Would You Rather Hold Your Bride

"Let the waitress keep it. Merry Christmas."

The whole evening was making me dizzy. Once I reached my car, I called home, no answer. I tried Mary Ann's cell, no answer. I don't remember much about the drive home other than chanting 'Please be ok. Please be ok.'

My son is NOT going to be raised like me. I pulled into the driveway and found my house dark. I called Mary Ann's parent's house.

"Hi Mum, it's me, John. Is Mary Ann there?"

"She's busy. She's putting Robert to bed. Can I have her call you tomorrow?"

"I'd really like to talk with her tonight."

"She getting by today. She's with people who LOVE her. Can you just leave her alone tonight?"

"Please tell her all is forgiven and I want her back, if she'll have me. I'm at home."

The phone went dead. I went inside my house and headed straight to the bedroom closet. I pulled down the shoebox with my dad's effects. I sat in the living room, opened the shoebox, and found his wallet. I carefully pulled out the two pictures and letter he had shown me earlier. The pictures had yellowed a bit. I found a third picture, all three of us. I was gasping for air as I sobbed.

I kissed the pictures. 'I love you mom. I love you dad.'

One more check of the wallet and I was holding the picture of Evy's headstone. I was shaking as I tried to calm myself.

Mary Ann's parents lived about two hours away. I didn't know if she would come home, tonight or at all.

I was a wreck. I counted the chimes, one through eleven. As the twelfth chime echoed I heard the front door open. Mary Ann set the baby carrier down. She had been crying.

"Johnny, I'm ..."

I put my hand up like a stop sign.

"I know. It was a mistake. I get it. It's over. We will never talk about it again. I've never loved someone as much as I love you. I want you back if you'll have me."

She ran into my arms.

"I love you. Never again. I promise."

We hugged and kissed for the longest time.

"What's this on the table?"

"It's my dad's stuff. I was feeling really lonely tonight. I'll clean it up in the morning. Merry Christmas! I don't have anything for you."

"Merry Christmas! Having you back is the only thing I wanted. I am so so sorry. I can never forgive myself. I can't live without you."

The hair stood up on the back of my neck. I squeezed her tight. My tears were flowing again.

"Mary Ann, it took me a few days to realize it, but I'd rather live with you than without you."

I had heard that make-up sex is the best. It is. The energy and passion we put into our love making was unmatched to anything we had ever done. I don't think we got to sleep until 4 am. Robert's crying woke us around 6 am.

"Come on. Get dressed. We need to get over to Grandma's house."

Grandma was sitting in the kitchen with her tissue box. When she saw us enter, her eyes lit up like a five year old seeing presents under the tree. She wrapped her arms around Mary Ann and kissed her forehead repeatedly. Mary Ann wasn't sure what to make of it. I didn't rescue her. Grandma really needed this.

"Johnny, you've made my Christmas."

"I'm sorry I made you cry Grandma."

Grandma buried her head in my chest and gave me the hardest hug she'd ever given me.

Later in the morning Mary Ann was standing in the kitchen, holding Robert, and swaying like mothers do. Grandma picked up my dad's picture. I helped her put it back on the wall.

"When did you stop calling dad Bobby?"

Her head snapped towards me. She had an odd look of surprise mixed with shock.

"The first Christmas Eve after Evy died. He came home and announced that he would be Robert, and she would be Evelyn. Bobby and Evy were too painful for him. It was the strangest thing. He also picked you up out of your crib. Up until then, it was like he was afraid to hold you. You slept in his arms all night. From that night on he held you every chance he got. Are you ok Johnny? You look a little pale."

I was cramping as a shiver washed over me "A little faint, I'll be fine."

"Johnny, Bobby would be so proud of you."

That might not have meant much to me yesterday morning, but today it did.

Mary Ann and I made our way home at dusk. While she was getting Robert ready for bed I began cleaning up my dad's stuff.

I looked at the pictures again and started shacking while my tears flowed.

It was her! She was the waitress!

Epilogue:

Charlie moved away. I don't chase Mary Ann around the kitchen any more.

Robert has a little sister, Evelyn. In one of life's little oddities, she was born on the same day as her brother, two years apart.

I paid for a new headstone.

"Robert 'Bobby' Pickwick -- Evelyn 'Evy' Pickwick

Together forever

Loving parents of John Samuel Pickwick"

I've tried to explain that evening to Mary Ann, but she doesn't believe me.

"I've warned you about drinking on an empty stomach Johnny."

I can't explain it. I do know that any time I find myself in a difficult situation, I cover my cheek where she touched me, and think of her words 'Be strong Johnny, you can do this.'