A Twist of Destiny Bk. 02

I blinked at the question but nodded. "It doesn't surprise me, really," I replied. "They're an advanced, peaceful people. They probably didn't become that way without a good bit of spiritual awakening."

"Well... apparently, they have this thing about suicide. They can't do it. But when one of them is feeling suicidal, like they want to die, they'll ask a loved one to do the job. Usually it's done in some humane, painless way, but when they decide that they don't want to live anymore, rather than stain their souls with suicide, they have this religious rite where their closest loved one basically kills them."

Leviathan closed his eyes again and shivered at his memories. "They showed it to me, in my head. Like having a weird dream or something. When the... victim is about to die, everyone nearby mentally bonds with them and they all share in the experience of death. Then the memory of that person's death is shared with everyone else, like putting it on You Tube except it's all done mentally. It's pretty fucking morbid if you ask me, but it brings them peace, so who am I to judge, right? But, so help me God, when they showed me how it was done... God, David, I couldn't... I couldn't... I couldn't deny them. I couldn't tell them no."

My face fell and my eyes widened. "You mean you...?"

Leviathan's eyes began to water with the memory of it and nodded. "Every last one of them, David. They didn't have the energy or the means to do it themselves and they all wanted to be done with it... it was all gone for them, man. Everything, just... gone. And it was so deep in them that I couldn't say no. God, I wanted to! I wanted to say no, but I couldn't... couldn't... I couldn't bring myself to deny them. I couldn't turn them away like that because, if I didn't, they'd have all just stayed right where they were and waited for death to come on its own, starving themselves to death if illness didn't kill them first. So I brought in the tide and created this massive fucking wall of water. I held it there and asked them, one last time, if I could try to convince them to live. When they told me 'no', it was the softest, quietest, most pitiful 'no' you can imagine. So I let the water down. I just let it go, no control or anything. And it fell on top of them like the world's biggest goddamn wave ever... and, like, the split-second before it touched down, they linked with me. Jesus, David, I felt all of them die!"

Leviathan began to sob uncontrollably for a long moment while I clasped a caring hand behind his neck. "Tommy," I said gently, "it's okay, man..."

"No!" he spat angrily. "It's not okay! Do you have any fucking idea what it's like to... oh, dear Jesus, David, they... when they went, I felt this... it was overwhelming, man. This gigantic, heaping wave of gratitude for killing them! It damn near killed me. Fifteen hundred lives, snuffed out like that!" He snapped his fingers. "And, poof, they're gone. Their link to me, their lives, their... one second they were all up there, in my head, and the next, they were gone, like the ghost of a memory or something. Completely and utterly gone. And when the water started to level out, when all their bodies came back down to the wet ground, hanging like limp noodles where they lay... I just sat there and cried my eyes out, man. The Horde, they're evil, but I... I killed them all because they asked me to and that's not fucking right!"

I was quiet for a very long time while Leviathan cried and hung his head in shame. After a time, I said softy, "Tommy? Can I ask you something?"

"....what?"

"If you'd said no, if you'd turned them down, do you think you'd have been doing them any favors? I'm not going to judge you, man. I don't judge you. But if you'd refused their request, how would that have been better?"

"I... I dunno, man. I guess, maybe, they might've found a reason to live later, after some recovery and maybe some therapy. Maybe. But when they were in my head... David, I've seen depression up-close and personal before and this... what those people felt was... it makes simple depression look like a fucking day at the carnival. These people were done."

"Then, by their standards, you were merciful to them, Tommy. You came to save them, which was an act of love, in a way. It was selfless and good. They knew you by your actions and knew they could trust you to do the right thing by them, to honor them and respect them. As a human, I absolutely understand the hell of what you did, but if you look at it from their perspective... you set them free from their pain in a way that fit in with their social mores."

"When in Rome, do as the Romans do, right?" Tommy asked with a scoffing tone. "David, I'm not Roman and I'm sure as hell not Kholain. Maybe I did the right thing from the Kholain perspective, but from the human perspective, it was wrong. Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong! We fight, David. We hold on to life. We hold on to it because it's the only one we get. And whatever the Kholain feel about life, it ain't human and I can't.... I can't carry that burden like they can. I've got the deaths of over a thousand people locked up in my head and I can't share it with anyone! Who can I share it with, David? Who's gonna take it out of my head so that I don't have to carry it anymore? Every time I close my eyes, when I fucking blink, I see those people in my head and feel them in my heart... and I feel them fading, every fucking time, like the worst fucking replay you can imagine. I can't fucking stop it. It's always there!"

While he sat there, fuming at the injustice of the situation, I remained thoughtfully quiet. When he finally looked up at me expectantly, I said, "What can I say, Tommy? There's nothing I can say or do here. This guilt you're carrying around with you... it's all yours, man. All I can tell you is that I understand it. Maybe not to the degree that you're feeling it right now, but I do understand guilt. I also understand that it doesn't do you much good. This is one of those times where no amount of forgiveness from someone else will work- you've got to find forgiveness in yourself. I, personally, don't think that what you did was wrong, not when I look at it from their perspective. You, however, do. All I can do, really, is ask questions and hope that the answers you give are the ones that make the most sense to you."

"...I know."

"So let me ask you... if there was a different way that you could look at this whole thing, what would it be? What would make you happiest? What would make you feel the most peaceful about it?"

"I... I don't know, David."

I smiled kindly at him, but it was a stern smile. "I think you do, Tommy. I think your concern about the guilt is so surprising and powerful that you're focusing on it and that's keeping you from moving on to a different view. For just a minute, try and forget about what anyone else may or may not think of you in regards to this. Just think about some positive aspect of it."

"But there isn't one! Fifteen hundred Kholain are dead because of me!"

I shook my head. "Fifteen hundred is just a number. Where death is concerned, fifteen hundred is no more shocking than fifteen thousand or five. Put the number of Kholain in the abstract. Focus on the event instead. Look for what was positive about it."

Leviathan closed his eyes in concentration and shook his head for a moment. "I'm not seeing it, man."

"Just before the water overtook them, you said that they were linked with you and that they were grateful. Can you focus on that feeling, that intense feeling of gratitude and thanks?"

"I... yes... I remember it. I remember wishing that I could hold on to it for the rest of my life. It was so calming and... open."

"So do that," I said quietly, calmly. "Close your eyes and forget about what your human instincts were telling you, what your intellectual mind was saying- that's all social conditioning. Feeling bad about crapping your pants is social conditioning, too, but babies live for it. Forget about all that stupid nonsense and hold on to that brief glimpse of mercy and ultimate good. They put it right there in your head for that exact reason, didn't they? Open that up and concentrate on it." With his eyes still closed, I saw his face loosen up and the lines of frustration began to slowly fade. With a gentle bit of empathic probing I could tell that he was replaying that aspect of the event in his mind. "You feel it, don't you? All that joy and relief, the perfect moment where you know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that the pain and fear is about to be replaced with peace and contentment... and now it's multiplied by fifteen hundred! That single, powerful feeling of release and bliss, exponentially growing to the point where it blots out every bad thing in your mind. For that tiny fraction of time, you are peace and relief. Do you feel it? That quick moment of letting it all go and simply not worrying about anything ever again, knowing that it's all behind you and it's in the past?"

"I do," he said quietly with wonder, his eyes still tightly closed. "Oh, man, it's... it's the kind of thing you live for, you know? It's an amazing feeling!"

"So open your eyes," I told him. He did so quickly and locked onto my gaze. "It isn't gone, is it?" I asked him. "That powerful feeling is still there, locked up in your head, isn't it? You just felt it. Didn't you know that you can always feel it? Tommy, those poor souls were going to die, no matter what happened. And instead of just wasting away and having their deaths be totally meaningless, they chose to give you the most powerful gift possible. They filled your head with absolute peace. Do you have any idea how many people would kill just to experience what was given to you as thanks? My friend, I don't think you understand just how lucky you really were. People spend their entire lives looking for that feeling and you got it fifteen hundred times over the normal amount. Buddy, you should feel honored, not guilty. By letting the guilt tear you down, yeah, their deaths would be pointless. But, man, you have the chance to make it count for something, which is more than most people can hope for."

Relief and realization began to dawn on his face and I saw the stress and guilt literally melt away from him. "Thanks, man. That was exactly what I needed to hear."

I shook my head dismissively. "Don't thank me, Tommy. Every time you close your eyes and draw on that gift they left you, you go ahead and thank them."

He nodded thoughtfully and gave me a weak smile. "I will. But you lead me to it, David, so I'm thanking you, here and now. You know something? I feel a lot lighter, now. Like it's all gone. Like... like it's only just a memory, and a tragic one, but... it meant something, y'know?"

I nodded and grinned. "It did. And don't you forget it. And, Tommy, I want you to know that it's okay to mourn their deaths. That's perfectly healthy and understandable. But, considering what they gave you in return for your mercy and assistance, I think you should hold on to that single moment of peace for the rest of your life. It'll do you a world of good. Trust me on that."

Chapter Thirty-Two: Expectations

The funny thing about time travel is that, in truth, just about anything is possible but there are rules of the multi-verse that you have to obey. And obedience isn't really a matter of choice; it's a given, like gravity. When I or Aventine take to the skies, we still feel the pull of gravity- we defy it by virtue of the electromagnetic fields our bodies generate, but we still feel it and it still has an effect on us over prolonged periods of time. Well, Time is much the same way. No matter which direction you go in, forward or backward, your subjective time remains constant and you still move linearly through it from your direct perspective. Age and experience are unaffected by Time. A person can make him- or herself younger in any number of ways, but time does not flow backward for anyone.

But there are shortcuts that a person can take, in a manner of speaking. Like in the case of Darren, where he came to be of legal age by being pulled forward in time, where life was easier and safer for him. And so it was, when the baby I'd made with my daughter was born four months later (with the assistance of the same midwife who'd helped Kathy to birth William). On the day we brought him home and Holly was given a clean bill of health (sex, too!), a future version of Holly (who insisted that she came from twenty (!) years in the future but didn't look a day over eighteen) appeared at our home, after we'd brought little Adam home. She came back in time to, as she had done with Darren, bring our son forward in time where he would have the benefit of being raised in a very special crèche.

I was, of course, very skeptical about the whole idea, but Holly2 assured me (with documentation to back up her claims) that baby Adam would be given the best possible care without the worry of harm or negative influence. When I asked what that entailed, she explained that our son would be placed in a sort of natural stasis and every scrap of knowledge he would need in life would be subliminally or hypnotically implanted within his mind. He would have absolute and total knowledge of his family, be bonded with them and naturally drawn to be with them, but all without risk of psychological scarring. His education in the fundamentals would be top-notch and, by the time his body had matured to the end of adolescence, he would be imbued with a Harvard-equivalent education with total recall of information. Upon his arrival, a genetic screening would take place to determine his natural tendencies and mental areas of strength (science, medicine, law, politics, art... you name it!). Once his personal skill sets were understood an entire educational program would be laid out, tailor-made just for him. When he woke from his eighteen-year slumber, he would be as viable and capable as any human being could be.

To be honest, when I saw all of the documentation that Holly2 had brought back with her, I was completely gob-smacked. I couldn't even begin to imagine how any of it was possible, but I was not one to distrust my daughter- most especially when she was looking after the best interests of her own son. Holly (of my contemporary time-frame) and I discussed it thoroughly, along with Kathy, and we all three finally agreed that, while miraculous, it seemed like an opportunity that was impossible to pass up. After a little more discussion, Kathy and I even saw fit to send our son, William, along with his brother/nephew. Holly2 took both baby boys with her, flashed a warm smile and a promise to return them to whenever we wanted them- as full-grown men. Then she was gone from our time with instructions to return in two years (two years to give us time to enjoy our quartet family in relative peace, now that Darren could join us).

"You know," Kathy said thoughtfully, "I figured that I'd go through some sort of... I don't know... separation anxiety or something once they left, but I'm just feeling relieved."

I smiled and nodded. "Well, it's kind of counter-intuitive for motherhood, but it sure beats the hell out of changing diapers, doesn't it?"

"Yeah," Holly said ruefully as she hefted her milk-laden breasts significantly, "but what the hell am I supposed to do with these things now? Plenty of milk, but no babies."

Her brother grinned wolfishly and said, "Oh, I can think of a few things that can be done with them."

We were all already naked, which had become the normal mode of dress in the house by then, and I could see Darren's rather impressive phallus making his point clear as day. "I'm sure you can, Darren," I said sardonically. "But the fact is, she will need help with milking. If it doesn't get expressed or otherwise removed, it can end up being very painful for her, even dangerous."

"Never fear, brother is here!" Darren quipped.

"Actually," Holly said, "it's not a joking matter. Oh, sure, we can have fun with it, but Dad's right: it gets pretty painful. As a matter of fact, they're starting to get kind of uncomfortable already." With just the slight pressure she'd put on them to show them off to us, her nipples had started to leak slightly and we could all see thin, twin streams of milk running down the underside of her very full breasts.

"I wasn't joking, either," Darren said as he started to stand up. "I'd be more than happy to help you with that, Sis."

Holly smiled appreciatively but shook her head. "Thanks, Bro, but I think Dad deserves first taste, since I wouldn't be in this condition if it wasn't for him." She looked at me and rose to her feet. "What do you say, Dad?"

I welcomed my daughter to sit on my lap while she offered her swollen, leaking breasts to me. As I gazed into her loving eyes I felt the warmth of her skin on my right thigh and exulted in it. In the last few weeks of her pregnancy we hadn't made love at all and this was the first sexual contact between either of us. "I'm honored, sweetheart, that you'd offer this to me," I told her.

"Don't," she replied. "Like I said: you helped to get me in this condition, so you'd damn well better be ready to help me through it afterwards. I'm going to be waking you up at some very odd hours to help empty these puppies."

"I look forward to it," I said and then dipped my head down, kissing the exquisitely soft skin of her enlarged tits. "Now... if you'll excuse me, I'm going to have myself a little snack...." Without another word, I applied my lips to her left nipple and began to suckle it gently. I was immediately greeted with the sweet, warm taste of mother's milk from the breast of my daughter and exulted in it. Holly, meanwhile, shuddered appreciatively and stroked the back of my neck.

"Aw," Darren said disappointedly. "Now I'm jealous."

Kathy chuckled. "Don't be, honey. Come here. I'm still producing milk of my own and will be for the next few months until my body realizes that Will isn't around anymore. I'm feeling a little swollen myself right now, so how 'bout you come over here and help your mother out?"

Darren was up from his seat like a shot and planted himself beside his mother on the lover's seat that she'd claimed as "hers." She didn't hesitate to offer her left breast to her son for feeding and he didn't waste a second of time in latching his greedy lips to the fat, swollen nipple that protruded from it. From the corner of my eye, even as I feasted on Holly's teat, I could see that Kathy's right breast wasn't the only think that was leaking on that soft- Darren's hard erection had begun to dribble some pre-cum.

Holly noticed the small drizzle of seminal fluid that leaked from her brother's cock and reached down to lovingly stroke my own shaft. "That's it, Dad," she said encouragingly. "Enjoy it. I'm going to enjoy this for a minute, too."

Kathy laughed from across the living room while Darren attacked her breasts. "Take it easy, son!" she giggled. "I'm not going anywhere and sucking it out too fast can be just as uncomfortable. Take your time. Tell you what... concentrate on the rhythm of my strokes. See if you can match me. Each time my hand goes up, you draw in some milk. When my hand goes down, you swallow and give me a chance to rest."