All Comments on 'Whose Fault Was It'

I ENJOY BREVITY BUT THIS WAS TOO ABRUPT... 2 STARS

I hope that you only forgot to say this is part 1.

Is there more to this? or will it be left unfinished?

Your story has a good begining and then develops but it has no ending.

...all the important aspects of a decent cautionary story. Both with the moral aspect and in structure you probe the right avenues but never finish the walk in any direction. But the two things that shouldn't be are fairly big. number one is the amount of typos. Why do so many writers here post stuff a third grader could edit? And late in this chapter(?) you have him coming to his senses only after he's bungholed her, not after he's spent himself in her betraying husband snatcher. That plot invention is too contrary to the common axiom, about conscience and a stiff dick. Thanks for the offering I give it a three because it's written with an adult theme and I bet chapter two is better.

Where is the rest of this story?

Thanks for the read! I love the direction it's going (is it going, or is it done?).

A few other things - not mentioned so far. How did Janet find out? You use that as a catalyst for the revenge, but we are told nothing about it. As already addressed, you leave the story with him recollecting Jill, but no idea how he got through "6 months" with his moral dilemma. The divorce, where Janet is in her mind as this progresses, the conflict between Janet & Mark's brother/sister-in-law (why is it there, what were their premonitions based on, etc. Mostly how do each of them resolve this.

You already have this somewhat shuffled with the flash backs, so adding "chapter 2" would be easy, I would like to see this continued. I am giving you 4 for handling the subject and portraying the Janet's very believable emotions through the story.

HEY A,B, YOU HAVE THE MAKINGS OF A GREAT STORY, SIMILIAR TO A DSQ NOVEL. CONTINUE WRITING AND SUBMITTING. DONT BE A 1 HIT WONDER. TK U MLJ LV NV

Hoping this is chapter one! If not a very incomplete story and frustrating to us readers. I really like your writing style and admire your courage publishing a story in this section with us very critical readers. You have plenty of canvas left in this story please take advantage of it and give us Chapter 2!

Hope that all will be brought to climax. If he was guilty of cheating why didn't he discuss it with her before going for the divorce? I believe that the business of doing it in front of him seems worse some how than what he did, but different animals, different strokes...

but his wife cheats on him and she's the bitch? She is disrespected and insulted by her brother in law...but that's ok because she had an affair. Mark is the good guy because she cheated on him, even though he's a cocksucker who cheated on his wife.

This is crap!

This one seemed very incomplete. From what I can tell, the wife found out that her best friend had sex with her husband, but did not tell the wife that she had seduced him. Even so, he should have never taken the forbidden fruit. The wife's revenge was to tie the husband up and forces him to watch a revenge fuck. I really don't like either character, and I am wondering where you are going with this.

Confused.com that is where this story belongs.

I hope this story continues, as you have my attention and am intrigued as to where you might take the story so I can find out, whose fault it is!

nice srtart and well written. I find it quite interesting and looking forward to where it goes. Thanks for writing and sharing.

Do you actually read your own stuff before you post it? Spell check does not fix everything, you know.

elegant.caenorrhabditis

I give this a "fair" for the writing (3). My favorite typo was, "when a man divorces he also tires to hide the fact by using a class ring or the like." Also, it would have been helpful to label this story with a "Ch. 01" in the title. Many readers prefer to wait until an entire story is posted before starting it (otherwise, elements of the plot are forgotten by the time the next chapter comes along -- witness WWWM by DQS1). Without at least one more, this story is very disjointed due to the numerous, unresolved threads. The plot so far is not particularly novel -- perhaps the remaining portions of the story will be more original. Thanks for writing.

It's crap, utter drivel. An editor is the least of this author's needs.

That is a nice start, I'm looking forward to the conclusion of this story

is this a multi-parter, or are you not going to finish the second half...guess l'll read your other stories and see if you finish them...

x

Weird set up as I figured the typical story here; the girl extracts revenge and with "surprise and irony", the guy did not cheat. So I almost quit reading...and now that I finished reading this first part, I am ambivalent...can't decide if I liked it or not. Certainly all the characters are jerks, so I really do not care "Whose Fault It Was", but there is a train wreck quality to these two that intrigued me to continue. So I suppose, I will be reading about two amoral people and for that, this story will probably be entertaining...I hope!

I hope you have an ending for it. Well written!

It is good enough that the readers want more. He fucked up. She really fucked up. A divorce seems logical. She is twisted and toxic, but thats normal, many of them are. Chapter two.

the fact the husband cheated does NOT in anyway give the wife the "RIGHT' to tie up her hsuband force him to watch.

The very title of this story shows the author is a dimwit.

The two acts are NOT remotely equal. Anything else is just window dressing

The story is incomplete and I don't mean just the ending. All of your threads are missing information. The beginning was good to start out with but lacked detail. Did the husband agree to be tied up? was he drugged before hand? With the lack of details it is hard to determine how far the wife went with her lover. When the wife calls his brother, we know he doesn't like her but why not? There should be at least a hint of why they don't get along. I do have to admit the fortune telling prositute is pretty original and well written. The sex scene is the only one that has any detail in it and that is too much. The husband has sex with the wifes best friend. Obviously she has lusted after him. The wife didn't see any signs of this. What kind of friend would just out of the blue seduce her best friends husband. Kinda tells you the charachter of the wife if the brother and his wife don't like her right off the bat, and she chooses man stealing friends to hang out with. The need for spell check will be left unsaid.

I almost agree with Hairy. There are some redeeming qualities to your story. But ya coulda done better with the details. I can fill them in myself but I might not go where you were intending.

Re: her betraying husband snatcher. Very funny.

... he's a cheating asshole and she's a vindictive bitch. Further, the more you uncover about each of them the less I like them and the less I feel like reading about the two dopes. This is a marriage? If a guy goes out and gets drunk and gets into a car accident you kind of think "Well, what did you expect?". You don't really care too much because the guy was a moron for driving drunk. Same here, for both of them. The issue is designing a story to have a likable theme, a reason to read the story. Not too many people will enjoy a story about drowning puppies. Of course some authors don't care what their readers like (Of course I then have to wonder why such an author bothers to publicly publish their work?). That's OK but be prepared for the criticism. <br><br>

You also include a powerful theme, being forcibly restrained. As other people have pointed out, you don't do enough with that. More detail would have made better reading. If the overall theme is two morons that we don't care about, you need to make the smaller happenings richer to carry the reader through the story. Instead you blow through this intense vignette.<br><br>

I also agree with the generic criticism. This appears to be incomplete and it would have been best to either label it as Chap. 01 or at least put "to be continued" at the end. The goofed up words are annoying, proof read your work or get a better editor.

He wounded the marriage and she KILLED it. Janet need not be concerned with him saying anything anymore.

I hope part 2 is posted soon. Thanks for sharing. Good luck on future stories.

A physic is a concoction to make you shit. A psychic is a person with the qualities you were alluding. If you don't know what a word means, don't use it.

well you are not. You story line is lacking and you left it hanging. You need to edit this better or have an editor do it for you. At one point you call your male lead marked, marked for what? And no man would give a hooker $400 and then just leave, he would at the least tell her to have a good night. And you did not answer the question in the title. Just another JPB or SS06 wantAB.

It was a nice start, both as a story and your contributions to Literotica. Definitely seems like "Chapter 1". The card reading was a novel move. I agree with some of the other comments that there seems to be a little more here that you dig up regarding the characters. Good luck.

I sure hope there is more to this story! Thanks.

you have the beginning of a good story, looking forward to the conclusion.

Is there a Chapter 2 in plan? The story was a good start but the end was kind of abrupt and left one wandering what was the point of the story.

Best way to progress is to keep on going, despite the negative criticism.

I liked the psychic part. We know she's a con woman (and so does he) but it was better than him nailing the first woman he came across.

Usually I don't like revenge stories, but as for blame Mark really fucked up. Their marriage wasn't rocky and he has sex with her best friend? Not once but obviously twice? I am sure the burn the bitch crowd will call for a public hanging but MARK is the one who set into motion these events.

When you started the story you gave no indication (such as a Chapter 1 heading) that the story would be continued. When a reader encounters a serial story while expecting a one-installment story he or she tends to become pissed off at the author's deliberate misrepresentation. There are a few things that you should be up front about. That there would be more than one chapter is one of those things.

Now let's see the rest of the story.

What you got here is a great starter. I say starter for a story never ever ends with so many loose ends like this one.

The story leaves so many questions it makes one head spin.

What did Hilda, Janet's Mother, have to say about her daughter's behavior?

Where does Mark eventually end up?

Do they ever see each other again?

Just how did Janet find out about Mark and Jill in the first place?

My guess is the Jill thing was all a set up just to split the two up.

My second guess would be his brother had something to with it. All lawyers are snakes and this one does not like Janet in the first place. And from the conversation between Janet an Jeremy, he IS the sort of bastard that would do this to his brother if he thought it would help him any.

In the end BOTH had made mistakes. Janet, I am guessing, is man enough to admit it. Is Mark man enough? Or will he run and hide like a child? I bet this marraige can be saved if BOTH parties sit down and seriously talk about it. It will be hard but who says love is ever easy. All I know is love is worth all the pain.

No fucking way can this marriage be saved!

Most have said they are both assholes, he is a cheating bastard, and she is a venditive bitch.

Hmmmm...a lot of you missed the part where the Jill and Mark thing was a one time thing and he agonized over it for six monthes. He was not fucking her for six monthes. ONE time 1 only 1 time.

Now how the hell did Janet, the vindictive wife, find out. I wonder. First Jill called him over when he was lonely on a pretense. Second she practically threw her body at him until she got what she needed.

Now how the hell did Janet find out i ask again. Well mark certainly was not going to tell her. From the story i infer Jill was not going to. Janet certainloy would have asked Jill if she knew something. I am guessing Jill told Janet.

Now in that situation no woman in her right mind would believe unless there was proof. What proof? Why pictures or video that is. Now if there is such evidense then immediately I smell set up. And just who would have motive in this proposed charade - one brother Jeremy that is who.

Some ask why he does not like Janet. Well good lawyers, ladies and gentlemen, can read people like a book. In the story it mentions that upon first meeting he got a bad vibe from Janet. Hate to spoil some bubbles but that is good enogh to justify not liking people.

As for her not liking them, What person would like anyone that badmouths them to there loved ones without good reason. Both the brother and his sister-in-law did just that when they announced the engagement.

Janet is no spring chicken I agree. Tieing up her husband and force him to watch her indiscretion is unforgivable. She should have added 1+1 and come up with the right conclusions then talk to her agonizing husband.

He on the other hand should have told Janet about Jill.

Both have made mistakes. Hopefully they can both face thier mistakes like mature people and talk to each other.

I have a feeling that Janet's mother will smell the rats in the background. If both Janet and mark ever face their problems like mature adults rather than running away or seeking revenge then heaven help the rats.

One such comment accused this writter to be din wit for the title. I think that poster is a din wit for not understanding the story or for stating such a crude thing in the first place.

I hope there is a continuation of this story to tie up loose ends in the figuretively manner.

Read this, or minor variations of it, before. Several times.

This story feels incomplete to me.

Mark earned it.

Now he knows what it feels like......

...not so funny - is it ? Bloody idiot !!

The fire was there and she poured gasoline on it, and so much for maintaining sembelnce of control...poof goes the marriage.

Your inability to spell properly and use correct punctuation is jarring. There is a reason word processors have both spell-check and grammar-check programming. Every time I start to feel myself getting submerged in your story some really badly-spelled word or lack of punctuation will hit me and kick me out of your story. I certainly hope that English isn't your native language, otherwise I'd hate to imagine what you sound like in normal spoken conversation.

I hope it keeps moving -

and fairly well-written.

Thanks for the offering.

At one point the author refers to Jill's public hair. I had a live-in girlfriend years ago who, in order to humiliate me, fucked, or at least tried to, every male in the southwest. As much as I loved her pubic hair, I finally had to acknowledge that it was in fact public hair. But I don't think that was what the author meant. Ah, the infernal, eternal typo!

Good story despite a few typos.

never works in a relationship. TK U MLJ LV NV

So let's get on with the cheating. And why has he run off? He's just as big a cheater as his wife is. Maybe wifey rubbed his face in it, but neither one of them is innocent. UGH!

She must be worse than he is, after all she has sailors dripping down her leg, the writer did say seamen.

Seems like neither of them us innocent so why stay married? Her transgressions were a little over the top and why she would expect him to stick around is a complete mystery. Don't like where this is headed.

Having a one night stand is bad, tying your spouse to a chair and then humiliating them while mentally and emotionally torturing them is simply insane.

I would murder the idiot that thought it funny to fuck my wife while I was restrained and she would regret being born.

Just because a halfwit put THRU in the dictionary, doesn't mean it should be used in a STORY! 1* just for that.

They aren't interesting or new. This one is barely different only because in this case the crazy wife happened to be right about hubby cheating. That doesn't make her any less crazy or believable.

Or at least a better one than this.

Apparently she was a hot headed entitled bitch when he met her?

and definitely go for double pay back, TK U MLJ LV NV

Not sure why Janet would even want him back.

Rife with spelling mistakes, grammatical errors and cliche ridden.

Hear hear! Not worth the work to read further episodes. This writer is in dire need of the "Dynamic Duo" namely, Spel-Check and an editor. Garbage

Don't you think? Why was he so PO'ed? Can see why Janet did what she did but why his reaction.

The minute she releases him from the chair, he calls the cops. Their marriage is obviously over after her fucking another man right in his face. Now is his chance to get ahead in the coming divorce by having his wife arrested for illegal restrain, assault and battery. That will get him 80% or more of the marital assets while she sits in jail.

1 star for unfinished drivel.

Get rid of the cunt. Fucking someone in front of your partner while they can't move is some sick fucked up shit.

He cheated but what she and her lovers did deserved them a death sentence, hoping he goes back and murders the lot of em, that shit would get me off.

Ahhh, when the chickens come home to rest. Both guilty but roping the husband to a chair and making him watch is over the top. Nice flow to your story!

Meh. Shitty story without an ending. Janet took a chance when she went to sleep after fucking the guy in front of her husband while he was tied up.