Darla's Dilemma

I continued to hold Darla in my arms, gently soothing her and telling her everything would be alright. By the time we got to the hospital, she had calmed somewhat but was still whimpering from time to time. I rose from the cot, gently laying her back down and securing the cot straps back in place. I took her left hand in mine as we wheeled her from the ambulance into the Emergency Department at Holy Family Medical Center. We then gently slid her from our cot to the bed.

Shelley Stebbens was the nurse in the ER who took charge of Darla. As we wheeled her in I could see the look of shock and horror on Shelley's face, dumbfounded as to the kind of monster who could do this to someone they professed to love; someone who was the mother of their own children.

"Thirty-year old female. Personal physician is Doctor Laughlin. Victim of an assault. No blood or CSF present in the ears. Obvious right wrist fracture, severe laceration and swelling to the left eye and a puncture wound to the bottom lip. Heavy bruising to right and left side of the ribs. Abdomen is soft. Lung sounds and bowel sounds are all clear and present. And there's, uh, bite marks to both the right and left breast. "I could see and hear Shelley gasp as I said that. "Eighteen-gauge IV in the left hand with normal saline, running TKO."

"Um, uh, did you give her anything for pain?" Shelley asked.

"Negative. Good chance she has a concussion, at a minimum, and we didn't want to suppress CNS any further."

"Okay, Daulton. Thanks. I'll take it from here," Shelley said as she started getting Darla settled in.

"Daulton?"

I turned and looked back into the room as Darla weakly called out to me.

"Yeah, hun?"

"Daulton, please don't leave me. Will you please stay with me?"

I didn't know what to do. I didn't really even know what to say.

"Uh, well, your mom and dad are both on their way to the hospital. In fact, they're probably here right now. Your kids are gonna stay at the house next to your parents."

"I don't care, Daulton. Will you stay with me? Please don't go."

"Um, I have to go, Darla. I need to go back with the ambulance. I have to write the report and help get the ambulance back in service. I'm sorry but I really can't stay." Darla started crying again as I gently pulled my hand away from hers and walked to the door of the room. I gave her one last look before leaving. And suddenly, I felt like the biggest asshole and heel in the world. But I couldn't stand to look at her beaten body anymore. I couldn't stand the shame.

I walked back out to the ambulance garage and saw the rest of the crew just finishing up getting the ambulance put back in order. I had grabbed the necessary paperwork and hospital insurance forms and set them on the front passenger's seat. It dawned on me that Jake, Misty, Meg and Diana were all staring at me.

"What?" I asked, somewhat annoyed.

"Daulton, can we talk?" Diana asked.

I put down the paperwork and followed her outside and around the corner from the ambulance garage.

"What are you doing?" she demanded.

"What do you mean, what am I doing? I'm helping get the ambulance back in service."

"Yeah, I can see that. But, why?"

"Uh, because the call is over and it's time to go home," I said.

"You need to get back in there and be with her, Daulton."

"Her parents will be here any minute now. And she's got plenty of other family and friends who can take care of her from here on out."

"Bullshit! You know damned well that she needs you more than she needs anyone else right now, Daulton! Don't deny it!"

"What the hell do you want me to do?"

"What I want is for you to man up, Daulton! All of us saw what happened in the back of that ambulance on the way in here. The best thing you could have done for her today is exactly what you did - just be there for her. Holding her like that was the best medicine she could have gotten today!"

"Well, I did it. Now it's time to go home."

"Uh-uh," Diana said. "You don't get off that easy."

"What more do you expect?"

"Daulton, you're part of the reason for why this happened!"

"Bullshit! I do not fucking accept that! And you have no business trying to dump that on my head! Jesus, Di! I don't control Randy-fucking-Jones!"

"Oh, come off it, Daulton! You and Danny beat the living shit out of Randy and his friends a few weeks ago. They all get charged with assault, public intox and disorderly conduct while you guys get off scot free. Then today, Randy finds out he's gonna get fired if he doesn't show up to his job tonight. But he can't leave because he's out on bail and can't cross state lines. He sees you as the root of his problems and he automatically makes a connection to you through Darla. Are you getting it yet?"

"Yes, I get it, Diana. But that doesn't make any of this my fault!"

"It might not be all your fault, Dalton. But you can't deny that you have some responsibility for this."

"Oh, yeah? Well, if you want to put it that way, then this can all be traced back to the day when Darla left me bawling my fucking eyes out in front of my own house when I had to watch her and the kids pack up and leave so she could run off with Randy again!"

Diana tried to compose herself. "Yes, I know, Daulton. I know she hurt you. Hell, we were all disappointed when she decided to go back to Randy. None of us could believe it. We all hurt for you, too, Daulton. But all of that is water under the bridge. You saw what he did to her today. You saw what a monster he is! Yes, it is all a chain reaction of events. But you're a link in that chain. You have a responsibility to her, Daulton. And right now she needs you more than anything!"

"I have to go back, Diana. I still have a report to write on this and - "

"Oh, for shit's sake, Daulton! Give me the fucking paperwork! I can write a stupid patient care report as well as anybody! I know your password to the computer. I'll just type it up and sign your name, okay?"

I just turned and shook my head. If I didn't get out of there I was going to explode.

"Fuck it. Let's just go. I can always come back later."

I turned around and walked back into the garage. It was obvious that Jake, Misty and Meg had all been listening to the whole conversation. They just stood there looking at me, disapproving. I stood there as the four of them piled back into the ambulance. I took a seat in the front passenger seat.

Jake was about to turn the key when he paused for a few moments. "On second thought," he said, "I think I'll ride in the back with the girls." And he got out from behind the wheel and jumped in the back with Meg, Diana and Misty.

I sat there dumbfounded for a few minutes. They were all pissed at me and were letting me know it. I got out and walked around to the other side of the ambulance, hopped in and turned the key. It was kind of awkward driving with the splint on my right hand but I could manage.

"Anybody wanna stop for a beverage or food on the way back?" It was customary to grab something after a run to Red River Falls. But the dead silence I was greeted with was answer enough. I could have used a nice cold Coke right about then. But there was no sense looking like a bigger asshole and stopping for one. Besides, they all probably would have left me there if I didn't make sure to take the keys in with me.

Needless to say, it was an extremely quiet 40-minute ride back to Royal Fork. I helped restock the ambulance in absolute silence along with everyone. As soon as that was finished Meg, Diana, Misty and Jake all disappeared like four farts in a whirlwind and left me alone at the fire station to finish the run report.

I got home another half-hour later and grabbed a beer from the fridge, effectively ensuring I would not be answering any more EMS calls that night. It was for the best, anyway, given the way my co-volunteers on Royal Fork Fire and Rescue obviously looked at me. I slumped into my favorite recliner and flipped on the tube, hoping to catch the Twins/Red Sox game. But even with the noise of the TV and a cold beer in my hand, nothing could allow me to escape the reality that my house was somehow even emptier than it was when Darla and the kids left. I began to wonder if the day would ever come when I didn't feel like an asshole anymore.

**********

My phone rang early the next morning. It was one of those mornings where I just didn't want to get up but I begrudgingly reached over and picked up the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Daulton?"

"Yeah. Who's this?"

"This is Cecelia."

Aw, shit. "Hi, Cecelia," I said, sitting up in bed. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, Daulton. But I'm not the one you should be worried about."

"Oh, right. How's Darla?" I asked, taking the bait.

"She has surgery scheduled for this morning. She asked me to call you and see if you could be there."

"Surgery? Surgery for what?"

"Randy really did a number on her wrist. He managed to break it in three places when he stomped on her with his steel toe work boots. They scheduled her for 10:00."

I ran my hand over my face in frustration.

"Uh, well, I'm not really sure I can make it by then," I said, glancing at the clock.

"Daulton," Cecelia said, sounding stern, "Darla really needs you there. You're the one man who has ever stood up for her."

"I'm also the reason she got the shit beat out of her yesterday, Cecelia. I can only imagine how pissed you and Butch are at me right now."

"Stop it, Daulton! Get off your pity pot right now! Randy has deserved to get his ass kicked for years! I'm surprised it took this long! You might have been a part of what led up to this but you did not force Randy to do what he did. That was his decision. Now what the hell time can we expect to see you?"

I let out a sigh of frustration. "Let me get cleaned up and grab some coffee and breakfast. I'll be over there as soon as I can."

"Thanks, Daulton. This will mean a lot to her."

"I know."

I hung up and proceeded to grab a shower, which was a lot easier these days with the splint on my right hand that I could just take on and off instead of that damned plaster cast I had for three weeks after I rearranged Randy Jones's face. It was almost 9:00 by the time I got on the road. I figured Darla's hand must have been really screwed up if they were so concerned about it that they were willing to schedule surgery for a Saturday morning. Hopefully, there wouldn't be too much nerve damage or circulation damage and she'd eventually regain the use of her hand fully.

I got to the hospital too late to see Darla before they took her back to pre-op. Cecelia said Darla was disappointed I wasn't there yet but seemed happy when Cecelia told her I was on my way. Maybe part of me was subconsciously procrastinating and avoiding having to see her.

The surgery took about an hour-and-a-half. I sat in the surgery waiting room as Cecelia and Butch went back to see her when she made it back to recovery. They were in there for about twenty minutes when Cecelia came out and asked me if I'd like to come back and see her.

"Uh, no, I don't think so. I'll be fine waiting out here."

"It's fine, Daulton. They only allow two at a time, anyway. You and Butch can spend some time with her back there. I know it would mean a lot to her to know you were here."

"If I go back there to see her, Cecelia, I'd kind of like to see her alone...ya know?"

"I understand," she nodded. She ended up going back to the recovery area and she and Butch emerged a few minutes later.

"Go on back, Daulton," Butch said. "She's still pretty out of it but she'll at least know you're there."

I kind of half-hoped they wouldn't be back for a while. Truthfully, I should have just taken the opportunity to leave when they went back to see her in the first place. But I got up and walked through the double doors and was greeted by the nurse who led me to the recovery room. I was probably lucky to see her at all as many hospitals don't let visitors see patients in the recovery room. Darla was still sleeping. They had managed to skillfully close the gaping wound above her left eye. Hopefully, you wouldn't be able to see the scar as it should almost blend in with her eye brow. The large hole in her bottom lip where her tooth had punctured was neatly closed, also.

Her right hand and wrist were wrapped in an Ace bandage with some kind of soft splint in place. I'm sure a cast would be put on in the coming days. Ironic, in a twisted way, that we should both happen to have injuries to our right hands.

I stood there for almost twenty minutes just staring at her battered little body. There was a time when I lusted after her five feet and one-inch of curves and sex appeal. I could imagine all kinds of ways to worship that small altar of passion and lust. But now, just the simple act of reaching down and tenderly holding her hand send a cold shiver through my body and I immediately let go for fear of somehow inflicting further injury on her. As I did so, Darla briefly stirred and asked who was there. I said nothing and decided it was time to go. I couldn't look upon her for one more minute because of the knowledge that I had helped put her there. Tears began streaming down my face - not of sadness, but shame.

I walked back out to the waiting area and found Butch and Cecelia still sitting there. They asked if anything was wrong and I said no. I fibbed and told them that she was stirring a bit and asking for them. They both smiled and said 'thanks' and immediately got up and started heading back to the recovery room.

I was just about to the end of the hall and had just punched the elevator call button when I heard Butch behind me.

"Daulton. Wait up a second." I turned and saw him rushing to approach. "Daulton, I just wanted to say that Cecelia and I really appreciate everything you've done for Darla."

"Pshht. Yeah, right," I said, fighting tears again.

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

The elevator opened. "It means," I said, stepping inside, "that I'm half the reason for why she is in here in the first place." Much to my surprise, Butch stepped inside with me.

"Now you listen to me, Daulton. This is not your fault."

"Yes it is, Butch. I'm surprised you and Cecelia can even stand to look at me right now. I let Randy goad me into a fight and he went and took it out on Darla."

"Yeah, he did, Daulton. But you're the first one that's ever stood up to that little bastard. He knows damned well that you're not gonna take any of his shit. If I was twenty-five years younger and in better health I would've done it myself!"

"My friend's boss was right," I said, shaking my head. "He even warned me this would happen. I just didn't listen." The elevator opened on the main level and I started walking to the front entrance with Butch following close.

"Cecelia and I tried like hell to talk Darla out of even going on a date with that little turd but she wouldn't listen. I know as well as anyone how stubborn Darla can be. But I also know for a fact that, if you give her another chance, she'll never let you down again, Daulton."

"I don't, Butch. I think I've caused enough damage. I think it's time to just fade back into the wood work." I turned towards him, shook his hand quickly, and started speed walking to my car. Butch, with his bad hip, could never keep up.

**********

Darla got out of the hospital the following day. The only reason they kept her another night was because her blood pressure was a little low following the surgery. She ended up going back to her parents' house and staying with them for a few days. The problem was nobody seemed to know where Randy Jones was. An All-Points-Bulletin had been released along with a BOLO - Be On the Look Out - for his vehicle. Everyone had decided it was in Darla's best interest to find a safer place to stay. Callahan Manufacturing was gracious enough to give her a leave of absence until she got all of her affairs in order. She wouldn't be paid, unfortunately, but she at least wouldn't lose her job.

Darla and the kids ended up moving into the Karen Cumberland House a few weeks later, which was a modern state-of-the-art secure women's shelter in Red River Falls. The place had complete video monitoring of the entire outside and interior of the building with panic alarms placed sporadically throughout the facility so a resident of the shelter could press one and immediately call law enforcement without needing to dial 9-1-1. Any panic alarm would send law enforcement rushing to the scene and know the exact area of the building in which the alarm originated.

Heavy reinforced doors and bullet-resistant windows made the place nearly as secure as a prison with the exception that it was designed to keep the bad guys out instead of in. There was also a secure room at the entrance where visitors could wait for a resident and they could be searched prior to entering the facility.

I had gone back to work at the fire department shortly after Darla and the kids had moved into the Cumberland House. My hand still hurt from time to time but I could still easily lift patients and perform all of my paramedic skills with little to no problems.

I had pretty much avoided Darla since she got out of the hospital. Mostly, it was because it still hurt too much to see her because she left me. But it was also because of increasing acceptance of my part of the blame for her getting hurt. I still tried to deflect responsibility when people called me out on it. I'm not really sure how much face I thought I was saving with people. I guess I just didn't want them to think I was a bigger asshole than necessary.

Eventually I found the backbone to go see her and I drove over to the Cumberland House after one of my shift at work. I brought along some gifts for Natalie and Nathan and a nice bouquet of flowers for Darla. I stayed away from the roses and went heavy on the carnations. I'm not sure what sentiment I was trying to avoid expressing but it just felt like the thing to do at the time.

I walked in the front entrance and rang the buzzer at the security door. A small opening, similar to a mail drop slot, opened and I could see the eyes of an African-American woman staring back at me. I also knew that someone inside could see me on the video camera, as well, so she probably knew I wasn't brandishing a weapon before she opened the slot.

"What'chu want?" she demanded in a thick, urban accent.

"Uh, I'd like to see Darla Jones, if possible," I sheepishly replied.

"Darla know you's lookin' fuh her?"

"Well, no, not really."

"You's 'posed to call ahead if'n you wants to see somebody," she warned.

"Oh, I see. I'm sorry. I guess I can come back, then. Can I just leave the flowers and gifts with you?"

She ignored my question. "What kinda uniform is dat you's wearin'?"

"My uniform? Uh, well, I work for the Red River Falls Fire Department."

"Fire department? You kinda look like da po-po."

I laughed. "No, I'm definitely not a cop. See here?" I asked, pointing to the patch on my right sleeve. "That's the patch of the Red River Falls Fire Department."

"Mm-hmm," she mumbled. "You still look like da po-leece. What yo name, anyways?"

"Daulton. Daulton Anderson."

"Wait right dere," she said as she closed the slot. I could hear her call out on the intercom system. "Hey, Darla Jones. Dey is some firemen here fuh ya. Kinda cute for a white boy, too!"

I'm sure my face turned beat red as I could hear women holler out cat calls and whistles at the announcement. Soon, I heard a loud buzzing coming from the door indicating that it was momentarily unlocked and I proceeded to let myself in. There on the other side stood Darla.