All Comments on 'Best Family - Showering with Family'

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a total present tense hater.

It can be a valid narrative POV - but its effective implementation requires considerable skill and talent. This is a skill you have not yet developed. The talent? Too soon to tell.

The basic story itself is fairly interesting, and would have been easily more palatable with a standard (less demanding) past tense narrative. As is, it is awkward and arduous to get through.

I'm truly interested: What made you choose this point of view? Why did you go through the effort of converting TO this POV? Feel free to answer here or in a PM.

Who cares.... A great first effort, more please

Present tense was a bad mistake. It sounds clumsy and stilted. The story becomes unreadable. It should only be used by very experienced writers.

Having written that, they're all already in said relationship; how did the relationship begin?

Wonderful family story and loving. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Great story. Very well written. Look forward to more of your stories.

once when a word is spelled wrong in a story is a mistake but when a word is spelled wrong every time it is used it is stupid the word you used is "fell" the meaning is like falling down ie i fell down the steps but the word you meant to us was "feel" as in i feel her ass as it rubs against my cock. you may need an editor or if you are using one then find another but over all your story was fair

good story, looking forward to a lot more family time together

Interested to see where it all goes.

But please get a proof reader

The sex was loving and hot. But I kept wondering how this casual sex began. Who seduced whom first? Do the sisters or sisters and mother play with each other? The First Person Present Tense didn't pull me into the story, partly because there wasn't any drama or conflict. This is a good start. Looking forward to more stories from you.

I will work on fixing the reported misspellings soon and go thought the story again to see if I can find more issues.

This concept came to me during a long drive one night, and it was originally conceived as first-person/present-tense. After I had written maybe 80% of it, to flesh out my mental image of the story, as it were, I started to research writing styles and found that F-P/P-T was the most difficult writing style. As Rapierwit and Anon pointed out, and as my first story, I'm not that good at it. During several of my proof-readings I discovered many, many, past tense references that had to be fixed. I'm sure that is part of the reason it is so difficult to do it properly, but that was my vision, and the way I needed to write it. Actually, this story was written 75%+ for myself. Due to the length, detail, and inspiration, and the fact that I was actually pretty satisfied with it at the end, I decided to polish it up and share it with LE.

I will direct my future, and prequel ;-), stories from a different POV. Likely Third-person omniscient.

I did submit this story to an LE editor, but I never got an edited response, and I didn't want to pester him for it. I'll make sure to get one on my next story.

Thanks again,

-j

For sharing.

I'm not sure where to start.

First, I loved this story. All of the characters love and care for each other. There was no undue drama, in this case I count that a good thing. The sex was pretty good and it kept me touching myself... mmmmm.

My only story critique is all of the left hand here, right hip this, facing away , pointing up, looking down... ... I was getting confused and a couple of times I thought they were in an impossible game of Twister. At any rate, to me, it was distracting.

As a reader, and not a literature expert. I like the flow of a story, and while miss spelling is a little bit annoying, it isn't going to kill a good story unless it is a constant thing.

I appreciate good syntax. I really don't find this to be a problem except when a writer is writing in English, but they speak Russian, or German, or some other language as a first language.

I'm not sure about all of the first person or third person, and present tense or past tense stuff is all about. Maybe that plays into syntax, I am not sure. Some times I feel that all of the criticism along that line is some folks trying to impress others, but I feel that it is being over critical, as long as the story flows.

But what do I know? I gave you a 4**** rating.

I would like to know more of a back story to this family, as others have requested. You know, who did who first, how did they initiate this forbidden act, etc.

Loved the length and the fucking hot sex! Five stars and a favorite point!!

What a lucky guy

not bad start from the first person point of view, a little weird with out the family last name mentioned. i do not think it would hurt the story if you use generic names.....such as the Smiths...and the pov from John...?

...as previously mentioned, I'd like to have had a background story first, what led to the family all being relaxed with each other's nudity and eventual sexual liaisons. I have this on e5 stars, a good first effort.

Keep writing, would love to read the further adventures of this family

I do hope to read the next chapter

Looking forward to the next one, and I hope you write about how they all started having sex.

jagawalip kept it simple but it flowed very nicely. I liked the tenderness synching with energetic encounters. It also fits that there are no declarations of ' forever ' . You get the impression the members of the family are mutually rehearsing their carnal combinations until time or a special someone lures them away. A ,win/win all around in terms of utilizing available resources, I suppose.

The conventional prejudices are totally AWOL. No idea how long this approach can stay fresh but it hella- worked for now.

Full marks * * * * *

thank you for nice simple but erotic story. waiting eager for the next one.

Need I say more.

In fact I will.

Yes I'd love to read more of this family's interactions.

Please keep them coming.

Please continue this story line, I find this very original and fresh. Thank You...

your story was wow, waiting for the next chapter

I'm waiting anxiously for the next chapter :)

Your story had a refreshing feel to it. I am very much looking forward to the next chapter. I hope you keep writing.

Had an awsm orgy while reading it , looking forward to more of your stories .

great story, can't wait for the next chapter

Can not wait for the next chapter '!!!!

This was an interesting story. I don't know what your plans are, but I'd love to read a story that explains how they became the "Best Family".

I like this kind of story. No need to explain how they started. It's just the normal everyday life of an incestuous family.

You can continue this chapter by they'll be casually naked at home. The Mom and son fucking in her bedroom or in the living room then either Sarah or Emily gets home and casually greets them kissing the mom's cheeks and the brother's forehead as they having intercourse in a missionary position. Then she could just bend down and kiss her Mom's and Brother's joined genitals then casually proceeds to go to out the room.

I enjoyed your story. Forget all the critical comments regarding spelling, etc.

No one had to pee in the morning. He rather admitted he needed to piss, but no place did he go. Neither sister did either.

Your next story could include a little water sport to it. Also, some lingerie of the women as to what they are wearing.

Just keep them fucking and sucking each other. A little incest never hurt anyone.

Can't wait till you post the next part.

I think the story was great, it is a dream of every teenage boy to fuck his mother & sisters.. It's just too bad that it doesn't happen often enough .

Ive also had sex with my mom opps stepmom!!!Best sex ever

I had just oral sex with my younger sister in shower just once

I guess you were discouraged by the criticisms you had requested. Or else real life got in the way of any further efforts.

In case you are still checking these comments I will add my own observations. First; by all means do work with an editor or a better proofreader to eliminate the annoying spelling goofs. It brings the reader totally out of the fantasy world you're trying to create if they keep having to mentally struggle with what you actually meant to say.

Next; the style of storytelling (POV, tense or whatever) didn't amount to much of an issue in itself for me. As long as the flow wasn't jarred by any wrong words, it was okay. I also don't mind that you began a tale obviously in the middle with the situation already established before dragging us through the tedium of exactly how it all became that way.

It's not an inherently poor choice. Imagine if the Star Wars saga had begun with Episode One -The Phantom Menace as the first of the franchise - no franchise would exist more than likely.

Third; the way you describe the sexual encounters in gymnastic detail invites a reader to make anatomical sense of all the exact acrobatics involved in each motion. It would suffice to just say what position was used without trying to keep track of every single limb position along the way. Save the detailed descriptions for the actual genitalia and the sensations of the sexual act as they copulate.

Finally; it was to your credit that you dealt with the issue of contraception smoothly instead of just never mentioning it. Also, you avoided any hint of slut-shaming the women which is popular in this category. A loving tale is more credible to me.

A beginner's grade of 4****s to encourage you to continue.

If you ever continue with these characters, I'd advise you to NOT try and appeal to each and every requested reader kink suggested by comments just to stretch this story into extra scenes. You don't need to swing this into pissing or orgies with outsiders or (the strangely popular fascination in this category) anal intercourse or any other type of humiliation of the family members. It just goes out of character and into cheap porn.

Second time reading this.

Still love it.

Are you still planning to post more?

2022-01 : Life has been busy. Shortly after my last post, my laptop crashed, and I lost my edits to this story, my notes, and all the work on my follow up story. That was my only discouragement, but it was pretty big. I do have better online backups in place now.

I haven't gone back to recreate that follow up story yet, I plan to someday, but, I do have two new stories I've been developing. My goal is to post at least one of them in the next few months. I've been saying that to myself for over a year, but this post is to hold myself accountable, at least to myself.

Thanks again for all the comments, I think they will be reflected well in my next stories, and I will absolutely try my best to get a responsive editor this time.

-jagwalip

doesn't matter ,,author hasnt posted since 2017,, he may even have died!!! we wouldnt know!! lolol,

Very interested...movie night must happen!! 👇🏾😐

Good job I am much interested to see what you can come up with next. Keep writing and let us see.

Okay okay very mechanical sex would have been nice to read how he or they got to this point in life. Hope you do continue writing more passion between characters would be nice to hear, instead of making it sound like just another day of having sex work sisters and mom