A Feel For The Ice Ch. 03

That's not my fault though, Anna told herself, her eyes staring into the orange and red flames of the fire. I didn't ask for Kevin to confess his crush to me.

"Mom," Riley murmured from beside her, his chocolaty breath filling her nostrils. "I'm getting cold. Can we go?"

"Sure, sweetheart," she agreed. "Go grab your skates."

He scampered off, throwing the blanket on Anna and she smiled as she watched him hurry around the fire to pick up his skates from where he'd left them. Standing up, Anna folded the blanket, wished those around the fire a Merry Christmas and took her son's hand in hers.

They were both quiet on the drive back home and Anna knew Riley was tired from the exciting day outside. Riley and Anna would spend that night at Kevin's house and in the morning, that's where the presents would be opened. They'd decided to do dinner at Anna's house though, since she had the bigger dining room table.

That thought brought a smile to her face and she thought back over the years, amazed that she'd even kept the big table. It was just her and Riley in the house, after all, but for some reason, she'd loved the table and hadn't wanted to part with it. She supposed that some small part of her still wished for a big family, with too many hyperactive, hockey-loving kids and a man who wasn't going to run away from her. After five years, she wondered if she should give up the dream.

Now that I've probably driven Hayden away for good, she added silently and sighed.

Once they got home, Anna told Riley to pack his overnight bag and went to the Christmas tree to start putting all the gifts into bags. She had everything stacked by the front door and was about to go upstairs to pack her own things when the doorbell rang. Startled, she turned and opened the door, smiling when she saw Kevin on the other side.

"Are you guys all set?" he asked, his breath a white cloud in front of his face.

"Just about," Anna said. "Grab a few of these bags," she added and handed some of the gifts to him. Kevin took them and hurried back across their yards to his own house. After three trips, they were done and Riley was bouncing in the front hall, newly energized at the prospect of a Christmas sleepover.

"Go on over, buddy," Kevin told him. "Nick has your sleeping bag all set up in his room."

"Cool!" Riley cried and bolted through the snow to Kevin's house.

Laughing, Anna stepped back so Kevin could come inside. "I still have to pack my things," she told him. "You can come upstairs if you want."

"All right," Kevin agreed and followed her upstairs.

"How are Bradley and Cassie? Excited?" Anna asked as Kevin sat on the end of her bed and watched her pick a few clothes off hangers in her closet.

"I think so," Kevin replied. "Cassie is trying to remain cool about it all, of course, seeing as how she doesn't believe in Santa."

Anna chuckled and nodded. "I remember being sixteen. I think I might have still believed in Santa even then!"

"Well, she pretends to be aloof but I think she's pretty excited," Kevin replied and smiled as he thought of his daughter. "She's been baking with the boys all week and I think they've all been having a really good time together."

"That's great, Kevin," Anna told him and meant it. She'd always been jealous of families with more than one child. Growing up an only child had been lonely at times but her parents had always done their best to make up for it. She couldn't blame them; it's not like they hadn't tried to give her a little brother or sister. It just hadn't been in the stars for them.

After a few more minutes of light chatter as she packed, Anna zipped up her bag and they walked downstairs.

"So have you spoken to Hayden today?" Kevin asked as Anna set her bag down on the floor.

"No," Anna replied, unable to hide her disappointment from Kevin. "He hasn't called."

"Have you tried calling him?"

Anna's head snapped up and she narrowed her eyes at Kevin. "I'm not the one who needs to be apologizing," she replied.

Kevin smiled and held his hands up towards her in a defensive pose, palms out. "I know that," he replied.

"Then why should I be the one calling him?"

"Calm down, Anna," Kevin said with a chuckle. "I ask because it's very obvious how much you two care about each other. I'd hate for one little fight to come between you. Especially if it was about me." That last he added with an impish smile that Anna couldn't help responding to.

"It wasn't about you," she muttered. "Well, not exactly. Hayden was just acting like a... jerk and I said some things..." she let her voice trail off, shaking her head. She remembered what she'd said and the look on his face.

The guilt that had been gnawing at her all day surged again and she thought about the fact that she'd overlooked him when it came to planning the holiday. She'd only assumed he'd have his own plans already, since he'd spent all his previous Christmas holidays away from his family in Sweden. Still, the guilt inside her told her she could have handled their argument better. After he'd accused her of being more than friends with Kevin, she hadn't really been thinking straight, and it was only later, after she'd calmed down that she'd realized her mistake.

"Anna, like I said, don't let one fight ruin things," he told her and shrugged his jacket on. "I know how much time he spends here and I've seen the way you look at each other."

Anna blushed and held a palm to her cheek. "The way we look...?" she echoed.

"Yes," Kevin said with a firm nod. "As though there's no one else in the room." He grinned and nudged her arm with his elbow. "As though you can't wait to tear each other's clothes off."

"K-Kevin!" she sputtered and smacked his arm with an open palm.

He laughed and drew her close for a hug after she'd dragged her heavy winter coat on. "Don't be embarrassed, Anna," he told her. "I already told you before and I meant it; I'm glad you've found someone who makes you so happy."

"Thanks, Kevin," she murmured and reached for the door handle, letting cold air wash over them as she pulled the door open.

"No problem," he replied and glanced sideways at her as he stepped out, dropping his arm from her shoulder to reach down for her bag. "So maybe you should cut Hayden a little slack, huh? Give him a chance to apologize, even if it means you're the one to call him."

Anna sighed and turned to draw the door shut, her key in hand. "I will," she agreed and meant it. She straightened after locking the door and turned to see Kevin staring out at the street. "What?" she asked, following his gaze and sucking in a sharp breath when she saw Hayden leaning back against his car where it was parked on the street.

"Uh... I'll let you two talk," Kevin murmured out of the corner of his mouth.

Anna glanced up at him and smiled weakly before he walked down the step and across their yards to his front door. He waved at Hayden before disappearing inside and Hayden waved back before pushing himself up from his car. Anna watched Hayden approach and fiddled with the keys in her hands, ordering herself to breathe; just breathe.

"Hi," Hayden whispered to her as he stopped at the bottom of the steps.

"Hi," she replied.

"Can I talk to you?" he asked.

Anna nodded and turned to unlock her front door again. She wasn't sure if letting him into her now empty house was such a good idea but it sure beat standing outside in the frigid winter air. Hayden followed her in and neither of them spoke as they removed their coats and moved into the living room. Anna bent over to turn on a lamp and glanced at Hayden before sitting down on the couch. He sat down beside her, giving her some space but not enough that she couldn't feel the warmth from his body rolling towards her.

"Anna, I'm sorry," he said, getting right to it.

He sounded like he meant it but Anna drew in a deep, fortifying breath. He was going to have to do better. "Sorry for what?"

"Sorry that I assumed you and Kevin were... you know," he hesitated over his words and Anna smiled, turning her face away so he couldn't see it.

Damn him, she thought and forced the breath out of her lungs. Damn him for making me feel this way. She couldn't seem to help herself around him. A dozen or so words and she was more than ready to crawl into his lap and rub against him like a cat.

"It was stupid and you were right, I never should have assumed you'd do that," Hayden was still speaking, elaborating on his apology. Anna turned back to face him, looking into his soft brown eyes as he spoke. She noticed that his accent was more distinctive and that made her want to smile again. "You said that if I knew you, I'd know you'd never do that," he went on. "You were right about that too, but not about knowing you. I do know you, more than a little bit and I want to keep getting to know more about you."

"Really?" she asked, feeling shy and hot all over.

"Yes," he breathed and moved closer, lifting one of her hands from her lap. He brought it to his lips, his eyelashes dropping as he gazed at her fingers. "I don't ever want to stop knowing you, Anna."

"What about Kevin?" she asked, willing her body to not react as his lips and bristly beard brushed over her knuckles. Too late, she thought, feeling a shudder grip her body at the contact.

Hayden's head jerked up at her question though and he stared at her. "What about Kevin?"

"Yeah," she replied, pulling her hand from his. "I can't be with you knowing that every time I mention Kevin you're going to get upset. And I'm not going to stop making plans with him, for holidays or any other time of year."

"I don't expect you to," Hayden said.

"Good, because Kevin is a very big part of my life," Anna went on, watching his face to gauge his reaction. Her heart was beating hard within her chest and she still wanted to kiss him but she needed to get everything out before she lost all rational thought. "He's my best friend and he's been there for me when no one else was. Our kids are friends and that's something that's never going to change."

"I know," Hayden agreed with a nod, his wide lips curling up in a smile.

Anna's heart skipped a beat before slamming hard into her ribs again. She swallowed, watching as Hayden moved even closer on the couch. "Do you? Do you understand that I'm not going to stop being Kevin's friend?"

"I understand and I want you to know that I think it's great," Hayden said.

Anna looked back and forth between his soft brown eyes, looking for any sign of tension or any sign that he was lying. All she saw was chocolate warmth and it made her blood sing.

"Hayden, I..." she started to speak but Hayden stopped her with a finger against her lips.

"Anna, you don't have to explain anything to me," he told her. "I was the jerk and I am the one begging for your forgiveness here. I'd be lucky if you still wanted me around, not Kevin. He's earned your love and trust and I'm still working on it."

At the word 'love,' Anna felt her stomach clench. She remained silent, listening as Hayden continued to speak.

"I can only hope that one day you and I are the one making plans in the kitchen while Kevin stops by for a cup of coffee," Hayden said and grinned. "I know that sounds silly but I mean it. I know that Kevin will always be in your life, and his kids, and I think it's great. I really do."

"Can you... can we... stop... talking about Kevin?" Anna whispered, wanting so much to hear his sweet voice speak of love to her again.

"Definitely," Hayden replied, his voice dropping an octave. It sent a shiver coursing through Anna and she knew she'd already forgiven him, even if she hadn't said the words. Hayden moved closer still and put his arms around her. She leaned back, blinking up at his handsome face and falling in love with him right then and there.

"Anna, I'm so sorry for how I acted and for making you feel anything less than beautiful and loved," he whispered, his lips so close to her face that she felt the tickle of his beard on her cheek.

"I forgive you," she whispered, her eyes dropping to his soft lips.

"I'm so glad," he replied and kissed her. It was a gentle kiss, slow and warming Anna right down to her toes.

She pressed her hands to his shoulders after a moment and gently pushed him away. Her apology needed to be said before they went any further. "I'm sorry, Hayden. I shouldn't have excluded you from my holiday plans."

He looked for a moment like he was going to say something but Anna stopped him laying her fingers over his lips. "I've never had a man in my life like you and I didn't really think about how we would spend time together over the holidays. It was terribly selfish of me and I shouldn't have said those things to you yesterday." She smiled and leaned close to him, warming even more under his intense gaze. "You shouldn't have said those things either, though!"

With a grin, he squeezed her sides, tickling her and she gasped with laughter, struggling to push him away. He relented and kissed her cheek and the corner of her mouth before letting her speak again.

"I am sorry, Hayden," she murmured when he pulled back. "I guess I didn't want to assume that you'd spend Christmas with me and Riley. I didn't... I didn't want to hope for too much."

Hayden's gaze softened and he brushed her hair back from her forehead. "I can't imagine being anywhere else, Anna. If I have to spend the rest of our lives proving it, I will."

"So you forgive me?"

"You never needed my forgiveness."

She shook her head and swatted him lightly on the arm. "Just tell me that I'm forgiven."

Chuckling, he moved his head closer and exhaled warmly against the skin of her throat. "You're forgiven." Then he kissed her, his lips moving over hers and stealing her breath away.

Bracing her hands against his chest, she pulled back, lifting her eyes to his. "Tell me that I'm loved," she whispered, her face flaming. She couldn't take the words back now though, even if she wanted to.

Hayden's grin warmed her all over again, but in a different way. She squirmed in his arms, shifting closer until she felt the hard muscles of his thighs beneath hers. He held her close, moving back and cradling her in his arms as she lifted herself against his chest.

"Hayden," she murmured, pressing a kiss to his lips. "Please, tell me." She never thought she'd beg for any man to say he loved her but she wasn't the same woman anymore. She'd changed the moment Hayden had come into her life.

"Anna," he whispered, lifting his hands to cup her face. He tangled his fingers in her hair and pulled her away from his mouth so he could look into her eyes. "Anna, you are my heart. I love you more than you can ever know."

Anna felt her eyes sting and she choked back a sob. Hayden's eyes softened and he pulled her close, wrapping his strong arms around her. He held her close as she cried into his shoulder, clinging to him like he was her last anchor on earth.

"Anna, love," he murmured, his lips moving against her hair. His hands were stroking her back in a slow, seductive rhythm, slowing Anna's tears until they stopped. "Anna..."

Anna pulled back and kissed him, skipping the gentleness he'd shown her a minute before. She moaned and slid her tongue against his lips, delving inside when he opened his mouth under hers. His arms stopped their slow caress on her back and he clutched her, his hands fisting in her sweater and pulling it taut across her chest. Her hands roamed over his shoulders and chest before settling at the back of his head, sliding through his silky hair.

"Anna," he murmured, easing out of the kiss and Anna sat back, breathing hard.

"What?" she asked, staring at him in a daze.

"Where's your gift?" he asked. "The one I brought for you."

Blinking, Anna looked around and glanced under the tree. "Oh, it's probably next door. I packed all the gifts up to take over there. Why?"

"I was just going to tell you to open it now," he said with a smile, brushing her hair back over her shoulder and pressing his lips to her exposed neck. "It doesn't matter though."

"Oh, wait!" she exclaimed and scrambled off his lap. "I might still have it," she called over her shoulder as she hurried into the kitchen. Sure enough, pushed out of the way on one side of the kitchen counter were the two wrapped gifts that Hayden had brought over the day before. Scooping them up, she went back into the living room where Hayden was still sitting on the couch, one arm slung across the back.

"You do still have them," Hayden said with a grin, sitting forward and taking them from her hands. "Good. I want you to open yours." He set Riley's gift on the table beside him and handed the other one back to her.

Anna sat down beside him as she took it and pulled the ribbon free. She peeled the shiny paper back slowly, grinning when Hayden made an impatient noise. "I shouldn't even be doing this right now," she chided. "It's not Christmas and there's no one else-"

Leaning forward, Hayden silenced her with a kiss. She leaned into him, sighing when his tongue teased her lips open and retreated before she could respond in kind. She scowled playfully at him but resumed with unwrapping her present. Inside the paper was a long, dark velvet jeweler's box. Her breath caught and her fingers froze.

"It's all right, Anna," Hayden whispered, reaching over to cup her cheek in his palm. "I wanted to get you something as beautiful as you are and when I couldn't find anything, this was the next best thing."

Anna's cheeks flooded with warmth at his words and more tears stung the back of her throat. Swallowing, she pressed her thumbs to the split in the box and opened it. The sparkle was muted in the dim light of the living room but Anna knew right away that he'd bought her diamonds.

"Hayden..." she breathed, her fingers trembling as she lifted one hand to touch the elegant necklace. It was a long, delicate white gold chain and at the bottom a pendant the size of her fingernail glittered with a cluster of diamonds. The shape was a teardrop and each diamond was tiny, all their combined strength making the entire piece sparkle like nothing she'd ever seen before.

"Do you like it?" he asked, sounding nervous.

Anna had never heard him sound nervous before and lifted her face to his. He was smiling and the corners of his eyes were wrinkled as he looked back at her but she could see the apprehension in his expression.

"You shouldn't have done this," she murmured. "It's too much."

"Nothing is ever enough," he replied and shook his head. "I want to give you so much more."

"You do," she told him and moved forward until she was resting against him, his arms warm and strong around her. "I love you, Hayden."

She heard his heart beating hard under her cheek and smiled when she felt him suck in a breath.

"Anna, you have no idea how happy you've just made me," he told her, his accent very thick as he spoke now.

Grinning, Anna carefully extricated the necklace from the box and held it up before them.

"So you like it?" Hayden asked.

"I love it," she replied and meant it. No one else in her life had ever given her something so beautiful. Even her engagement ring from her marriage had been a Walmart special. At the time, she hadn't cared; she'd been too happy to have something to proclaim to the world that she was getting married. Even now, she didn't care that Hayden had spent money on diamonds for her, or that this might be the most expensive thing she'd ever owned. All she cared about was the fact that he'd thought of her and spent time picking something out.

"Thank God," he breathed and she laughed, glancing up at his face. "You have no idea how long it took me to decide on what to get you."

"Really? How long?"