by Ashson
Great story line... a little long on the buildup and somewhat lacking on the "climax"....
What really took away from the story value was the glaring errors in grammar and spelling..
I would be glad to help with future stories in proofreading and suggesting alternate text..??
I have read quite a few of your stories and always enjoy them. However, this one contained some glaring typos that are far from the norm for you (or at least I don't recall such things ever pulling me out one of your stories before). Perhaps it's because they happened so early on in the story.
"I couldn't really where a bra with that gown." (wear)
"He could drag Brian off to his bed and give me a lift him afterwards." (home)
Always enjoyed your stories. I enjoyed this one but I think it needs a better ending. Maybe if you continue to tell the story of her "education" rather then just ending it as you did.
Liked it. I would go for the father if I was her. Sounds like he'd choose the girl over the game. Thanx for story!
Evebroughtanaxthistime
What am I thinking! She should have both - that way, when Brian is at the game, the father can entertain her. Much better. Shot again for story!
Evebroughtanax
Now I wish my prom night had ended that way. He had 2 older brothers too, and his Dad was definitely hot!
Mmmm!
David did the most honorable thing by spending the entire night 'on her and off her again and again all night!' A fun story.
Tex
An interesting short story, but was there a deadline looming large near the finish as the last few paragraphs appear to be rushed. Could we possibly meet these characters again a few weeks or months later?