All Comments on 'Even Through The Halogen'

mood piece..and I'd have given it a 5 just for " rain pearls"

what a perfect description.

Nice job

But does need a bit of work. It seemed like you tried too hard chopping extra words, and I believe they're needed in this poem. Also, punctuation would really help out.

Example:

the breathless (,)

and the shiver (,)

the giggles the grace

long since erased

The giggles, the grace

Or

The giggles,

The grace

I thought it was meant to be taken in bit by bit, better absorbed that way. And I like the juxtaposition of "breathless" and "shivers." The lines seem too short for commas, which to me would be overdoing it.

it was light , it had great movement in my mind....blue