Dark as Daylight Ch. 18

Joan hooted like the Great Horned Owl. "Thank you, my beautiful, brilliant, baby girls."

"I'm going to kill my son, and his progeny."

"You have no grounds to kill anyone; you old fart."

"Speaking of gas, you forgot to take your pills last night."

"I don't take pills, you do. Now shut up, you're making an ass of yourself."

"I haven't had my breakfast, yet. I become a gentleman after I eat. Feed me, please."

"How much longer, Frank?" No

"Seven minutes, Mrs. Finch."

"Can you hold out for 20 minutes, Mr. Finch?"

"Frank just said seven minutes."

"Frank was referring to the rendezvous time in the front of the hotel. By the time, Joe has everyone in proper order, moves us to the hotel elevators, and up to its pinnacle; it will have taken us all of 17 minutes. Then you will rush to the head of the line, and delay everyone, while you peruse every item of food laid out before you.

I wish I could turn Deborah loose on you, at that moment, but I don't believe God would forgive me, not only for the thought, but also for the deed; even though I wasn't the one to beat the crap out of you."

"Thank you, grandma."

"25 years ago, I would've taught you a lessen you would not have forget for a long time. Could you have taken your father at that age, little one?"

"It would be one heck of a fight, grandpa."

"You are damn right it would have been. Us old people know things you young pups haven't thought of yet. We will kick you in your ass before you know what happened."

"If I might continue; the Almighty would forgive Deborah, because she was acting out, my thoughts and deeds. Unlike most people, who gasp as they peer out the panoramic windows that allow you see eight 360° view of where the Storno River joins the Ashley River, which turns slightly north to meet the Wanda River, where together they pour eastward into the Charleston harbor basin, you will take your food, sit down, and inhale everything on your plate, without tasting a bit of it. It will have taken you 20 minutes and 20 seconds to have your breakfast. Do you have any other questions for me my dear?"

"No, I believe you have answered them all."

The children laughed, and Sam couldn't find it in himself to stop them. So, he joined them, and Joan slapped Sam on his ass, for being an ass.

He said, "You know I'm going to get you for that, don't you?"

"I'm counting on it, dear."

Everyone wound up laughing one more time.

***********************

"Paul, help me!"

"On my way, sir."

"WOW; sir if I might say so that leg doesn't look right. I don't believe it's supposed to point in three directions, before it gets to your foot."

"Wise ass, I slipped on that moss-covered rock, on the way to the trail. To add insult to injury, I couldn't control the angle of my fall, because of the sharp edges near it. So, I wound up falling awkwardly. I heard a bone snap, and felt it go close to my ankle. If this was a skiing accident, the surgeon would have a very good time with me."

"I am going to have a good time with you sir. You are lying in a natural irregular depression in the ground, approximately 75 inches long, 40 inches deep at its deepest point, and 20 to 37 inches wide at its widest point. If you wish, I could stroll back to the cabin, throw a shovel in the Ranger, and return to bury you where you are. It would save you the trouble of getting any clumsier, and growing older than the dirt you are lying on."

"Very funny, Corporal."

"You are in no position to make fun of me, citizen. I could leave you here, until Stan and Tom returned from the city Sunday evening, after a weekend of sinning. There is no telling when either of those two Einstein's would become aware you were missing. The universe could end before either one of them would ask me where you were.

If I told them you went for a walk, it would take them weeks to ask me again where you were, and why you hadn't returned. Then and only then would they ask me if they should go out to look for you.

I would say yes, what a wonderful idea it was. From that point on no it would probably take them a month or more to find your body. I would expect a cougar, a bear, or a family of field mice would have happened upon you before then, and your body would not be in the imperfect condition it is now."

"Sergeant, would you like to try that again?"

A somewhat better option for you might be for me to carry you back to the cabin, on my shoulder. We are slightly more, or less than 2 miles away from it, and either way I should be able to give you a bumpy ride there in slightly more then one hour; that is, if you so desire.

Otherwise, I could jog all the way to the cabin. I will be looking at the beautiful scenery, and be ever so observant as to not slip on a moss-covered rock. My head would be looking down to make sure I didn't slip on a moss-covered rock so often, I could get disoriented, and lose my way back to the cabin. It could wind up taking me until after dark to get there.

I will make you your favorite outdoor sandwiches, while I consider poisoning them. I will make you ½ gallon of that sports drink you love so much. I won't bother poisoning that, because anyone that tastes it knows its poison. I will drive directly back to your position, in the Ranger, in less than 30 minutes, and we can ride back to the cabin, like the aging invalid you are.

Your final option is, you could find a piece of wood that can substitute as a cane, or crutch. Using every ounce of strength in that crippled body of yours, you could attempt to walk back to the cabin, and die of exhaustion, when you were almost halfway there. How would you like me to proceed, sir?"

"Private, when we get back to the cabin, I'm going to shoot you."

"What good would that do you, sir? You gave Stan and Tom the weekend off. You would be stranded at the cabin until Monday afternoon."

"Trouble always happens, when you are shorthanded."

"What do you mean, sir?"

"Sergeant, whether you're leading a Company or a Division, nothing will happen when every man is at his post. However, as soon as you decide send a Company to the rear for rest of, the enemy will know it, and attack the unguarded area before that Company makes it to the rest area."

Paul covered his mouth, coughed, or he tried to make it sound like a cough, anyway.

"Did you say something Sergeant?"

"Never, not me, sir, never."

"Bullshit, Sergeant."

"I would never disagree with you, sir. Should I run back to the cabin now, or are you going to be lying on the ground and wiggle your way there?"

"I am very good at making lean-to's, and pine needle mats. Since I am not in pain, I can be dry and warm for several days, and even those two idiots could find me given that amount of time."

"You will be in a great deal of pain, when I kick your leg, sir."

"Even though I would be only be slightly uncomfortable on your shoulder, because of all the weight you have put on, why don't you run back to the cabin, get the Ranger, and return here to get me."

"Say please."

"That is an order, Sergeant."

"You don't know how I miss you bellowing at me, sir. You were almost being human."

"Move out, Sergeant. You have 30 minutes."

"Sir, can you see the bend in the trail, and how wet the leaves on the ground are? I am going to come around that bend, at a very high rate of speed, and slam on the brakes as soon as I straighten out. I hope the Ranger doesn't skid, and comes to a complete stop, before it runs you over."

"I will do something to you, Sergeant, I have done since you were 17 years old."

"Do you think you'll ever stop saying those words to me, sir?"

"Why should I, it is so much fun to see your face turn red."

"My face does not turn red. It goes straight to purple, because my blood pressure goes off the charts."

"You should watch that Paul, it is hazardous to your health."

"Following you around the world for the past 45 years has been hazardous to my health."

"Move out, Sergeant, you have 27 minutes later remaining."

"I sure hope those brakes hold."

"If you can hear me, they will."

"Didn't I tell you my new 'Bose 'Quiet Comfort' headset arrived? They say all you will hear is the music being played, and 99% of the exterior noise is filtered out, sir."

"You may not hear 99% of the exterior noise, Paul, but the 1% that gets through will be my voice telling you to stand at attention, and you will stop that vehicle on a dime."

"Sir, have I told you today that you are a pain in the ass?"

"No, Sergeant, you haven't."

"Colonel, you are a pain in the ass."

"Sergeant, that will cost you 50, when we get back to the cabin."

As he began running, he shouted, "Gee whiz, I got off easy."

Lucius yelled, "Make that 100 Sergeant."

"I'm sorry, sir, due to your weakened condition, I didn't hear you."

"I heard that Sergeant."

"Did you say something, Colonel."

Lucius shook his head. "What did I ever do to deserve that boy."

*****************

He was in the emergency room, lying on the examination table, as Doctor Stephen McCowan looked at his x-rays. The doctor was taking an exceedingly long time looking at his scans, so he decided to take matters into his own hands.

"Are you having a problem, Doctor McCowan?"

"When did you say you fell, Mr. Canyon?"

"Doctor are you having trouble with your memory, because that is the third time you've asked me the same question. I fell at 7:26 AM. My aid helicoptered me here, from Vancouver Island, because I knew intuitively that I broke at least one, and probably both bones in my lower left leg. Is there something else you wish to know, or tell me?"

"When I do, I will let you know."

"Nurse, my son is in the waiting room. You can't mistake him for anyone else. He looks like a man you would like to draw in art class, with big muscles everywhere, and I mean everywhere. He has a buzz cut, and his name is Paul. Would you tell him I would like to speak to him, please?"

"Of course, Mr. Canyon. Is there anything I can do for you, before I get your son?"

"You are too young and beautiful for an old man like me, Megan."

She smiled.

"I can tell I am going to have to watch out for you, Mr. Canyon. It's the shy quiet ones that can move mountains."

"I will be on my best behavior, Megan, I promise."

Moments later, Paul walked into the Colonel's cubicle.

"Hello daddy."

"I have a mission for you, son."

"What a wonderful way to start my day, for the third time today."

"This doctor is annoying the hell out of me. He doesn't listen, and he's not giving me any information about my leg. He's been standing by my x-rays for more than 10 minutes, as if they are going to change the information he's seeing. Would you please explain the facts of life to him, and get him to move his ass?"

"That will be my pleasure."

"I'm going to cut your tongue out if you continue that nonsense."

"Standing, or lying down, you never reach that high."

"You are feeling very uppity, with me in this position. Remember, it will not always be this way."

"I know it, sir, but while are in that position, I think I will get my licks in, and enjoy them to the max."

"The doctor, Paul, and I want to see brown stains on his white coat, the next time he talks to me."

"It will be my pleasure, sir."

Paul took out his cell phone, looked around the room, and asked, "Sir, are you Doctor McCowan?"

"I am."

"This call is for you. I don't know how they got my number, but it seems important. I can hardly hear the person who's calling. You may want to take it outside to get better reception."

"Who is it?"

"I'm sure he was joking with me. He said he was god or the hospital administrator; one or the other, and he was looking for you."

As they were walking towards the exit, Doctor McCowan said, "That's the administrator, alright. He has a weird sense of humor, and thinks of himself as god. He is the devil himself, depending on his mood. I wonder what he wants with me? I haven't killed anyone this week."

"How about last week, Doctor?"

"I don't remember that far back."

He handed him the phone, and Doctor McCowan did exactly what Paul knew he would do; he turned his back to him.

Paul threw a punch into the doctor's kidney that caused the doctor to fold in half.

McCowan couldn't scream, because the pain was so intense. Paul stuffed a handkerchief into his open mouth, grabbed him around the neck, and pulled him between two emergency vehicles.

"Doctor, do you want me to hit you again?"

McCowan shook his head vigorously, 'No!'

"I don't want to hit you again, either. You will do as I, and as the Colonel says, to the Letter. You will act as if we are the ultimate authority from this moment on. You will not disagree with either of us, even if it goes against hospital policy. If you have something to say, pull me aside and say it. I will make the decision. This is your only warning."

He removed the cloth from the doctor's mouth, and replaced it with his .45 Beretta.

"This is the alternative to your obedience. Do we have an agreement, Doctor?"

After Paul removed his weapon from the doctor's mouth, McCowan said, "This damn hospital gives us no incentive to practice medicine properly. I never thought a gun would give me the impetus to practice medicine the way I wanted to in medical school. I don't care what the fucking administrator, or rules says about costs; I'm going to be a doctor, again."

"Get back in there and take care of the Colonel."

"I thought he was your father?"

"That too, but it is complicated."

"Take my card. It has all the information you'll ever need to contact me; day, night, even if I am on vacation. If you need me, call or text me, and I will get back to you shortly afterwards."

"Thank you, Doctor."

"Stephen."

"Paul."

"Let me make two calls, then we will see your Colonel."

**********************

"Hello Mr. Canyon, your son and I had a little talk outside, and we have come to an agreement. He tells me that you not only want medical attention, but you also want information about your condition as soon as I and the other doctors tending you know it. I must tell you, Mr. Canyon, that goes directly against this hospitals policy."

"You are going to have to explain that to me, Doctor, because it does not make any sense."

"You are not in the United States, Mr. Canyon, you are in Canada, and the Canadian healthcare rules are not the same as the ones you're use to. I get paid a fixed amount of money per year, and it isn't a lot by any standard. There are a great many doctors in Canada, and on a per patient ratio it equals out to 200 patients to 1 doctor. That includes all the specialists, scientists, and general practitioners around our wonderful, peaceful nation.

Here, in Vancouver, we have so many doctors, who speaks so many different languages, patients have their choice of who to see, if it is not an emergency. It averages out to less then 100 patients per doctor, in Vancouver proper. Our healthcare system is killing off our doctors. We graduate our best and brightest, along with those from around the world, then they leave us to practice medicine in the United States, Germany, and Switzerland, where they will get paid up to 10 times what we get paid here.

I must stay in this hospital 10 hours every day, except Monday, when I am off. I also get 2 -- ½ days off, one of which is always on a weekend day. However, I am not allowed to see anymore than 14 patients during that 10-hour day. Do you believe I enjoy looking at an x-ray that I can read in 10 seconds, but must stay in front of for four minutes, because that is the rule set up by the hospital administrator? It is part of the contract I signed to be on the staff of this damn hospital. Otherwise, I would have to open my own private practice, and like many other local doctors, I would be supplementing my income by painting houses, or mowing lawns, while waiting for patients like you, who will come to visit us during the winter months.

Megan, your nurse, must stand beside you, while I study these x-rays. The computerized x-rays go through the system in less than one minute, and it shows up on this screen, in your room, less than one minute after it's taken. As soon as I enter the room, I can look at it and tell you the results in under 30 seconds, unless there is a shadow that is hiding something. In your case, you have a shadow, and I believe you have crushed an artery under your fibula. I will tell you more about that in a moment.

Megan and I must waste four minutes of our time, looking at the scans, before I can tell you the results. You don't have to say it Mr. Canyon, because every Doctor, nurse, and technician knows it; it is a waste of money, talent, and time.

In the United States, you have a fee for services system. There is a lot wrong with it, and many doctors and insurance companies steal a great deal of money from patients, hospitals, and each other, every day but it is a better system than ours. However, in the United States, there are 1.2 doctors per 500 of population. That is nearly 210 people per Doctor; spread among specialists, scientists, surgeons and internists/family doctors. There are more doctors in Los Angeles, San Francisco, and Seattle, then there are in Flagstaff, Scottsdale, or Phoenix, Arizona.

However, an internist in Flagstaff is only allowed to bill your Medicare system the same amount of money an internist in Los Angeles is, or should I put that the other way around?"

"I think the other way around works better, Doctor."

"I believe I would rather be working in Flagstaff, if that is the case, Mr. Canyon."

"I agree with you, Doctor. Now, what's wrong with my leg?"

"I believe your four minutes is up, so I can tell you. As you have guessed Colonel, you have broken the tibia of your left leg 4 ½ inches above the Malleolus. At this moment, it is offset by about 2/3 _rds. of an inch, which is not a problem for the orthopedic surgeon, who will repair it. However, there is a piece of bone dangling off the edge of the tibia, like a broken piece of glass. The surgeon may choose to save it, or more likely remove it, because it does not look like it's worth saving. I believe the orthopedist will put a sleeve around the tibia, glue it in place, and fasten it with 6 to 10 screws, because your son tells me you are very athletic. We do not want you breaking that bone again.

To make matters more interesting, you have fractured the fibula a little less then 3 inches above the Malleolus. Due to your advanced age, I believe the orthopedist may brace the area with steel posts, and decide afterwards if he wants to put a sleeve around the fibula, also. That break is in a very tenuous area, being so close to your ankle. You will be in the hospital for several days after your surgery to check for postoperative infection, and to be sure of the alignment of the bones.

You will follow your surgeon's orders, but you will also follow my orders to the letter, when you can leave this hospital. If you don't, I will make sure Paul will be sure to make you follow my orders to the letter; won't you, Paul?"

"I will make sure my dad follows those orders to a T, Doctor, just as I followed his orders all these years. They are for his benefit, and I will not let anything get in the way of his recovery."

"The bastard probably told you to break my right leg."

"You didn't tell me your father was a mind reader."

"It must have slipped my mind, Doctor."

"As I mentioned before, I believe you have one more problem, which showed up on the x-ray as a shadow. I am going to send you for an arteriogram to verify it. I think you crushed the greater saphenous vein under your left fibula, and it may be cutting off circulation to your foot. Is your left foot cold sir?"