Without You Pt. 01

Jenny's experience with Jane was even more complicated that she had let on to Helen, with Jane citing one of the main reasons for the breakup being that a relationship with Jenny was too hard and Jenny was too boring. Jane had continually pushed Jenny way out of her comfort zone and insisted it was shyness that stopped her from doing anything, she simply didn't believe in being an introvert and certainly not in social anxiety. This had caused Jenny to withdraw into herself, although she disagreed with much of what Jane had said, she did know that any kind of relationship with her was hard work, even just a friendship and she'd resolved to protect herself from the pain of an inevitable breakup by steering clear of relationships all together. Her attraction to Amy was the first time she had left herself even think of the possibility but never seriously considered taking it any further. She was still upset with Helen for forcing the issue but could see that her big sister's actions were coming from a place of love.

For the rest of Sunday afternoon Jenny kept picking up and putting down her phone, unsure how to start the conversation with Amy. In the end she sent a simple text message just to confirm her number:

J: Hi, this is Jenny, I got your number from Helen and wanted you to have mine. J

Amy was thrilled when she got the message, she really hadn't been sure if she would hear from Jenny. Not wanting to scare her off she decided on a simple reply:

A: Hey, thanks for your number, it was nice to finally meet you yesterday. Will I see you at the bookshop tomorrow?

J: Not sure, I've got a few things on.

A: Can I ask, do you read every book you buy?

J: Of course, I read around 5 books a week.

A: Even the foreign language ones?

J: Yes, I can read French, German, Spanish, Latin. I'm teaching myself Mandarin but that's much slower.

A: Wow, I couldn't read that many books in English.

As the conversation came to a natural pause, Amy didn't want to crowd Jenny with floods of messages. She was also a little preoccupied with how she had left things with Hannah the day before. They hadn't really spoken when Hannah had finally got up that day and then Amy had gone out for most of the afternoon. When she got back, Hannah had gone out again, unlikely to be back until the small hours.

Hannah had been Amy's best friend for years and Hannah's family had all but adopted Amy when her own family struggled to accept her sexuality. That's why the tension of the past few days was so upsetting for Amy, she felt like she was on the brink of losing a family all over again. Knowing she didn't want that, she resolved to make up with Hannah and do what was necessary to repair the friendship, even if it meant going out when she didn't want to.

Amy spent the rest of the evening working on her own art. One of the reasons she liked working at the bookshop was that it wasn't taxing outside of work and she could still spend a decent about of time on her own pieces. Every now and then she submitted a couple of pieces to local galleries but got much better luck with her website, selling a piece every couple of months. She didn't think she'd ever be able to make a full living from her art but found the balance she had at the moment a nice compromise.

When Amy woke up the next morning she was pleased to see she had a text from Jenny. Unfortunately it was to say she wouldn't be coming into the shop that day but Amy took comfort knowing that Jenny sent her a text to say so. Over the next couple of weeks the frequency of the texts between the two increased until they were texting multiple times a day, including messages first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Amy was desperate to see Jenny again but wanted it to be on her terms so didn't push it. Amy actually appreciated the time to get to know each other, she told Jenny about her art and Jenny told her about her favourite books. They discussed holidays and movies and everything in between, except previous relationships, neither of them had been brave enough to bring it up, even by text.

Jenny hadn't been back to the bookshop since they met so Amy was very surprised and pleased when one Monday afternoon she spotted Jenny once more. She was even happier to note that Jenny wasn't browsing for books this time, it appeared she was looking for Amy and her face lit up when she noticed Amy walking towards her.

"Hi Amy, sorry for not being around for so long. I was wondering if you wanted to go to the new exhibition at the National Gallery this weekend?" Jenny rushed through what she'd wanted to say so she didn't lose her nerve.

Amy blinked a little while she worked out what Jenny had just said and then broke into a broad smile. "I'd love to, when is best for you?"

"Is Saturday morning OK for you?"

"Perfect, maybe we could go for lunch or something after?"

"That sounds nice, shall I meet you outside the gallery at 10?"

"Absolutely, I can't wait."

Jenny left and Amy went back to work, feeling like she was walking on air. Jenny and Amy continued to text each other for the rest of the week. Waking up on Saturday morning, Amy's excitement had turned into nerves. She had gotten really attached to Jenny in the past few weeks and was worried that it wouldn't turn into anything, maybe forcing a date would ruin a potential friendship. Just before she was getting ready to leave, Hannah woke up and stumbled into the kitchen.

"Big date today then Ames."

"Yep."

"You should bring her to the club tonight so we can all meet her."

"I'm not sure that she'd want to do that, it would be pretty intimidating and I don't think she likes going out to clubs and things."

"Honestly Amy, I don't know what you see in her, sure she's beautiful, but you are not going to be able to do anything, it has taken weeks for her to even want to see you again and she doesn't seem to want to do anything fun like bars or dancing, why are you even bothering - she just wouldn't be right for you."

"No Hannah, she wouldn't be right for you. I've been trying to tell you for months that we're not students anymore and we only ever did what you wanted to. So yes, she doesn't like those things, but neither do I. I want a relationship that will last not just a drunken one night stand. It that means she wouldn't be right for you, then maybe I'm not either."