Bob Gwen and Harlina

In the morning my head hurt, but then I knew it would while I was pounding down the drinks at Bud's. A handful of aspirin followed by several cups of black coffee got me into enough shape to make it to work. Luckily it was a busy day for me and by concentrating on the work at hand I was able to push Gwen to the back of my mind until quitting time. However she was back in the forefront when I got off work that afternoon.

She came back full force when I had to call a cab to take me to Bud's to pick up my car. Making the call reminded me of just why my car was at Bud's. I got my keys from Mike, had one beer and then left. I couldn't afford to try and drink away my sorrows. Cab home last night, cab to work that morning, cab to Bud's to get my car plus what I spent on booze the night before had put a severe dent in my available funds.

Driving home from Bud's I thought about the situation and wondered why I had let it get to me. I'd known all along that Gwen and I were mismatched. I was lucky to get what little I had gotten from her. Deep inside I knew that it had to end sometime and now it had. Time to get on with life. I packed up all my camping gear and headed for Lake Martin. I spent the weekend working on my tan and communing with nature.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When I got home Sunday night the red light on my answering machine was blinking. The counter said I had nine messages. Eight were from Gwen and I deleted them as soon as I heard her voice. I had no need to hear what she had to say and the sooner I could put her behind me the better. One was from some guy wanting my support in his bid for a seat on the City Council. I deleted that one too.

The day went fast and when I got home the red light was blinking again. Four messages; three from Gwen and one a surprise. I wondered why Gwen was calling my home phone instead of my cell so I took a look at it and found that it was turned off. I'd forgotten that I'd turned it off when I went to the lake and had forgotten to turn it back on. On reflection it was probably a good thing otherwise it might have gone off constantly while I was trying to enjoy my weekend. I decided against turning it back on until the morning.

Back to the call that was a big surprise. Not much of a message, just "Call me" followed by a phone number. I recognized the voice and I suddenly had another decision to make. To return the call or not. Then I laughed at myself. Of course I would return the call. Curiosity practically demanded that I do it.

Harlina Collins had been my girlfriend from the day we met in the eighth grade until the middle of our senior year in college. It was a foregone conclusion to both our families that we would be married when we graduated and in truth both mothers were already planning the wedding.

And then everything went to shit!

It started simply enough and I'm sure that if you've been to college (and probably at some high schools for that matter) you have experienced it. The instructor splits the class up into groups and assigns each group a project. Lina (I called Harlina Lina) had to meet with her group at the library to research and plan their project. She had to break several dates with me in order to do it and I thought nothing of it because I'd been through the same thing in some of my classes.

I remembered the day vividly. It was a Wednesday and Lina and I had a date to attend an art exhibit at a local gallery. I really had no interest in art, but the artist was a friend of Lina's so we were going to stop in and show support. I got the call just as I was leaving my four o'clock class. Lina told me she had to break our date because the group had to meet to iron out some problems with their project. Since I was only going to the gallery to placate Lina I decided to skip it since Lina wouldn't be going.

I was sitting in the Student Union drinking a Coke and going over some class notes when my friend Arty sat down at my table. There was no "How you doing bud" or "How they hanging homes." He just said:

"You've been my friend for years home; have you ever known me to lie to you?"

"Never to my knowledge."

"I hate this home, but I got to tell you. Harlina is stepping out on you. I've seen her three times with some big dude."

"I know about it. She is in a study group working on an assigned project."

"Two is not a group homes; two is a couple and the couple I was looking at were kissing and playing ‘touchy-feely' with each other."

"When was this?"

"Last Monday, Wednesday and Thursday."

I thought back and all three of those nights Lina was supposedly at the library with her group."

"Where did you see them?"

"All three times it was at Angie's."

Arty was attending school on scholarships and he earned his spending money washing dishes at Angie's Restaurant and bar. Angie's was on the other side of town and in an area that I was not likely to visit to randomly visit. In fact I had only been there twice in the last four years and the last time was two years ago. I started gathering up my books and said:

"Thanks for the heads up Arty."

"What are you going to do?"

"Since the last three times you saw her were all on nights she was supposed to be with her group at the library and since she just called and cancelled on me again I have an overwhelming urge to drive over to Angie's."

"If they follow past practice they won't get there until around seven. The guy is a big dude and he looks like a scrapper. I'm on my way to work so if anything happens I'll be there to watch your back."

The drive over to Angie's took a half an hour and when I got there I parked where I could watch Angie's parking lot. It was a bit of a wait and around seven I saw a car pull in and I saw Lina and a guy get out of the car. He was indeed a big guy. Maybe six four and two twenty. I saw them kiss and then walk into the restaurant holding hands. The kiss and the hand holding told me all that I had to know and I was about to start the car and drive away, but at the last second I said "Fuck it!" and I got out of the car and headed for the building.

They were sitting in a booth and Lina had her back to me. I walked up to them and said, "Hey Harlina. Busy working on your project I see. Funny thing though; this doesn't look much like a library to me."

I always thought that "Her face turned pale" was a figure of speech until I saw Harlina's face as she looked up at me.

"Just out of curiosity Harlina, how long have you been a cheating slut?"

The guy said, "Hey asshole! You can't talk to her like that. Get the hell out of here before I get pissed and throw you out."

"Fuck you fuck face! I'll talk to my ex-fiancée any way I want."

The guy moved to get out of the booth and I grabbed the beer mug in front of him and tossed the beer in his face. His hands flew up to his face and with a firm grip on the handle of the beer mug I slammed it into the side of his head. It knocked him out and he slid down on his seat. I know it wasn't very sporting of me, but he was six four to my five eleven and two twenty to my one eighty-five and I would have terminally stupid to let him get out of the booth to where he could get to me. I turned to Lina and said:

"I'll leave it up to you to tell the mothers why the wedding they have been planning isn't going to happen. Don't bother calling me and spouting some ridiculous bullshit about how it isn't what it looks like and it doesn't mean anything. I don't want any contact with you anymore. I hope you have a sucky life Harlina."

I turned away from the tale, waved at Arty and then left the restaurant.

I saw her around the campus, but I avoided her and never spoke to her again. And now two years later a call from her. A simple "Call me" and curiosity was going to force me to do it. But first I was going to have a bite to eat and a large Jack with water back to fortify me.

It was eight when I finally felt that the Jack had me ready to hear Harlina's voice. I dialed the number and it rang four times before the phone was picked up and I heard:

"I wondered if you would call."

Ain't caller ID wonderful?

"Why? You had to know that curiosity would make me call."

"Can we meet somewhere for a drink?"

"Not tonight. I've already had more Jack than I should have."

"You pick the time and place."

For several seconds I debated on just hanging up and losing the number. A phone conversation was one thing, but an in person face to face was something else again. But then there was that curiosity thing.

"Bud's Bar at six tomorrow work for you?"

"It will. And Bob? Thank you."

I hung up the phone and then wondered if I'd done the right thing. Harlina was gone and buried in the past. Shouldn't I have left her there?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I got to Bud's at a quarter to six figuring to have at least one drink to fortify myself for the coming meeting, but when I walked in I saw that Harlina was already there. She looked good, but then she always had. She was the polar opposite of Gwen. Where Gwen was sultry and sexy in a smoldering way Lina, as was Alice, the fresh faced girl next door.

As I neared the booth she stood up to greet me. She offered me her hand as she said, "Thank you for seeing me" and I took it for a brief shake. I sat down and as soon as my butt hit the seat Tina showed up and set a drink down in front of me and I glanced over at the bar and saw Mike watching me. He gave me a ‘thumbs up' and I acknowledged the gesture with a nod and a smile. I picked up the drink, took a sip and then asked:

"So what's up Harlina?"

"I'm hoping to find something that I lost."

"And what might that be?"

"You. These last two years have sucked for me Bob and all because you weren't there. I've missed you something fierce. I know that it was all my fault, but there is a hole in my life where you used to be and I want you back to fill that hole."

I sat there silently while taking an occasional sip of my drink. She apparently couldn't stand the silence so she kept talking.

"I know I hurt you Bob and I'm sorry that I did. I never meant to hurt you, but in all honesty I never thought that you would find out. I just had a need to get something out of my system before we graduated and settled down into a life together. Maybe I should have been upfront about it, but I was afraid that you would take it wrong. No. That isn't true. I knew how you would take it and I was afraid that I would lose you."

I still stayed silent and nursed my drink. I guess she expected me to say something or ask questions and my silence unnerved her. She looked away from me, took a drink from her glass and then said:

"We were fourteen when we started going together Bob and from the eighth grade until our senior year in college I'd never dated another boy. I had no idea of what other boys were like and I was curious. I tried to satisfy that curiosity and do it in a way that you would never know about it. And before you even ask it wasn't about sex although I did engage in some rather heavy necking sessions.

"It was just about finding out what other guys were like. Their likes and dislikes, how they interacted with girls and other guys. Stuff like that. I wasn't looking for a replacement for you, but I was curious. I was happy with you, but I was curious. I never found one that could even come close to taking your place. Over the last two years I've dated maybe two dozen guys, but not one of them was able to fill the void you left when you dumped me. I haven't even come close to being able to put you behind me. I don't know if you know it, but I call your mom every couple of weeks just to ask how you are."

I didn't know that. In the weeks following my breakup with Harlina my mother kept after me to sit down and talk with Harlina.

"You belong together Bobby and everyone knows it."

I finally told her that if she ever mentioned Harlina to me again I would stop coming home to visit. She must have realized I was serious because she never brought Harlina up again. As I sat across from Lina and listened to her I tried to separate the truth from the lies.

The fact that she was sitting across from me telling me her story was proof enough, for me at least, of the depth of her feelings for me, but there was no doubt in my mind that she was also lying to me. I believed it, but had no proof she was, only my memory of our times together. Lina had taken to sex like a baby duckling takes to water. After our very first time she wanted to do it damned near every time we found ourselves alone together. Four, five and sometimes six days a week and always – ALWAYS – more than once.

Her brother had some porn tapes and she would sneak into his room, get a couple and we would watch them and then she would want to reenact what we had just watched. Oral, anal and positions you needed to be made out of rubber to get into. She even wanted to try mild S&M and I almost always went along with her. I did draw the line when it came to water sports. She was pissed at me because I absolutely refused to do it, but even as pissed at me as she was she never stopped wanting to make love.

That was the Lina that I knew and there was no way she was going to sell me the story that all she ever did with guys was some heavy necking. It wasn't lost on me either that Lina's sneaking around on me started shortly after she saw how hung the actors were in the porn that we watched.

Still, that was then and this was now and here she was trying to get back to me. The question was "Could I let it happen?" Lord knows that I'd missed her and that hardly a week went by that I didn't think of her once or twice. I sat there looking at her and wondering if we could put it back together.

I still hadn't said a word and I had no idea of how Lina was taking my silence. She gave a deep sigh and then said:

"I don't have curiosity anymore and I want what we had back Bob. Think about it please. You have my number."

With a last long look at me she got up and left. And left me with questions that I doubted I'd get honest answers to even if I had asked them. But one of the things she'd said had registered; the "I don't have curiosity any more" and if that was true could I take a chance? I didn't know but I did know that I was going to be thinking about it.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When I got home there were two messages on the recorder for me and both were from Gwen and both were the same. "Please call me as soon as you get this message Bob." I wondered why she hadn't called my cell. I took it out of its case and saw that it was turned off. I didn't remember turning it off. I tried to turn it it back on and saw that it had turned itself off because of a dead battery. I put the phone in the charger while I considered calling Gwen and getting it over with. WTF I thought; just do it and be done with it. I dialed her number and the call went to vice mail. Probably out with some guy and didn't want to be bothered was my thought and I also saw it as a sign that I shouldn't call her. I was thinking of Lina as I fell asleep.

In the morning I showered, shaved, grabbed my cell off the charger and headed off to work. I stopped and had breakfast at the Village Inn and when I got to work I was in a pretty good mood. That is I was in a pretty good mood until Lois (Gwen's replacement) handed me a stack of message slips and said:

"Please get her off my back Bob."

I looked through the slips and saw that two-thirds of them were from Gwen and most of them said "Call me as soon as you can." I picked up the office phone and called Gwen's cell. She answered on the third ring and said:

"I'm at work. I can't talk now. Call me tonight. Bye."

And she hung up. I looked at the phone in my hand and thought "So much for calling as soon as I could." I had a very busy day and when the day was over I picked up the phone and made a call. Not to Gwen, but to Harlina. I asked her if she would like to have dinner with me and she said yes. She gave me her address and as I was getting in to the car my cell phone chirped and the screen said the call was from Gwen so I let it go to voice mail.

I had a nice relaxed dinner with Harlina and the evening went well enough that I asked her if she would like to go out with me on Friday. She said yes and when I got her home she gave me one hell of a passionate kiss and tried to get me to come in for a drink. Remembering the Lina of old I was tempted, but said:

"It is too soon for that Lina. It is going to take me some time before I'm ready for that."

I didn't add that I wanted to be sure in my mind that she had indeed gotten her curiosities out of her system before I committed again.

I'd shut off my phone while I was on my date with Lina and as I walked back to the car after seeing Lina to her door I turned it back on again. There were two messages from Gwen. I looked at my watch and saw that it was just after eleven. Well she did say that she wanted me to call as soon as I could so I punched in her number and she sounded like she had just woken up when she answered.\

"Bob? Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"You wanted me to call so I called. In fact it is my third call to you today. The first went to voice mail, you wouldn't take my second."

"Why didn't you call again only a little earlier?"

"Because I was on a date and it wouldn't have been cool to call you. To say nothing about the fact that it would have been bad manners to call you while I was with her."

"You were on a date? With a girl?"

"Yes Gwen; with a girl. I thought you knew I wasn't into guys."

"But a date with a girl? I thought we had something good going Bob."

"I thought so too Gwen; right up until I saw you holding hands with that guy at Angie's Restaurant on the night you broke a date with me because you had to work late. And before you even try I won't buy that it was just a quick bite to eat before rushing back to work. Angelo's is on the other side of town from the Fisher Building which is where you work. The Fisher has two restaurants in the building and there are a least six other eating establishments within a three block radius of the building so if you needed to duck out for a quick dinner break you didn't need to go across town to do it. Sorry for waking you up. Goodbye."

I broke the connection and the phone rang right away. I saw from the screen that it was Gwen, but I was no longer in the mood to talk so I turned the phone off. When I got home I saw the red light blinking on the answering machine. Without even checking the messages I unplugged the phone and answering machine and went to bed.

When I got to work in the morning I told Lois to tell Gwen, if she called, that she had been instructed not to take any messages from Gwen and if she persisted in calling Lois was to hang up on her. A coward's way out maybe, but so what?!