Chad's Choice

He woke up to a pounding on his door. He was still wearing the clothes he'd worn on his date with Denise but they were now wrinkled badly. Stumbling from his bed, he tripped over his boots and cursed as he looked at the clock. Seven-thirty! He should have been up an hour ago. He didn't have to work, but he never slept this late. The pounding on the front door commenced again and this time Jennifer's voice followed. The bolo tie had come undone during the night and he pulled it off and slung it onto the dresser before rushing to the door.

"Chad, come on, open up. We need to talk. Chad!"

He opened the door. His ex-wife and daughter were there. He looked at his ex and then smiled at Becky before returning his eyes to Jennifer. She looked like crap. Her hair was mussed, her makeup smeared and it was obvious she'd been crying from the black mascara streaks under her eyes. Her blouse was wrinkled and looked dirty and her slacks looked like they'd been worn too many days in a row. She was wearing low flats. Her large purse hung from her shoulder carelessly.

"Good morning, Jennifer."

"Chad, please let us in. I need to talk to you."

He shrugged and backed out of the doorway. "Come on in."

"Becky, go play over there, while Chad and I talk," Jennifer said hustling the small girl toward the living room area. The apartment was small and the living room, kitchen, and dining area were really only one big room with a counter separating the kitchen.

Chad led Jennifer to the table and they sat down. She reached into her purse and pulled out a crumpled overstuffed envelope. It had the business logo from her lawyer's office on it.

"Oh crap, Jennifer. I pay my child support on time every month. I do everything I'm supposed to do. I can't afford anymore. Look at this dump I'm living in. Eighteen-hundred a month is all I can do."

She looked up at him. "It's not that, Chad." Her hands shook as she pulled the papers from the envelope. "Please, sign." Tears leaked down her cheeks as she dropped her hands down by her side.

He looked at the papers and his eyes widened. He stole a glance up at his ex and then looked back at the papers and read them closely. It took several minutes and Jennifer just sat there with tears streaming down her face.

"Is this really what you want?"

"No!" she sobbed, her face dropping into her hands. "But it's what I need. What Becky needs." She raised her face. "She can't be around my friends, Chad. With you she'll have a stable life without all of the drama and ..." She choked on a sob and then steeled herself. "Look, please. I know you want this. No more child support payments and you have your daughter. I know I broke your heart and I know it nearly killed you losing Becky. Please just sign the papers and I'll leave. You never have to see me again. You won't see me again. No visitation, no parental rights, no fights, nothing."

Chad looked down at the papers. They gave him full custody of his daughter. Jennifer was right. She wouldn't have the right to even see Becky again. His eyes narrowed and he looked up at her.

"Why?"

She shook her head. "It's what's best for Becky and best for me. Don't you want her?"

"Of course I want her, Jennifer." It suddenly occurred to him that he should sign the papers and not question this turn of events. He grabbed a pen from the counter and, after reading the papers one more time, signed his name. He noted that Jennifer's signature was already there along with the notary seal.

"You'll have to take them to the lawyer's to have them file them, but they said that as long as you didn't challenge it, there wouldn't be any problem with the courts since this is by my request." She stood up and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Her suitcase is in the car."

After telling Becky he'd be right back Chad followed Jennifer to her car to get the suitcase. After getting it out of the back seat he paused. "You said I won't see you again. Is everything okay? Are you in some kind of trouble?"

She laughed sadly. "Baby, when did you ever know me to not be in trouble? I'm moving to Albuquerque. I'll be okay." She nodded her head and Chad could swear she was trying to convince herself.

"You have my number." He said quietly. "Becky would be better off with her mother and father in her life."

"No, Chad, she wouldn't. You don't know how far down I've gone. She needs you and she deserves to be loved and cherished and have a happy childhood where she will be protected and loved. You'll give her that. I wouldn't. I can't." Jennifer climbed into her car. "Explain this to Becky. She doesn't know yet. Take care of my daughter. She's yours now. Love her, protect her, and give her what I can't. When she is old enough to understand, please tell her how much I loved her."

"Shit, Jennifer, you're starting to scare me."

She smiled at him, but there was pain behind the smile. Then she put the car into gear and drove out of his life.

Chad took the suitcase up the stairs to his apartment. Becky was in front of the television with the food network playing. She watched him enter with her suitcase.

"Is mommy gone?" she asked.

"Yes, Becky, she's gone."

Becky nodded once then jumped up and rushed to him. Throwing her arms around him, she sobbed into his knees. Chad didn't know what else to do so he dropped the suitcase and knelt down to hug his daughter. He held her for a long time as she clung to him. Finally she pulled back.

"I love you, daddy."

"I love you too, pumpkin."

"I'll never see mommy again. Will I daddy?"

"I don't know, sweetie. She's moving to Albuquerque. But she loves you very much. She just thinks this is best for you."

Becky nodded. "It's because of Uncle Mike. He's not a nice man."

Chad's brow furrowed. "What did he do?"

"He said he didn't want me around. He said I was ugly and useless."

"Oh, baby, he was so wrong. You are beautiful and anything but useless. You are so smart and such a big helper." Chad wiped a tear from her cheek. "We're going to have to find a new place though. You need your own bedroom."

"I like it here, daddy, but it would be nice to have my own room. Could I have some toys too? Maybe a dollhouse? Like I had before you left?"

It suddenly occurred to him that all Jennifer had dropped off for her was her same suitcase she always brought.

"Didn't you have any toys at your moms?"

"No, Mommy didn't let me to have toys."

Chad suddenly felt like a heel. He'd been so caught up in his self-pity and hurt that he'd never questioned what he assumed was normal for a six-year-old girl.

"We'll make sure you have lots of toys and the biggest dollhouse we can find. But let's get moved before we buy the dollhouse. Not much room in here for it."

Becky giggled and laughed and threw her arms around Chad's neck. He got her suitcase into the bedroom and went through it. Two dresses, another pair of jeans, three t-shirts and a small assortment of underwear were all it contained. Most of the clothes were dirty. He started a load of her laundry and then went back to the living room.

"Are you hungry?"

"Yes! Pancakes?" she jumped up.

He laughed. "I don't have the stuff for pancakes, so we'll just have to go out. Do you like IHOP?"

After breakfast, Chad called a realtor that he knew managed rental houses. They had a few two bedrooms that were available right away so he arranged to see them. Becky thought it was great to go house-hunting. She seemed amazed with each one and they settled on the second one they were shown. They would be able to move in a week later. They went to McDonalds for lunch. After they had finished their meal, Becky wanted to go play in the indoor playground so he cleaned the table and moved where he could watch her play. As she ran around and climbed in the tubes he thought about his future.

Having Becky changed things. He had to think of what was best for her. He remembered Alice saying kids wouldn't fit her lifestyle and guessed that that is what Jennifer had discovered, although he suspected it may have been worse than that. Should he have stopped her from going? Could he have stopped her? Three weeks ago he would have tried but his feelings for her were gone. She had her own life and he wasn't her father or her protector. He knew Denise wanted kids, but he'd told her he only got one weekend a month with Becky. Somehow he knew she would be happy for him.

What about Alice and Lilly? Lilly was so beautiful, but she was married to the man of her dreams, or so she said. All he could ever have with Lilly was sex. With Alice, maybe it could be more, but she would never be devoted to him. Did that matter? If they loved one another, would it matter if she loved others?

While he thought and watched Becky playing in the indoor playground his phone rang. He answered it without looking at the caller ID.

"Hello."

"Hi,Chad." Alice's sultry voice filled his ear.

Chad glanced across the playground at his daughter. "Hi, Alice."

"Whatcha doing?"

"Having lunch with my daughter. What are you doing?"

"Thinking of you. Can you talk?"

"Sure."

"Any chance you want some company tonight? I could bring a friend. She's very cute and very interested in meeting you."

"Alice I can't." He took a deep breath. "I got custody of my daughter this morning."

"Full custody? I thought you just had her one weekend a month?" Her voice had lost its sultry tone.

"Yeah, out of the blue, her mom dropped her off, gave me the signed paperwork, and took off. She's my responsibility now."

"Wow!" There was silence on the phone for a while. "That's pretty heavy, Chad. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." Chad watched Becky slide down the slide and then run around to climb back up the ladder. She was giggling and screaming with a little boy a few years younger than her. It amazed him how resilient children were. "In fact, this is the best thing that has ever happened to me." He knew he was grinning like an idiot watching his daughter play.

"So I guess that's gonna limit your partying time, huh?"

"Alice, look, the night we shared was wonderful and you almost convinced me. Hell, maybe you did convince me. I don't know. You are a beautiful, sexy woman and I know I could fall in love with you. But having my daughter changes things."

"Some of our group have children and they manage. You could find a babysitter. You'll need one anyway. I mean you work, right. We can make it work and she never needs to know."

Chad sighed. She was right, he could make it work, but Becky was very perceptive. She'd know what was going on. He didn't want her to know that his dad had multiple sexual partners. He wanted to be her knight in shining armor, at least until she was older and another knight rode up to take her away.

"I don't think I could, Alice."

"Chad you have to do what is right for you. Your daughter will be fine, but you only get one chance at life. You have to make it good for yourself. Find a babysitter tonight and we can party at my place. You can be home by midnight."

"I'm sorry, Alice. I can't do that. God help me, I want to. I want what you offer, but I can't. Not with my daughter to care for."

There was silence on the phone for a moment and then Alice spoke in a soft, resigned tone.

"I understand, lover. I'm gonna miss you. Lilly is going to be heartsick, but you have to do what you think is best. Have a good life, lover. Who knows what the future will bring." Alice hung up.

Chad looked up and saw Becky standing in front of him watching him intently.

"Who was that, daddy?"

"Just a friend."

"A girlfriend?"

"No. Not anymore at least."

"Is it my fault?" The little girl's eyebrows furrowed.

"No, sweetie. Not at all." Chad smiled at her. "Run play, I have another phone call to make."

Becky smiled before rushing back to the playground. He watched his daughter run to join her new friend in the climbing tubes and then pulled up Denise's number on his phone.