All Comments on 'You Can't Do That! Ch. 01'

Another great start by one of the great few on Lit. Keep it up!

Would love to read more. The pacing is perfect and the hero is an interesting character.

Please continue. We're all on pins and needles.

I especially loved the cautionary doubleback tactics where the two illicit lovers tried to cover their tracks, ultimately to no avail. I dread & yet look forward to hearing the shrew's rationalizations, deceptions & evasions that will be heard in the counseling sessions.

Two minute criticisms- first that Sheila's positive qualities were not very evident. As things stand there's a paucity of dramatic tension, as to why in the world would any right thinking man want to give her a mulligan & try again.

The second quibble is that the narrator is one sharp cookie, but tumbled to the fact of her infidelity, awfully late in the game with all the red flags being raised by Sheila's diva-esque behavior.

I'm going to rely on fellow commentators to list all the positive qualities to be found in the story, but would be remiss, in not saying how adept qhml1 is at playing humor against heartbreak & the practical bootstrap ethic. To sum things up, the three pages raced by like cheetahs on meth. Full marks!

Very refreshing. I can't wait for more.

Like everyone else I've thoroughly enjoyed reading Chapter 1. and am now looking forward to Chapter 2.

Thank-you

I was hooked! Please go on....

Best story I've read in LW in quite some time. I don't like what's happened to the category and I blame it mostly on the readers, not the writers, on their over the top criticisms. I don't read everything in LW. When I'm warned that it is a subject I don't enjoy, I stop reading.

Anyway, it is great to see some really good writing with a very interesting story. For me, you have taken your place with some of the great ones in this area, danielqsteele1, rehnquist, stangstar06, and ohio. Please write more for LW.

Good writing, nice plot development, but quite a bit like another one you wrote, the one about Annie? He dumped her and enjoyed great success and she suffered. Is this going to go in a different direction?

Boston to Birmingham was excellent. YCDT surely has potential, and the first chapter was great.....some serious talent on display here, folks.

As usual. You set a high standard with all your stories. Very entertaining read and gripping story. Look forward to C 2.

Excellent read and very believeable even if we know its fiction. Got me hooked.

Yep, a pot-boiler full of cliché, done with a light touch and going down as easily as well prepared junk food.

Perhaps he should have separated when she did not believe he did the woodcarving, I suspect that I would have gone into orbit! After all, if she believes that I am lying to her, how can we stay married? That basically means that she thinks nothing of lying. If they had the son already everything would have happened but he would have found time to seek out a better partner.

I've just gotten over my addiction to tobacco and now you've hook me with this story.

Waiting for Part 2 is a lot like going "cold turkey" . Please hurry before I chew my fingernails off clear up to my elbows.

Seriously, very well written and very entertaining. Thanks for your hard work.

Woodmanone

I am finally as intrigued about a chapter story here as I've been in a long time. Man has balls but reality based. Hopefully, future chapters will come in a timely fashion.

I have to comment on your delightful introduction, qhml1, particularly one simple sentence. "It would have been a lot easier if the manual had illustrations."

I was married to the lady I love for 31 years and have been divorced now for 17. I found that there were always two manuals missing in the encyclopedia of life. The first, of course, was the How to be a husband manual, and the second how to be a parent.

I chuckled mildly at your intro and I am sure I will enjoy your story, I've enjoyed several others and I hope this will be just as good a read.

BNb

You have given me something to look forward to. A very good story

The wife gets slightly short shrift, but aspiring writers, this is how you develop characters.

Most of them don't need a lot of time, but they need details. Short tempered Nora with the fireproof panties. Kelsie the networker. Zep the scumbag.

Solid story so far.

get rid of the worthless bitch

once she cheats then dump her its not worth it no pussy is. She wants to be a whore let her.

Great story. I'm hooked and can't wait for more. Please hurry.

I can't comment about the story but want to say that I hope that you do not take a long time between parts. I have got frustrated with the old DQS1 series and HD2's current series because of the time between parts.

if the offer is declined, just reduce it, and call the good doctor (if cause read. or even if not) at a hearing

Looking forward to the rest of the story

...great. Nice story, I really got immersed in it. Waiting for chapter 2. Good job!

For all of you would-be novelists: don't send an unsolicited novel to a real publisher, because they won't bother to read them. You need an agent, and one who deals in the kind of novel you're writting. You can find lists of them on the web. If someone asks for money to rep you, they aren't legit.

This is the best story that I have read in MONTHS!! Talk about character development, I feel that I know each one personally. Sure, I like a sexy scene as well as the next guy, but it's only really erotic when the characters are believable and you have set the stage with scenery and characters that I can visually see. Well done! I can't wait for the next chapter. Please don't make us wait too long............. GO DOG GO!!!!!!

So well done! The best I've read recently and I really look forward to the next chapter. Thank you GHML.

i cannot wait to read part 2.. what game is shiela playing at. how in her mind did she think she could get away with her devious adultory behavior. he should make her and the doctor pay, send the photos to all involved including the wife of the doctor.if possible sue the doctor and hospital.. just to cause them to hire an attorney to counter the suit.. send all photos to her family and his children and be done with this slut..

Hoping he ends up single, very little to the Ex and nothing from his new enterprise.

Mentally, he might (in counseling) have fond memories of years gone by, be tempted to try a restart but the problem is...he is a writer, writers have imagination, are deep thinkers and he is going to remember her years of put downs, sarcasms and the 'You Can't Do Thats' so - he may decide to be cordial and distantly friendly for the sake of the family but - NO to staying married.

Anyway, my two cents and YES, like most of the others, Like Your Stuff!

Thanks!

Loved the first part of your new tale. Only one small little gripe. The couple was supposed to have been married for 32 years or so, but had a 17 or 18 year old granddaughter. I guess it's possible, but highly unlikely. Doesn't detract from the story, though. Keep up your good work and keep the chapters coming. Till then.

You have me on the edge of my seat. is part II coming out tomorrow?

Excellent character development. Story line is wild, but believable. Entertaining. I have no idea where the author is headed, could go in a dozen different directions. I appreciate his not using any of the old tried-and-true paths. This one is truly original.

Get crackin' on the next Chapter. Can't wait.

really enjoyed it and i hate having to wait for next installment. Write faster! :-)

the exwife is a total loser. Either his lawyer or the editor would be a better choice.

You are rapidly becoming a favorite author on this site, the reason is very clear. Excellent start to the story, look forward to more.

Sometimes an author can be such a skilled advocate for his narrator, thru sleight of words, he can distract the reader from seeing the big picture. Here are some unarguable facts to this couple that should be considered before drawing any conclusions.

They've raised their kids successfully together, each half of the couple were solid role models for their offspring during those formative years. Likewise the couple has worked hard and contributed to the nest egg accumulated during their thirty years together. Both of them are better off economically now then when they met.

The husband hadn't been a complete paragon of virtue and has taken his wife for granted,in some venal but not entirely insignificant aspects. It took the shock of his wife leaving for him to upgrade his grooming habits and drop fifteen pounds. Also he built the posh outdoor deck for his mother but ignored her request for a deck for their home.

For reasons of brevity, I'm not going to list the wife's culpability for the current state of affairs. My point is that this impasse is of a recent vintage. The bulk of their relationship WAS rewarding in most significent areas. They fell into a rut & quite likely are better off apart.

I think she was a fool to leave a pretty damm good man on such a graceless and mendacious exit. Yet if things didn't end badly, then they wouldn't end. I'm sure the counsellor will take into account the ratio of good years verus bad. Objectivelly i belueve they've outgrown each other.

It's a personal decision for this couple to stay or go on in the relationship. Either way, I would understand, if not agree.

Great lead-in and character development. Not sure I have a good feel for the wife (other than the obvious two-faced behavior). I really like your details and as you mention in your story, it is about the people and the story not the sex. Looking forward to the rest!

It will be interesting if sheila is to be reformed how you can do it...she just seems lime a nasty,self centered,cruel bitch,she has problems,treats him like shit,steals off literally to her own place,porks some unattractive geezer,and expects understanding?...bet the friends advising her are "oprah" women,bitter,angry women looking to make others bitter.The woman in from boston to birmingham at least had a heart,sheila is a judgemental bitch,like with their son blaming him for the dil cheating.

Good start. Has the feel of DQS1's WWWM, but not as exquisitely cringeworthy. Maybe the age of the couple has something to do with it?.....

I don't feel that the wife is very well fleshed out. She's shrewish by nature, and the author doesn't give us a lot on which to hang the narrator's love for her. Everything I read suggests that he would be better off without her-and I'm a reconciliation guy at heart (really, I am).

I enjoy the author's writing and will continue to read.

One of the reason's I dig this author is his way with words: "I had enough images of heaving breasts, oiled loins and ripped bodices to last me a lifetime." Excellent.

But I have to agree, that wifey needs more work, and her side needs to be told. I don't even mind if it is through his eyes, as he uncovers her truths and unravels her deceptions. But I trust this author, he writes well, and like anyone else, is putting forth a (hopefully) fresh take on the same old sad story of heartache. I KNOW I'll be here to vote on chapter 2. Thanks!

I really enjoy stories about a writer writing and the background of what created the writing / writer. As you stated in the story "the best stories are when the reader becomes invested in the characters". I am now invested in the characters/story you have created and in finding out how it goes.

Anymore a good story/read is what I am looking for - if it has sex in it fine, if not fine too the only requirement is a good story! Thank you for meeting and exceeding that requirement - I may add as usual since I have favorite your work. If you can let me know where else you are writing / work is at (sorry probably breaking rule for site!?) would love to read it.

Either way if you post your work here I will be looking and reading. Looking forward to next chapter(s) coming out -----soon ---- maybe… please!!!

Well, we have another winner here! As many others have mentioned, I hope the next chapter comes along quickly -- I am not a fan of long periods of time between submissions. Excellent start, I eagerly await the next chapter!

that other posters have not already written? Well done and awaiting Part 2

thanks so much for posting

You have really done a grand job starting this story. It does have elements of your other tales, which is fine by me for your stories have always been so good. I enjoy the detail, and the characterizations.

I would have to say that while I enjoy a well written reconciliation, and your Boston series is a good example, I cannot see it here. Her ability to just pickup, walk out, and cheat cannot be forgiven, IMHO. When you plan to deceive your spouse, proceed with that plan, and finally intentionally betray those vows spoken when married, it takes reconciliation out of the equation at least for me.

Should she burn? After many years of marriage, and with her being a shrew as you wrote, perhaps smolder. I certainly hope she doesn't get any money's from his new career, and I certainly hope we won't see a hormonal imbalance either.

His character is strong, and very thoughtful. He is not falling for her tricks, am so happy to see a man instead of the opposite.

If there is a reconcile, it would be very interesting to see how you could pull it off without making him look weak.

I look forward to see how this plays out.

Thank you,

M1

The start of this story is very good and well written. I'm looking forward to the next submission.

Simple....atypical bitch turning to a slut.....

I like the story so far but it is taking a while to develop the plot. It could be edited down a bit. The end of this chapter is strange, they are way past the point of counseling by both their standards. His agreeing to it is weird after he just threaten to release information to the hospital and the other cheated spouse. Why not just follow through and make her life a living hell? What difference does it make if they divorce or not as long as she can't get at his new source of income? They are both older, so kids are not in their future - who cares what the bitch does. Allowing her to dictate anything is ridiculous! So, I hope you have a good explanation for why he is going along with this. I am enjoying your writing but it is long, and I hope it is worth it!

Eager for the next chapter/s!

Dratted keyboard!

Damn I hate having to wait for the next chapter seems to be cruel and unusual punishment... Great read so far give it a 5

so far i loved it your a very good writer keep it up my friend! wow!

Hasn't been much to read lately, so this is a treat. 5*

One of the best LW stories that I have seen in a long time, well thought out, realistic plot, Logical and well written. Roll on the next chapter.

and predictable. Labeling the wife a 'shrew' early on in the story sure takes away the tension that should be mounting at that time. However, it is entertaining and I've seen far worse. 3*'s

Hope we don't have to wait weeks for the second installment. Interesting and well written story.

So far but you ruined it by leaving no doubt the wife is a cheating bitch too early. Your going to have a hard time making it interesting from here.good luck.

Just wondering if there will be a reconciliation (at all costs)? I think a marital counselor would need to give the soon-to-be-ex-wife some acid (LSD) for her to change back into a loving person. Screw the counseling sessions, let's torch the bitch! Thanks for good writing and for a good story so far.

I like this story. It's got depth, character development and the marriage situation is a little to real. The dialog is funny and adds a light & realistic dimension to the story. There is a lot of talent here....I look forward to reading more of your stuff.

FOLKS the Counseling session makes no sense here. The husband has all the cards and the proof . He can show the court that the wife has engaged in a mass of deceit. -- that he can clearly and irrefutably show that the wife was NOT under any sort of psychological strain whatsoever.

The entire separation was nothing but a chance for her to find a replacement for him and/ or to if have Great sex on the wide while he suffered from lack of . companionship love and emotional support.

There is no rational reason why the husband should agree to any sort of counseling session.

A truly stupid ending

I can't remember the last time I was as bored as I was reading this story. Just awful.

I thought the wife was a bitch who was constantly bitching and belittling her husband & continuously crushing his self esteem. The fact that she couldn't even take the time to read his manuscript was mean--she obviously considers him to be a good for nothing nobody who thinks he can do things. A wife is suppose to build her man up not tear him down. I thought she might've found someone else whom she considered is better at everything then her husband. I can't wait to see how this plays out.

I became involved with the characters, and the story seemed to come alive to me as I was reading.

It seems as if I feel a lot of compassion for the character Roy for the way his wife has been treating him, and it threw me for a curve when he agreed to arbitration.

He could get screwed over in arbitration.

I'll be watching for the next chapter.

Thanks for the read.

I got just a few paragraphs in and I''m wondering why the fuck he'd stay married to the bitch.

. . . but it is hard to see yet where qhml1 is taking us with his tale. Reconcilliation doesn't seem likely but who knows. Hero finding his own new plaything is possible among the candidates he is working with, but that doesn't seem to be it either.

Sign of a good author and a good story. I guess I'll jist have to keep an eey open for the next chapter.

Like the plot and the character development, bit lumpy going from the married to separated but enjoying it none the less adn looking forward to the next chapter....which will be when please qhml 1

Liked the development of this story, but like other comments that have been made I find it difficult to see what direction this story is going in future submissions.

Best of luck with the rest of this story, I hope it will be as interesting as the first instalment.

A well written very enjoyable story. I really enjoyed reading it. Looking forward to future submissions. Thanks for sharing.

I enjoyed the story, and i am looking forward to the rest of it.

Ok, admittedly I'm a new writer on this site, but I don't agree with the other comments. I can see ideas where you could go, I had no trouble following it, and I cannot wait for the next chapter. I'v been reading here for a while and I don't give out 5 stars. Ever. But I did here.

but other than that i liked it, i guess. you ought to put it in non-erotic next time though, so the small percentage of people who come here looking for sex stories won't bother reading it

I liked the pace of the story.. snippets that tie together.. more like how life happens

Again, outstanding writing.

You're still one of the best on this site right now. The pace of this one feels just right. My only glitch: I find the court mandated counseling a tedious plot twist in too many LW stories.

Every literotica writer's fantasy ... Becoming a real author! Well written.

Have you ever went to work on a bright sunny morning and then come home in the rain to an empty house with truck tracks in the front yard. I have, lets burn the bitch!!!

If Roy becomes a wimp I'll be mightily disappointed.

but one can try. TK U MLJ LV NV

I found the transitions hard to follow. Sometimes it took a couple of paragraphs to figure out who was doing what, and when.

Interesting story.

A bit long winded and we still have no insight to his wife's behavior - besides boredom and availability - but we will see -

But still a hell of a story

It just happens that your hero, Roy, is the kind of guy that I like to write about. Sensible, able to make decisions and live by them, keeps going forward and doesn't look back. You are able to put details in here that make sense, bear up under scrutiny. Ergo, I'm enjoying this story way more than most of what I've read in a while. Great job! Keep up the good work!

Good stuff although I had a littler problem at the beginning following all of your pronouns and who said what. Keep on!

where web-spinner when need a good story to read.

How anyone could stay married to a wife like that for so long. It`s obvious that she was cheating for a very long time. She was hateful and unsupportive throughout their marriage. Even if you think your spouse can`t do something, you still support them, because you love them, and it makes them happy. This woman couldn`t do that, because she felt superior to her husband, and only used him for what she wanted. Not the actions of a loving partner.

Not forgetting the mating call of a cheating wife; "I want a separation, to find myself". Why don`t they ever finish that sentence? "I want a separation, to find myself a new lover, while stringing you alone as a back up, in case it doesn`t work out!"

Never trust a person that wants to "fix" the marriage by being apart! How can no contact and no communication resolve anything? And what is the other person supposed to do in the mean time? Wait around, pining away while you "Find yourself"? Wait around while you try to see if anything better comes along? "To see if I still love you"? That question goes both ways, you know, and by leaving unannounced, and by pre-planning it, you show that you really don`t love them, so why should they still love you?

Contrary to popular belief, it is not love that motivates people the most, but fear. She wants a separation, because she is afraid that she won`t have a fall-back plan. He stays in a loveless marriage, being slowly ground down and demeaned, because he is afraid of being alone. Most people fear being alone more than anything else, and will suffer resentment and spite for decades, because of the fear of being alone. Sadly, most people aren`t comfortable enough, or confident enough in themselves to be on their own, even for a short time. People go from relationship to relationship, making the same mistakes over and over again, without taking the time to get to know themselves, and be honest with themselves. When you can be comfortable alone, then it`s easy to be with someone when you`re ready.

Don`t fear being alone, just fear sharks with guns!

SHE'S the one that shut him out, put him down and wouldn't even deign to read his book!

This first chapter is OK but I already sense this will end up a reconciliation story. Roy started out determined but not really strong by the end you can see the wimpy Roy beginning to resurface.

Very well written and now that the stage is set I hope you finish it the story. Keep up the good work.

As usual "Q" has me hooked with the first chapter and now I'm not going to get anything done until I'm done. Really, really great stuff. Plot, characters, etc. Keep up the good work.

The story moves cleanly and easily for the reader. I didn't find myself stumbling while reading which is often the case on this site. I found myself whisking briskly through the story in a very satisfying fashion. Grammar was nearly flawless-thank you! I liked the tie-in with online erotica sites as a means of getting your feet wet while attempting to expand your writing to include more graphically mature content.

I'm not a writer, just a reader. I loved the story and would love to read another chapter. I hope he doesn't wimp out in the end. I lived with a cheating wife for too many years, but in the end, thankfully, didn't wimp out.

You are good enough..............bill

5ssssssss

I see the third chapter = Sheila. I hope it's her view of how she screwed up. I generally don't like chapters like that, but see previous readers scored it high. Accordingly, I will at least start it.

I am sure the good Dr. is not her first and the times she paid any time with Roy was when she was between lovers.

Good so far.

I don't see the "wimping out" that some other commenters have seen.

when you listen to detractors. TK U MLJ LV NV

“She said it was a one time thing, she did it because she was lonely and missing me” – Well, WHY is she lonely and missing him? Because SHE moved out!

should never look at mirrors. TK U MLJ LV NV

“They caught her as she was going to her car. She was dressed very nicely, much better than she had been the last few years with me, and was smiling.” – If she’s on vacation, where is she going dressed so nice?

Good character build up.

I've got two suggestion:

1. At the diner at the fancy restaurant he should have asked her why she was always so angry. This might have made her think about what she was doing.

2. When he sent her the picture with the words "TIME EXPIRED" written on it he should also have reminded her about what he had said about her NOT having a "Get Out Of Jail Free" card if she was fucking someone else.

Still five stars. Still love it. Very engaging. Well developed.

I like your style... it feels real.

I have read a number of this type of stories in the past, and cant understand how a wife can think that what she is doing is right. I understand the swapping, and the cuckold thing, but all that is between consenting people, they both want or need, or want to experience it. This is cheating, and after so many years, it is very painful. I don't understand how his emotional stand is not revealed in the story. He has to be hurting pretty bad, but it's not stated.