Darla's Dilemma

She looked terrific. Well, she at least looked a helluva lot better than the last time I saw her. There was just a slight scar above her left eye brow and a slight one below her bottom lip where the tooth had punctured. All of the bruising to her cheeks and neck were gone and the only other visible reminder of her ordeal was the removable cast still in place to her right forearm.

"Hi," I breathed, my heart pounding in my chest.

"Hi, yourself," she said smiling. We hugged awkwardly and briefly, mostly because of the flowers and the gifts I was carrying, but also because we were unsure of each other.

"I just thought I'd drop by on my way home from work and say hi to you and the kids," I said, trying to sound casual.

"That's so sweet, Daulton. They've really missed you," she said. "We all have," she added, visibly fidgeting with her hands.

"Uh, can we go see the kids? I have some presents for them."

"Sure! They'll be thrilled! They're upstairs in the play room."

Darla led me out into the great room, which covered a lot of the main level of the building. She explained that the great room served as kind of a multi-purpose facility and was also served as the dining room. The kitchen was a commercial one and all of the shelter residents assisted in preparing meals. The shelter's business offices were also located on this level.

We passed through another set of secure doors as Darla led me upstairs to the second floor, which is where the residences were located. Some were single rooms with only one occupant and many others had multiple rooms in a single residence, which were reserved for those women who brought children to the shelter. Darla's residence consisted of two small bedrooms and a small common room and a small bathroom. It was only about 20 feet long by 10 feet wide but she said it was more than comfortable for the three of them.

We passed through yet another set of secure doors to get to the third level, which contained more residential rooms and a large activity area for the children to play in. As Darla led me to the play area both Natalie and Nathan shrieked "DAULTON!" and came running for me. I hugged them as though I was never going to see them again and immediately got a lump in my throat.

The kids gave me the grand tour of their play area and told me how much fun they were having at the Cumberland house. I was happy for them, in a sense, as they were thrilled that there were so many other children to play with. But I also couldn't help but take note of the obvious fact there were, indeed, so many children there as well as the fact that the shelter was filled nearly to capacity.

I had been there for nearly two hours when Darla was called away to begin helping the other women prepare lunch. The shelter did have two full-time cooks on staff but the women staying at the shelter were also expected to help out with preparing the meals, too, as well as daily cleaning of the facility. Most of them were only too happy to do it as it helped pass the time and gave them something to think about other than domestic violence.

Darla and the kids insisted that I stay for lunch. I suppose I have to admit that if it was just Darla asking, I probably would have said 'no' and gone about my business. But Natalie and Nathan were so excited to have me there that I couldn't refuse them. The kids each sat on one side of me and literally talked non-stop throughout lunch. Darla just sat across the table from me and mostly ate in silence as she watched me with the kids. She had a bit of a wistful look on her face and her eyes were moist with tears that she refused to let fall down her cheeks.

I couldn't get over how much better she looked than the last time I had seen her. And yet, something was definitely off with her, as well. Visiting her in the shelter was neither the time nor the place to have a big talk. And, frankly, I didn't know if there was really much more to talk about. But there was one big piece of news that I did have to tell her and I wanted to wait until it was time to leave before I said anything. But first, I had to pry myself away from Natalie and Nathan who continually begged me to stay just a little bit longer.

Finally, I said my goodbyes to the kids as Darla shooed them back upstairs to the play room. They were grumpy about it at first but soon were immersed in playing with their friends and showing the toys that I had given them, an American Girl doll for Natalie and a small train set for Nathan.

Darla led me back to the secured front entrance and, as I was leaving, it dawned on me how much of a microscope I had been under the entire time I was there. Every woman in the place had their eyes glued on me from the moment I walked in; some of them eyed me with no small amount of fear and mistrust, while the others looked at me with pure lust.

"Kind of felt like a slab of beef at times in there," I said as Darla walked me to the front door.

"Even though they have been through some terrible times, they still appreciate a good-looking man when they see one. They're still women, after all. But they also know a good-hearted man when they see one, too."

"Guess I'm not used to that kind of attention."

"Yeah, well, they've heard a lot about you, Daulton," Darla said.

"All good, I hope," I laughed, sheepishly.

"Like I could ever hope to tell them anything different, Daulton. You're one of the few examples of good men that a lot of these women have ever seen. And I've done plenty of bragging about your ever since the kids and I moved in here," she said, looking down.

I knew she was looking for a response but I couldn't think of one. But suddenly, I remembered what I was supposed to tell her.

"Oh, shit! I almost forgot the reason I came over here!"

"Wasn't it to see me and the kids?" she giggled.

"No! Uh...I mean, yes, but the original reason I wanted to stop by was to tell you that Danny called me this morning."

"Okay, what did he want?"

"He called to tell me that Randy got arrested last night. Up in Kalispell, Montana. Did you know he has a sister up there?"

"Yes! His sister Rhonda lives up there!" Darla was suddenly ecstatic and I couldn't help but notice how much more beautiful she was when she was happy.

"Well, believe it or not, his sister was the one who called the police and turned him in. She ended up doing a silent 9-1-1 call where she dialed but didn't answer. Randy had gone to sleep thinking he was in a safe place but then his sister was waiting for the cops at the front door and she led them right into his room!"

"Oh, my God! That's fantastic! That is so totally just like Rhonda to do something like that, too! Out of Randy's family, Rhonda was the one I was probably the closest to. I'm sure she was none-too-happy when she found out what he did."

"Yeah, I suppose not," I said, suddenly finding myself staring into her eyes. I forced myself to break my gaze. "But, yeah. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that they found him and he's finally in custody."

"Thank you so much, Daulton," she said, with that soft glow in her eyes again. "And thank you for everything you've done for me and the kids. We couldn't have gotten through this without you."

I scoffed. "Psssht. Darla, let's be honest. You wouldn't have gotten into this mess if it wasn't for me."

"Daulton, don't! I don't need you to feel sorry for me. I'm a big girl. I can take ownership of my choices and responsibility for my mistakes."

I stood there silent for a few moments. "Well, anyway, I better get going. Thanks for letting me see the kids. I had a great time." I pulled Darla in for a hug, putting my hands on her shoulders only. I figured it would be less threatening and also made it easier to pull away.

Darla stood there and watched me leave, looking disappointed and crestfallen. She knew the truth as well as I did. I was running away.

*****

One benefit of Randy's arrest was that Darla was able to petition the judge for an immediate divorce since they had only delayed the divorce proceedings when Randy had attempted to become husband and father of the year. Now that he was wanted for assault, battery and interstate flight - as well as the drunk and disorderly charge and public intoxication charge from the night I had knocked his teeth in - Randy was probably going to become a convicted felon soon. As expected, he had also been fired from his lucrative welding job with the oil company up north. The public defenders in Mason County weren't that good that they could do much with the charges, which meant that Randy was likely going to spend some quality and lengthy time way down in Sioux Falls.

Darla and the kids only stayed at the Cumberland house for about another month. Randy was being held without bail, which was unusual for anything other than homicide cases. But he had already proven himself to be a flight risk and was determined to be a further risk to Darla and the kids.

Butch and Cecelia insisted that Darla and the kids move back in with them. Butch had even single-handedly built two bedrooms in the basement for the kids, along with a nice family room and rec room down there, and had updated and remodeled Darla's old bedroom.

It had been nearly two months since I had seen Darla and the kids. It was a Friday night and I was doing ambulance standby for the high school football game in Royal Fork. It was early autumn but unseasonably warm for the time of year. I was working with the usual gang of suspects that night with Jake, Meg, Diana and Misty on our crew. We had brought along lawn chairs as we sat next to the ambulance waiting for one of the players to get hurt but hoping and praying that none of them did. The Royal Fork Raiders were down by a touchdown early but were driving towards the end zone.

I could see a smile break out simultaneously on Meg, Diana and Misty's faces, but it wasn't because of the ballgame. Jake Herman just stood up with his jaw dropping. I looked to my left and saw what they were all gawking at. My heart nearly stopped and time suddenly stood still.

Darla was sauntering casually over our direction. She was wearing a sleeveless knee-length denim western cut dress and a pair of ankle-high cowboys boots. The belt she wore loosely around her waist made the dress perfectly accentuate her hips. The over-sized rodeo-style buckle caused the belt to sag just a bit where it hung resting on her pubic bone and immediately drew my attention to her most precious erogenous zone. The vision of her approaching made her look like the star of a Miranda Lambert music video.

She approached our group and Meg, Diana and Misty all exchanged hellos with her. Jake still sat there dumbfounded.

"I could sure use a Coke," Diana said.

"Me, too," chimed Meg.

"I think I'll go along, too," added Misty.

Jake continued to sit there drooling.

"Jake! Let's go get a drink," Diana demanded.

"Nah, I'm alright," Jake said, oblivious.

"Jake! You're thirsty! Get your ass over here and get a pop!"

Jake finally snapped out of it and begrudgingly walked away and somehow managed to still stare at Darla nearly the entire trip to the concession stand.

I returned my attention to the game as Darla sat down in Diana's chair next to me.

"Boy, I'll give you one thing," I said. "You and the girls sure know how to ambush a guy."

"I had to get your attention somehow, Daulton."

I sighed. "What's the point?"

"You know damned well what the point is, Daulton. How long are we going to keep avoiding one another? How long until we finally clear the air?"

"I'm not avoiding anyone, Darla. As far as I'm concerned, there's really nothing else to say. We tried something, it didn't work. You went back to Randy. That didn't work. Now you're single and I'm single. We're both free to pursue whatever we want."

"Really? That's it? It's that simple?"

"Well, Darla, it sure seemed simple enough the day you left. I wanted you to stay and talk that day and you didn't."

"And I wanted you to stay the night before and talk to me but, instead, you ran off and spent the night getting drunk over at Danny's house!"

"Psssh," I scoffed.

"Don't blow me off, Daulton! Dammit, we both keep making the exact same mistakes as the other person and then think we have the right to punish the other person for the same mistake we made. It's time to put an end to that, Daulton. It's time to start with a clean slate."

I laughed out loud. "Really? You think after everything that happened we can just pretend that it didn't happen? Just start over from scratch? Come on, Darla. Surely you, of all people, can't be that naïve."

"I'm not naïve, Daulton. And, no, I'm not going to pretend that all the crap over the last five months didn't happen. But the only way we can truly get past it is to actually sit down and do the one thing we never did from the beginning but should have. Talk!"

I shook my head. "There's nothing to talk about."

"Bullshit! You wanna know what I think? I think you still have feelings for me, Daulton. I think you still have feelings for me and that scares the shit out of you. It scares the shit out of me, too, Daulton, because I know that I still have feelings for you. The difference is that I'm not too big of a coward to actually face up to it!"

"Oh, horse shit, Darla! I am not a fucking coward! I go into burning buildings for a living! I pull people out of mangled cars! I do a lot of stuff for a living that most people either can't do or won't do for a living!"

"Then prove it!"

"How? And why?"

"By actually having the courage to finally sit down face-to-face with me and getting all of our shit out in the open once and for all."

The crowd suddenly roared as Royal Fork scored a touchdown and would tie the game with an extra point. We let the lull in the conversation last until Royal Fork got ready to kickoff to their opponent. At that point, Darla stood up.

"Do you work tomorrow, Daulton?"

"No," I said, grumbling. "Back on shift again on Sunday."

"I'm going to be at your house tomorrow morning at 8 o'clock sharp, Daulton. I expect you to be there awake, dressed and ready to talk. You might think to have coffee ready."

Darla turned and walked back over to the main bleacher area, presumably where her parents and friends were sitting. Her dad, Butch, is as rabid a football fan as you'll find. There seemed to be just a little bit more of a sway in Darla's hips as she sashayed back to the bleachers. My God, but she looked amazing in that little dress. Those killer curves were on full display for anyone who cared to look, along with her ample cleavage, and I suddenly realized that I was sporting an absolutely raging erection. Damn her.

"Miss us?" Diana asked, sarcastically, as the four of them returned to the ambulance.

"Like a bad headache," was my acerbic reply. "You gals really know how to put on the full court press, don't ya?"

"Only when we need to."

"Yeah, well you can ease up. Not gonna do much good, anyway."

"Jesus, you're dense, Daulton. What's it gonna hurt to just talk to the poor girl?"

"What's it gonna help?"

"Maybe you," she said. "I'm not saying everything is going to be rainbows and unicorns, Daulton. But maybe you can at least start over. Or else maybe you can have a clean break and at least not hate each other."

"I don't hate her."

"Well, you have a funny way of showing it."

"I thought I did okay during the ambulance ride."

"There's more to it than just putting Band-Aids on boo-boos, Daulton."

"Yeah, well I wish there was a Band-Aid they could put on my heart then." I got up and headed for the concession stand for a Coke of my own and let Diana ponder the thought.

*****

I slept very little that night knowing that Darla and I were going to have it out in a few hours. By six o'clock I was pretty much awake and running on full adrenaline. I had seen the woman naked, for God's sake, and yet I had never been this nervous around her in the entire time I had known her. Apparently, she was eager to get it going, too, because she showed up and let herself in right at 7:50.

"Most people knock," I said, mildly annoyed at her sense of liberty.

"Yeah, well, I'm not most people."

"I'll give you that," I said, handing her a mug of coffee. "Cheers," I said in a mock toast.

Darla sat down at the table, cupping the mug in her hands. I could tell she was just as tense as I was. We both knew that what was said over the next few minutes or hours would probably solidify whatever type of relationship we would have with one another for the rest of our lives. While I was fairly certain, at that point, that it would most likely end with us being anything other than a couple I was also worried that we might come out of it not even being friends - even friends from a distance.

"Well," I started, "you wanted to talk. Why don't you go ahead and start."

She took a few moments to compose herself. Her voice was quiet and meek. She had actually gotten quite sassy and brassy towards the end of our dating relationship...right up until she went back to Randy, who violently put her back in what he thought was her place.

"Daulton, I...what I mean, is..."

"Take your time, Darla. We have all day."

The tears started flowing, though she wasn't full-blown crying. I half-rolled my eyes as it seemed to be just another ploy at fucking with my emotions. But as she got going, I realized it was no act.

"Daulton, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry...for everything. All of this is my fault and I'm not just saying that to try to get you to feel sorry for me. Everything that happened since I left this house has happened because I allowed it to. I allowed Randy to get back into my head. I allowed him to manipulate me. I allowed myself to get taken in because I allowed myself to fall back into something familiar - even though the unfamiliar future I had with you was so much better."

"That doesn't make any sense, Darla," I said, confused.

She took a deep breath. "All my life, Daulton, men have been attracted to me. My...entire...life. It started when I was a little girl, about 8 or 9. An older boy in our neighborhood started taking an interest in me. He was fifteen. He showed me a lot of attention and I thought it was just because he liked me. Late one night, my father caught that boy looking into my bedroom window. My father never told me exactly what he was doing outside my window but I have a pretty good idea. Needless to say, my father was furious. He took that kid and literally dragged him two blocks back to his house. My Dad was screaming and the kid was bawling his head off. Dad told the kid's parents that if he ever caught him anywhere near our house again that he'd gouge out his eyeballs and run him lengthwise down the big table saw at the lumber yard.

"When I was twelve years old, I was barely outgrowing a training bra. But by the time I was thirteen, Daulton, I was already in a C cup. By the time I was fifteen, I was in a D cup and then a DD by the time I graduated. Suffice it to say, I started getting a lot of attention from the boys early on. And it wasn't always the kind of attention I wanted.

"Other girls hated me because I was more developed than they were and got most of the attention from the boys, which was only made worse being in a small town. Most of the boys only liked me because of my breasts. They didn't like me as a person. They never wanted to get to know the real me. They only liked what they saw, which was my chest. Every time I went out with a boy - every...single...time - as soon as we were out of view of any adults, their hands made a beeline for my breasts. It got to the point that I hated everyone - boys, girls, adults - it didn't matter. At one point, Daulton, I seriously thought about taking my own life. I used to fantasize about how good it would be not to have to feel sad, humiliated, threatened or ashamed.