All Comments on 'Yuppie and Bitchface'

You continue with these characters

More chapters?

Terrific characters; I believed in them and rooted for them. And the whole thing takes place in a world about which I know nothing, but which you managed to make really interesting without allowing it to take over the story. Many thanks!

Really fantastic characterization, with excellent layering of motives. These two play off of each other really well, and the premise is perfectly designed to strip them down little by little. Great dialogue, and great work all around.

Not very romantic, more like an exercise to convince the reader that the 1% doesn't suck. At least I was reminded of this bit of amusement: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3v98CPXNiSk

Three stars.

I liked the characters, but parts of their plight in the set-up seem poorly thought out. For example, trains run from a Toronto to New York in a few hours regardless of weather. Land line telephones in the hotel would also have continued to work despite the storm. Most CEOs would know this. Maybe if they had been at a remote resort with the telephone lines down? Still, nice job with the characters.

A brilliant story. Loved the characters and the situation. Can't wait for your next one.

My advice would be to hunt and down and remove most of the adverbs. Nothing wrong with adverbs, but more is not necessarily better. For example: "Sudden surprise" - a surprise is usually sudden. "Still hard erection" - an erection is hard.

" felt a recently familiar pair of lips pressed against hers" Never mind adverbs - more WORDS are not always better, not when they're written just for their own sake.

"The girl blushed her already pink cheeks " That doesn't make sense.

"Close enough to see his high cheekbones in detail" How much detail can there be with high cheekbones that you can only see up close?

"The first time he pushed in, it made her eyes go wide in shock." She just grabbed his dick and guided him in. Why would she then be shocked?

You really need to pare your writing down - cut out all the unnecessary rambling and reduncancies.

A well-told tale and slightly different.

Thank You

HP

Very well done. Different, and a pleasure to read.

Well written and pleasure to read. Great job.

Hope there is more to their story going forward.

This is an outstanding story. Building the relationship didn't feel rushed. Character development and dialogue were really good. Loved it.

A well sripted story and captivating too. Good show. Hope to read the sequel soon.

My only problem is that I do not have a mental picture of Yuppie and Bitchface.

I believe she has red hair but do not know!

Check your business credentials at the door, I haven't done any business in Venezuela in 5 years, no one is that dumb. But a dam, 100s of millions in investment you have to be joking.

I thought this was an outstanding story. I just wish that there had been a little more to it.

IF ONLY ALL CONTENTIOUS RELATIONSHIPS COULD END LIKE THIS.

I could get all philosophical about assumptions. But, just enjoying the story.

I just wanted to say that

The single best line of the entire story had to be this: 'Abby eye rolled hard enough to see the back of her head and launched into an explanation of how he was past his prime and needed to be replaced.' This is the first of your stories I've read, and I'm hoping for at least one more about Abby and Theo.

Thanks for an enjoyable story

Why didn't she call the hospital on the hotel's land line?

Best joint venture ever ….. great

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