All Comments on 'Window Shopping'

very nice, well written, and realistic, you didn't go too far with the storyline...

5 star for sure, thanks...

You ran the entire USA completely out of commas by the end of the 2nd paragraph.

That makes it almost impossible to read.

There are too many commas but not to the point of being distracting. But as long as you are going to be writer, check an authority (I suggest Gregg's) for the proper use of them. Many of the commas should have been used with parenthetical or hyphenated phrases. Adjectives do not need to be separated by commas - example; "..young, college girl..." And only use a comma before or after "but" when a real break is necessary. I'll stop.

That was a great story. Don't mind the critics that seem to have a need of just talking about, commas. I, myself, use way too many when writing stories or just letters, for that matter. To be honest.... I really didn't notice the commas because I was enthralled by the sexy, young girl, giving you that wonderfully naughty show. I really enjoyed reading your recounting of your trip to the mall.

Keep on writing, commas and all.

Nicely done! You don't have to be 53 to need that level of awesomeness, it's too bad it would never happen in real life though.

Gotta love how people must be grammar nazis. Please people, enjoy the story for what it is and ignore the little stuff.

G’day. I didn’t even notice the commas, so they must have been in the right places. Great, inventive and you had me as entranced as she had you. Top job, mate.

great tease! perfectly paced and realistically written. I'd enjoy experiencing this myself. Thank you.