Bianca & I

'Sorry. But it's way too hot today. Can I get you any water?'

'No I'm fine.'

We paused and looked at each other. Me sitting at the front of her bed, her leaning against the bathroom door. We were apart by only about five metres. So close yet so far. Neither of us said anything for a moment, we just stared at each other as we had done several times today. Eventually I just blurted out something before it got awkward.

'Uh, you probably have work to do. I should leave you to it.'

She quickly said, 'No Nate, it's fine. You can-'

'-No, it's probably best I leave. Or else I might do something stupid,' I said interrupting her.

'Something stupid?' she asked.

'You know, like......' I said as I trailed off.

Eventually we both just laughed awkwardly and I slowly made my way back to the front door, her close behind me. As I was about to step outside, I turned back to face her and said.

'Bianca.'

'Yes Nate?'

'Don't make me wait another year to see you again. I've actually missed your company. It's been weird not having someone to listen to me whinge about all my shitty problems.'

'Don't you whinge to anyone else apart from me?'

'Nope. Only you.'

'Why? I mean, in the whole scheme of things, I don't haven't known you as long as some other people.'

'I trust you. And I've always been more comfortable talking to you than anyone else for some reason.'

She smiled absently before looking back up at me. 'I'll call you soon. Don't worry.'

I laughed. 'Last time you said that, we fell out of touch for a year.'

'I'm sorry. Won't happen again. I tell you what, how about the movies this weekend?'

'My my, I could never get you come out of the house before and now you're the one offering. I like this new you.'

'So that's a yes?'

'Saturday, we'll go to the cinemas. I'll pick you up.'

'I'm looking forward to it Nate. I'll seeya later,' she said smiling widely.

She slowly walked up to me and to my surprise, she wrapped her arms around my body and neck as she hugged me. Like I said before, we never really showed any physical affection despite our closeness during all those years. It was nice, and somehow strange at the same time. But mainly nice. I stood there for probably 5 seconds before I put my arms around her. Her head was nestled on my shoulder beside my head. Her hair in my face, I could smell that perfume of hers. It was always the smell I associated with her. It was intoxicating. The hug wasn't a quick one, it lingered for several seconds. It lingered for about 10 seconds. More than just a normal goodbye hug between friends I thought to myself.

Slowly, very slowly we both withdrew. Her hands were slow to slip off of my shoulders. My hands were slow to slip off of her back and her waist. Our faces moved away from each others. But as they did, I felt my cheek grazed hers. The perfume was still there, alluring as ever. I couldn't explain my next move, I guess I was just so drawn to her in that moment, I just couldn't help myself. On any other day she might've pushed me away violently, but on this particular day, on this particular day, meeting up a full year since we last saw each other, I moved my lips over to hers and I gently kissed her. I could see her eyes shoot wide open at first. Her soft supple and moist lips, didn't move as I softly planted a kiss on them. As I slowly drew away, expecting the consequences of what I just did, she leaned in and returned the kiss. It was just as gentle as mine. Very soon we were slowly kissing in the door way. Her lips moving with mine. Her tongue, slowly slipping between her lips and into my mouth.

Very slowly, without breaking the kiss, I moved out of the door way and back into the house, closing the door behind me before giving her my full attention again. Figuring I was in it now, I reversed our positions and gently pushed her up against the front door. I finally broke the kiss and looked at her. She was breathing heavily. Her breasts rising and falling seductively. She looked at me with those green eyes of hers. Slowly slipped my hand up her shirt and cupped her right breast through her bra. They were bigger than I had expected, but still couldn't have been much more than a C cup, maybe a D at most. My knowledge of bra sizes is terrible. I could feel her nipple poking through the thin fabric of her bra. I fumbled with the bra clasp for a moment before giving up and roughly pushing her bra out of the way. I could feel her breasts spring free and for the first time, I clutched her naked breast. I gently gave it a squeeze eliciting a soft moan from between Bianca's lips as I continued to kiss her more passionately with every passing moment.

With one hand, I continued to play with her lovely breasts, with my other hand I begun caressing the side of her body, savouring her curves. Eventually, my hand found its way to her waist and from there, her thighs. I slowly wrapped my fingers around the elastic band of her shorts and slowly slipped them down her silky smooth thighs. I broke our kiss and moved both of my hands to her panties and slowly slipped them down her legs too. I moved my hands behind her and grabbed her tight ass. It took her by surprised as she flinched a bit at the contact. Like the rest of her body, her ass was near perfect. She was a slender girl but still maintained a rather fleshy bottom. But I wasn't so much as interested in her ass as I was her vagina which was revealed to me.

I quickly undid my pants with one hand before grabbing both her thighs and hoisting her up off her feet and against the front door. She quickly wrapped her legs around me. I was ready, she was ready, we were both so turned on and so focussed on each other that nothing else mattered in that moment. All that mattered was her arms were around my neck, her naked legs around my waist, only a thin layer of clothing separating her bare breasts from my chest, the scent of her perfume everywhere. I was about to do what we both so dearly wanted in that moment, but like I said, we were so focussed on each other than nothing else seemed to matter. So when we both heard the automatic door to the house's carport open, we both froze.

Bianca jumped off of me and planted her feet to the floor and opened the front door slightly to take a look outside.

'Shit, my parents are home. You have to hide,' she hissed.

'Fuck,' I groaned in frustrated. I quickly did up my pants as Bianca picked her panties and shorts off the floor and hurriedly put them back on.

'Good thing my car's parked across the road. I'll make a run for it. Maybe your parents won't see me.'

'No no, they're already out the door,' she said panicked as we indeed did hear the car doors closing. 'Go to my room, hide in the bathroom. I'll sneak you out after.'

'Fuck,' I muttered again.

I was about to head for her room when I stopped quickly, pulled her to me and kissed her quickly. When I looked at her afterwards, she had a strange expression on her face. One of embarrassment, regret. She wasn't even trying to hide it.

'Go quickly,' she said as she gave me a push in the right direction.

I ran back to her room and into bathroom to hide. I wasn't quite sure what to make of what just happened. We were so close to having sex by the front door when we were rudely interrupted. And now I'm hiding in her bathroom. I waited there for a few minutes as Bianca's parents came into the house and they made small talk. Eventually I decided not to wait and climbed out of the window to her room. Carefully I snuck out of the backyard and ran quickly to my car and off I was. Bianca and I didn't make love that day. But like I said, it was a three day story from meeting her at the café to waking up with her in the morning two days later. And that was only day one.

***

TWO DAYS AGO

I woke up in the morning, the events of the day before still fresh in my mind. In the space of 24 hours, my non-existent love life became very real and very very complicated. But I hadn't woken up on my own accord, next to me on my bedside table, my phone was vibrating. The caller ID was none other than Bianca. I hadn't expected it to be anyone else. Kinda shows where my social life is at. Nonetheless, I grabbed the phone, flipped it open and said in a very groggy and tired voice,

'Hello?'

'Hey, it's me Nate. Did I wake you?' Bianca said softly.

'Yeah but don't worry about it. I should be up already anyway.'

'Oh okay. Listen, I was thinking we could talk about yesterday.'

'Yeah, I figured. Let me just start off by saying that I'm kinda unsure about whether I should be apologising to you or not.'

'No Nate, don't. It wasn't your fault. It was, well, I'm not sure what it was. But I think it shouldn't happen again.'

I didn't respond to that. I didn't know how to. And so I just stayed quiet. For about 10 seconds, I just laid there, listening to her breathing on the other end. Eventually she said,

'You still there?'

'Yeah, sorry. I'm just not sure how I feel about that.'

'I want to go back to being friends. We've always been good friends. Why mess with things?'

'We could be more.'

'Do you really want that?' she asked.

'Yes, I do. Absence makes the heart grow fonder Bianca. And in your long absence from my life, I've grown very fond of you. But cheesy lines aside, that's not the point here. The important point is; what do you want?'

'I told you. I want us to remain friends.'

'There's no changing your mind huh?' I sighed.

'No, probably not.'

'So what do we do?'

I heard her take a deep breath before saying weakly, 'You can either accept friendship, or you can get shot down. I'm sorry if that sounded a little too harsh.'

'Yeah, it kinda was. So you don't feel the same way huh?'

'I don't know. You really haven't told me how you felt.'

'I want us to be together. If we go on being just friends, well, that may just torture me way too much and I may do something incredibly stupid when that happens.'

'Nate, I love you, but just not in that way.'

'Fair enough.'

'Is there anyway we can be friends without you being "tortured" by it.'

I sighed. 'I've gotten over crushes on various girls before. I guess I'll have to get over you then. Shouldn't be that hard. You're not all that charming,' I said once more hiding behind my sarcasm and wit.

On the other end of the line, I heard her chuckle. 'Thanks Nate. I know it'll be hard. But I think it's for the best.'

'Yeah. I guess.'

'Alright, thankyou for making this easy. Really, I mean that.'

'Yeah no problem,' I lied.

There was silence. I just lay there in bed, listening to her breathing on the other line. I didn't know what to say. After a few moments, she said.

'You still there?'

'Yeah, sorry. My mind is elsewhere. There anything else?'

'Yep, just this one thing. I don't know if this would make things too awkward but do you want to tag along with me when I meet up with Marty tomorrow just in case we end up with nothing to talk about.'

'Marty? Wait, who are we talking about.'

'Marty from high school. Marty Faulks.'

'Oh right. I bumped into him a few weeks back too.'

'Anyway, I forgot to bring it up yesterday but I bumped into him and he asked me out for coffee and I said yes. You like Marty don't you?'

'I like him okay. Don't know if I want to see him but if you want me there. What time?'

'8ish I think.'

'That's a bit early isn't it?'

'No no. 8 at night. Pm, not am.'

'8? At night? For coffee? Sound likes a date to me.'

'You think?'

'I know.'

'I'm sure its nothing. Coffee is coffee regardless of the time. Do you still want to come with?'

'I'll think I'll sit this one out.'

'Oh, okay. We're still on for Saturday right.'

'Saturday?'

'The movies. Remember, we made vague plans yesterday.'

'Oh right. Right before we um...' I said before drifting off.

'Yeah, right before that,' I heard her say awkwardly.

'I'll think I'll sit that out too unfortunately. Something came up,' I said as I found myself lying to Bianca again in a matter of minutes.

'Oh really? Just like that?' she said clearly dispirited.

'Just like that. Listen, I have to go. I'll call you, we'll do something later.'

'Promise?'

'Yeah.'

I hung up the phone and lay back down in bed. Women, it's like they're from another planet. I know that's a massive cliché if there ever was one, but it's oddly true. Things are going to be awkward between Bianca and I for a long long time yet. Fuck...

***

YESTERDAY

7:00 pm. I'm at home staring at the clock. I tried not thinking about the fact Bianca was going out with Marty. I spent all of yesterday thinking about it. What made things worst is I tried thinking about what Marty was like in high school and as much as I wanted to hate and despise him for what I viewed as him stealing my girl, I remembered he was a really nice guy. Of course I could be completely wrong and they could just be going for coffee like Bianca and I did only 2 days ago. But in my warped mind, any guy who hangs out with Bianca, it's a date.

Ah paranoia, it's a fascinating thing. In my mind, Bianca's night would go like this. She and Marty go for drinks. They hit it off. They start reminiscing. Suddenly it's just like old times and they're chatting and having a great time. Then they start flirting. As they do so they drink more and more. They go back to his place. They chat and flirt more. He makes his move. They have sex. And suddenly they're a couple and he has the relationship with her that I so dearly wanted. And I spend the entirety of their relationship asking "what if". What if I had gone to Bianca's place and done something about it? Stop her from going on her date. Perhaps win her over or get rejected. Either way, I wasn't just going to sit her looking at the clock and watching Simpsons reruns on TV, no matter how good the episode they're showing just happens to be.

Before I knew it, I was in the car and driving to Bianca's place. Well, more accurately, I spent 15 minutes impeccably doing my hair and choosing what jacket I should wear to win her over. As if she'd be swept off her feet by nice hair and an $80 jacket.

***

I walked up her drive way. With every step I took I grew more nervous. What am I going to say to her? Don't go on this date with Marty because I want a relationship with you instead? But she wants the status quo. What happens now? My train of thought was interrupted when the front door opened and out came Bianca's parents. For some unfathomable reason, I hadn't anticipated their presence. Now I needed to find an excuse to come inside. Oddly enough, this was only the third time I had ever met them.

'Hi, I'm a friend of Bianca's. Is she here?'

'Hey there, Marty is it?' the father said extending a hand.

'No, my name's Nate,' I said shaking his hand.

'Oh good, never did like Marty. Although I do very much like the look of you.'

I laughed nervously as the mother said to me.

'We're actually on our way out but lucky for you, Bianca chose not to come with us tonight. She's up in her room preparing to go out.'

'Great. Where are you off to, if you don't mind me asking?' I asked, attempting to be on my best behaviour.

'Wedding down at the bay. The kids don't know the newly-weds-to-be so we didn't force them to come although Bianca's sisters are going,' replied the mother.

'So it's just Bianca home tonight?' I asked, perhaps a little too enthusiastically.

'Yep. Although I think she's leaving soon,' Bianca's mother said as her dad popped his head back inside the house and shouted.

'Bianca! Your friend Nate is here!'

From the back of the house, Bianca shouted back. 'Send him in!'

'Well, in that case. Have fun you two,' the dad said.

Bianca's two little sisters came out of the house, dressed very fancily in formal clothes. I decided to do the nice thing and waved them off as they got in the car and backed out of the drive way. I turned around and stepped inside the house and closed the door behind me. My eyes lingered over the door, the events of the other day still very vivid. I looked around and didn't see Bianca.

'Bianca, where are you!'

'Sorry, I have my hands full at the moment. Come into my room, make yourself comfortable.'

I walked to her room. I entered slowly, only the bedside lamp was on, a green dress was slung over her chair. She came out of her bathroom dressed in only a black tank top and pink panties. She was obviously just out of the shower, her hair still was dripping wet. It took me by surprise as I instinctively averted my gaze.

'Shit. Sorry, didn't know you were in there.'

'Nate, I think we're a bit beyond that now.'

I looked back at her, trying my best to look her in the eyes and not at her slender legs. She walked over to her chair, a bathrobe hanging off of it. She reached for it, her hands momentarily hovering over the robe, before she took a step back and leaned against the bathroom door, still only in her tank top and panties. We looked at each other as we stood in pretty much the same positions we have the other day, me at the bed, her leaning against the bathroom door, me sitting at the front of the bed. The silence was longer this time. I stared at her, she stared right back. Her top accentuated the curves of her body very well while drops of water dripped down from her hair and onto her neck and then her chest. Coupled together with the dim lighting her lamp provided, and she looked stunning.

'How are you tonight?' I asked.

'I'm good.'

'Not going to the wedding with the family?'

'Nah, it's too much trouble for a couple I've only met once. That and I'm meeting Marty in 40 minutes.'

She didn't seem to be in a particularly talkative mood. This wasn't so strange for her, but at the moment it made things especially tense considering everything.

'Listen, the reason I came over was to talk, face to face, about our thing,' I said eventually.

'So talk.'

'I love you.'

'Oh,' she said as if she was surprised.

'Oh? That's your response.'

'I don't know. I thought we settled this yesterday morning,' she said.

'Not really. You told me what you wanted and I didn't want to fight so I grudgingly agreed.'

'Until now?'

'Well I was probably just too sleepy yesterday morning to come up with a coherent argument about why we should be together.'

She laughed quietly before saying. 'Nate, we're friends. Why would you want to mess with that? What's wrong with what we've been doing since we first met?'

'It's just not enough I suppose. I couldn't stand the thought of us continuing to be "just friends" for a single day. That should tell you how strong my feelings for you are. I didn't see you for almost a year. And when you finally walked through the door of that coffee shop the other day, something happened. Seeing you again made me realise how I felt about you. I was too close to you to get any perspective. But now I have some perspective, and it's made me realise the thing I want most in this world is you.'

'Aw, that's sweet. But-'

'Bianca, enough with the "ifs and buts". I need to know right now if I just ruined a friendship by telling you what I just told you or if our relationship is now moving beyond just friends.'

'I do love you Nate, but just as a good friend. I don't know if there's anything more. Please, can you just give me some time to think about this? Can we talk about this tomorrow? I have to get changed. I don't want to keep Marty waiting.'

'No. You've had more than enough time to think. And I can never get a straight answer out of you without having to do some probing, so come on, let's hear it.'

She sighed and said, 'You know that if we don't work out, we probably won't be friends afterwards. Ex's can't be friends.'

'That won't happen. I believe in our ability to work as a couple.' 'Nate, how old do you think we are? We're both only 21 and you're acting like we can have some grand sweeping timeless romance. And if I recall correctly, neither of us are exactly professionals at relationships. I broke up with John almost solely because my parents didn't approve of him. And you and Jane split because, what was it you said, because you didn't truly love her but just liked the idea of being with her. You set your eyes on a prize and pursued it. How do you know this isn't the same thing?'