A Certain Kind Of Balance

We got to Herb and Pamela's about five o'clock to find they had a whole crowd there to celebrate our engagement. Even Herb's parents were there. Carmen met my parents and their new spouses for the first time.

*******

Meeting Carmen's Grandma was an experience that both of us will never forget. We had flown back to where her parents and grandparents lived. After renting a car we had gone over to see her in the house that she had lived in all their married life. It was a home that was filled with memories of life and love.

Carmen first introduced me as her intended. Her grandmother did not seem to be impressed with me. She had lived a long rich life and not much surprised her. It was not until Carmen told her that I had proposed at the end of a sermon that her eyes lit up with excitement and joy.

"Are you serious Carmen," She asked?

"Yes, she is," I said. "I had just been appointed a Pastor that morning and I was giving a sermon on what headship meant in the eyes of God. At the end of the sermon while still wearing the mike I went down the aisle to her seat and proposed. Let me tell you your granddaughter was not expecting it at all."

A huge smile came across her face as she said, "Carmen on the left side lower drawer in your grandfather's desk is his favorite bible. Can you bring it to me."

Carmen did as she asked. It was wrapped in a protected cloth. I could see it was an early eighteenth-century leather-bound edition still in mint condition. Based on its thickness I knew it was a multi-use bible designed and written for research and deep study.

"Carmen when you get married it's your husband's. Jake always used it when he wanted to find further depth about scripture when he was preparing his sermons. I always found the old proper English hard to understand."

Carmen handed me the bible and I automatically went into it too look for a certain scripture. Most modern bibles had changed that scripture which effectively changed its meaning. I knew the bible was a good one because the scripture was in its original form. The hand-stitched binding was still tight its leather as soft as a baby's bum. Its former owner had appreciated its value and treated it accordingly.

The bible had the original Hebrew, the Greek, and the English type. Each scripture was compared with each other. I guess I got consumed by it because Carmen had to bring back to our current reality. I wrapped the bible back up in its protective cloth and set it on my lap.

Her Grandma said, "My Jake was just like your young man Carmen. He got spell bonded by that bible too. He said it changed his view on a lot of things that he taught because of what that bible was able to show. Has your mom met him yet?"

"No were staying at Corinth's and Tom's they will meet him during a family dinner this evening," Carmen explained. "We came here first as soon as we got off the plane. Grandma, we will be living in his home. It has an old wood cookstove and a hand water pump just outside the kitchen, so I want you to send me all those recipes, so I got them."

"Adin you're going to be spoiled rotten," Grandma said. "Jake to his dying day said some of the best meals he ever had was made on a wood stove. One of his favorite chores was filling it."

We visited with her until we noticed she was needing an afternoon rest, then after Carmen tucked her in, we departed.

"Grandma told me she was not only very happy for us but also very proud," Carmen said. "That I was going to be a pastors' wife. She told me that in our walk of life we would be receiving a lot of blessings unexpectedly."

"That is most likely true, but we are also going to be faced with a lot of hate by those who see us as a punching bag to promote their political agenda," I said. "It's acceptable in society these days to attack Christians because of what we believe."

Carmen got quiet for a few. I guess she was pondering over my last comment, then she said, "It's not like when grandma and grandpa were young. The truth is right in front of everyone, but they refuse to see it."

"There are many who are blind," I said. "For the simple reason, they have been taught for years not to see. The easiest way to hide the truth is to publicly call it a lie. Politicians get elected by doing that all the time."

"Do you know what you implying," Carmen asked?

"Individually the truth still matters," I said. "Collectively in society, it doesn't mean shit. That's what years of dogmatic teaching have done. It used to be when we were young because we saw it through innocent eyes. But with innocent lost, if we look at it honestly that is the real truth."

"How can you say that," Carmen asked.

"When I was young under the direction of the school authorities my parents kept me drugged so I could fit in with what was considered social norms. I can still remember feeling like a prisoner in my own body. It was my grandfather who suggested that I have my IQ tested."

"When they discovered how intelligent I was they understood that my behavior problems were caused because of my ongoing boredom. I was pulled from the public system and taken off of the drugs. I excelled as a result. They sued the school board and its system and won," I said. "Throughout history, there are many stories of individuals like me who did not fit into the collective's view of what is normal. In general, the collective would drive them out."

"Society has blurred right and wrong so that there is no longer a clear meaning to what is and what is not acceptable, "Carmen said. "That makes it more important that our home will be a haven from the problems of the world."

"You will never hear me disagree with you on that," I said as we pulled into Corinth's and Tom's driveway.

After greetings were done, Corinth noted that we seemed closer and more secure in our relationship since the last time she had seen us. I thought that honest communication between the two of us had created that.

To say my meeting of her parents went smoothly would be spreading it a bit. Towards me, Carmen's parents appeared to be standoffish. It would be after they had said goodnight for the evening that I would learn why. They had no sooner left when the mood changed.

"Mom is still in total shock," Corinth said in laughter. "She cannot get over the fact that my sister is marrying her dad. Tom get out the rye we are going to have a toast to my future brother in law."

As Tom poured us all a drink Carmen explained. "What our mother sees as a burden was her father's approach to life in general. He was more reserved and protective, so she thought he had no excitement for life. She wanted what was in the world and he protected them from it. Mom could not see that her friends wanted what she had because it was so different from what they knew. She felt trapped and wanted their freedom which she didn't have."

"Thanks to our parent's relationship with each other," Corinth explained. "We were exposed to both lifestyles most of our childhood. With our grandparents, we had boundaries, rules, and an order to live by with our parents we had none."

"We saw what we had with our grandparents as having security and structure. Their home was a place where we were loved and respected while being encouraged to become the best we could be. Our parents came across in the long run as not giving a damn," Corinth said. "They pretty much left us to grow on our own.

"Mom's problem with you Adin is that she sees you as having the same morals, principle's and standards that she has run away from all her life because they are old fashioned and outdated," Carmen said. "I find them perfect because they make me feel so complete."

We stayed with Corinth and Tom for the rest of the weekend. We left for home Sunday night. On the plane ride home, Carmen slept with her head on my shoulder. I spent the flight being stared at because I was studying my newest bible.

*******

It was a beautiful summer Saturday afternoon in August that saw Herb standing beside me with the two ushers watching for the maid of honor and the bridal party to walk down the aisle. What had originally been started as a small affair thanks to the family it had gotten big.

I guess for my side of the family it was I have to see it to believe it sort of thing because they were all here in mass. All five of my siblings and their spouses along with their children. Both my parent's with their partners. If you looked at the five of my parent's children together you would question if we were related.

Finally, the march started. The mother of the bride started walking down the aisle. Herb whispered in my ear that the wicked witch must have taken a few pills because she seemed to be smiling. I had to hold in a chuckle with that. Carmen's grandmother saw our wedding as a validation of her walk in life.

That got me to relax because I started to smile. We could see the ladies in waiting, begin to come forward. My youngest sister and Corinth looked stunning in their matching burgundy dresses. Pamela the maid of honor was next, and her matching dress suited her well.

Herb said that she looked stunning then we saw Carmen walking with her dad. He looked like his chest was about to burst. Carmen's face was glowing with anticipation. I did not start to breathe until she was standing beside me as I was a nervous wreck.

Why is the biggest event in one's life always the shortest? It took less than ten minutes for the actual ceremony to be complete. The Pastor who married us had been the one that announced my appointment. He took great delight in dragging it out by giving us a few minutes of wise counsel before starting us on our vows.

As soon as the service was over, we walked hand and hand down the aisle and stood outside the church doors. That way we were there to greet our guests as they came out the door. I got worried when I didn't see the pastor come out. So, after the crowd thinned, I slipped back in to find him in his office in duress. Calling for the first responders I waited for their arrival with his wife.

Carmen and I thought he might have had a mild heart attack. We would later learn he died on the operating table while he had open-heart surgery.

Carmen and I spent our honeymoon on a ten-day tour of the Alaska coast on a cruise ship. When we returned to Seattle, we spent a couple of days in that city before heading home. We arrived home late Friday afternoon.

Saturday morning the head Deacon showed up at our home to talk to both of us. We learned then about our friend's death and burial. He was at our place to see if I would be willing to assume the position of head pastor effective immediately. Carmen told him before I had the chance to accept that of course, I would.

I was busy working on my first sermon when I heard the phone ring. I let Carmen answer it. After a few minutes, she came into my small office.

"Pat and Herb have already heard that you're our new pastor," Carmen said. "I told them you were already working on tomorrow's sermon. They were wondering if they brought over supper would you have time to eat?"

"Sure, and time to visit," I said, "because I going to be dwelling on Pastor Steven's favorite Chapter in the bible because he always saw it as a celebration of life.

"Which chapter is that," Carmen asked.

"One that shows the walk of man," I said, "because it shows the balance of life, do you know which one that is? Let me give you a hint. It was used for a hit single back in the sixties."

"Ecclesiastes chapter three because it deals with a time for all things," Carmen said with a smile.

"Your right but did you know that it also shows what we will experience through our life," I said? "To teach us what is and what is not important from birth to death so that there will be a balance to our days."

Carmen looked at me in complete amazement as if she had been given a vision. She smiled and said, "God was showing us a way to have a certain kind of balance. If your sermon is taken seriously you will be releasing a lot of burdens from people's minds."

"No, Pastor' Stevens will be," I said. "it's his final blessing to those he loved."

When I took the pulpit to begin my sermon, I started by saying I was only sharing Pastor Stevens's final thoughts to the congregation. During the discourse, there were a lot of emotions shown as I presented in a way that celebrated his life journey.

My closing was short and straight forward. I said, "Pastor Steven's was a great fan of Michael Jackson and took these words from one of his songs to heart. If you want to change the world take a look at the mirror and change yourself. He used that teaching to inspire himself to make himself one of the best spiritual teachers most of us will ever know to help us to reach for the goal of walking side by side with him in his father's kingdom."

After closing with prayer, I stepped down off the pulpit Pastor Stevens's widow hugged me tight and said, "He said you would be a better pastor than he ever was. That inspired sermon proved him right."

Carmen heard those words and got tears in her eyes. As we walked towards our car later Carmen said, "She will remember that sermon the rest of her life as one of her fondest memories."

"So, will most of the congregation," I said. "For the very reason, his walk was in line with the biblical chapter we discussed."

We had been married for about six months when Carmen's Grandmother's doctor insisted that she move into assisted living. Like all elderly people she was no longer looking after herself like she should. Carmen's mother was having difficulty because her mother was having none of that.

We had just learned the Carmen was carrying our first and we were trying to figure out how it was going to work in with both our busy schedules.

"Carmen the reason her doctor wants her to move into assisted living is not because of her physical health it's because of her physiological heath," I said.

"Adin that's stupid, my grandmother is still sharp as a piercing whistle," She responded. "What your saying does not make sense."

"Do you eat better when you're surrounded by others," I asked. "Or when you're by yourself?"

Carmen thought about it for a moment then came over and gave me a great big kiss before asking, "How do we resolve this?"

"You're going to fly back," I said. "To convince her to move down here and live with us. That way she will have the older sisters in the church, her family, and some of the prestige she lost when her husband passed away."

"Carmen's eyes got big as if it was something she had never thought of. She said, "That's a great idea but how do I get her to agree to do that?"

"Tell her you're going to need her help in learning how to be a great mother," I said. "If that doesn't work nothing will."

Carmen flew out that night. Her grandmother accepted right away after saying, "If your mother had suggested that I would not have gone a step of the way."

It took about a month to get all the logistics done. Grandmother became Nana to us and fit right in. The older sisters accepted her as one of their own. Sunday dinners in the winter had to be cooked on the wood cookstove. Nana was right the best meals were created on that old stove with the recipes that were older than dirt. Carmen was surprised how much healthier her grandmother got having a purpose in her life again.

When Caylean came into the world weighing five pounds eight ounces Carmen's grandmother was thrilled to death. As long as she was healthy no one would babysit her except her. Nana would get teared up at times when she saw me using her husband's bible to prepare my next sermon.

Our congregation was growing, we were now doing a local radio show of our Sunday service. Carmen's practice was growing. Life was good. Caylean was three years old when her younger brother came into the world weighing six pounds.

Nana lost it when Carmen broke the news that we had named him Jacob Adin. Jacob had been Jake's proper name. Our two kids were in their teens when Nana passed away at the age of ninety-three. She had lived a blessed life and would be missed.

When cleaning out her room we found a handwritten note. It read.

Jesus said he would provide us with a comforter. I could never see that it would be provided to me in a loving granddaughter and her husband. I thought I had lost all the love in my life until the two of you brought me home. Keep building your love because it is a perfect bond of union. Love always Nana.

Finished

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