Work The Problem Ch. 06

Tavia stared fixedly at Ned, then nodded. "I have no further questions. I would, however, like to propose to my esteemed colleagues that we come up with a sufficiently momentous way to honor First-Paw Fletcher's sacrifice." She seated herself and the meeting ground on.

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"Well, that was a shit-show," muttered Cal as the three 'monkey-boys' plus Holly headed back towards their new 'barracks'. They were on foot, and Ned half expected to get mobbed before they got three feet out of the hall. But instead the lagomorphs in the street seemed to content themselves with a wave and a hail upon seeing their now-famous faces. Ned did what he could to return the waves as Yuri and the sergeant talked.

"Was very historic meeting," said Yuri. "But historic events always more boring than they are made out to be."

"But nothing was decided!" growled the sergeant.

The Russian gave a phlegmatic shrug. "Is still early days. The fact that they are talking to each other in one place is important. Probably will be looked back on like meeting of Estates-General in France."

Both Ned and Cal looked puzzled at that reference. "Was the meeting that triggered the French Revolution," explained Yuri. "But probably very boring to sit through."

Cal shook his head. "Well, let's hope that nobody starts cutting off heads after this. I still don't trust that Bunce character."

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Leslie was beyond grateful to finally have a proper set of crutches; now she could go to the bathroom like a real person instead of having to use a gods-be-damned bedpan. At least the rabbit-guys' toilets worked the same, even if they were on the small side. What did cut into her newfound cheer at being able to shit like an adult was her being waylaid by Dr. Brockhouse as she came lurching out of the bathroom.

"It looks like you'll be free to leave soon!" he said with his usual cheer. "I was wondering if I could ask for a favor."

She looked down at the lagomorph with some suspicion. "What is it?" If it was a request for sex then she was going to have to sit this randy little bastard down and explain that she was spoken for. The one thing that truly gnawed at Leslie was not the loss of her lower leg but that she couldn't get word to Grace. The poor nerd must be going berserk with worry, and Leslie wasn't about to go tom-catting around with any rabbit-dudes that came along. No matter how cute and fuzzy they were.

The doctor smiled. "My wife is a teacher, and she was wondering if she could bring her class by to say hello and meet you."

"Your wife? Okay, follow me." She lurched her way back to her room with her puzzled long-eared doctor trailing in her wake. Leslie seated herself on the bed, set aside her crutches, and fixed Brockhouse with a gimlet eye. "I think I need a crash course on what's considered proper around here. You're married?"

Dr. Brockhouse nodded with a proud smile.

"And yet you propositioned me the first morning here. Or at least asked for a rain-check."

"Well...yes. I mean, its not like you and I can have kids!" The doctor gave a little laugh at the absurd notion.

Leslie rubbed her face. "Okay. So do you have kids with your missus?"

"Yes, two of them. They'll be with the class."

"And that's what's considered important? Not who you have sex with?"

Dr. Brockhouse nodded.

"All right, I'm beginning to understand your mindset." Leslie's eyes narrowed. "You can bring the rug rats by...but on one condition."

He brightened up. "Excellent! What's the condition?"

She crooked one finger at him, making him step closer. Leslie grinned like a predator, and upon seeing that feral smile his ears began to falter and he looked distinctly uneasy. Leslie brought her face right down next to his. "The condition is that I get to do something that I've wanted to do ever since meeting Holly," she whispered.

Slowly and deliberately, Leslie placed her hand on top of his head and gently squeezed it in her long fingers. The doctor's fur felt like velveteen under her palm. "Oh, yeah," she whispered. "That's so nice."

Dr. Brockhouse stood frozen with uncertainty as she kept up the massage. "So is this a...a monkey-boy thing?" he finally squeaked.

"Shut up and let me fondle your head," said Leslie with a blissful smile on her face. Finally she took her hand away. "Right. That's all, you may go now."

"I...of course, we'll come by this afternoon?"

Leslie nodded and waved him away imperiously.

True to his word, that afternoon Leslie was mobbed by a bunch of tumbling little fuzzballs. As adorable as the adults were, the kids were cute enough to make even a tough, snake-eating Ranger like her go 'sqeeee'...at least on the inside. The rabbit-kids seemed to have no concept of 'personal space' and most of them jumped up on her bed and stared curiously right into her face. There was no animosity in their interest, however, so she smiled and put up with the barrage of curious pokes, questions, and shouted statements.

"Wow, you're big!"

"What happened to your fur?"

"How do you hear anything with ears that small?"

"She's gotta big nose!"

"Did it hurt when your leg got cut off?"

Mrs. Brockhouse met Leslie's eyes and shrugged sympathetically. The human laughed and tried to answer the less-silly questions. It was all going swimmingly until one of them asked a question that the soldier answered without thinking.

"I heard you guys eat meat." said one of them in an almost conspiratorial tone.

"Yeah, sometimes," Leslie responded.

They all reared back from her in something like horror. There was a long pause while Leslie tried to think of some way to reassure them. Before she could, one of them got a very determined look on her fuzzy little face and clambered right into Leslie's lap.

The kid glared at the others. "Stop being a bunch of sillies. She's a friend, see? We need friends! Especially with those big scary birds around."

They all shuddered a bit as Leslie laughed. "Yes, kids. I'm not gonna eat you." She realized that she had automatically hugged the kid in her lap, who was returning the hug with fervor. "And we do want to be friends. Everybody needs as many friends as they can get."

Then she got a truly evil idea. It was almost unfair to unleash the culmination of decades of human pop songwriting upon these little fuzzballs. "We monkey-boys have a song that talks about that," she said aloud. "Would you like to hear it?"

They all nodded so hard that Leslie feared that their heads were going to come off. The Ranger cleared her throat and tried to do The Beatles justice. She managed to get through a good bit of "With A Little Help From My Friends", until she hit the second verse. At the line 'Are you sad because you're on your own?' she trailed off and tried to blink away the tears in her eyes. Before she could take another breath the soldier found herself wearing a new fur coat consisting of little rabbit-kids, all of them determined to hug the sad out of her.

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Conrad Underlake put on a brave face and walked up to the giant 'monkey-boy' standing guard outside the warehouse. "Hello! Is Marlene in?"

The guard looked down and gave Conrad the once-over. "Yeah, why? Oh yeah, you were one of the guys here on that night. Didja wanna talk to her?"

"Yes, please." Conrad took several deep breaths to calm himself as the giant guard got on his radio and began muttering into it. The lagomorph was getting second thoughts about this whole thing. But he just couldn't get Marlene out of his head. It had been a very wonderful time with her, of course, but he'd had plenty of those with his own people. There was something alluring about her. She was so much stronger than him. Somehow the knowledge that she could destroy him without even trying made her even sexier in his eyes. He kept dreaming about the time when she'd pinned him down and rode him mercilessly. Her growling had been like that of a predator, and it simultaneously terrified and thrilled him.

"Hang on a bit, she's comin' out," said the guard. Conrad nodded his thanks and turned away to regard the parking lot. There were a couple of trucks parked in it, along with a smell of diesel fuel in the air. Not the most romantic of locations, but it would have to do. Unless he was being ridiculous. Conrad had thought there was a connection between him and Marlene, but maybe he was fooling himself. She could do so much better than him. She had her own people she could choose from, and they were all so much stronger than him.

His foot began to jitter a bit, but before he could get truly nervous he heard Marlene's voice behind him.

"Conrad!"

Well, at least she sounded happy to see him. Conrad turned and smiled up at her freckled face. "Hello, I, ah, apologize for stopping by unannounced-" Before he could finish she'd swept him up into a hug.

"It's no problem," she whispered in his ear. Then she set him down and spoke more normally. "So what can I do for you?"

Conrad glanced at the guard, who was studiously ignoring them. "Can we speak, um, privately?"

Marlene smiled. "Sure." She held out one of her oddly bare long-fingered hand, and in a daze Conrad took it with his own paw. This was going...much better than he expected, at least if her displays of affection were anything to go by. She led him off towards a little grassy area at one edge of the lot. "I'm glad you came," she said. "I was about to find out how to get in touch with you."

Conrad's heart gave a huge leap. This was going very much better than he expected. They reached the lawn and seated themselves. She sat with those oddly straight legs of hers crossed in front of her. Conrad hugged his knees to his chest and stared up into her smiling face. "I guess you know why I'm here," he said.

"I have a guess. That night...you know, I've never done anything like that. Many guys at once, I mean."

"Ah. I hope I wasn't too far out of line when I asked the others to join in..."

She cut him off with a wave. "No, no. You were a complete sweetheart about the whole thing. But I'm sorry, Conrad, I can't do this."

His heart sank along with his ears. Was this her way of letting him down easy?

Marlene looked panicked as his expression became stricken. "No, wait! I mean...I can't just sit here with you over there being all fuzzy and adorable." She actually blushed, something he thought he'd never see from this warrior woman. "Would you mind, ah, sitting in my lap? I just have to hug you."

Conrad laughed in relief. "I think I could do that, dear." He shuffled over and got himself up into the cradle formed by her legs. Her muscled arms went around him and drew him close to that wonderful chest of hers.

"Thanks," she said as one of her hands began to absently stroke his head.

Conrad hugged her back and rested his cheek on her bosom. "My pleasure. So does this mean what I hope it means?"

Her tone became amused. "It sure does, cutie. I'm just glad I didn't scare you off. I got kind of aggressive at the end there. You know I wouldn't hurt you, right?"

"Of course. I actually...kind of liked it."

She kissed the top of his head. "Just kind of? I felt how hard you came inside me."

He closed his eyes and smiled as he snuggled against her. "Fine, I really liked having you act like a predator. But you don't have to do that all the time, I promise."

"Fair enough. And I promise not to treat you like a stuffed animal all the time." She giggled. "Or make you nibble on carrots and go 'Eh, what's up, doc?'"

He opened his eyes and looked up at her with a raised eyebrow. "Is that supposed to mean something?"

"Oh, yeah. You don't know about that, right." Her face relaxed in shock. "Wait. Holy crap. Holly was in our world for over a fucking year and I don't think Ned ever..."

She shifted her arms underneath Conrad and scooped him up out of her lap, then set him on his feet. "Come with me," she said as she stood. "I hope one of our guys has some Looney Tunes on their smart phone."

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Otto Lightfoot sighed as he stared at the ornate ceiling of his office. He wished, not for the first time, that he'd stayed a simple businessman. He brought his head down and looked across his desk at the gently-smiling visage of Imbert Bunce. "Okay, now that I've set aside the fifteen million other things that I'm dealing with...what is so important, Immy?"

The Mayor of Ecklam winced at the familiar use of his name, but regained his gentle smile quickly. "I have an idea," he said. "Now, I have not spoken with anyone else about this and I would prefer it if we keep this between us. Please tell me honestly. Are you at all worried about these monkey-boys?"

The mayor resisted the urge to simply end the meeting. This bastard was still mired in paranoia. "I am not. I've spoken with all of them. Yes, a few of them are a little more boisterous than we're used to, but that's just because they're young. We haven't had a single incident. Sergeant Forrester has them well in hand."

"And if he was to be incapacitated?"

"Are you making a threat?" Lightfoot was about ten seconds away from hauling this old fossil out of his office by the ears, decorum be damned.

Bunce made a placating gesture with one paw. "I am merely speaking of possibilities. In that case, you would have a group of strange creatures in our midst who are trained to kill and armed with frighteningly advanced weaponry. I do not need to add that they are also larger and much stronger than any of us, as well as aggressive and carnivorous. I maintain that our general safety hangs by a thread, and it will only get worse if they are somehow able to re-open their portal."

Lightfoot steepled his paws together and gave Bunce a level look. "And you have a solution, of course."

Bunce leaned forward. "They are isolated from their home dimension at the moment. We also outnumber them. If we can catch them by surprise..."

Lightfoot stood so abruptly that his chair fell over behind him. His paws clenched in anger. "You will shut your mouth and not complete that statement. They are my guests, in my city. They have been formally welcomed. The only reason that we're not being cut up for meat right now is because they stepped in to help us."

Bunce looked gravely up at him. "You cannot be sentimental or trusting. Not when so much is at stake. My proposal would make the current situation much simpler."

"That's nonsense! Even if we were to do this disgusting thing that you suggest, what if the monkey-boy portal re-opens?"

Bunce shrugged. "It won't. If their kind could, they would have done so by now."

"Don't be so sure."

The older rabbit shrugged and stood, using his cane to lever himself up. "In that unlikely event, we tell the monkey-boys that all of their people fell in battle with the terror-birds. It was all very sad, we buried them with great respect, very sorry for your loss, yada yada yada. We claim that we're fearful of a repeat invasion by their kind and tell them to please stay on their side of the portal. At least we would have some control over the situation instead of having them in our world as well."

Lightfoot felt bone-tired at having to deal with Bunce's rampant paranoia. "These people are not conquerors, you idiot. They just want to get home. One of them has children that he might never see again." He turned and set his chair back up again with a definite thump. "This meeting is at an end."

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Daffy Duck poked Bugs Bunny in the chest with an accusatory finger. "Let's run through that again."

The rabbit shrugged. "Okay." He turned toward the camera and said in a bored voice, "Would you like to shoot me now or wait until you get home?"

Daffy mirrored his pose and intoned, in an equally bored voice, "Shoot him now, shoot him now."

Bugs intoned back, "You keep out of this, he doesn't have to shoot you now."

Daffy Duck jabbed triumphantly at Bugs. "HA! That's it! Hold it right there!" He looked slyly at the camera. "Pronoun trouble." He glared back at Bugs. "It's not 'He doesn't have to shoot you now', it's 'He doesn't have to shoot me now. Well I say that he DOES have to shoot me now! So shoot me now!"

Elmer Fudd promptly let fly with his shotgun, misplacing Daffy's beak yet again.

Holly and Conrad lay next to each other on their stomachs. One of the Rangers had brought with them a tablet that had a bunch of cartoons on them, among which were many of the classic Warner Brothers shorts. And right now the two lagomorphs were holding it between themselves and laughing themselves sick at the sight of Bugs getting one over on his foes yet again.

From behind the two chortling rabbit-people, Marlene looked askance at Ned. "Why didn't you ever show these to Holly?"

The engineer gave a helpless shrug. "I dunno, I thought she might be...offended?"

Marlene rolled her eyes. "Fer fuck's sake, why? Bugs is awesome."

"Yeah, well, I didn't know for sure. And after that whole ground-beef incident I was kinda walking on eggshells around her."

The cartoon finished and Holly rolled over to regard Ned with amused blue eyes. "So I guess we're all just screwy wabbits to you?"

Ned blushed a little. "No! I mean, it's just a cartoon."

"Bite your tongue," said Leslie. The freshly-discharged corporal was sitting on a nearby bunk and checking over her gear. Her bandaged stump was a bit distracting to Ned's eyes. "Those guys were my Saturday morning jam when I was a kid."

Conrad turned his head and gave Marlene a cheeky grin. "So am I fulfilling some kind of childhood fantasy of yours?"

The private pointed a finger and glared at him. But it was a friendly glare. "You just watch it, buddy."

Any further banter was cut short as a large form stalked into the barracks. "Atten-HUT!" said Cal in his carrying Drill Sergeant Voice.

Those present immediately got to their feet, which included the two lagomorphs. Conrad looked quite uncertain until the sergeant glanced at him, then up at Marlene. Somehow he figured out what was up, because he nodded at Conrad. "You can stay for this, if you want."

Conrad just nodded and didn't speak. His big blue eyes were frightened but also had a hint of determination in them.

Cal looked over his own troops, which were now lined up in front of him and standing at parade rest. That even included Leslie as she leaned on one crutch.

"So...there's a choice we gotta make," said the sergeant. "Our hosts have Wilson and the L.T. in cold storage." He looked over the bunks that had been constructed in the last few days. The warehouse had been cleaned of any residual sign of the 'welcoming' festivities and was finally starting to look like a proper barracks.

Forrester continued. "They'll keep the bodies in there as long as we want, but tomorrow they're burying their own who died during the battle. We've been given the chance to bury our guys alongside 'em."

He walked along the front row and looked at them each in turn. "Now, if the portal was open we'd send our own back to their families for burial, but obviously that ain't happening. So that's the choice. We hold our fallen in storage and hope the home gate re-opens soon, or we bury 'em tomorrow."

The sergeant took a deep breath. "I'm gonna go ahead and have 'em buried here. If there's any real objection to that, now's yer chance to speak up. I just want you to know that this is one of the hardest decisions I've ever made."

Corporal Nowak shifted on her crutch. "For what it's worth, I say you made the right call, Sarge."