All Comments on 'When Angels Fly'

Fall on your head?

Art, a word about rhyme, it has a tendency to move the reader along, it can be used as a speed control, along with alliteration. As an example:

Swaying trees and sailing leaves (two s's)

invisible Angels disguised as a breeze.

First line - zip, here you use internal rhyme also, a thing I would recommend doing more of.

Second line - eye stops at "disguised", "as a breeze" appears as an afterthought, giving it the appearence of being forced.

When you use a selective rhyme scheme (which is fine); it forces the reader to ask himself questions,

i.e. why is it xAxA in the first stanza, AABB in the last? You only want the reader to stop and ask questions where YOU want them to. Enuff preaching.

Best line:

Swaying trees and sailing leaves

Worst line:

The howling winds mournful cry

wow!!! i LOVE IT VERY GOOD!!! i REALY LIKE THE RHYMEING TO!! dONT LISTEN TO SUCH JELOUS POETS AS OTHER ONE!! yOU ARE BEST & THAY KNOW IT WITH SMALL MIND!! yOU are THE zen mASTER & THE best!!!!

It's not all in the ryhme

it's also in the mind,

what one may not see

the others point and find

excellent poem from my angle of view

my eyes and mind must have joined with you~

Nin~

from a slightly tarnished Angel <wink>, I found this view of when Angels fly to be captivating. I soooo look forward to any and all of your zen poems and found this one to perhaps be one of My favorites. Your ending phrase, "The coming winter tells us all...Angels shed and white particles fall." is so fanciful, I may actually look forward to the white stuff again this winter! Now I'm ready and eagerly waiting for your next zen inspired poem, Art <smile>

Vixxx

Creative, inspiring and simple. You allow the reader into the eyes of the poet. While some of the actual grammical issues can be debated.. I feel that this is strong on its own wings........

du~

mentioned in the Sunday Reviews

dazzlin to the eyes is my love of snowglobes and the joy of what they make one feel...great painting....blue

I love this poem~~!!

I saw it posted the other day, and loved it then too. The imagery is excellent, and the flow is smooth as satin..

Ya make me wanna see one of those angels flyin' particles and all~~ Lovley~~!!

to the creation of snow angels. Very nice.

excellent poem from your angel with horns. lol

nin-

I love that line,in the fall I will think of it. Now if only the flowering cherry blossoms were angels, I wouldn't have to rake out the pond!

loved it as always ARTY how do you come up with ideas like these??

kissses,

T

but there comes a time when you need to get out of the 3rd grade...