All Comments on 'When Sorrows Come... Ch. 02'

Damn. Cold, cold, cold. He should have called over Matt and Ann to witness the truth heh. Good story.

Ah...you've got to be kidding. This was the most convoluted mismash of - oh don't get me started.

I'm sorry i read it.

why you let him suffer and you end the story.let us see her suffer.

Your story was very good.

I find it hard to believe that she was able to hide her affairs from him for years while having men in their house. But that’s what makes a fictional story.

He still walks away without a confrontation. That is a weak and foolish man.

Will he call that lawyer and say take all he can get. No he is obviously not too bright.

Maybe he can go visit Vegas again.

Good fun!

Please keep writing

This would be a 100 except that the ending leaves the reader hanging somewhat. What this really needs is an epilogue that details the subsequent events and how this ex-couple end up - where they go with their lives.

Needn't be much, heck a one page summary would be sufficient.

You lied to your readers. You told much of the story from an omniscient point of view, allowing the reader to know the wife's thoughts and feelings as well as the husband's. So when you came up with the surprise at the end, that meant you lied to the reader earlier. Had you told the story from the husband's point of view, then it would have been okay to spring that surprise, but you did not do that.

Good story up till that point, though.

More on the wife's view would be good. A good read overall. Keep up the good work.

there is such a thing as changing things too drastically, and having her turn out to be a secret slut ruined the entire story. It'd been more believable if he had caught her and Phil further along in their escapade at the Christmas party.

Don't we feel stupid for believing her going into the Christmas party when we were privy to all her thoughts as she was lying to the readers? Why would she lie to herself about the anger over his affair when she has been having them all along? Why does she need to get even when she did that in advance? It makes no sense.

Neither does it make sense that Matt waited to tell Barb why he left. Why does he want her to suffer thinking she's been dumped for another woman? It's pretty clear from the day he left that he got home early and must have heard them. What earthly reason would he have to withhold that from her? Does he also think she needs to suffer? If so, why ever tell her?

It's fine to try to line up all your plot points, but they have to happen for a reason other than that's your story.

The ending was always not only a possibility, but a likelihood. I can't even begin to calculate the odds against him catching her the only 2 times she did something suspicious since he met her. But, of course, it was hard to believe when her own thoughts to herself denied that she had ever done anything.

This history has left in me l'amaro in bocca (the bitter in my mouth) it's cruel but interesting to read. Just one thing, for me it has need of a more dramatic end. Few words, few lines, in order to leave Ted alone with his life and his pain.

This story was going along beatifully to a very happy ending and the shit hit the fan.

And there was absolutely no hint of that before. She was angry about his apparent indiscretion?? Why??

I doubt he'll withhold the information from his lawyer this time and Barb will recognize the what, why, when and know it's over.

Too bad, Blue, you had a good chance there for happiness and blew it!!!

This ends with a solid deja'vu. How will he deal with the trauma having repeated itself tenfold, and beyond all the revision and doubts he had come to? He's been bounced back and forth, reversed his perception to a point of reconcilliation, but only to discover that his worst thoughts were, in fact, the truth. How will he survive this? Next installment?

Well written and well paced, thanks for writing . Making the reader feel foolish is a dangerous game, however. Unreliable narrator's are irritating, especially when the reader is noit given any hints as to the real situation. There should at least have been some clue that things were not as laid out by wifey. I didn't spot it, I think because it was not there.

Great story! You had us right up till the end. But please finish it, give Ted his due... Put her in her place. Tell us he goes back to Vegas and hooks up with Gail, or whatever.

But please finish the story.

Great story but you can't end it that way. You have to come up with a chapter 3 Don't leave us hanging.

Yes, It can end that way. Every reader can figure out the wife is going to come out of the bedroom and see the ring. No real guesses after that. Another good one Blue.

DG Hear

In part 1 when Barb said to Ann

"I now have the best of both worlds again," Barbara said impulsively and then colored and quickly changed the subject by asking Ann how her relationship with Matt was going.

She was talking about how much better Her and Ted were doing. That was one world. What was the second world she was talking about?

Okay, you set me up!

Another great story!

I liked the little twist at the end having the wife actaully being the cheating cocksucking disrespectful whore he thought she was. A little revenge at the end might be nice say in Pt-3 ?

I think he should go back to LV and find that girl. I know i would!

Blue your writing is wonderful. You created two very believable characters. Ted's pain and flight was epic. I can't decide if I agree with those who want foreshadowing or not. Part of that is that I accidentally saw the ending before I read chapter 2 and read it from that POV. Knowing what was coming didn't diminish my enjoyment of the story.

So, I guess I'd like to see some hints. Perhaps when she's with Phil the first time just a hint that it had gone on before. If I'm disappointed, it's the way that he found her the second time. That was a bit fortuitous, especially the conversation. I felt the same way about the jackpot. If the guy was good a poker, he could have put together a nice bankroll to allow the house down time.

While I'm picking nits, I also spotted one "Matt" when you meant "Ted" or the other way around during their meeting. Those are very tiny nits indeed. Overall I'm struck again as I think back on the story at how wonderful your characterization of the all the people is. I think you did an especially good job with your 'spear carriers.' I felt like I know them, and I know how hard that is to do.

Now that I've worked through my reactions to the story, I do think that you needed to give us a rounder view of her. I'm okay with the ending, but I'm left with a tiny bit of fuzzy view of her. I don't want anything big, perhaps some revealing of her lack of character when she's talking to her friend about "going all the way." Something to indicate that she can't accept the reduced sex that she's had for the last three years.

Of course you did foreshadow it when Ted realized that she'd been unfaithful many times. In fact on further thought, I think the only thing that rang hollow was that he was willing to believe that she hadn't cheated on him just because he was wrong about Matt. I think he should have come back full of unanswered questions. Then find evidence that she'd been cheating. Here's an idea, if not here then perhaps another story. Have Phil come talk to him, thinking Ted knew, trying to help by telling Ted, "It was just sex, I feel bad because I like you and I don't want to break up the marriage... I don’t think I've seen that sort of revelation in one of the cheating stories. Someone wrote about a predator who was loyal to a female friend, but to have one who had some ethics and inadvertently destroyed a marriage... Perhaps "I will never be a wife's first or even second affair."

Finally, having written a comment as long as you story, I hate unhappy endings. His leaving her isn't necessarily unhappy, but the fresh load of pain is. Perhaps a bit of closure and a decision to go see Gail. I like her character a lot by the way. She was honest about what she wants, needs but still has integrity.

You can tell by the way I keep rolling this one around that I really enjoyed it! I look forward to more.

very good story, I never saw the ending comming. I like the way it ended..... So I can have my ending, He went to his lawyer and had phil served as part of his divorce and now descided to give barb nothing in the divorce, siting adultry as the reason for the divorce. He flew back to Vegas to see if there could ever be something between him and Gail, more than sex. she thought he was the type of man she could love and

story. Congratulations! Regarding the discussion about the need of an additional chapter, I don't think it is necessary, we have all the facts, and that is the story. Thanks for writing to us.

as previously noted in the comments here. It is ok to withhold but don't lie to us. It makes the next story automatically without rules or convention and as such we never accept your initial proscribed premise as you cheat!

Credibility comes from trust and respect - wouldn't you agree? Growing means gaining acceptance and strength through repeated effort. The acclaimed story tellers here don't always have literal form and language strengths but thier plot path is accepted because they don't contrive or contort it to fit an unknown intention.

However, a beginners type mistake. A mulligan is in order because of your previously strong work in a theme that needs more writers of your growing talent. Your imagination, flow and depth are also much appreciated.

Author - you are appreciated but this wasn't even a half truth - lets put it away and lets go on as you are necessary to the balance of reality vs silly conveluted sick baseness often found here. with Regard

Great story, but I agree that there is more to the story. What are Barbara's friends reaction to the news? Did Matt know (I bet not). Will it affect their relationship. We are cheated by not getting to see Barbara live through her self induced angst. More please.

Great story, Blue. I loved the twist you ended the story with. I see you've left everyone wanting more. Congratulations. That's the mark of an outstanding craftsman.

Great story! I loved both of these chapters. I hated the ending. But then, real life has a way of sometimes turning out to be, um, surely awful; it happens. And your writing leans toward very realistic scenarios.

Does the story need a third chapter? Maybe, maybe not. Revenge stories, for the sake of revenge, have a way of being rather predictable. On the other hand, you've done some wonderful character development, and there is room to carry on the story. If you choose to do so, it would be interesting to persue the Matt angle, since he was obviously hornswoggled. In any event, proceed carefully; don't ruin a good story with a limp, add-on, ending.

This was great writing. Keep it up.

-- KVK

..........you left me feeling like a lot of things were still missing and undone by the ending.

You still let the husband run again. The first time I could see it. He was hurt, confused, and didn't know what to do. But the second time there was no doubt what was going on. He knew what was the wife was doing. In the first story I had a lot of sympathy for the wife, but I was concerned that the husband might screw up their lives. And I was happy to see that he didn't. Kind of the emotions you might have been going for.

But in the story, after a couple of months of running, you had the husband come to a descision about thier marriage and decide it was over. You let the husband contact his lawyer friend and find out the wife was fighting the divorce and that the husband needed to come to a decision about what he needed to do about it to keep it from becoming too messy. You also let the husband question whether or not the kids were his.

So at the end of the story, in about 10 paragraphs (Give or take one) you let the husband find out he was totally right and the wife had been cheating on him for years, pretty much from the start of their relationship. And then you had the husband run again to keep from having to face the wife. Why didn't he walk into the room and let her know he knew so that he could move on? Why did he run instead of atleast confronting them so he could get closure? Right now she's fighting to keep him, but she could still bluff her way out of it saying that he didn't actually know everything, because in the story she's not exactly sure what he heard or what he's thinking.

As this story stands it is good, but I'm kinda left with more questions than those 10 paragraphs answered.

And I hope, contrary to how you added a "Redux" to the other story, that hopefully the husband can be happy with someone that isn't in it to break his heart since the wife in the story had been doing this for years regardless of how the husband may have felt. I mean in the first story she thought that it was ok to hook up with Phil for some revenge because she "thought" her husband was cheating on her, yet she had been doing it for years and didn't care how it may have made him feel.

I honestly can't see a way for them to get back together, but the story didn't really have any closure too it either. It really felt like a second chapter and not the end of the story.

-Risq

Would love it if he would have confronted them. Previous poster was right, he ran again. He acted too much the boy and less the man.

I absolutely loved the story and the ending.

One anonymous comment mentioned the "tell" and I caught it too. Right after the New Year's party she does say "we are screwing like rabbits.....I now have the best of both worlds again..."

This is after all a loving wives story and we do deal in cheating wives all too often so I just knew. I was beginning to wonder though because you do go to reconciliation often. Anyway, you managed to pull it over on us for a long time.

DG Hear said in a comment that it was great as it is. I agree with that. We can all just imagine the reaction of Barbara when she finds the ring on the table. We also know that in her way she did love Ted and will suffer knowing that he now has totally left her. I can almost feel her pain (and I love it).

Is he a coward for not confronting her? I say no. He has already worked through the grief he felt the first time. He will be able to move on now without having to suffer again.

Readers should note that he still has the rental. You didn't say a thing about him calling his buddy Bud and canceling the rental and it seems to me he didn't sell his SUV either when he flew back.

I wouldn't be surprised to see old Ted back in that house and ultimately hooking up with Gail. GO TED!!!

Thank you for a great read and for all of your efforts.

Charleybear

and you made this one very interesting! Your writing is excellent. I was reeled in. I had to finish the story. It was sad, but a cheating spouse always is. You just made it a little more painful because the reader believed the wife. Not many husbands could have walked away the second time! At least not before letting her know exactly what he knew. Good job.

HE SHOULD HAVE STAYED AND CONFRONTED THEM THEN LEFT AGAIN FOR GOOD>INFO HE GOT THIS TIME SHOULD REALY END IT>

Personalities don't change overnight either, except in your stories. Your writing style is quite good. too bad it's wasted on crap plots like this. Of course, it didn't help that the story was twice as long as it should have been. (But maybe that extra crap was intended to further distract your readers.)

You have this build up, you have twists, but when the truth comes out, you end it right then and there. That's very poor plotting.

A third part maybe? How about a different point of view from the friend Ann. Her outrage of the cheating lying two timing best freind to her husband. How she got her new man Matt involved, and how he will not let her be freinds with Barb after he talked Ted into coming back. Men who are made to look like a fool don't forget. He would have to help Ted get some revenge.

Sorry, but it would have been nice if the characters had at least been mature enough to be believable. They reminded me more of two little kids bickering in the car. And the legal bit about the lawyer having power of attorney to try a lawsuit with his client is just terrible, much less the winning of the jackpot and buying the house. The husband acted like he was five! At least the ending showed something of the truth, but by then who cared about either one of them? I like the suggestion of Ann's thoughts on finding out that her friend was a total loser, but not enough to be interested in reading it.

Blue,

You have become one of my favorite writers here. You have successfully snagged the readers with the characterization of the betrayed husband. I think all of the comments positive and negative indicate that you have done a good job of making him someone that seems real.

However, having done that, it seems to me that most if not all would be very interested in how his live moves on from there. Does he Tell Matt and Sue? Does he go back to his job? Does he find happiness? Is his avoidance of conflict rewarded or punished? Did he avoid conflict because he had been in conflict with his W for so long?

In my mind what happens to the wife is less interesting than what now happens to him. To me these two submissions have sort of been an introduction to what might be a very very interesting main story.

Keep writing your stories are always interesting.

are a great way to let the reader fill in the result they feel is likely from the path the story has taken. After all you've skillfuly captured imaginations with this compelling yarn, so imo it's fine to leave it to the imagination. As with your other work, another great story told with great character portrayal, congratulations and thank you Blue.

Plenty of commenters would like possibly an extension to this one, as suggested, to answer the whys, hows, and what nows. A later revisit to the characters may be better as opposed to a sequel style chapter could lose some of what you've built up to the finale, which was very much like the closing scene of a drama film, with the audience going away sated but just a smidgen curious and puzzled.

A theme of your work that I think you've done so powerfully is when you explore the emotions of your lead male when cheated on. Some commenters criticise that aspect where he 'runs away', but it is in reality a perfectly understandable circuit breaker that you explore with credibility and in plausible settings. Plenty of readers will identify with the need to chill out and smell the roses at certain times, to stay sane, avoid violence, prevent an unwanted deterioration of circumstances, whatever miriad of reasons.

One suspects Ted had the right approach for the scenario portrayed, what he thinks he saw he didn't really see, but what he didn't see was really what he thought he saw...two wrongs actually making a right so far as assumption goes.

Apart from this submission, the recurrent theme of your works is having the betrayed and cheated on partner attempt to deal with the situation in similar ways. As you explore further these intense situations with future work, I feel you'll inject some more variety to the scenarios, possibly by expanding the female character roles which is less heavily detailed here.

But you are on a winner with your treatment of the theme, cheating and it's consequences. One of the best and most powerful passages I've seen that explains the depth of feeling that betrayal and infidelity causes to either side in a relationship, was one you penned for "But Love is Blind", and could equally be applied in this work. You wrote:

"a marriage is built on love, commitment and trust. I really don't think that anything is as sacred as the physical union between two loving, committed adults and I truly believe that that cannot be shared because sharing it minimizes that love, that bond. That which is shared becomes less valuable and less significant. When a man and a wife join they become one, a union more significant that any partnership. When a spouse breaks those vows and shares himself or herself with another, they in effect are saying that they really do not value their union with their partner. He or she is saying that the physical intimacy in a marriage is not all that important or significant, it can be shared. I cannot accept that.

Also, it isn't just the adultery, the infidelity that is difficult to overcome. It's also the lying, the cheating, the betrayal, the humiliation that is heaped upon the unsuspecting partner, the total lack of respect shown for the unsuspecting spouse. The cheater is, in effect, saying that the spouse is stupid, deserves to be betrayed, and that their union really does not have all that much value. The cheater may not recognize this motive, but it's there just the same. I truly believe that once the trust is destroyed, the union is over. If a partner cannot be trusted, then the foundation upon which any partnership is based, is doomed."

I'll be very surprised if you can ever surpass this fine piece. But heck, please try!!!!

Looking forward to more from you,

cheers.

he should have had that confrontation just as she was getting into the sex ... maybe that would have burned her lights out

If he divorces her that's what's going to happen to him. He has NO physical evidence that she's EVER cheated on him. He'll get laughed out of any court and she'll have it all...laughing her ass off at the dumbass hubby. I'd rather seen him get all of the evidence he needs to kick her cheatin' ass out in the street with nothing and confronted her with it. Sounds like it wouldn't have taken long. Maybe even had her boyfriend have an "accident". Yeah I'm a vengeful SOB and I'd like to rub her face in it before I kicked her out. Been too many stupid men stories lately!!!!

Just when you had me convinced that the wife was innocent we find out the truth. Up until the discovery I thought you were following that old saw of the husband being mistaken and leaving in a huff. Excellent!!!

Oh I get it - Barbara's slip to Ann about the best of both worlds. Although there are a lot of questions your ending is just fine so there is no need for another story part.

Thanks for writing an outstanding story!

SleeplessinMD

I loved your story. Keep up the good writing.

Boyd

You painted the wife as being somewhat ambiguous as to her loyalties. Then you had her caught more than once in strange positions with other men. Even so, I thought she was being honest up until the very end. Now I feel foolish for having ignored the facts you laid out.

I feel almost like the husband who is in denial; the truth was self evident but the heart sees what the heart wants to see. Thank you for a very thoughtful story.

I think you have done an excellent job of characterizing Ted and have manipulated the plot line in an intriquing fashion. The ending was, in my opinion, extremely well done. You are very talented.

Some of the other comments provided to you about plot devices like the power of attorney should be considered because they lend believability to a story. On the other hand, you can become obsessed with this kind of trivia and forget where you are going.

I look forward to viewing more of your work.

A little closure on this would be nice. The story pulled me in so deep that I am so very curious what Ted does next!!

Blue, once again, this story was well written. however, I did have some problems with the plotting. Like some of the other readers, I had trouble accepting the final scene. It just doesn't seem to fit the rest of the story, particularly the parts where you give it from Barbara's point of view.

Perhaps the best example of this is your use of Phil as the guy she is with in the end scene. Phil says that he has been fucking her for about two years. If my calculations are correct, that means that they had been fucking well before the Christmas party scene. But that does not seem to fit the dialogue or her thoughts as you write them in that scene. You wrote that scene as if that were the first time they had ever got together.

Also, you seem to forget about the fact that Ted kicked Phil's ass that night. Wouldn't that affect his willingness to ever get together with her again?

That brings up another point. Ted's reaction to finding Barbara in a compromising position. The first two times, he goes in guns a blazing and confronts Barbara. This is contrasted to his behavior when he walks away the final two times. That is a big change in behavior that does not seem to be adequately explained.

I also have some nit picking type issues regarding the whole "study" scene that causes Ted to walk at the end of the first part. I can easily see Barbara offering to let Ann use the white dress. But the other parts of this seem forced.

If Ted and Barbara are really getting back together, I would presume that they are talking so I would have thought that Barbara would have mentioned that she was helping out Ann and Mark, particularly since they all are friends. So, I would have thought that Barbara might have mentioned big things like letting Ann and Mark use the house. Also, the presence of Barbara's car in the driveway is never addressed. Where is she while all this is going on?

Anyway, enough picking nits. Nice story.

I have to agree with Capecodmercury that there was some unreality to Barbara. Ok we understand given the tension in the marriage (Ted traveling 3 out of 7 days in the new position probably 19-20 years into the marriage) for about 2 years. But in Part 2 we find out that she has been fucking Phil for about 2 years (at least a year before the Christmas Party). When you shared her thoughts it appears as if she had just became intimate with Phil while she was seemingly drunk. She imagines Ted having a fling with a blond during the Christmas Party so she takes up with Phil to get even.

The fact is since she was intimate with Phil prior to the Christmas Party and she had kept her cheating a secret so well over the years would she risk hanging out with him during the party (when drinks flows who knows what Phil might let slip)? Why all of the self-recriminations with Ann about the dress? Why the shock about him leaving her in Part 2 since for all she knew Ted found out about her and Phil or one of her other past lovers? After Ted caught her cheating during the engagement how could she not know what he would do if he found out?

It seems that you were writing to have the readers believe that Barbara was innocent through her thoughts and feelings. She is portrayed as the long suffering wrongly accused wife desperately seeking to regain her loving relationship with her husband. If the motivation for the affair with Phil had been the emotional isolation caused by their final rift over his new position then her affair with Phil makes sense. The fact that the thrill of the illicit sex is the reason for her many affairs make her seem deceitful and manipulative right from her engagement to Ted. Barbara's thoughts and feelings during the Christmas Party do not seem consistent with the final scene with Phil.

Please do not engineer a reconciliation between Ted and Barbara. The happy ending in this story was that Ted found out the truth abut Barbara and you wrote that he had made peace with getting the divorce. She basically cheated on him for 22+ years.

BTW: I can understand not confronting Ann/Matt when he

thought it was Barbara/lover because he had thought

that the bad feelings/distance over the past 2 years

was over and he and Barbara had revived their

marriage. Given the first two times he had charged in

she had convinced him that she was innocent. The fact

that just he walked away truly meant that he was not

willing to fight to stay with her.

Although I am not a fan of revenge it seems like Ted got the short end of the stick (lost his good job, are his kids' really his children?, he had to move to get away from her). Barbara really lost nothing except the illusion of a loving husband because that relationship was based upon a lie. Ted was a standup guy trying to take care of his family and keep his marriage together. One can argue that if they had gotten counseling early on things might have been different but given Barbara's itch for illicit sex the outcome would have been the same.

Once again an excellent read - Thanks!

SleeplessinMD

Salamis was correct - you put the hints in there, but it is only upon reflection that we see them.

In his situation at the end, I don't think I could have resisted the temptation to violence with a shotgun or baseball bat or end table. Of course, living well is the best revenge, and he deserves a large chuck of living well.

Great writing.

AT THE END TED HAD NOT JUST LEFT. I FOR ONE WOULD LIKE TO SEE SOME SORT OF REVENGE ON PHIL; AND BARB FOR THAT MATTER.

The twist at the end was interesting however it left me wanting to see the Barbara's face when she found his wedding ring on the table. It would have also been interesting to read the look on Ann's face when she realized that her friend really is a slut. The drama in the aftermath can sometimes be as exciting as the sex. Part 3 please, maybe from Barbara's POV.

she used matt & ann i would like to know how they deal with being lied to that way.

Loved the story and the surprise twist at the end.

I am thoroughly happy with the unresolved situations because I am very good at writing my own ending...like Barbara--in near histerics--needing to confess to Ann and Matt what happened and pleading for Ted's address. Ann and Matt, furious, tell her to go to hell and dump her sorry ass. Does she hire her own detective? Possibly, but it won't do any good.

Ted stops in Las Vagas in the way to his new home and hooks up with Gail. Does he win her? Possibly. She'd see a big change in him this time. They did connect when they first met and she was gracious enough to leave him until he dealt with his business.

With his winnings, Ted (and Gail?) set up a small company of their own in Las Vagas or there abouts.

Sometimes the best stories are the ones that don't wrap up every loose end, but give the reader enough credit to tie a few up on his own. Does my scenerio match yours, Blue? Probably not, but that's all right. That's life and that's literature.

Cobbler1023

A cheating character can lie explicitly or by omission to the spouse or to other characters. But if the author makes her open to the readers through the voice of the story’s narrator, as in disclosing her inner thoughts and feelings, he can’t let her ‘cheat on the readers’ as well. It is like ‘an aside’ in theatre, a reflection of the characters INNER THOUGHTS. Finding discrepancies between what she thinks/feels (such as being desperate to restore the marriage or being furious about the assumed liaison of the husband) and then finding about her prolonged double life affair – does not only hurt the credibility of the character (unless the author portrays her as having a serious mental illness, which afflicts her thinking process- which in this story is not the case), it does not reflect well on the author’s writing. If you allow your narrator to probe then relate to the readers the cheater’s inner thoughts, you have to carefully check, and then check again for consistency with the rest of the story. The readers can not come to the conclusion that the wife was lying to… herself. It’s one thing to claim that she may not be aware of every psychological nuance, but here it would not apply, because we do not talk about some hidden motivations or feelings - but rather about a whole section of her life which is not accounted when she is supposedly so upset with her husband or so desperate to save the marriage at all cost. It does not add up.

It’s fine to hold back some details in order to create a surprising ending. But in that case make sure that you don’t allow the narrator to mislead us by disclosing half truths about the character which amount to a falsehood. Although I am pretty sure that the discreprencies are due to omission rather than to any plan to mislead, it is still a considerable flaw.

My second comment has to do with your tendency to go at times on tangent and over expend on details. I do believe in well invested characters anchored in background and deeper understanding of circumstances (which you do so well). But at times, I ask myself, why do we need to know how many rooms, and exactly what type of garage was rented? If certain details do not add to the plot –take them out. Leave only the details that you feel help to contribute to the plot in terms of adding or establishing something that have not been known or established yet. This stylistic minor flaw did not bother me too much, unfortunately the “false disclosure” of Barbara through the narrator did. I love your stories; this story did not work for me. I am looking forward to your next story.

phil,matt and ann couldn't the whore she was.close the loose ends.

I just really enjoy your writing. This story is begging for more. Not only the loose ends that others have mentioned (not that they all have to resolved) but the story cries for some comeuppance to the cheating wife and Phil. Not only has she used her husband, but her friends as well. As a reader I want some justice. His leaving alone isn't what she deserves.

Thanks for your sharing your gift.

Unusual twist at the end. Well-written. A little more sex, and it would have been perfect.

I have read many of the comments and can see another chapter would be great to fill the closure but WTF a great story is to leave the reader wanting more.

Keep up the good work will look forward to more of this story if your willing to fill it in or new stories.

Thanks

Good story and an unusual twist at the end, but I agree with KOLKORE's comments. The introspective thoughts related for the wife character are not consistent with the surprise ending. Generally very good writing and character development. Close but no cigar on plot consistency, though.

Another well written story by Blue88. Your stories are always interesting, but as many of your readers said, it seemed like the wife lied to the reader through the whole story, which is kind of irritating. Another minor flaw is the fact that Matt and Ann have to be two of the dumbest people in fiction if it took them that long to realize that their sex was what Ted had seen that sent him off, especially after Matt said, "what was he doing home that early, He was not supposed to be home until the next day" 60 year old George

Think this needs another chapter as 'closure' - hope you'll write another....

Ted is such an asshole and you are too for creating such a useless piece of shit as Ted. I hope he burns in hell for lacking the guts to confront the cheating slut he married. Overall, reading the story was a waste of my time.

I liked this tale. I thought 88 did a good job on the characters. The plot twist in the ending scene is totally off the wall for the woman as you deveolped her character. I think you just added this kink to pull our tails.

But I do enjoy most of your writings. You are not like 'Just Plain Bob', whose tales I now avoid.

Even a short one. Just something to cover where these people go after this.

The ending sucked! Not the twist of her actually being a cheating slut, but Ted still being a pantywaist, and not going up those stairs and kicking some ass! He could always get back on the plane and go back to AZ. after the ass kicking was finished. Instead, we're left with another destroyed, pathetic, cowardly husband. COME ON, let TED grow a pair! Nuff sed!

Tim C.

at the end you stop and leave us hanging.you went on and on about crap,then when the important part comes you end it.

not once thru the entire story did ted really confront barbara directly. he was a coward who just ran without validation of circumstance. in the end he was justified but never confronted barbara even to give her back his ring. he would not even have had to say anything to her. just walk into the bedroom, hand her his ring, turn and leave. actions would have spoken volumes!

I was disappointed by the ending, very much so. I can't say that I was surprised, in his reflections while he was living in Arizona, sort of anticipated what he would find when he went home, also the plot devise of telling Matt he would drive home, but he flew home after only 2 days instead. My primary disappointment, was that he just wandered off into the twilight, I guess, no finality, no closure, nothing resolved, you are too good a writer to simply stop where you did, without at least an epilouge or something to give him some retribution, some relief, some whatever. I'm just so frustrated with this ending

great story,but you take away from the story with the ending.call next door girlfriend and tell her to come over and see what kind of wife barb is.that would've been easy for and ending.

What A Buildup!!! And what a story!!! The ending caught me completely by surprise. I was actually feeling sorry for the two of the Arnold's and then SHE turned into a nightmare version of Roseanne Arnold!! What A BITCH!! But wait! What about that little turd, Phil Stine?

Since he worked for the same company as Ted, our hero could have sued for unbelievable damages! That's right, folks!! If a co-worker cuckolds you (male or female) as a result of a work relationship, there is a "causal relationship", and the job itself has a limited amount of responsibility including financial responsibility to the injured partner.

Big Casino!!! The Las Vegas winnings were nothing compared to what Ted could've won had he sued for that! Just Once I'd like to see this strategy followed out to the end! Stine would've lost his job and his retirement!

And That Cunt would have lost (by reason of serial adultery) the right to collect from Ted's pension AND his Social Security!!! I benefited from these rules in my divorce, and it's been a source of comfort to me for a long time, now that I'm older. The money Ted won, he might have to split unless he has his lawyer jerk that nasty broad's neck this way!

These stories never get to the GOOD parts!!

He was stupid, he never should have married the lying slut in the first place.

the friend next would love to see her now.she fool everybody and the hubby pays.let everybody know the whore she is.the ending should've done that,but author to lazy.

that he made EVERYONE incredibly stupid: anne, matt, ted, barbara, her lovers,,,

they are so incredibly stupid, it's not even funny or believable.

matt and anne: "barbara, don't you see," they came up with a THEORY, "ted was not supposed to come home when he did; so what he saw, well, he took it the wrong way!"

"oh, gosh," barbara was surprised the theory sounded so good, "my gosh, anne and matt, you are two real good friend! why ddin't I think of that before! ted must be found and explained to! gosh, my love, how could i be so stupid,,, matt and anne, you two must help me find ted; we must explain to him!"

so matt brought ted back and when ted came quietly back to the house, AGAIN, like before: "gosh, lover, you make me orgasm multiple times! keep licking down there!," barabara said, "my husband ted's a good lover, but only you and other lovers --- whom i cheat with --- make me feel wild and have multiple orgasms!"

and this was SUPPOSED to be the woman who collpased, momentarily fainting to the floor, crying her eyes out, not even have time to read her loving husband's letter, right?,,, the one Anne came right over to help get up, saying,

"Barbara, you need to pull yourself together; you can't be blaming yourself over a misunderstanding Ted has had! My god, Barbara, you made some mistakes, but as you said, you two are recommitting to each other again. Matt and I know it, so is everyone!"

again, a cast of idiots!

Aside from making the husband a punk and keeping him one which I dispised you made another HUGE error in this story. You never develope Barbara enough. Not so we could see the ending but so her thought process and complete character come through. You really expect the reader to believe that her best friend did not know what Barbara was doing? After she and her man were fucking in his house? No. It don't wash. He should have opened the door and flipped the ring on the bed. You made him a coward and kept him one and that resulted in loss of respect by me the reader for him and this story.

Too bad! Ted was played for a fool 3 times and each time he left like a coward. The truth is that Barbara did have the best of both worlds. She had a husband who worked his tail off to make her life good and then she had her fuck buddies. Either Barbara was mentally sick (two different persons) or she was a very evil person. Given her fucking around on Ted is he the real father to their kids? Why the posing and drama with Ann? An act?

A Part 3 would be good to redeem Ted but after 8 months a real conclusion is unlikely.

SleeplessinMD

The wife Barbara says she loves her husband Ted, I for one would realy like to know how she reacts when she finds his wedding ring on the kitchen table and realises she's been caught again.

Not a stroke story, but a story with a twist. It makes a man look askance at his own relationships again and again. Once a liar always a liar. Ted should've taken his cue from the scene with the ex-boyfriend. I would have. Just how dumb can you be? A guy with a good income is just a target for an unscrupulous female. And ANY stain on a female is a BIG stain to start with. Y'see people a woman ALWAYS knows when she's gonna get laid next, but a man... you should always "Trust, But VERIFY". Thank you, Ronald Reagan.

What happens when she finds the ring? That would be a good story. What happens when she finally realizes that the lies of her life are now exposed?

the husband has caught hell behind this woman bullshit the whole story.and the writer has everybody thinking the hubby is crazy.then at the end,you can bring her ass out in the open you end the story.let the hubby go over to the girlfriend house and bring her back to see the whore and cheat the wife is.no the writer ends the story ,because of what.

Well I hope you will write a third chapter or maybe just an epilogue, I might like it if you write it from Barbaras perspective. I think that it would be nice to read that.

Dont bother trying to get back together tell her its finished once a cheater always a cheater Barb is a champion cheater.Bring on the chapter 3 where he tells her its really finished and he knows all about her cheating alll those years but this tape record the conversation with lover boy.

Pat

It's fine as it is (eventhough, Hubby has got to be the dumbest man in the US). She's had numerous affairs and got away everytime!? But hey, at least you've shown that you can write about a man with enought spine to walk away from a bad relationship.

Fantastic story, but i felt it needed closure. Maybe a little revenge? Keep up the good work, but please, write a better ending.

This story really had me going. After reading a number of stories like this, I don't think that I'll ever really trust a woman again. Unfortunately, truth is stranger than fiction. Maybe, this site is an education.

He left them alive! WHY?

Another lame story where the writer has to show that the wife was unfaithful. It was a great story that showed what happens when there is a lack of communication but the ending does NOT fit. If she was committing adultery, she would not have fought against the divorce, her lawyer would have advised taking the settlement. If she was committing adultery, she would not have been shocked and devastated when she saw the letter that he was leaving and why. If she was committing adultery, she would have reveled in her new-found freedom...SHE DIDN'T DO THESE THINGS! There is no consistency to the wife...it was like the writer wanted to justify hating women by saying "See, she was a lying slut all along, even though I made her out to be a faithful wife." That's why I gave this story a 0/5. Keep the characters consistent, make the plot line true, if the wife is an adulteress, then establish that throughout the story not at the end because you feel like it.

The Mark - Ann in bed scene was apparent, but the twist in the tail compensated.

Well done.

I do not know if the author goes back to look at comments, nor do I know if anyone else would agree with the following: I think they should have confronted each other. The marriage they had was a mess. What she did however was inherently wrong. He needed to say that to her and she needed to hear it. Sneaking off while symbollically throwing the bird with his ring is not enough. She needs to have to say how stupid and selfish and self-centered she is and realize what she has lost if, if she loves him. AndF5Ad that is certainly in doubt.

I guess I would have liked a more explicit epilogue. But the writing was great and the story imaginitive.

... at the amount of comments indicates that maybe is one of your best stories. I've read and now I am more than convinced. Thank you very much. Good entertainment. Keep on writing.

<p><b>Nucleus</b></p>

Quite a few of this author's stories seem to involve a wimpy, whiny guy who can't face up to a problem, who always exhibits avoidance behavior, who can't make a decision. Despite this, the stories (including this one) are well-written and flow along very nicely. I guess Ted did not knee Phil Stine in the balls hard enough if Phil could just be back in the saddle with Barbara again. Ted's real problem is that he is just stupid and passive about a lot of things. Why can't he hire a private investigator to get some evidence on Barbara? Money was no problem for him at this stage of the game. His 1/2 million dollars from winning the slots in Vegas won't last very long at the rate he is spending it. What kind of work does he think he will find when the well runs dry? If Barb has been screwing around their entire marriage, I'm really shocked that Ted is free of any STD's; statistically the odds are that he should have several by now. I'm sure Barbara did not practice safe sex. It sounds as if his kids are not biologically his; he is passive about that question as well. As others have pointed out, Barb really loses nothing. She keeps all the property, she can go back to work as an Emergency Room nurse anywhere (nurses are in very short supply), and she can keep fucking whomever she wants. Ted lost his job, his pride, his family, his home, his friends -- really everything. He lacks the balls to fight for anything. He does not even care to let the neighbors (Ann and her fiance Matt) know what the truth really is. He has not saved any evidence -- no pictures, no recordings (he has a cell phone; surely he could have done something so others will know he knows the truth). His lawyer said that Barbara was fighting the divorce and it would become extremely expensive, drag out for years. Evidence to prove the truth would set him free -- that's what he wants, isn't it, to get the divorce over with, to prevent Barbara's contesting it? This is a top salesman, someone who just gives up? Wimp does not even begin to describe Ted. I think he needs a shrink.

I have read these stories 3 times and the ending still seems somewhat of a contradiction. The 2 years with Phil don't seem to fit, not to mention the other lovers, although it would explain their marriageproblems over the last years. When Barbara said to Ann that she had the best of both worlds again, blushed and quickly changed the subject, one might have guessed that there was more than just "misunderstandings". Her explanation of the incident at the Christmas party that she was trying to push Phil away should have rang a bell for it was the same explanation with her ex-boy friend the first time he caught her. You diffused all this very well with her professing her love and complete denial of any cheating. It makes the ending a real surprise and leaves room for another chapter with various possibilities. Since you write so well, please try to come up with a good follow-up and surprise us again.

G.Belgium

her world just was condensed, and left w her 'phil' for the moment. the open door and the ring should resonate loudly, that ... her world is changed. he has money and does not require her, but taking an equitable division would cut her assets.

perhaps the thrill of it all was part of it, but that ends too. does it matter if she cries at the shape of the things, i doubt it. he's free of that whole situation. no 3d, epilogue.

nothing here, just skip it

I feel for this guy, but I'm not surprised... It happens all to often... And no Wimp-story's can hide the statistics :) ...

Keep on writing. You're good... Cheers Yoron

... more chapter so he can kick her but to the curb.

Thanks for the story. Mike from Texas

that was a great story, I would like to see a couple more chapter's for this story.

was there a shotgun blast would have ended it all for them and he could arrive on schedule to find her and the oiece of meat she used both dead.

hey guy, put a continuation!!!

just missing the final nail in the coffin

Blue88 ,you are one of my favorite writers, but this story is not up to your usual standard. As one of your readers pointed out, all of the characters in your story seem to be brain dead. Ted doesn't check to see who the lovers are when he comes home. Anne and Matt cannot connect their sexul activity with Tted's running away in spite of the fact that it is obvious to all your readers. Barbara is ypical adulterer and may be the only smart one in the crowd.and Blue your "gotcha" ending is just a little more irritation in an odd story.

the Ct. Yankee

She was just a born slut. It didn't make any difference who she was fucking, as long as it wasn't her husband. Her biggest problem is she's stupid. Thanks for the good story..........Rich