White Lies

The decision wasn't easy to make. It took a short time in the moment, but the introspection dragged on. She had never really stopped thinking about that moment. A few sips of the Merlot led to memories of that moment flooding back to her.

"Do you want me to ask her out for you?"

The exact words were forever imprinted on her brain, branded into her subconscious with red hot iron. The wound still burnt. It had not healed. It would likely never heal.

"Do you want me to ask her out for you?" she repeated to herself, enunciating every syllable in her mind. In the moment, it seemed the most natural thing to say. She didn't even think of herself and she knew she would eventually goad Sophie into going on a date, just to humour him.

Her psyche fractured in two. The bigger part assuaged her conscience by telling her she did the right thing. She did it for the first and foremost love in her life. All else came secondary to putting a smile on Martin's face. Mackenzie lived to see that smile.

The smaller part, a private corner of her mind, held a different view. That part hated her for manipulating both her friend and her brother into a relationship that could end in sorrow. The idea of it made her cringe, but she chose to look at the bright side of her actions.

She took another gulp of the Merlot.

"What if he does end up getting hurt in this relationship?"

The possibility was very real. Even Sophie had a breaking point somewhere. If she snapped, all that Mackenzie had worked so hard to build would fall to pieces. Another sip of wine passed her throat. Suddenly, she had a vision. This macabre sight floated before her eyes for a second, enough to make her stand upright.

It was Martin, looking utterly despondent. His sad eyes gazed downwards and his hands were in his pockets. He looked up to face her, his face having lost all its spark and vitality. His eyes were bereft of cheer and his expression looked ethereally hollow. Worst of all were his lips. They quivered with grief, looking like they would never smile again. Looking at that illusion, through the prism of alcohol, she knew one thing.

Martin had lost his smile.

There was a splintering sound as the glass fell from her hand to the floor. It shattered on impact, scattering transparent shards in every direction. A deep wine stain spread over the elegant Kashan carpet covering the floor.

Mackenzie ran to the bathroom. Her feet had barely made it to the basin before she doubled over and emptied the contents of her stomach into it. The bitter after taste of bile stayed in her mouth, as a second wave hurtled up her throat. Once more, she doubled over and retched.

She barely recognized the person she saw in the mirror. Her hair was tousled and her eyes were red. Her face still had fine layer of vomit over it. She wiped it off on the towel, the bitter taste still strong.

Was it her guilt? Was it the drink? Was it both?

An involuntary shudder coursed up her spine as she considered another possibility.

Was it a premonition? A sign of things to come.

Kenzie splashed some water onto her face, even drinking some to wash the taste away. The entire situation rested on a frightfully delicate balance. A small push from any side could have devastating ramifications. She had manipulated her way into a corner, hoping and praying it all played out the way she wanted it to. It was all laid out like a chain of dominoes, standing in fearful anticipation of that one push.

"No," she said firmly. "I won't let that happen. Not now. Not ever."

* *

January 2008

"So... how was the date?" preened Mackenzie, flashing a Cheshire smile at the couple. She had personally dressed Martin for the grand occasion of his first real date, and given him some pointers on what to do.

"We went to the Sea Breeze," he grinned. "I know how much Sophie likes seafood."

"The Sea Breeze?" Mackenzie gasped. "The day after New Years and with no reservation? How on Earth did you get a seat?"

"Well... I did mention my surname. Suddenly, everybody began falling over themselves to accommodate me and my lovely date."

"Wise move," Mackenzie nodded, turning her gaze to a mildly disinterested Sophie.

"How did you like it?"

Sophie did not even look her in the eye properly. Saying something about being tired, she planted a soft peck on Martin's lips and walked in the direction of the guest room. He continued beaming, his heart full of innocent, oblivious joy. Suddenly, he rushed forwards and hugged his sister. His hands encircled her torso and he whispered in her ear.

"Thank you so much for this, Kenzie. Thank you."

Mackenzie left him to change and went to Sophie's room. She lay on the bed in her night clothes, absent-mindedly fiddling with her phone. Her eyes left the screen when she heard the door slam shut.

"What was the meaning of what you did back there?" Mackenzie hissed. "You almost ruined it."

"Ruined what? A budding fake relationship?" replied Sophie sardonically.

Mackenzie stood still while Sophie raised herself off the bed and walked up to her.

"You said it was a matter of one date," Sophie whispered icily. "One date with him because he has crush on me. One lousy date."

"I know I said that, but circumstances change," Kenzie said defensively. "I thought it was a silly crush which would pass with one date."

She paused, reading Sophie's expression and trying to gauge whether she believed her lie or not. Relatively confident she had sold it, she resumed.

"But when I saw the look on his face when you guys came back, I realized it's more. He has deeper feelings for you than I knew. If you break it off now, it will hurt him immensely." Kenzie implored.

Sophie's defences were weakening. Sensing an opportunity, Mackenzie reached out and ran her fingers through her lover's hair. Their faces were close together.

"Just keep it going for some more time. Until he gets over his silly fantasy. Can you do that for me?"

The combination of Mackenzie's fingers caressing her hair and that beseeching look in her eyes meant Sophie could not refuse.

"Oh all right," Sophie sighed, resignedly.

Mackenzie clapped and hugged her lover.

"I'll go make reservations for your second date," she twittered happily. "How about The Four Seasons? It's in Manhattan, so you can go from our apartment itself and he will meet you there."

"Fine. As you wish."

"You won't regret it, Soph," Mackenzie said. "Martin's a great guy. You're luckier than you think."

There was no reply. Mackenzie turned and was at the door when she heard her roommate's soft voice again.

"Won't you kiss me good night?" Sophie whimpered.

It took all the will-power Kenzie had not to. She turned around and pursed her lips apologetically.

"Sorry. You're dating my brother now. Get your kisses from him."

Saying this, she rushed out of the guest room, leaving a distinctly morose Sophie. Once outside, she leaned against the wall, her chest heaving with the web of lies and deceit she had spun.

"It's all for the best," she rationalized. She took a deep breath and regained her bearings. There was one more stop to be made before turning in.

Martin was reading a book when his sister surprised him by jumping into his bed and cuddling him. Her fingers soon reached his ticklish areas, making him writhe with laughter. He bucked and tried to roll over, but she held on assiduously and continued his torture.

"Stop it!" he said, between giggles. There tears in his eyes as he kept laughing. "Stop it."

Eventually, Mackenzie relented and cuddled closer to him. Her arm went around his head and held him close to her heart.

"Martin Raymond Clark," she began, using all her legal aptitude. "You have been charged with going on a date with a beautiful lady and not disclosing gory details of said date to your sister. How do you plead?"

"I plead guilty, your Honour."

"This is a heinous crime of the most vile kind," she droned on. "However, given that you have a clean record and this was your first date, the state of New York offers you a chance to make amends by spilling all the details to her immediately. Do you agree?"

"Yes, your Honour."

"You may begin."

* *

November 2012

Mackenzie regained her composure and sat quietly in the corner of her room. No one looking in would have known that she had just thrown up. Her fingers played with a strand of her hair and her eyes staring at the ceiling. The thoughts still coursed through her, unable to let go of her conscience.

Invisible forces pulled at her heart strings, tugging them in different directions. The conflict ached in every inch of her body, masked by the contemplative look which now settled on the building outside the window.

At first she did not hear the knock on the door, lost in her thoughts. A slightly harder repetition snapped her back to the present. Her thoughts still far removed, she made her way to the door and opened it.

It was the face from her nightmare - Martin looking down at the floor with a look of dejected resignation in his eyes. His hands were in his pockets. Slowly, he raised his face to hers. His cheeks were drenched in tears and hollow from crying. Worst of all, his smile was missing, lost in a saline flood of sadness.

"She walked out on me..."

Those five simple words had the cumulative effect of a car crashing straight into her. Mackenzie stepped back, recoiling. Her hand went to her lips and the other one clutched her heart. The blood drained off her face, scrambling to save her treacherous heart which was beating in overdrive. Every single beat of it echoed loudly against her ribs, until she was afraid they would give way and her heart would burst out of her body.

Her petite hands reached out and cradled his face. His green eyes shimmered with wetness and seemed larger than ever. She brought them closer to her own green irises. Kenzie willed him to smile, but his lips would not curl upwards. They just would not.

"Martin, baby. I'm so sorry."

His lips twitched, he did not say anything. Unable to look him in the eye any more, Mackenzie tore her gaze away and looked downwards. Her eyes came to a chilling halt when they saw his pockets. His hands were still buried inside, but there was a large stain creeping out from each pocket. She grabbed his wrists and held them up to her face, seeing a symmetric gash across each one. Blood seeped out and crept down his forearm. Martin's expression still did not change.

There was an even more pronounced knock on the door. Mackenzie almost fell off her chair with shock. Her heart was racing and her pulse was erratic. She took several deep breaths and calmed herself. Her pulse gradually normalized. She smoothed her dress and walking to the door, opened it slowly.

For a second, she thought she was still dreaming. Martin stood in front of her, his hands idly fiddling inside his pockets. He looked up at her with half smile playing on his lips.

"Martin! What are you doing here?"

"Nice to see you too," he said with a smirk. "May I come in?"

She led him inside and closed the door behind him. Martin settled himself on the couch and patted on the coffee table. His sister sat beside him.

"I need to ask you something," he said.

Mackenzie nodded, listening intently.

"Last night, I saw Sophie standing on the balcony staring at nothing. It looked like she was crying, but when I came closer, she ran away."

Martin looked up at his sister's face.

"I know I've asked you this before and each time you've said the same thing. Ever since we were engaged, Sophie has seemed kind of distant."

"She has?" Kenzie replied, already rehearsing the speech in her mind.

"She spends hours lost in thought, looking at the scenery. Other times, she is restless and uneasy. Do you know what may be bothering her?" he asked with oblivious innocence. "After all, you are her best friend."

"You're her fiancé. You should ask her."

"I've tried," he said, dejectedly. "She always waves it off. If I go on, she gets angry and throws a fit."

"She does get bothered easily," Kenzie said. "It's nothing. Just the way she is."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I am. What else could it be?"

Martin bit his lip softly, unsure if he wanted to say it.

"Maybe she doesn't love me," he finally forced out in a barely audible voice. "Maybe she thinks this marriage is a mistake."

"She loves you," Kenzie sprang up, holding his shoulders.

"She never shows it," he continued in his sad voice. "No kissing. No holding hands. Nothing. She just hovers around me like a stranger."

"She loves you," his sister repeated, with more conviction in her tone. "She's never been the very outwardly romantic kind. I've seen her and her boyfriends in the past, honey. Sophie never shows her love like other girls."

"I don't know," he said, his voice shaking a bit.

Kenzie sat down on the coffee table, opposite to him. She ran her fingers through his hair until they were locked around the back of his head and drew him closer.

"Listen to me," she said firmly. "Sophie loves you. When we talk, she can't stop telling me how much she loves you. That love runs deeper than the holding hands and kissing kind. She may not show it, but she truly has feelings for you."

Her searching eyes hypnotised Martin. Once more, her word overshadowed his reason. He knew deep within that Mackenzie would never lie to him. Every word which passed her lips was like the Gospel for him.

"She just has some wedding jitters. All girls do. Nothing to worry about."

"If you say so," he conceded, somewhat reluctantly.

"Now you listen to me, Martin," she said. "There is a girl out there about to marry you and you're in here talking to your boring old sister? Get out there and enjoy your last few hours of freedom before you're a married man for God's sake! Go knock up a bridesmaid or something."

"Kenzie!" he said, blushing furiously.

"Okay. I take that back. No need to knock up anyone. How was your bachelor party?" Kenzie said, desperate to defuse the conversation.

"Not the stuff a brother tells his sister."

"You're no fun," she pouted playfully. "I'll get it out of you yet. Could you leave me alone for a few, hun? There are some people in San Francisco I need to talk to regarding my new position there from tomorrow."

Martin held her tightly once more and stepped back. He was almost out the door when Mackenzie spoke up again.

"And could you be a darling and tell room service to send up another Merlot? I'm going to need one if I have to tolerate those pretentious computer junkies on Skype."

He nodded and left with a wink. Immediately, Kenzie collapsed on the couch, her mind reeling with the sheer complexity of the web she had woven. Everywhere she looked, she saw lies. Lies piled on more lies to form an illusion for the world. She really needed that second Merlot.

"At least I will be gone tomorrow," she thought. "Far away from Sophie."

Far away from the monster she had created.

* *

May 2011

"I can't do this any longer," Sophie wailed piteously. Her head immediately returned to the toilet, emptying another wave of semi digested food into it. Mackenzie held her hair and lifted her head out. She looked truly miserable.

"Last night, after dinner, he took me on a walk around the lake. Then he kissed me," she went on, sobbing like a baby. "He kissed me and even as we kissed, all I could think of was you."

Mackenzie listened, but did not speak. The dim disquiet in their bathroom was punctuated only by Sophie sobbing and throwing up.

"Shh... there there," Kenzie cooed into her ear, softly stroking her scalp.

"Don't touch me," Sophie snarled, shoving her hand off. "DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME!"

Kenzie recoiled. Sophie finally staggered to her feet and fixed her former lover in an icy glare.

"It has been three years, Kenzie. Three. Fucking. Years!"

"I'm sorry," said Mackenzie. "I didn't know things would play out this way."

"Play out this way?" growled Sophie. "This is a fucking game to you? This is my life we're talking about and I'm dating the wrong person."

"Martin is a great guy."

"But he's not the one I'm in love with," she cried. "That's you and always will be you."

Sophie suddenly reached out with her toned arms, grabbing Kenzie's petite frame and pressing it against her lithe, athletic body.

"You don't even kiss me any more, Kenzie," Sophie said, her eyes brimming with wetness. "It's like I'm a stranger to you."

"You're not a stranger, Soph. You're my best friend and will always be that."

"But I don't want to be your best friend," was the shrill response. "I want more, Mackenzie Clark. I want to be your lover. I want to hold you in my arms and kiss every part of you. I want to make love to you and feel you make love to me. I want to run through the streets holding your hand and scream our love from every rooftop."

"I want to as well," Kenzie said, stifling a sob. "For four years that was all I wanted. But now, I can't have that."

Unable to be near Sophie any longer, Mackenzie ran into the room and curled up into a ball on the bed. She had coerced her friend, manipulated her, used her -- and despite it all, Sophie still found the strength within her to return all that with love.

"Why can't she get over me?" Mackenzie screamed into her subconsciousness. "Like I got over her."

She knew it was a blatant lie, but one she was determined to convince herself. Things had reached a stage where the alternative would be worse. Summoning up all her resolve, Mackenzie walked back to the bathroom.

Sophie lay on the floor, her beautiful body spent from crying. Exhaustion had sent her to dreamland, her mascara wickedly ruined by wet streaks. Her expensive dress barely shielded her from the cold marble. Kenzie lifted her limp form and slung her arm over her shoulder to support her.

"Why don't you love me anymore, Kenzie?" Sophie mumbled. "What did I do to you? Please tell me, Kenzie. Please tell me what I did to you. I promise I won't do it again, Kenzie. I promise."

The rest of the words were rendered incoherent by a fresh wave of sobbing.

"I promise I will do whatever you ask me to do, Mackenzie. I will do anything if you will love me again."

Kenzie slowly lay her down on the bed. A stray strand of blond hair came over her face, so Kenzie tucked it beneath her ear. Her hand stayed on her cheek, softly rubbing it with the back of her fingers.

"I'm all alone, Mackenzie. All alone. Why can't you see that? Why can't you see how much I love you?"

There was a moment of weakness, a moment so fleeting that one would miss it in a blink. An unseen current sparked at the part of Sophie's cheek where Mackenzie's fingers caressed the silky smooth skin. The charge of a million fireflies erupted from the point of contact, racing through both bodies and uniting them in the special knowledge of the love they had missed.

"Forgive me, Martin," Kenzie thought, even as her lips inched across the void between the bodies. "Give me the strength to forgive myself."

Their lips made contact, slowly, reverently. There was not an iota of haste, their bodies took charge and made sure the moment lingered. Their tongues played against each other, demurely waltzing to a tune long neglected. Sophie's hands reached up and pulled Kenzie's head towards her. Her fingers delved into the brown locks she missed for so long.

Mackenzie kissed down her neck, her hands pushing back the fabric to be able to see her breasts. They sprang into view, ripe, perky and as enticing as she remembered. Her lips latched onto a nipple while her fingers gently toyed with the other.

Sophie suddenly flipped the bodies over. She raised herself on her palms above Kenzie so her pendulous breasts hung at the level of her mouth. Mackenzie lost herself in the slow swing of the nipples, inches from her lips. She stuck her tongue out, following the harmonic oscillation. At the lowest point of every swing, the nipple touched her tongue, until she took it a step further by sucking it into her mouth. Sophie moaned and fed her the other nipple. She climbed down until their faces were tantalizingly close.