Xmas Wishes: How Do You Sleep BTB

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A modern Christmas Story.
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StangStar06
StangStar06
5,851 Followers

Author's note: Before you start reading this you should think about what you want. There are two versions of this story. Hopefully they'll come out on the same day. The version you're reading is the original version of the story. This is not a very cheerful christmas story but I like it. Mikothebaby did convince me to write a happy ending version of the story but this ain't it. At any rate. Merry Christmas to all of you. Having you read our stories is the best Christmas present ever. SS06 and mikothebaby

* * * * * *

I dragged my suitcase through yet another airport, marveling at the fact that the cheap Christmas decorations in this one resembled the ones at the other two airports I'd seen this week. For some reason, some genius decided that blasting Christmas songs over the airport's sound system was a good idea. Just hearing that fucking Britney Spears whining to Santa about her Christmas wish only seemed to depress me even more.

One of the wheels on my suitcase was either stuck or just not rolling so I was doing more dragging than rolling it.

I checked in at the counter and found that my flight would be taking off on time. That was amazing and the best news of the week which only served to show how terrible my life is. This isn't the way my life was supposed to be going. I'm pushing forty, stuck in a job that's going nowhere, involuntarily divorced and on the edge of depression.

I haven't been on a date in two months, unless you count those two nights last week when I fell asleep in front of the TV with my cat. I really think they should count because it is a male cat. That makes him a member of the opposite sex. And he acts just like a man too. As soon as we were done eating he tried to cop a feel. I was half awake when I noticed that the cat got a really intense look on his face and started rubbing my left breast. Okay, I'd dropped tuna from my sandwich on it, but he was still trying to feel my tits.

A cording to my life plan, I should be working on my second perfect child by now, instead of slogging my way through another airport. The holidays are the worst time to fly. I guess it's seeing all of those happy smiling faces. All of these people heading off to be with their families, while I'm just trying to put food on the table and keep the bills paid.

As I sit down in the lounge to wait to be called to board my plane, I look around the boarding area. The decor looks like the decor in a hundred other similar areas. I've been doing this for so long that all airports and hotels look the same to me.

I spot him out of the corner of my eye as I reach for my purse to get my phone. A guy, a few years younger than I am, smiles as he approaches me. He's probably about thirty five. I wish I'd grabbed my compact instead of the phone so I could make sure my make-up isn't smudged. But shit, he's the one smiling at me. If he didn't like what he saw, he wouldn't be grinning. Well maybe he would if he was trying to sell me something.

I sit up straight and look at him as he approaches. He isn't bad looking. His hair is a light blond. I prefer dark hair on men, but I can't afford to be choosy. Actually, until he lit up when he looked at me, I'd begun to think that I was too far over the hill.

He slows down a bit as he gets closer to me, so I smile. I don't give him my full thousand megawatt smile because I don't want him to think I'm desperate or a professional. I just give him the friendly version.

"Hi," I say cheerfully, as he gets within speaking range. He looks at me strangely and walks right by me. As my shock wears off I notice that his smile and the way his face lit up weren't for me at all.

"Did you miss me?" he asks the woman standing just behind me.

"Mm Hm," she replies cheerfully. "Who was that woman who spoke to you?" she asks.

"The fuck if I know," he shrugs. "Just some weird old airport woman, I guess. Let's go home so I can show you how much I missed you."

"I can't wait," she gushes. "We might not make it all the way home."

As the happy couple saunters away from me, I can't help but grit my teeth. I hate that bitch. Then I realized that it was just my jealousy coming to the forefront of my consciousness. She was basking in and enjoying the fact that she had a man who loved her. He loved her so much that being away from her made him long to be with her again. They'd go home and try to fuck each other's brains out. But there would be more to it than that.

Their union would be one of joy and sharing. They would literally open themselves to each other and share their souls. It would be so much more than just two healthy beings slapping against each other until they released fluids. That kind of thing was very special. So maybe I was jealous of the bitch, but I didn't really hate her. In fact I used to be her and that's the problem. I knew intimately what she had and I'd give anything to get that back. The thing that almost made me cross that border into hating her was the fact that unlike me, she was smart enough to know what she had and treasure it.

After they left, I looked around at the other passengers in the boarding area. A couple of them looked at me sheepishly. They'd probably seen my embarrassing little drama as it unfolded. Well, I was really fucking glad that my embarrassment and my very human mistake could bring some happiness or some entertainment to their lives.

Other than seeing me embarrass myself, I was sure that none of them would have given me a second look. I guess that I was nearing the age when women developed their special powers. Apparently mine were kicking in early. Women over forty, unless they're extremely beautiful, well built or rich; all get the power of invisibility.

The only ones immune to our powers are our families. Everyone else can look right at us and simply not see us. Once we get that old, young men don't consider us sex objects, and since they think about sex most of the time, we don't exist. Young women don't want to be like us, so we don't exist in their world either. Men our age all want younger women and we don't want men who are too much older than us. The funny thing is that if given the choice, the men who are older than us would mostly pick younger women too, if they could get them.

The boarding area fills up quickly as the time for the flight to depart gets closer. I pull my brief case and purse closer to me as the seating area becomes more congested.

I wonder about my family for perhaps the fourth time this week. What happened to us? After my parents died, we seemed to lose track of each other. I have a brother and a sister out there somewhere. I don't know their phone numbers or even where they live. Okay, that isn't totally true. My sister lives somewhere in the south. And my brother lives in prison. I'm not sure which one, though I do know that he'll be there for a long ass time. He got caught doing something with drugs. He was supposed to be the smart one too.

I also have a vague memory of some aunts and I think, an uncle that are still alive, but I wouldn't even begin to know where to look. I guess what got me to thinking about all of this was that hokey assed movie that I woke up and watched one night last week when my cat was taking a break from fondling my tuna smeared tits.

It was one of those movies where the spirit of Christmas gives this guy who had almost died trying to save some old lady a wish. I'm telling you it was hokey. I know that most of you are thinking that the guy asked for a Gazillion dollars, right. Not a million, not a billion, a fucking gazillion dollars, right. Enough money to buy your own country and buy enough people to live in your country too.

But nope, the guy only wanted one thing. Stop me if you've seen this movie. All he wanted was to have a nice Christmas with his family, one more time. Like me, his family was scattered all over everywhere. They had their own lives and careers and kids and all of that real life normal shit. Over the years, they'd drifted apart and become strangers. They only got together when someone died and then only for the funeral and to decide who got what of the dead relative's shit.

I guess in my own way I've been wondering whether or not things like that really ever happen. And if they do, do they ever happen for people like me. Because you see, more than anything else in the world I wish that I had my own Xmas wish, like that idiot in the movie. And no I wouldn't waste mine on money either. Don't get me wrong, I don't want world peace. The world's economy is already bad enough. We could use a good war about now to crank things back up.

And if you're thinking I want to get my family back together again, you're out of your fucking mind. That gang of losers and freeloaders should really stay the fuck away from me if they know what's good for them. I can only think of one thing I'd wish for and strangely enough, I threw it away stupidly myself.

Shit! Stupid teenaged girls who don't look where they're going should all be killed. The little bitch is as big as I am and she just tramped all over my foot and kept walking. Holy shit, she's bigger than I am. Was my ass that big when I was her age? And the little bitch didn't have the manners to even apologize. She just walked right by showing her friend a poster of some little girl she'd bought at the gift shop.

Who the fuck is Justine Beaver? Oh it's Justin Bieber and he's a guy. I remember him now. We had another version of him about three or four years ago. Yep, only then his name was Jessie McCarthy. Shit, at least Jessie had a hit. What was the name of that song? Oh yeah it was called, "How do you sleep."

I played that song over and over again a while ago. It helped to take the edge off of my problem. But now it really has been a year. Anyway, back to my one wish, if I had one wish. I'd wish for one chance to get back with my ex. Just like the words in that song. "It's been about a year now. Ain't seen or heard from you. I've been missing you crazy. How do you sleep?"

I wondered all kinds of things about Jared. I wondered if he ever thought about me. I wondered if he missed me. I wondered if he had any regrets about the way he just threw our marriage away. If he had it to do all over again, would he have given me a second chance?

Statistics say that most people are miserable after a divorce. I know that I am. But they say that even the people who wanted the divorces are unhappy. Eight out of ten of the people who go through a divorce say that if they had to do it again, they'd work harder to save their marriages. I wondered if Jared felt like that.

More than anything else, I miss him at night and in the morning when I first wake up. I'm not just talking about sex, although the sex with Jared was amazing. More than anything else, I miss having that man lay down and wrap his arms around me and hold me through the night. Nothing else mattered when I was in his arms. The bills didn't matter, the job didn't matter, nothing did.

Even on days when he went out for a run and just fell into bed still sweaty, I craved that man's touch. And I know he loved me. He was a really good looking guy and smart as hell, but for some reason he loved me. And like in the song, it has been almost exactly a year since I've seen him. He didn't even come to court. I never had a chance to explain or apologize or even talk to him. I can still see the look on his face. That last look haunts me to this day.

I looked up as the woman behind the counter's loudspeaker distorted voice announced boarding for my flight. Like all the other robots, I shuffled listlessly into the line forming in front of the door.

Despite what you see on TV or hear on the radio, chivalry is dead. Several young men leaped in front of me to get a better position in line. Okay, I know I'm not Jennifer Anniston, but is it really that manly to push your way past a woman struggling with a heavy briefcase and a purse? And if you do manage to get in line ahead of her, what do you get? The plane won't take off until all of the passengers have boarded. If you're traveling coach or economy, you won't get upgraded because you got on the plane first.

They should have a special award for douche bags like that. Let's call it the DB trophy. It can be the Heisman trophy for douche bags, dick heads and assholes worldwide. I can see it now; we'll have a ceremony on ESPN or FOX. The announcer will say, "And for knocking down a forty year old woman dragging her luggage through an airport boarding line, the award goes to..." (Insert the name of dickhead here)

Maybe I was just cranky at the thought of spending another holiday season alone. I really shouldn't let things like this bother me. It never used to when I was married. All I thought about back then was getting back home to Jared. Of course I traveled a lot less then too. I only went on the road if it was absolutely necessary.

Now that I'm divorced, I have no reason to stay home and be depressed, so I travel more. Then again, maybe since I'm traveling so much, I get more exposure to the douche bags.

As I settled into my place in line, I saw one of those exceptions. One of those guys who give us hope. There was a guy up about 8 places in line ahead of me who'd gotten there because he was standing near the door when it opened. He pulled a woman who was even older than me into line ahead of him. When the young douche bag behind him started to make a fuss about it the guy turned and glared at him. The young douche bag was so shocked that he just shut up.

I think that I was more shocked than the douche bag was. I felt the weirdest tingling going from my feet all the way up the back of my neck. The man who'd stood up to the douche bags was a medium sized guy. He wasn't big by any stretch of the imagination, but not small either. He had brown hair that seemed to have a nice shine to it. His eyes were soft and brown as well. This couldn't be considered love at first site since it wasn't the first time I'd seen him. I'd seen him hundreds, make that thousands of times, both physically and in my dreams. It appeared for some strange reason, that the spirit of Christmas had heard my whining and responded. My X-mas wish was coming true. The man who'd stood up to the douche bag was my ex-husband, Jared.

It was surreal, standing only a few feet away from him. On one hand, I wanted to rush over to him and hug the living shit out of him. I wanted to tell him that our year apart was over and we could get back together again and both of our lives would be better. I wanted to tell him that I understood what I'd done and I'd learned from it. Not only had I learned from it but I'd suffered from it and I'd do anything I had to do to make sure that it never happened again.

On the other hand, I needed to be smarter than that. I had to look at this logically. I needed to assess the situation and not just go in half-cocked. There was bound to be some anger or resentment on his part. He might not be ready to see or speak to me yet.

Looking at him, I could see that he wasn't the same old Jared. But shit, I wasn't the same old Audrey. He was thinner. I'm not sure that was a good thing. He wasn't overweight to begin with. I guess we'd both handled the depression in different ways. I spent a lot of my time lying around eating chocolate so maybe I'd gained two or fourteen pounds. And maybe my ass had spread a bit and my gut isn't quite as tight as it used to be. It was never that tight to begin with. But I hadn't gone so far that a few weeks of dieting and getting more exercise couldn't reverse the damage.

Jared's depression probably had him skipping meals because he was just too tired or just didn't feel like cooking.

But it wasn't just that he was thinner, he seemed to have a different mindset as well. He used to be so focused and so energetic. But now, he seemed to be more in control of both himself and his surroundings. He seemed to have matured. At the same time, he'd lost something. Maybe it was his innocence. I guess that I was probably to blame for that. He'd trusted me and loved me completely. And I'd simply been unworthy of that trust.

My heart was beating like a drum. Just being this close to him again had my mind running through all types of possibilities. It had to be the spirit of Christmas. It had been just over a year and I hadn't seen or even heard about him from anyone. And now, out of nowhere he pops up. It was a sign. I was sure of it.

I needed to be really careful about the way I approached him though. My track record was impeccable. I seemingly fucked up everything I touched. My life and my marriage were proof of that. I knew, X-mas wish or not, I'd only have one shot at this.

As the line started moving and we boarded the plane, luck seemed to be on my side. The flight attendants seemed to be seating everyone according to their tickets. Jared was in business class like I was. And luckily for me the douche bag and his friends, as well as the old lady were all in economy.

Jared seemed to also be traveling alone, which gave me another edge. More than likely no one would sit down next to him until all of the available seats had been filled by at least one person. Then the seats by the more attractive people would fill in. The seats next to people who were fat, ugly, smelly or just weird would be the last ones taken.

Judging by my place in line, when I got on there should still be empty seats. I'd forgo an empty seat to sit next to Jared.

As I got on the plane, I noticed the two female flight attendants looking at Jared and then at each other and nodding.

As I started down the aisle, just as I got ready to dive into the seat next to Jared, the three hundred and fifty pound behemoth three passengers ahead of me, sat down next to Jared. I was crushed. I didn't know what to do. I sat down across the aisle from the budding Buddha and stewed. I was pissed beyond belief. Why the fuck would this fat asshole want to destroy my X-mas wish by sitting down next to my husband. Was this guy gay or something?

I couldn't believe that the spirit of Christmas had set me up like that just to dash my hopes. Somewhere up in the clouds, the spirit of Christmas was probably laughing her ass off at me.

Then things got even worse. A young woman walked down the aisle. Even I noticed her as she got on the plane. She had the long blond hair and big giant eyes and the big everything else. Big obviously fake boobs, a small high pitched voice and a habit of laughing at things that weren't remotely funny if the person who said them was male. Even the flight attendants grimaced when the bitch got on the plane.

As she walked down the aisle, I noticed that the giant next to Jared had his tongue out and he was drooling.

I smiled at him. He looked embarrassed that he'd been caught perving on her. "I'm surprised that you're not following her," I said. He just shrugged his shoulders and looked at me sheepishly.

"Seriously," I said. "Her name is Tina and she likes big teddy bear type guys."

His neck jerked around in her direction so fast I thought his head was about to pop off. I have never seen a guy that big move that fast. If the players on the Lions' defensive line could move that quickly, no quarterback in the NFL would be safe. He ran his fat ass to the back of the plane and plopped down in the seat next to Barbie so quickly it looked like he was jet propelled. I don't think his feet touched the floor more than twice in that whole distance. Boy, would he be pissed when he found out that I didn't know anything about that bimbo.

I quietly settled into the seat next to my ex-husband. He had his head tilted back and his eyes closed. I don't think he'd recognized me yet. Either that or he just hadn't seen me. I was sure that over the course of a three hour flight we'd have a chance to talk. All of the seats around us filled in and I found myself smiling. Not only did I smile because my Xmas wish was on track, but I smiled because with all of the seats filled, he couldn't escape.

StangStar06
StangStar06
5,851 Followers