A Cuckold's Journey Pt. 01

INTRODUCTION:

I wrote this story at the request of a Literotica member who wishes to remain anonymous. I agreed because this is a story about cuckolding that is founded on a couple who truly love one another and a dominant man who is educated and caring of his sub couple. For lack of a better description, I'll call it a loving cuckold tale... In this particular situation I could even call this a romance. It is based on a series of conversations we have had about his 'journey into being a cuckold'. The events that follow are based on a real life experience with some embellishment by the author to meld it into a story format. We both hope this is of interest to some, as this lifestyle is a very real fact in our shared human experience. I, as an author and a fellow member of the larger LGBTQ tribe, hope everyone who reads this will hold back their judgement of men and couples like this. Like all of us, they are unique and have unique personalities and unique sexual desires/kinks/fetishes. I hope that if you are one who can't hold back your animus towards those who differ from your own sexual desires/kinks/fetishes, then you will turn away from this tale now. As always, I solicit your comments and votes so I can better judge this effort...but please be kind and keep any negative comments directed to any lack in my writing and not this particular relationship.

TAGS: cuckold, mmf, bisexual men, cheating wife, humiliation, alpha male, chastity

*****

PART ONE

This lifestyle, or perhaps I should say alternative relationship, had it's beginnings in 2008. My wife and I were on a roll in regard to our financial picture. She was the executive assistant for a successful attorney and I was the one making the big bucks as a bank executive. To be more precise, I was in a mid-management position in our mortgage department. Yep, ten years ago and it seems like yesterday to me. If you're too young to remember, that was the year of the biggest financial implosions since the Great Depression.

Thankfully, my wife's employment was not affected by the crisis. But it's an understatement to say that mine was. The truth is, my entire career was wiped out in a matter of days. And for those who have never experienced such a tragedy, let me add that my self respect and pride was pretty much wiped out as well. The reason I even mention all of this is because for the first time in my adult life I was dependent on another person for my financial needs.

Of course I tried to find new employment, but my experience since graduation from college had been focused in the mortgage banking arena. I guess I could have maybe picked up a job at a burger joint, and maybe that would have been enough to keep me from spending too much time on internet porn. But it was just easier to feel sorry for myself and keep believing all of this is just a temporary lull in the lending markets. At any rate, it was during this time that I discovered the thing known as cuckold porn. I don't really know why it spoke to something inside me. I mean, I better understand it now, but at the time I just knew that nothing had ever aroused me so much.

In hindsight I can self analyze myself and to just give the readers some idea of myself I will do that. I've never been a hyper masculine man. I'm on the smaller side both physically and in the cock department. I've never had a fist fight in my life and didn't fit in with the regular guys in school. I was fortunate to be a good musician and that's how I met my beautiful wife (wife). We met halfway through college and married shortly after graduation.

I had very little success with girls in school and when I did get lucky it was pretty short lived. I guess you could say it was short lived in more ways than one. I was always quick on the draw when it came to orgasm. Usually my only success at bringing a woman to orgasm was with my tongue and fingers. This caused me to shy away from the dating scene and just concentrate on my studies. Sarah was the first woman that seemed to truly enjoy sex with me. Before Sarah my less than fulfilling sex life went on until I met Matt. It didn't take him long to uncover my bisexual side. We had some great sex, but after I started getting serious with Sarah I forced myself to quit all of that. For some reason Sarah fell in love with me despite the fact I had confessed my previous same-sex-attractions and experiences. So, as you can see, I wasn't ever a man's man. Personally, I think all of these attributes are part of why becoming a cuckold husband was an easy path to fall into.

I suppose that I tell all of this in the hope that you the reader won't despise me too much. I'm still man enough to feel a tremendous amount of shame for what I have become. But as we all do, I try to understand myself and come to an acceptance of the real me. I have to admit to myself, and you who read this, that I have accepted that I am a bisexual submissive male. And just so you know, after a rough beginning my wife and I are very happy in our current relationship. But, it wasn't always smooth sailing! Now, on with the story!

*****

It had been almost six months since I lost my job and both Sarah and I were under tremendous stress. Sarah had taken on even more responsibility at her work and I had pretty much exhausted all the leads I had on finding a new job. In an attempt to help, I took over all the cooking and tending of the apartment we had rented after selling our own house at a loss. The downsize into a one bedroom apartment was the only way to make ends meet on her salary and the whole thing brought a lot of strain into the relationship. She knew I was trying, but after so long we were both on edge.

Sarah was working longer hours and traveling a lot with her boss Brandon for out of town meetings. In a way, it helped relieve the tension between Sarah and I. It also gave me too much time on my hands and I turned to porn for recreation. It wasn't long before I started taking a peek at all the gay and bisexual stuff, and found that it gave me an even bigger charge than the heterosexual fare. It brought back fond memories of how good man flesh felt in my hands...and my mouth. Yes, I always felt guilty after I came but the need for release was always too strong to ignore. To be honest, I had fallen into a pretty destructive cycle.

One day I made the discovery that would shape our future as I did the laundry. One pair of Sarah's underwear was stuck together at the crotch. At first I thought it was just her pussy mess, but when I sniffed it I thought it smelled like a man's spunk. I didn't recall having had sex at a time she would have soiled her undies, but just smiled at the thought of her getting home. By the time she made it home I had forgotten about it.

It was a week later that I made the second discovery. Sarah had been out of town for four days with her boss Brandon and when she came home she was tired and went to bed early. I had already gathered her dirty clothes and deposited them in the laundry room. As I separated her clothes for dry cleaning and the stuff I could do at home, I found every pair of her panties were soiled and crusted. I smelled them and there was no mistake of what they were soiled with. The smell of fresh cum was unmistakable! I had to accept that Sarah was fucking another man...or was it more than one? At first I was stunned and crushed. Why would she fuck other me when she was out of town? Why would she let them cum inside of her? Instead of washing them, I hid all four pair of them. My intent was to confront her and demand an explanation.

The next day she was up early and off to the office. She seemed like all was well and was chipper and her old self after a good night's sleep. It didn't seem like the time to bring up the fact that she was fucking other men, so we just had a nice morning and she went to work.

This is embarrassing to tell, but shortly after she left I retrieved the dirty evidence for another inspection. As I felt the silky fabric with the hard and crusty crotches, I couldn't resist smelling them again. Oh yes, the smell of man was strong and distinct. No doubt, none at all. Some guy had filled my wife with his seed. As I sat there, I sniffed again...and again. Before I even gave it much thought I had slipped my sweatpants down and began to play with my hardening cock. I sniffed the scent of man as I edged myself...first one pair and then another. I even wrapped a soft pair around my dick and rubbed it with his spunk...whoever he was. It didn't take long at all before I added my own cream to his as I soaked her underwear again!

I was immediately shocked and ashamed at what I had done! What had come over me...what had I become?

In the end, I washed her clothes and never brought up the issue of her cheating. I was too ashamed at my own behavior to even think about calling her out on it. It was during those early days that the thought came to me that maybe she deserved to have some sexual satisfaction. I hadn't been the most romantic guy in the world the past few months. It was also in that period of time that I began to get into the cuckold porn and I jerked off regularly while watching wives getting fucked as their husbands sat by or in some cases were also used by the other man. Eventually the bisexual cuckold stuff was all I searched for. I learned the names of such men were Bulls and I started to see the difference between them and guys like me. And it was at this point I finally began to realize I was a sub male...or as some called it; A beta male toward other men who were Alpha males. Part of me hated that realization, but something deeper made it clear that it was true.

As time went on, the soiled underwear became routine...as did my own use of them to get off. By this point the acceptance of myself as a cuckold in a female led relationship was growing stronger. It was coming up to our first year anniversary of me being being the stay at home partner.

*****

"Don't you think it's time to maybe find some other kind of work," Sarah asked over dinner.

"I honestly don't have any other ideas of where to look or what to do. My only skill isn't in very high demand at the moment," I replied. The whole issue depressed me and it wasn't like I hadn't tried. Plus, I was doing all the domestic chores now.

"Perhaps you should go back to school and get some other training if that's a dead end field," she said in response.

"I can't even imagine that. What other field could I apply my skills to," I shot back with irritation in my voice.

"Well, you can't just give up and mope around here all day...it's not healthy," Sarah said with a tense edge.

"Okay, I'll give it some thought," I conceded.

"I could ask Brandon if he knows of anything, if you'd like," Sarah offered.

"No thanks. I think Brandon has done more than enough," I barked sarcastically.

"What do you mean by that," Sarah asked.

I don't know what it was that caused me to loose it in that moment. In my defense, I was under a lot of stress. We both were. But it was in that moment that our lives took an entirely different trajectory when I shot back angrily, "You think I don't know you've been fucking Brandon for months? Who do you think washes your cum soaked panties?"

It was all out in the open now. The pressure had frayed the coverings of our nerves and now the truth had to come out!

"I'm not going to get into this right now," she said. "I have to get to work and we can discuss this tonight when I get home."

And with that she calmly got up and left for work with me still sitting at the breakfast table. I had never felt so weak and humiliated by anything as her calm dismissal of my accusations. Somehow, I mustered what remained of my manhood and I resolved to myself that I would confront Brandon face to face.

I sulked around the apartment all day half angry and half broken by all of the things that had happened in the past year. But by the time my wife usually returned home from work I was resolved to go to Brandon's house and put an end to this affair. As I sat and stewed over the details of Sarah fucking another man, I had the thought; 'If she'd have just asked I could have understood her need'. Then immediately said aloud, "What the fuck am I thinking! No way was that true," I told myself...no fucking way!

When Sarah finally walked through the door it was later than normal. Actually, I was relieved to see she came home at all. I told her first thing that, "I'm going to Brandon's house and get this resolved right now."

"I really don't think that's a good idea," she replied.

"And why not," I asked.

"I think it's best if we just work through this ourselves. It will just get messy if you barge into his house and start accusing him. Do you really want to risk me loosing my job too?"

I wasn't about to back down on this and said, "If he fires you, we'll just have to deal with it." I closed the door harder than necessary as I walked out. I pondered the fact that Sarah never offered to end the affair as we had talked. That puzzled me and worried me at the same time. Perhaps she was planning on dumping me for him, I thought as I drove to the upscale side of town. "Whatever," I said to myself.

*****

It was the first time I had been to Brandon's house, and it was obvious that he was very successful. But that didn't stop me from pulling into the driveway and ringing his doorbell.

The door opened quicker than I thought it would and even though I had only met him on a couple of occasions he greeted me like an old friend saying, "Hello Chris. Sarah just called and said you were on your way and wanted to talk. Come in. Can I get you something to drink?"

I admit that his charm threw me off just a little. He obviously knew why I was there if Sarah had just called him. But he wasn't the least nervous or perturbed. I couldn't say the same for me.

"No thanks on the drink Brandon. I think you know why I'm here so this isn't a social call," I told him in my bravest voice.

"Yeah, I know why you're here. And I just want you to know that I'm glad you are here. I've been wanting to get this all out in the open for awhile. I'm not much for slinking around in the dark," Brandon said calmly. "Come sit down at least."

I followed him into the house and again couldn't help notice the quality of everything from the house itself, the furnishings and the decor. But it was his calm demeanor that threw me off balance more than anything. He had thrown me off stride by handling all of this like it was just a slight misunderstanding among friends.

Finally seated on a large leather sofa with him sitting across from me in a matching chair, Brandon asked once again, "Are you sure I can't get you something to drink?"

I noticed he had picked up his own drink from the side table as we walked through the house. Perhaps a drink of Scotch wouldn't be a bad idea I thought and said as much to him. As he was pouring the drink I once again let my eyes wander around the room. I wondered how many times Sarah had been here. I could see how she could have been seduced by all of this and the suave manner of her lover. I recall wondering how it all came to this point.

"Here you go Chris, I've found a good Scotch among friends makes for better conversation," the jerk said as he smiled down at me.

"Thanks Brandon, but I'm afraid I'm not here as a friend. I'm here to tell you that it's over between you and Sarah," I said and then took a big swig from my glass.

"Listen Chris, Sarah and I have both been wanting to bring you in on our relationship. She convinced me that you wouldn't understand," he started.

I cut him off saying, "And she was one hundred percent correct in that!"

"Really? I guess I had come to a more positive conclusion," Brandon replied without a hint of doubt or nervousness.

"And why would you think something as ridiculous as that," I asked.

"Well, it goes back several months, but I think it's best you know. Some time back Sarah confided in me that she was worried that you had fallen into a self defeating rut. She suspected that you were spending all your time online watching porn. When I asked her why she thought that, she confessed that she had no proof but that the sex life between you two had fallen off dramatically," he began.

First I was shocked that she was close enough to him to even bring up our sex life. But then my thoughts began to dwell on the question of why she would suspect I was watching so much porn and asked, "Why in the world would she think that?"

"To be honest, she didn't really say why she suspected that you might be getting in over your head. But I did offer to help her verify her suspicions. It was really just a simple request to the guy I use for tech issues. I don't get into the details with him of how this is all done, but with your wife's permission he put a trace on your modem. We've been monitoring your porn for several months," he told me with a look in his eye of mixed humor and pity.

My mind literally went blank. For a moment I felt as if I was going to pass out. Then I felt a flush of humiliation creep over me like nothing I had ever experienced. I knew my face was giving away my discomfort by turning a beet red color but I had lost all control of the situation and knew it. I knew my wife and Brandon had watched all the cuckold porn I had been indulging in for months. In short, I was busted, and he knew it. So did Sarah and she had tried to talk me out of this and spare me the shame and humiliation I was now drowning in. When I looked and focused again, he was sitting calmly sipping his scotch with a smile in his eyes. I couldn't think of anything to say that would restore my manhood, so I just sat there like a child that had been caught in his crime.

Brandon stood up and walked to stand in front of me. Looking down, he asked, "Do you really want to go into the details of this?"

All I could think to say was, "None of that matters. I still want you to stop..." Before I could finish, he shushed me and I ceased trying to weasel out of the trap he had set for me.

"It does matter Chris. It makes all the difference in the world. The question now is; What are we all going to do about it," he said in a soothing tone.

Wha...what do you mean," I asked.

"Okay Chris, if you want me to say it I will. You are a cuckold. Your wife goes to bed with another man. But the most important thing is that based on the hours of cuck porn you watch, you get off on being a cuckold. Instead of fighting against yourself, why not embrace yourself instead. Have you ever just thought about accepting who you are and what turns you on? Look at me," he said as he tipped my chin up.

"Chris, I've fucked your wife more times than I can recall. How does that make you feel," he asked.

"It makes me feel humiliated," I admitted, fighting back tears.

"But isn't that the very thing that turns you on so much? Haven't you jerked off a hundred times wishing you could live this fantasy? Be honest Chris! Be honest with yourself and tell me the truth!"

I paused trying to catch a real breath of air. With my deepest secrets on open display, and the way he raised his voice to me, I was feeling emotions that I had never experienced in my life. It seemed that I had no escape except to answer him truthfully. I couldn't believe my own ears as I heard my voice answering, "Yes."

"Yes what, Chris," he pushed.

Yes...I know I'm a cuckold, but.." I admitted.

He shushed me again, and I felt his hand softly stroking my hair as I hung my head in shame. "There, doesn't it feel better to get it out in the open," he asked.

"I guess," I replied in a sheepish response.

"No, don't guess. Be honest. The truth is out. I know the truth, your wife knows...and now you need to know it too. Don't let it push you down just because it seems wrong, if it makes you feel right on the inside, just own it and live it," Brandon said in a soft soothing way.