XXL Pt. 01

They married at St. Catherine in Benhurst, Colorado, Mary Beth's hometown. A month after their wedding, Richard began working as a Mathematics teacher at St. Pious Catholic High School in Benhurst. The pay was slightly less than he'd been making in Colfax, Missouri. But an added incentive was that any child Richard and Mary Beth Trahan had would be able to attend St. Pious High School for free.

Richard Andrew Trahan, Jr. was born nine months and one day after their marriage. Jacqueline Marie Trahan followed eleven months later. Andrew Jonathon Trahan almost had the same birthday as his older sister. He came two years and one day after Jacqueline.

Peter Albert Trahan was a fraternal twin to Casey Elizabeth Trahan. Casey died three weeks after being born; her heart had been deformed.

"You're getting snipped," Mary Beth sobbed at Casey's funeral.

Six year old Ritchie and five year old Jackie cried for their baby sister. Andy cried because his big brother and big sister were crying and his mommy was crying.

Richard said nothing. He just fought back the tears as his baby girl lay in a small box.

When Mary Beth brought up the vasectomy a week after the funeral, Richard smiled and asked her if she'd get her tubes tied instead.

"What? Why? For you, it's just 'snip, snip.' It's major surgery for a woman," Mary Beth argued.

"It's my Big Boy. 'Snip, snip' IS major surgery to me," Richard said.

So, just like he had in high school and college, Richard found himself buying condoms. He stood in line in the Schiff's Pharmacy. When he put the twelve pack of magnum condoms on the counter, the gray haired woman looked up at the blushing man and smiled.

"Oo-hoo, party this weekend?" she teased.

"Lady, I'm married," Richard smiled. "Do the math. That's one for November, one for December, one for January..."

"Get out of here," she hooted. "Bet you'll be back before Thanksgiving."

Three Days after Christmas that year, the Trahan family found themselves in a funeral home again. Cathy's husband, Earl had been in an automobile accident the day before Christmas and lingered on to die on Christmas Day.

Richard was one of the pall bearers. He took the job with solemnity; even though he had not cared for the loud, brash, gregarious Earl Hinton.

After the funeral, Cathy shocked Richard when she handed him Earl's Rolex watch. She smiled at Richard's expression.

"Earl really liked you," Cathy disclosed. "Said you were the best coon ass he ever met."

"I'm the only coon ass he ever met," Richard chuckled.

Mary Beth was a stay at home mom. Richard took on the added responsibility of coaching the football team for St. Pious; it was an additional three hundred and fifty dollars a pay check. With six mouths to feed on one income, that three fifty often meant the difference between sirloin or ground beef. He was also the assistant coach for basketball and baseball. Every extra penny, which there were few of, went to savings; the summer months were very lean months indeed.

After scrimping and saving, the Trahans managed to buy a two bedroom bungalow in a neighborhood full of other lower middle income families. Richard hired a general contractor and he and the general contractor turned the garage into the boys' bedroom, complete with bathroom and shower. On the block, he was known as 'Coach' and Mary Beth was known as Miss M.B.

At Schiff's Pharmacy, Richard put the pack of condoms on the counter, along with an industrial size bottle of antacid tablets and an ace bandage. The girl looked at the condoms, then looked at the customer.

"Uh, sir? These are the magnums," she whispered. "They're uh, you know, uh, for larger..."

"Want to check?" Richard asked.

The girl squealed. The manager came out from behind the partition of his pharmacy and asked what the problem was.

Richard, the pharmacist, and even the girl had a good chuckle over the incident. But when Richard told Mary Beth what had happened, she did not find it all that amusing.

"Should have gotten that vasectomy like I asked you," she groused. "Then you wouldn't have to buy them."

When Ritchie was fifteen, their domestic bliss was shattered. Ritchie stole his father's Rolex watch and pawned it. The first time, Richard stoically paid off the ticket. Ritchie was grounded for a month.

Ritchie paid no attention to the punishment. His behavior continued to become more erratic and unpredictable. He stole money from Mary Beth's purse, from Andy's piggy bank, Peter's piggy bank, Jackie's piggy bank.

The second time he pawned the Rolex, over Mary Beth's screams and threats and pleas, Richard called the police and reported the theft. In front of the entire neighborhood, Ritchie attacked his father in the front yard. The police came and arrested both Richard and Ritchie.

Because he was a juvenile, Ritchie was allowed to contact a parent. He called his mother and he was released to her custody.

That night, Ritchie snuck out of the house. He was not home by the time of the arraignment, so a bench warrant was issued for his arrest. Richard was released on his own recognizance and was placed on temporary leave by St. Pious, pending an investigation into the incident.

Richard took a hard line with his son. Mary Beth could not take a hard line with her precious baby boy. There were many fights between Richard and Mary Beth because of this.

Ten months after the nightmare began, two days before his sixteenth birthday, Ritchie was found dead of a brain injury. He'd suffered a seizure after smoking some meth, had fallen and struck his head. Rather than call for help, the three boys that Ritchie had been smoking with robbed Ritchie of any valuables, including his Air Jordan tennis shoes and let him die.

Sometimes, a shared tragedy can strengthen the bonds between a husband and wife. The death of their son hardened Mary Beth's heart toward her husband. She blamed him for driving their son away.

"No ma'am! No ma'am," Richard snarled when Mary Beth again shrilled that he should have been more understanding.

"God damn, Mary Beth! Open your eyes," Richard thundered. "He was tearing this family apart! Andy, Peter, Jackie; they were all scared to death of him."

"So you're glad he's dead?" Mary Beth screamed.

"Oh grow up, Mary Beth," Richard screamed.

Andy, Jackie, and Peter soon realized that they could use the death of Ritchie to manipulate their mother. If Jackie wanted a pair of shoes that were a little too expensive, all she had to do was relate the want to Ritchie and she got the pair of shoes. When she got her driver's license, she very nearly managed to manipulate Mary Beth into buying her a brand new car.

Richard, of course, had to be the bad guy, the one to say 'no.'

"Three Cs, two Ds and an F on that report card?" he snapped. "Uh, no ma'am, no car until I see a report card with nothing lower than a B on it."

"Moooom!" Jackie screamed.

That battle nearly resulted in a divorce. Jackie smirked and Andy smirked as Richard moved out of the house. For two months, Richard slept on the couch of Assistant Principal Robert Driscoll.

For two months, Mary Beth stuck to the belief that she was right. But after only one month, she was broke. Richard paid the utilities, the mortgage, the insurance on their cars.

"Sweetheart," Albert sighed as he listened to his daughter's complaints. "Yeah, I can loan you the money."

"Can give it to her," Sandra said, taking her daughter's side in the argument.

"Same thing," Albert said. "I mean, you got a job?"

"Uh, taking care of three kids isn't work?" both Sandra and Mary Beth shrilled.

"And pays squat," Albert said. "But seriously, you need sit down with your husband, see if you two can't fix this."

Father Dave of St. Catherine's did counsel the two on letting their faith guide them through this crisis. After three sessions, Richard and Mary Beth agreed to try to make their marriage a priority.

Peter was the only one that hugged his father upon Richard's return to the house. Both Andy and Jackie seemed to harbor a resentment that Richard could so easily abandon them, then so casually return.

On what would have been Ritchie's twenty third birthday, Cathy Hinton suffered a brain aneurism. She was sitting at her desk, dealing with a dissatisfied client and simply collapsed.

Richard again was a pall bearer. Again, he performed the job with solemnity. He had loved Cathy as if she was his sister, not just his sister in law.

And they found that Cathy had left her three bedroom ranch home to Mary Beth Trahan. Richard found out Cathy also owed close to eighteen thousand in back taxes to the county. So he paid that.

He had anticipated that they'd sell the ranch home and the furniture. Mary Beth was outraged that Richard could be so callous, so unfeeling.

"It's a bigger house, it's in a nicer neighborhood; we're moving into it," she declared.

"Oh. Okay, then we'll sell this one," Richard said, shoving one of Mary Beth's damned cats away.

"Well..." Mary Beth said.

Mary Beth had it in mind that Jackie and Andy would stay in the family home. Jackie was a part time student at Benhurst Community College. Andy had been a part time student but was currently 'trying to find himself' by being chronically unemployed.

Peter was a freshman at Missouri River State University. He'd picked the school because his father and his mother had both attended that school.

Mary Beth's name was also on the mortgage for the family home and hers was the only name on Cathy's house. Richard could sell neither home without her consent so Mary Beth and Richard and her three cats moved to Cathy's house. And Richard found his salary again being stretched to the breaking point by having to support two households. And a child in college.

The house was in a better neighborhood, but Cathy had let the house deteriorate since the death of Earl. Weekends, evenings, Richard had to devote to a long list of 'Honey-do' projects.

Now, in the house that was not his house, Richard found his wife, who had not been his wife since the death of their son, demanding to know what he meant when he said his opinion didn't matter.

"What did I ask you to do yesterday? While I was getting the oil changed in your car?" Richard demanded.

"Get you some shoes. And I did that," Mary Beth snapped.

She put Toby down. Immediately, the cat jumped onto the bed and scampered toward Richard's stack of pillows.

"And how many times I got to tell you, I do not want your damned cats on my pillows?" Richard snarled, grabbing for the beast.

"Don't hurt him!" Mary Beth screamed, slapping at Richard.

"I asked you to go to Stanley's. Stanley's. Not Burke's. Stanley's," Richard snarled. "I asked you to get me a pair of size fourteen triple E wingtip oxfords from Stanley's. Did you do that? No. Why? Because what I want? Doesn't matter. What Mary Beth wants? Oh well, better jump to it."

Toby obviously thought it prudent to race from the room.

"Well, I'm sorry," Mary Beth shrilled. "Girl said they ran big."

"Not a full size bigger, Mary Beth. Use your head, huh?" Richard said.

"Well, give them here. I'll go to the God damned store right now," Mary Beth shrilled.

"And, Marcie Martin. Would rather go with two of the ugliest women God ever created than, Heaven forbid, and show up with your husband," Richard said.

"You don't even like her," Mary Beth accused.

"Not the point, Mary Beth," Richard snapped.

"Then what is..." Mary Beth snapped.

"When's the last time we did anything together?" Richard asked. "ANYTHING?"

Mary Beth opened her mouth to retort. Her brain raced, trying to think of something, anything that she and Richard had done together recently.

"And that hot tub. We ever been in it together?" Richard yelled, pointing in the direction of the hot tub. "Paid twelve hundred dollars for that thing, put it in, thinking you and me could have a little 'alone' time in it, maybe even fool around a little bit, huh? Huh? But noooo."

"I don't like..." Mary Beth started to say.

"Oh, bull shit, Mary Beth. Bull shit. Don't want to get in it with me. But the two unshaved women come over? Got to clean the filter every time they use it; gets all clogged up with their damned arm hair," Richard said.

"Oh that is not true," Mary Beth spat.

"See? See? Whatever I say? It's not true. I'm wrong. I'm mistaken. Face it, Mary Beth. My opinions? My feelings? What I want? Doesn't matter," Richard said.

"That's not true. I bend over God damned backward doing whatever you want to do," Mary Beth declared, marching from the room.

"Name one thing you've done just because I wanted do it, Mary Beth. Name one thing in the past year," Richard yelled down the hall at her retreating back.

At first, Richard intended to sleep in the guest room. But then he decided he was the one that paid for the Sleep Number Select Comfort mattress that Mary Beth just had to have; he was going to sleep in his bed.

The following day, just as the sun was beginning to dip low in the horizon, Chrissie and Noelle barged in. There was no greeting to Richard; Noelle and Chrissie and Mary Beth started squealing immediately.

"Yes, yes, Richard checked; there's plenty of propane," Mary Beth assured Noelle as the woman lugged a large plastic container toward the back deck.

"I'll check it," Noelle said harshly.

"Uh huh, because I don't know how use my own grill, right?" Richard muttered.

Noelle did heft the tank, did determine that Richard had judged correctly and turned the burners on. Then she rapidly clicked the ignition switch several times in succession.

"Hey, hey, huh?" Richard barked. "What the hell you trying do? Break it?"

"Trying start it," Noelle yelled in reply.

"Push it in and hold it," Richard snapped.

"Well, mine you need..." Noelle argued.

"This is not yours. This is mine. Mine works the way it's supposed to work," Richard stated.

Noelle did as Richard ordered. A second later, the burners ignited with a 'whoosh.'

"Might want to..." Richard said as Noelle began slapping the vegetable skewers onto the grill's lower rack.

"Uh? Think I know what I'm doing?" Noelle sneered at Richard.

"Okay," Richard smirked.

"Don't blame me when your crappy kabobs stick to the rack," he said to himself.

Buddy and Jewel Cornwall were in their early twenties. He was a scrawny man with a large nose and ears that stuck out. Jewel was a pear shaped woman, almost no shoulders and wide hips. The halter top and shorts she'd elected to wear was a poor choice.

They were both in IT departments at their jobs and drove a Toyota Prius. Buddy got on Richard's bad side within two minutes of entering the Trahan home when he sneered at the fact that Richard drove an extended cab pickup truck. He also smugly declined Richard's offer of a beer, declaring he only drank dark beer.

Then Buddy found out that Richard coached high school football. Never mind the fact that Richard was primarily the Mathematics teacher at St. Pious.

"I, you don't find the sport of football to be barbaric?" Buddy sneered.

"Oh, extremely," Richard sighed. "Yeah, it doesn't teach young people how to be a part of a team. It doesn't teach them how to play within the rules or good sportsmanship or anything like that. It doesn't teach them how to make decisions, how to think on their feet. Nope. It just teaches them to scratch their balls and hit one another."

When Noelle went to rotate the first skewers, she found that most of the vegetables were stuck, cooked onto the racks. Of course, she blamed the defective racks.

"Might maybe should have coated the racks with vegetable oil first, like I was going to suggest, but you assured me you knew what you were doing," Richard said.

Mary Beth glared angrily at Richard. Noelle cursed at Richard. Buddy, Jewel, and Chrissie glared at Richard.

Richard also suggested turning the burners down slightly, but again, Noelle wasn't about to take any suggestions from Richard. But she did liberally douse the racks with vegetable oil before slapping the remaining skewers onto the charred rack.

Richard was halfway through his Benny's burger, with blue cheese, jalapenos, grilled onions and pineapple slice when his phone chimed. He calmly finished chewing his mouthful of burger before answering his phone.

"Yes Mary Beth?" he asked.

"Where the hell are you?" she shrilled.

"Why? What do you need done?" Richard asked. "Whatever it is, I'm sure Noelle can do it a lot better than me."

"We ran out of propane," Mary Beth snapped. "I told you to check it."

"Did check it. And Noelle even checked it. There was plenty propane in it. If she'd turned the grill down like I suggested, there'd still be plenty propane left," Richard calmly said.

"Where are you?" Mary Beth again demanded to know.

"Benny's Burger Bar," Richard said. "You know there's over a thousand ways to fix your burger?"

An employee who was cleaning off a nearby table turned and shot Richard a wide smile. Richard grinned at the young lady.

"I put the Thai chili paste on mine," the employee suggested. "Oh! And the onion straws. Got to have the onion straws."

"What?" Mary Beth screamed. "Why are you at..."

And Richard hung up. He resumed eating his burger. The cell phone chimed again but he ignored it.

"Whenever I get the Thai chili? I put that Cole slaw on there," Richard said as he carried his tray to the garbage can.

"Huh!" the girl said, looking at the long bar of all the ingredients. "Going have try that."

"Yeah, the Cole slaw kind of cools the chili paste down a bit," Richard said.

His phone chimed again. He rolled his eyes as he left the restaurant.

"Yes, Mary Beth? What is it now?" Richard asked as he opened the door of his truck.

"I have never been so embarrassed in all my life," Mary Beth screamed. "We have guests here and you just leave?"

"Those aren't our guests," Richard sighed and started his truck. "Those are your guests. Not mine. But I'll be home in about ten minutes."

"There you are," Mary Beth shrilled, entering the house through the back door as Richard entered through the garage.

"Get the other tank from the basement?" Richard calmly asked her.

"There's..." Mary Beth snarled. "Then why the hell didn't you say so?"

"Did," Richard said. "When had them both filled, told you, second one's going down in the basement."

"You did not," Mary Beth accused.

Richard entered the basement, found the tank, then carried it up the stairs. Noelle snarled that she'd take it. Richard shrugged and handed the large tank to the woman. She almost toppled over from the weight of the tank. But she was not about to admit to Richard that she couldn't carry the behemoth. He turned her back on her struggles. He also did not offer to assist her in removing the old tank or hooking the new tank up.

Then, as Noelle served the half-charred, half-raw vegetable skewers, along with the now quite cold baked beans, congealed macaroni salad and wilted mixed greens in a very sour vinaigrette, Richard enthused about the hamburger he'd had at Benny's Burger Bar.

"We don't eat meat," Noelle said smugly. "Know how many toxins..."

"One look at you and can tell you don't eat meat," Richard said. "As far as the toxins? Really really don't care."

Then Richard went inside, after shoving Toby out of the way. From back door, he walked into the home office and checked that his schedule was posted on the St. Pious web site. He gathered up the five textbooks he'd be using that year and placed them into his leather satchel.

Then, bored, he checked the upcoming playlist of the Alley. Marcie Martin's announcement was up, along with the notice that it was now sold out.

Then Richard sat upright. Dennis Ourbe & the Benders was playing the next Tuesday evening. Dennis and he had gone to DeGarde High School together. Dennis had been an attractive young man with a charm and ease that Richard had envied.