Pet Project

I looked down at the sheets near my pillow and pulled at some tiny fuzz. I didn’t want to look at her when I said this. “It was our minister.”

Tanya whooped. “A minister?” She threw a pillow at my head, but I didn’t return it. She saw I was serious, and said, “I’m sorry, Sherry. But a minister? You have to admit…”

“He was a visiting minister,” I said softly, “and I was working with him on a Saturday, setting up the altar and pulpit for his guest sermon. My regular minister had asked if I would help him. But I never guessed he would be so gorgeous, and so young.”

“What did he look like?”

“He had deep, dark eyes, and wavy black hair,” I said dreamily, and began to lie on my back, hugging my throw pillow to my chest. “He was about a half a foot taller than I was, maybe 24 or 25, and when we went to work on the flowers he rolled up his sleeves and I could see how muscled his forearms were…”

“Did anything happen?” Tanya asked.

“Oh, heavens, no!” I said. “But I kept thinking how I wanted it to. Afterward, I kept thinking about him, about how we were alone back there, and…” I shook my head. “But that’s wrong,” I said. “I always eventually stopped myself. It was wrong to think like I did.”

“Sherry, Sherry, Sherry…” Tanya said. “There’s nothing wrong with fantasizing. You have to let yourself go…”

“How about you?” I asked. “How old were you when you first…you know…?”

“Fucked a man?”

“Tanya!”

“That’s what it is, Sherry,” Tanya said. “You’re going to have to get over being so frightened of saying it.”

“But it’s just not right…”

“Yes it is, Sherry. It is what it is.” Tanya settled back against her pillows. “My first time happened quite some time ago. It’s almost funny, how it happened.”

“Why?”

“It was the cable TV guy,” Tanya said. “How clichéd is that? I mean, except for the milkman or a traveling salesman, I think I get the prize for non-originality.”

“So how did it happen?”

“Well, my mother had arranged for all of us to be home when the cable guy showed, but one by one they all had commitments: first my dad had problems at work, then my mom had a flat tire, and my brother had a chance to be with a cheerleader, so he crapped out at the last minute. He swore me to secrecy not to tell my parents.

“When the repairman arrived, he looked terrific: open necked blue cotton shirt, strong build, good looking…I greeted him at the door in my school clothes, ran to my room to get changed, and came out about five minutes later in a halter top and tight short shorts.”

I couldn’t believe I was hearing this story. It went contrary to everything I had been taught. But it was like a car wreck: I couldn’t look away. “So…you seduced him?”

“And how,” Tanya said, grinning. “I was only about 15. I didn’t know anything about subtle clues. I bent over, brushed up against him, complimented him on his strong chest—I threw myself at him! He must have been about 20…and in about five minutes he had every stitch of my clothing off—not that there was that much of it.”

The scene she described was scarcely within the powers of my imagination. There she was, young and fresh, naked in the arms of a strong, good-looking older man. “So…you made love to him?”

“I don’t think it was love,” Tanya said, giggling. “He did me every way you can think of for the next fifteen minutes. I felt like a top…first we were standing, then I was on my back on the couch, then I was bent over it…”

“Oh my god.”

“He finished with me on my hands and knees on the floor…he came all over my back, and just at that instant I heard my mother’s car in the driveway. I ran back to my room, cleaned myself up, and put on long pants to hide the raw spots on my knees.”

“What did he do?”

“I have no idea,” Tanya said. “I never saw him again. Some romantic moment, huh?”

I lay there, wide-eyed at the idea of it all. “Were you all right?”

“I was scared to death. We never used any protection, and I was sure I was going to get pregnant.”

“But you said he…” I hesitated…”came outside of you.”

“It didn’t matter. He had been in me for 15 minutes. I could easily have gotten pregnant, but I didn’t. I was just lucky.”

“Oooh,” I said. “Were you upset? It sounds like it was hard on you.”

“Upset?” Tanya shook her head. “It was one of the best experiences of my life. The passion, the lust…he took me so forcefully, so eagerly, I thought I was in heaven. I’d never felt anything like it.”

“But when he…came on your back?”

“It didn’t matter. I had made a man come. He had taken me, used me for his pleasure, and filled me. Where he came didn’t make a bit of difference. I had driven him crazy, made him an animal, and he used me as his toy. It felt terrific.”

“Oooh,” I said, filled with a strange mixture of revulsion and longing. “I just don’t know…I always expected there would be romance, and flowers, and moonlight…”

“Sure, sure,” Tanya said flippantly, “and there will be. Someday. I’m not knocking romance. But there’s nothing like getting the bottom knocked out of you once in a while.”

I felt such a curious rush of emotions as I heard this. Tanya’s flippant attitude about sex was against everything I had ever heard from my parents, but there was something about it that made me stir inside. I wanted to hear more somehow…against my better judgment, I wanted to walk down this road a bit longer.

“Has it always been good?” I asked. “Do you regret any times you were with one guy or another?”

“Oh sure,” Tanya said. “But I wouldn’t give it up just because there’s a rotten apple every now and then. Just keep plugging away.”

I found myself compelled to go on. “Who were your best? You know, the guys that really turned you on?”

“Oh, there have been a few,” Tanya answered. “My, but is the room getting hot in here?”

I had to admit it did feel hot.

“You can’t be asking me all these questions tonight…” Tanya said, fanning herself with a stuffed bat. “I expected to go out with Kyle tonight, and if he doesn’t call soon I am just about ready to explode.”

But I didn’t want to stop. I felt like a floodgate had been opened, and I wanted to know it all, everything I had missed in my 18 years, right now.

“What about Kyle?” I asked. “Is he good? Is he special in any way?”

Tanya flopped back on her pillows again. “Oh!” she said. “I believe I will go crazy if I talk about this any longer…” She crossed her legs, then uncrossed them. “Kyle is wonderful,” she said dreamily. “He is a prince among men.”

“Why?” I asked.

Tonya shifted on her bed, lying sideways now on her left side, facing me. She closed her eyes as she spoke. “Well, he’s strong, and good looking, and very cut…” she formed a ‘V’ with her hands. “He’s also extremely considerate, and skilled, shall we say, in the oral arts.”

“Hmmm…” I said, though I wasn’t really sure what that meant. I assumed it was kissing.

“And he’s hung like a horse.”

Normally, I would have been shocked at a statement like this. Tonight, it only made me rub my knees together, briskly. Somehow, this seemed to relieve for a moment the aching I felt in my loins.

“How big is he?” I asked, not believing the words had left my mouth.

Tanya held her hands apart about nine inches. I was shocked. That was like no statue I had ever seen.

“And thick,” she said. “But that isn’t even it. It’s how he uses it, and how he uses his mouth…I feel like I’ve been fucked thoroughly even before he enters me.”

I found what she said shocking, but I couldn’t protest. I was made dizzy by this new world I was entering, but I was mesmerized by its power, and its appeal. I was held captive by her.

“Wow.”

“Wow, indeed,” Tanya said, and she flipped on her back again. “Oh!” she said. “I think I am about to go crazy.”

“I wonder if any of this will ever happen to me.” I said, as much to me as to her.

“It will,” Tanya answered. “You just have to shop around.”

“I don’t know how.”

“Stick with me. I’ll teach you.”

“I just don’t know.”

Tanya rolled on her side, propping up her head with her hand, her elbow supporting her. “You will. You just have to learn to take control.”

I thought about this. “Take control?” I said. “How do I do that?”

“You learn to experiment a bit. Try things out. Don’t be afraid to make a mistake now and then. You need to get out there and play the field.”

“You think?” I said.

“I know. You need to get out there and get some experience. Learn a bit. Find out what you like. You need to know what’s out there before you commit your life to someone.”

“I…I guess,” I said.

“Think about it,” Tonya said. “Would you buy a car before you’d never learned to drive?”

I thought about it for a moment. “Can’t he drive?”

“Oh, girl, girl,” she said. “Sherry, you have to get away from that kind of thinking. You can’t count on a man to make you happy. Most men only think of themselves. You have to teach him to take care of you.”

I took another small sip. I was getting a strange, fuzzy feeling, as if my face were aglow. “What do you mean?” I asked. “What does taking care of me mean?”

“You know…coming,” Tanya said. She must have seen the look on my face. “You know, an orgasm. Men don’t know anything about your orgasm.”

I put my hand in front of my mouth without even realizing it. Tanya looked at me and her eyes widened in amazement.

“You’ve never even come, have you?” she said, shocked. “You’ve never had an orgasm.”

I shook my head, hiding my eyes. I couldn’t believe I was talking to her about this. I was too ashamed to even look at her.

“Amazing!” she said. “Where have you been, Sherry? Under a rock?”

"I was home schooled," I said.

“Girl, you don’t learn this in school,” she said. “This you do yourself.”

“You mean…” I said, barely able to mouth the word, “ma…mastur…”

“Masturbate,” Tanya said. “It’s not a dirty word. Say it. Masturbate, masturbate, masturbate, masturbate…”

“Tanya!” I said.

“Sherry,” she said, charging ahead right over my protest. “This is the very basis of who you are sexually. This is the root of it all. If you don’t know how to make yourself come, how do you expect him to?”

“But we shouldn’t even be talking about this…”

“The hell we shouldn’t. Sherry, you have to learn. If you feel bad about this, you’ll never get anywhere. Sex isn’t dirty, Sherry. Sex is just sex. And the sooner you learn to treat it as just another part of your life, like brushing your teeth, the sooner you’ll find how happy you can be.”

“Okay, okay,” I said. “I’ll buy a book…”

Tanya laughed out loud. “Ever try to learn to swim from reading a book? No, you have to do this by hand.” She chortled. “By hand. How right that is.”

I groaned. “I just never talked about anything like this before.”

“Look,” she said, “it’s just a thing. That’s all. It’s nothing shameful or evil. But it’s just something you have to know, and you can’t go around avoiding it and expecting everything to turn out just like a storybook. Things just don’t happen that way.”

“All right then,” I said with a sigh. “Tell me.”

“Well,” Tanya said, and her voice sounded kind of kittenish, as if coming from a playful young girl, “it’s kind of different for each girl. But it all comes down to not being afraid to feel good. Once you get over that hurdle, you’ll feel better than you ever have in your life.”

“Really?” I said. “How can it be that good?”

“Try it and you’ll see.”

“Try what?”

“Touch yourself,” Tanya said. “Slide your hand between your legs…”

“Oh!” I said without thinking. “I just don’t know…”

“Look,” Tanya said. “We’re roommates. Nothing leaves this room. It’s okay. Just try it. You won’t believe how good it feels.”

“I just don’t…”

“Okay,” Tonya said. “I’ll prove it. Watch me.”

And with that, Tanya lay back against her pillows, slid her t-shirt up, exposing some of her perfectly flat tummy, lifted the elastic of her green athletic shorts, and slid her the long, thin fingers of her right hand inside them until the fabric was over her knuckles. I could see the outline of her fingers tracing circles over the mound of her…well, where her pubic hair was, and she moved slowly, lazily over herself before letting her hand slide lower, so that the outline of her fingers dipped a little lower, over the edge of herself…

She was touching herself there! Where the little cleft began…I watched her, mesmerized. But as much as I was absorbed by the motion of her fingers, I was fascinated by the look on her face, the rolling back of her eyes, the blinking of her eyelids, the occasional sighs that seemed to catch in her body with a jerk.

“Tanya?” I said. “Are you okay?”

Her eyes opened and she looked up at me, though her gaze seemed curiously unfocused. She withdrew her fingers a bit, so that they seemed to linger back in her upper region, and she smiled in a kind of melted look, as if she hadn’t a care.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “But the combination of wine and wanting Kyle have made me so horny I can barely stand myself. But look at you,” she said, rising to her elbow. “You haven’t even begun.”

“I feel funny doing that,” I said. “I don’t know if I can do it with you watching.”

“All right then,” she said. “Turn out your light. We won’t be able to see one another, but we can still talk.”

I thought a minute, then reached over to the light switch. First, I grabbed the cup and took a gulp of wine, feeling it spread through my body. Then I turned off the light.

The room was not totally black, with the faint glow of the campus lights outside, but it was impossible to see anything clearly. I settled back against my pillows, and let my hand slide down my abdomen and over the top of my panties, past the soft fabric that covered my mound, and let the tip of my middle finger extend to the little cleft under the hair just under the down slope between my legs. I felt that little familiar tingle I had often felt before but ignored, the little electric twinge. But this time I let it linger, let the feeling fill me, fought the urge to move away and instead lingered there, touching myself again and again.

It felt good, hot, urgent—it felt good but wrong, but the wrongness wasn’t bad tonight, it was good, it was what I wanted. I let it wash over me, let the delicious sinfulness overcome me, and found myself looking over at Tanya, her legs apparently apart and her back arching, her eyes closed as her face took on a determined look. I could see her hand moving furiously beneath the covers.

The ringing of the phone was as intense as a high voltage shock—we froze, the room still as the second ring jangled through the silent intervals. As Tanya reached for the phone by her head, I had the sudden sensation it was my parents calling. Filled with familiar shame, I pulled my hand up and settled my garments back into place.

Just as I was beginning to feel the old embarrassment, the old sense that my parents would disapprove, I heard Tanya sigh, trying hard to maintain a sterness in her voice.

“You were supposed to call over an hour ago,” she said. “Um hmmm…um hmmm… You what?”

She listened for a minute, and then I could see her relax. She began to twirl the edge of the sheet around the index finger of her right hand. “You did? You nut! You did that for me? …Sure you can…”

Tanya gave a wicked little throaty giggle. “No, it’s all right. It’s all right. She’s asleep.” She lifted her index finger up to her mouth for me to be silent. “Um hmmm…” she said, her voice deep. “I want you, too.” She winked at me. “Ten minutes. Not a second longer.” She paused, and then giggled again. “Me too. I can’t wait.”

She hung up the phone and even in the darkness I could tell she was smiling at me. “Where’s your nightlight?” she said, jumping out of bed, beginning to look at herself in the mirror. For what reason, I couldn’t tell…there was never a moment in the day she wasn’t stunning. She looked prettier waking up than I did at any point in the day.

“My night light?” I said. “Whatever for?”

She looked at me in the mirror, then turned and looked over her shoulder at me. “I think I have an idea.”

I looked at her, and began to figure out the little plan she was hatching. “Oh, no, Tanya,” I said. “No, no, no..”

“You don’t have to do a thing,” she said. “You just lie there. You can look if you want. Or you can go to sleep. But you’ll be missing quite a show.”

“Tanya!” I said, my heart in my throat. “I just can’t! It isn’t right. I have to go.” I sat upright and put my legs out of my covers.

“Go where?” she said.

“Sally’s room” I said. “Or Maya’s, or Kathy’s…”

“They’re out.”

”Then the lounge,” I said.

“Sure,” Tanya said, spritzing herself lightly with perfume, then turning to look directly at me as she leaned back against her desk. “But you know you want to stay and watch. Come on. I’m nervous, too. I’ve never done this before either.”

“But it’s not right,” I said. It was just that simple.

“But why not?” she said. “If anyone should complain, it should be me. Or Kyle.” Here she gave me a small, evil grin. “And he certainly won’t complain, the little pervert.”

“But I can’t,” I said. But I was fighting something inside myself, something I didn’t really understand. Unconsciously, I rubbed my thighs together as I spoke.

“But you can,” she said. “All you have to do is lie there. You don’t have to do anything, really. Don’t even look if you don’t want. But you know you told me you don’t know anything about boys, or about sex. What better time to learn?”

I hesitated, and she knew she had me. “Good!” she said. “Now I only have another minute or two. Where’s your nightlight?”

Against my better judgment, I pointed to my nightstand. She opened the drawer, extracted the light, and plugged it in. It was dim, but given our previous state of darkness, it positively made everything visible.

“He’ll never buy it,” I said.

“Buy what?” she said. “Girl, you have to understand something about men. If you were on fire, he’d still jump my bones. Just lie still, and pretend to be asleep.”

“But he’ll see my eyes are open.”

Tanya looked around the room, and then reached by her pillow, pulling out a night mask—one of those little soft cloth things people wear on their eyes when they’re trying to sleep in daylight. She reached inside and tore out the padding, held it up to her eyes, and nodded, tossing it to me. “Wear this…it’s never been that great a shield anyway, and you can see right through it now.” I looked, and she was right. There was fabric over the eyes, still, but it was easy to see through, like a stocking. “But it looks like you can’t see. And I certainly can’t see your eyes.”

I didn’t know what to say. “Tanya, I just don’t…”

She smiled, and came up to me and gently pushed me back. “Just lie down,” she said. “It’ll be fun. I really want to do this. You can always close your eyes if you want.”

I lay back, and allowed her to coax me back upon my pillows. “Let’s see what you look like,” she said. I tried to look asleep, but my heart was beating like a drum. I was never more awake in my life. I felt warm, my pulse pounding so hard I could hear it. “Not bad,” she said, but then stepped forward and lifted my arm, pulling the sheet out from under it. She laid my arm back down, then the sheet over top my arm. “Believe me, you’ll want the covers over you.”

She stepped back, looking at me. She leaned forward again, roughed up my hair a little, and stepped back.

“Perfect.”

As she began to turn around there was a slight tapping at the door. I thought I was going to faint. I almost found myself wishing I would.