed with Lee, Brian, Adam, a squid..."

"Or you going to bed with any of the women in the family! This is too huge to think of!" Jenny said.

We were all quiet for a long time.

Carol broke the silence. "Wait! Just because we're family doesn't mean we fuck everyone. You think Brian has bedded every woman in the family? Or Adam?"

"Probably not, but he probably could." I said.

"Rina has probably bedded every man." Jenny said.

Mike and I both shook our heads. "Not me." We both said.

I volunteered to drive us all somewhere for dinner. We dressed nicely and made a fuss over Pat's new clothes. We drove to Ocean Avenue Seafood and they gave us a table out near the windows looking towards the Pacific Ocean. Not much was said until the meal was about half finished.

Mike looked across the table into Carol's eyes and asked, "Carol, do you love me?"

"Of course."

"How do you know?"

"Because I get to say so and I say so."

"Is it about my agreement with you about where I'll put my penis?"

"No! I like where you put it... wait! I get where you're going. This upset is misplaced. We've been saying we love the family at Lee's, but we limited the way we allow ourselves to say it. We've been holding back!"

I asked, "Pat, If I step down hard here please know I'm not punishing you or angry, I just need to get clarity. When you and Alexander Richard fucked were you expressing your love for him and he for you?"

Her face went pale. Her eyes looked at the floor for a few seconds and then she slowly looked up at me. "No. It had nothing to do with love. He never loved me or even wanted to love me."

I nodded and said, "It may have been about the excitement of breaking the rules, cheating, sneaking, or anything else but all that fucking was not about love. All the sex that happens in the family is aimed at loving. When anyone grabs a squid the first time do they know them so well they are saying, "Marry me, live with me forever", no. They're saying "I love you because you can be loving, because you can be the essence of love and because when I express love to you love, the thing, the intangible thing love, gets bigger, more real."

Mike said, "We were taught to have the reaction to Pat, to anyone's cheating that we had when Pat got caught. We got pissed and shut down a wonderful part of life inside our reaction to some non-loving fucking."

I said, "Pat, I'm sorry. If I'd met and understood Lee before you started going to Boston and San Francisco we wouldn't have gotten divorced or if we did it wouldn't have hurt so many people."

"Are you saying now you'd find out and not be pissed?" Pat asked.

"No. But I'd be pissed for a different reason. I'm figuring out now that inside the family it's Ok to express love however the people expressing it want to, as long as they are saying I love you, I want to deepen our connection. Fucking Alexander just for the excitement I'd now see as a waste. I'd probably be sad. Why do a dick like Alexander when there are so many men who love you and would joyfully express it with you?"

"Friday night we're invited to a welcome home party at Lee's. Are we going to express love with the people at the party?" Jenny asked.

Mike said, "Please, don't answer now. Let's think about it. Hell, talk with Lee, Connie or someone else in the family. Then on Friday morning at breakfast we'll decide. Either we all go or we all don't. Do what your mind and heart tell you."

I paid the bill and as we left our waitress asked, "Could I ask questions? Maybe I wasn't supposed to listen, but I did and... and I need to talk to someone, and soon."

When we left she had my business card. As soon as we were inside our home Jenny and Carol were out of their clothes. Mike and I undressed, but not as quickly and I said, "Pat, about this time we usually shower together and clean off the grime of the day. So far the shower has easily held four. If you'd like, we can see how it does with five."

She smiled and undressed. "Where do I put dirty clothes?" She asked. Carol showed her and led her to the shower. By the time Mike and I got there all three were wet and waiting for us. We got wet, grabbed a scrub-thing, poured soap gel on it and began washing women. Our system was simple. All of us had a thingy, we all soaped each other, never ourselves and we washed someone else's hair. Shaving was by choice. If time was a consideration, we shaved ourselves. When time wasn't a consideration, shaving could be an erotic or sensual gift.

That night Carol shaved Mike's face and he shaved her from collar-bone south. Instead of spending the time in the shower, Jenny, Pat and I shaved ourselves and took over the blue king-sized bed. Mike and Carol took the green bed, ten feet away.

When they arrived our daisy chain was doing well. I was being sucked by Pat while I ate Jenny who was feasting on Pat. After Pat and Jenny had their first orgasms we shifted and I was inside Jenny, munching Pat who was kissing and holding Jenny's breasts. The lights were on, the stereo playing and each of us looked over at Mike and Carol as they joined.

After the screaming, moaning and clean-up Pat went to the stereo and changed the music. Slow love songs played softly and Pat turned almost all the lights off. She lit three candles and spooned with Jenny and I.

She said, "Mike, I love you."

Mike said, "Carol, I love you."

Carol said, "Jenny, I love you." Until Pat said, "Good-Night, John Boy." Then our house was quiet, except for the sounds of a sleeping family.

At six the alarm sounded. Five people were momentarily surprised. Then our quiet home burst into action. The shower turned on and people quickly got clean. Breakfast and coffee were made, clothes were put on and kisses shared all during the process. At seven the front door opened and five smiling people left for work. Pat was half-way to work when she realized she had the day off.

As I parked my cell rang. I answered, "Pete ."

Pat laughed and asked, "Do I need to check before I spend money?"

"No. If what you're buying makes life better, for you, for us, and it's less than three thousand dollars, buy it. Why are you laughing?"

"I got half-way to work and realized I don't work today."

"Oh! So what will you do?"

"First, buy a cell phone. Then, I think I'll go up to Lee's. I feel like my life's been in a blender. Maybe he can help me get my head on straight."