A Certain Kind Of Balance

"Spirituality," I replied. "Using the parents of the prophet Samuel, as an illustration, to work around."

"Why, and how," The pastor's wife asked?

"Samuel was kept at home until he was weaned," I said. "During that time water was scare. He most likely was well towards six or seven before he was cut off. Each year at the time of atonement his mother would bring him clothing that would be designed a bit big for further growth. At first, he would be uncomfortable, having difficulty because the clothing was too big and would have to gown into it."

"What's that got to do with spirituality," Carmen asked?

"Our spirituality, if it is growing, should feel at times like Samuel did when he got his new clothes," I said. "If not then, we have stopped growing and are in danger of losing it."

All three of them looked at me in amazement. The pastor said, "Two weeks from today you're going to do the sermon I will open and close the service."

I balked but Carmen was all for it and I soon gave in and agreed to do it. The pastor brought up the point that it took a wise man to accept the counsel of a good woman. Carmen was bursting in pride.

After lunch, Carmen and I took a walk in downtown Cape Girardeau along the floodwall of the Mississippi. She sure got a kick out of the murals painted on the walls. It was about five when I dropped her off at her apartment.

We touched base with each other during her workweek. I picked up a couple of tickets to a concert at South Missouri University of classical music. Carmen found it enjoyable when we went Thursday night.

*******

We were leaving the church after I had given my first sermon, Carmen's face was glowing because of the comments and praise we had received. The sermon had been received that well. Herb, Pamela, and their three kids had been in attendance. The pastor got asked often when the next time was going to be when I was going to be used to fill in.

"Herb and Pamela," Carmen said. "Be at Adin's at six for dinner with your kids. I'm going to cook us all dinner."

That came as a complete surprise to me. So, an hour later saw us unloading the groceries we had picked up for the dinner.

If you ever want to get someone on a very personal nature, cook a full meal with them from scratch. Carmen decided on what the meal would consist of, but I made sure that I got my two cents in. She had decided on a nice roast of beef, mash potatoes, corn on the cob, gravy, Yorkshire pudding, and a tossed salad.

Once she had the roast in, she started to get ready to strip the corn. I told her no, that I would cook them on the barbeque so leave them on. That gave her the idea that I should grill the peppers she had bought for the salad.

When I got the chance, I poured us both a glass of wine. It allowed us to get to know a bit more about each other. We both knew that we were drawing closer but neither one of us wanted to admit it.

Herb, Pamela, and their three brats showed up right on time. Pamela came in with her face glowing surprised to see the good china was set out. Herb gave Carmen a nice bunch of flowers. I had to get a vase out so she could put them in water.

I was out at the barbeque cooking her peppers before I put the corn on. Heb joined me and said, "For someone immune, I think you maybe need to go in for a booster shot."

"No, I'm fine," I said. "Carmen and I are still at the friend stage."

"Nah that not true, she's already cooking a big meal for you and your guests," Herb said. "Everybody at Church said Carmen looked like a very proud wife this morning."

I just gave Herb a dirty look which got him going on more. When we went back in with the grilled peppers the ladies were working together. I saw Carmen slid the Yorkshire pudding into the oven. Bent over she looked divine. Herb caught me looking and laughed. He had a big grin on his face.

Red-faced and embarrassed I went back out to grill the corn. Herb joined me and said, "The way it looks to me my friend it's not if but when."

"Herb, I wasn't looking," I said. "It was the last thing on my mind."

"That how it happened to me," Herb responded. "Pam and I met when neither one of us was looking. It took time for me to understand that was the very reason it was right. From that point, it took me six months to ask her. To this day she proves every day just how much better she has made my life."

"Thanks," I said. "You've given me food for thought."

"Just remember Adin you're not like either your mother or father," he added. "You've proven that by how you have changed your approach in life. You found yourself a balance but it's empty, perhaps with Carmen you can find that certain kind of balance that makes your life complete."

When the corn appeared to be done, we lifted them off the barbeque. Using hand towels, we stripped them before taking them into the house. The ladies were already putting the food on the table. The spread looked amazing. We all overate. The Yorkshire puddings were something completely new to Herb and Pamela and their kids. Carmen had to explain how to make them to her. Everybody thought the earthly flavor in the corn gave it a whole new texture.

The kids got a kick because I got them to peel the banana's so I could caramelize them in brown sugar. Once we had done that and placed them on the plate, I added a scoop of vanilla ice cream some strawberries and whipped cream. I admit it was a bit over the top, but the kids loved it. So did the ladies. Both complained that because of it they gained two pounds.

After they left, we cleaned up the kitchen together. Then we were going to watch a movie on HBO when she got paged. One of her patients was on the bridge crossing the Mississippi preparing to jump. So off we went. I watched her trying to talk to the young lady through a bull horn for half an hour. The lady was not responding well, and I thought drastic action was required.

A few minutes later everyone saw me sitting down beside the lady in question. The fire department had allowed me to use their extended latter to climb up to talk to her one to one. She didn't want to talk so I told her not to, but I asked her to listen to what I had to say.

I did a short version of how close I had come to take my own life and why. I explained how the ones who had pushed me to the edge own guilt had eventually taken them down. More importantly by the time I was done she had learned how she could overcome.

When she started to edge towards the ladder everybody started to relax. They were pleased to see her climb down the latter before me. As soon as she got off the truck, they took her into the ambulance to transfer back to the hospital.

Carmen, when I got down off of the fire truck, had tears in her eyes. She rushed into my arms and kissed me for the first time. She felt weightless against me. I hadn't felt that in a long time.

"You talked her down," Carmen said as I drove towards her apartment. "She is so headstrong that no one was able to reach her. We had her on a watch. I'm surprised the hospital let her out.

"No, not really," I said. "I got her to not only to hear me but to listen. She realized that she was hearing someone who had been where she was mentally. It allowed me to build trust. It was by me telling her my story that got her to see that she had a way out that did not need her taking her own life."

"What do you think would be the best way for me to help her going forward," Carmen asked?

"Focus on her problems one at a time," I said, "and not her state of mind. Help her resolve them one at a time. She sees her problems like a forest of trees, and she is lost in the middle of them. Tackle it by taking out one tree at a time and soon the forest in front of her won't be so big."

We spent the next few hours making it out at her place before I decided to go home for a cold shower.

Carmen and I did not talk to each other all week. She was busy dealing with the patient that had been prematurely released. When I heard from her Friday night, I received word that the patient was off the danger list and had been making great progress.

Little did we realized that our relationship with each other had changed. Carmen and I were drawn to each other more emotionally than before. Herb and Pamela when seeing us afterward knew that it was just a matter of time before we would take the next step.

********

It was three months to the day that Carmen and I had our first test concerning our growing relationship. Her sister flew in on a Thursday afternoon bringing with her all her problems. It seems her expectations about marriage, kids, and commitments were not turning out the way she had it all planned.

For me, it was an eye-opener because it forced me to look at what my fears were. I was afraid of being in the same situation that Corinth was. Her expectations about her life were not turning out as she thought they should. I had to ask myself if she and her husband had sat down and discussed their future plans about marriage, love, and children before they had discussed marriage. Had they been united in their goals and approach or not?

Corinth wanted children now, her husband wanted to wait until they were a bit more secure in their situation. It did not help that she was late in her friend's visit, so she had the fear that she was already knocked up. As a result, she was an emotional basket case. In her eyes, her big sister was supposed to have all the answers.

Corinth's husband flew out Saturday to try to work it out with her which caused Carmen to show up unexpectedly that night. She was in a dither about them because neither of them would listen to her. We got into an argument about it. It was getting to the point that if we did not approach it differently, we were going to end up saying things that we would regret later.

"Can you walk in another person's shoes," I asked Carmen? "Feel their emotions as they are experiencing them. Understand their mentality as they see it at that moment?"

"Of course not, but we can guide them," Carmen said. "Their problem is that they're not seeing it as I would."

"That's because they are too emotional," I said. "Both have ranked each other up so much emotionally that their speaking without communicating with each other. They need to walk away calm down then come back calm and be honest with each other about their fears and hopes."

Carmen paused in thought for a few before saying, "It's their anger that's driving them. Why couldn't I see it?"

"Because you're emotionally involved," I said. "Maybe not by choice, but because of your relationship with both. Has Corinth told Tom that she might be pregnant?"

I guess that one statement spoke volumes because Carmen picked up her cellphone and texted her sister saying, tell him you think you might be carrying your first.

"They have to learn to be honest about everything," Carmen said. "So, do we, don't we?"

"We have been so far," I said. "Except for admitting to ourselves that we have fallen in love with each other."

With that one remark, the dam broke. If I thought our kisses were passionate before I was proved wrong. There is nothing better than kisses shared with tears of joy. I learned she had felt that way for weeks but was afraid to tell me because of my previous walk in life.

After we got settled down, I told Carmen that she had to get her sister and her husband to come for Sunday service. I would use the pulpit to try to get a message across to them. While Carmen was returning to her apartment, I called her sister Corinth and asked her a question. While she was answering she was squealing with delight. Using contacts, I was able to get a Jeweler friend to open up his safe after hours.

It seems that little gesture on my part got Corinth and Tom talking because, by the time Carmen got back to her apartment, they had resolved their problem. My actions had reminded the couple what was important in their relationship, each other. The rest could be worked out if they wanted to. Thankfully they did.

The Pastor did a quick review of my quickly thrown together rewrite of my sermon. I had him review it in his office just before the service was to start. He handed it back to me with a smile.

"Your view on the subject matter was enlightening but correct," The pastor said. "It's going to be huge because it puts the teaching of headship in a whole new light. In reviewing it I tried to find arguments against the logic behind it. I could not. Even I was surprised by it. Your simplification of it all removes all the complexities we as humans have put on it. Well done! A lot of men will be eating crow because to them it will be a revelation that they have never understood before."

"It came out a need to deliver a message for a loved one," I said. "When I started writing it the words just flowed."

"Love, the unknown quality to everybody," He said. "Because what love is, is different to everybody."

I was the one that was surprised the most because the pastor said when he opened the service after prayer. "I am very pleased to be able to invite our newest appointed pastor Adin Hahn to the pulpit."

The congregation stood up and clapped showing their approval. Corinth and her husband were supporting Carmen because it had overwhelmed her. I would learn later the reason why.

I started the service by reminding them all that the bible was written for one reason and one reason alone. It was the only road map that showed us the way into God's kingdom. I could tell that most had never thought of the bible in the manor.

I brought out the point that it was inspired to teach, for reproving, resolving, and setting things straight. The apostle Paul in explaining the teaching of Christ had said it was for all things spiritual.

The problem is that we as humans fail to fully comprehend that simple truth. For the most part, we see God as spiritual but relate to Jesus as a mere mortal man.

Jesus and God are spiritual and as a result, the bible in all its teaching should be viewed with that in mind. We, humans, fail both God and Jesus daily because we refuse to look at their teachings in that way.

It was a pure joy to witness the change of expressions on a lot of the older sisters' faces when I brought out that headship from the bible was for a spiritual basis only. A lot of the men's faces showed their out and out rejection of what I was explaining. I needed to take them back to the beginning.

I explained that when God took a rib from Adam to create a woman who would be call Eve, he said the two would become one. That one rib was needed to make the two one whole. God designed women from the man. Symbolically without a woman, a man was not complete. Then I hit them with a truth bomb that none could see coming. It would forever be embedded in their minds.

In God's eyes, both are equal because there is no male or female in the spiritual world. On earth, in God's eyes, we are all equal. He will judge our sins on judgment day with equality weighing them all in the same way.

Another way of looking at the relationship between a man and a woman is that each was needed to complement the other. Because each has attitude and concepts that make their partner a better person in the long run.

I could tell by the expressions on the congregations' faces that I was changing their perception of what they believed. It was clear that not many of that had thought about life, death, and judgment in that way.

I explained that God created headship to give structure to the spiritual part of your family not the physical. Men and Women were meant to be each other's Alpha and Omega. Proof of that could be found in the religious structure of those of the old Hebrew faith.

Just like in the old days it was the husband's responsibility to make attornment for the family's sins by bringing the sacrifice to the priest for the offering. It is his responsibility to ensure all his family makes it into God's Kingdom. Similarly, it's the responsibility of the Christian husband to fulfill that obligation today.

In your relationship with your spouse or your partner in life, remember that every time you do something in spite or to hurt, you are in fact, hurting yourself also. What you do to the other that is not done with the quality of love, God will use what we call as karma to pay you back whether you realize it or not.

I could not help noticing the glowing faces looking up at me. Corinth, Tom and Carmen's faces shone out among the crowd. Just as my service was coming to an end, I left the pulpit and walked down the aisle towards Carmen.

When I got to her she got out and stepped out because I asked her to. With the cordless mike still on my face, I got down on one knee and proposed to her in front of them all.

She answered me by saying, "I can't believe it, I'm going to be a pastors wife!"

With that said she stuck out her finger and I slid on the ring. Of course, we had to kiss as the whole congregation displayed their huge expression of their joy. It took a while before we could get the congregation to settle down so we could close with prayer.

Herb and Pamela stood in line as everyone had to congratulate us. They wanted to make sure that Carmen and I would join them for Sunday dinner. They invited Corinth and Tom too. We all agreed to come. Herb had the biggest shit faced grin I had ever seen in my life.

We had just got in the car when Corinth said, "Promise me, Sis, that you will allow me to be there when you break the news to our parents that you're going to be a Pastors wife."

Carmen laughed, and said, "Adin my mother's father was a Protestant Minister all his days. My mother turned against formalized religion and did not believe in its structure. As a result, our parents had a rocky relationship for years and we spent a lot of time with our grandparents."

"In a way, you're saying your life has completed its circle and come back to what it always was supposed to be," I said. "It took me a lot of years because I never knew anything about God or his ways growing up."

"Grandma is going to love the way I was proposed to," Carmen said. "It took me totally by surprise. I still can't figure out how you got my ring size."

The four of us went to Appleby's for lunch. Corinth explained while we ate that it had been my call last night that got them to realize what was important in their relationship.

"Sis, Both Adin and I have come to realize that we needed balance is our lives long ago," Carmen said. "From this day forward, we will be working full time on making sure our life has a certain kind of balance."

"With all the problems going on in our society, "Corinth said. "That's almost impossible to do."

"The problems of the world are the worlds," I said. "In general, they will be left in the world when we enter our home at the end of the day. Carmen and I will not allow them to affect our relationship with each other going forward."

"You're saying that the quality of your home life," Tom said. "Is what matters most why do you feel that way?"

"The world is full of stress, pain, greed and all things that can eat at you in a personal way," I said. "We can't change it, but we can change how it affects us by making our home our sanctuary from the things in the world by filling it with love."

"We can do that by planting an imaginary tree in our minds," Carmen explained. "To hang the problems, we face in the world daily before we enter the house and pick them up when we leave the house the next day."

"I love that idea," Corinth said. "But it will take a lot of effort on both your parts to accomplish it. I think Tom and I are going to have to think about working on that concept in our lives going forward. How did you come up with that idea?"

"It's in Adin's book," Carmen said. "The one I bought after meeting him. It's what gave me the balance I needed to get this far."