Darla's Dilemma

"Then Randy came along in high school. He said all the right things and he did all the right things. He got me to let my guard down. I didn't realize at the time that what he was doing was manipulating me. He definitely took his time. But Randy was only after the same thing that everyone else was. He didn't love me for me. He just wanted a toy that he could control. He made so many promises and broke every single one. He would tell me that other men would only ever want me so they could just use my body and that he was the only one that ever loved me. By the time I knew any different, Daulton, I was already married and had two kids and a future that looked bleaker every day.

"Randy always promised that things would get better. But with every job he'd lose or not get hired for, he started drinking more and more. Pretty soon, the insults started. And then he started yelling and blaming me and the kids for all his problems. He'd leave and get drunk with his friends and be gone for days at a time. He'd come home all liquored up and start slapping me around. I would literally have to hide the kids in the apartment or hide them at one of the neighbors just to keep them away from their dad when he was acting like that."

I came over and sat down across from her at the table. "I know all about your history with Randy, Darla. You've told me how he treated you in the past. But what does that have to do with us?"

"It has to do with us, Daulton, because I have a long history of making bad choices. It got to the point where that was the only kind of love I knew. Because no matter how drunk he got, he would always eventually sober up for a while and tell me how much he loved me. He'd be fine for a while until his next big disappointment came along or his next failure."

"So why stay with him?"

"It's because I was never strong enough to leave. I never understood, either, why women don't just leave their deadbeat or abusive men. The fucked up part is, you don't even see yourself that way when you're in the relationship. You try so hard to focus on the good parts of the marriage - if not for yourself, then for your kids. You think that abuse only happens to other people and not you. And then you don't even recognize it when it IS happening to you."

"So, what do you want to happen? What is your expectation from here on out?"

"What I want to happen, Daulton, is for me to start making good choices in my life instead of the shitty ones. I want to make the good choice of getting rid of Randy, once and for all. And I got a big jump on that when my lawyer petitioned the judge for an immediate dissolution of my marriage. Randy is in jail and is probably going to be there for a long time, so he is not an immediate threat."

"Okay, I guess that's a start. What's next?"

"Next, Daulton, I want to make the choice to have you as part of my life. Ideally, I'd love for us to be together romantically. But I'll even settle for just being your friend...even if I have to watch you have a relationship with another woman from afar."

"But, Darla, you already had me in your life once. And you still went back to Randy. So I have two questions for you. First, what assurances do I have that you're not going to make another shitty decision in the future and either go back to Randy or run off with some other asshole? And, second, why me? Now that you're single, you could probably get just about any guy in Royal Fork or even Red River Falls or pretty much any guy in Mason County and beyond."

"First of all, Daulton, Randy is history. He will never bother me or my children again. Even if he gets out of prison and somehow manages to gain some kind of visitation with the kids, he will still never lay a hand on us in anger. And just in case he does, my father gave me a little present when the kids and I came home from the Cumberland house." She reached in her purse and drew out a Taurus snub nose .38 revolver.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Jesus! Okay, okay! Put it away!"

"What's the matter, Daulton? Afraid of a little lady pistol?" she giggled. "See what I mean? If Randy ever comes anywhere near me again, he's gonna change from a rooster to a hen with one shot. I'm not going to shoot to kill. I will shoot to maim!"

"Yeah, okay there, Annie Oakley. Go ahead and put the gun away, okay?"

"Fine," she said, tucking it away. "But one of our dates in the future is going to be spending a day at the shooting range. Dad took me there a few weeks ago and I gotta say I'm hooked."

"So," I said, switching gears, "what makes you so sure we're going to date? Are you sure I can even compete with Randy? Especially since he is so well-endowed and you're absolutely crazy over his cock!"

"WHAT??? Why in the hell would you say something like that?"

"Because he told me that at the restaurant that night. The same night I beat the shit out of him."

Darla burst out into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. It was several minutes before she was calm enough to even continue our conversation.

"Oh, my God! That is the funniest thing I have ever heard in my life! I can't believe you guys are so obsessed with your dicks! And the hilarious part is that you're almost a half-foot taller than Randy is, Daulton!"

"What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

"I'll be blunt and explain it to you, Daulton," she said, trying to get under control, "only because I care about you so damned much. Randy has absolutely nothing on you in the penis department. Trust me when I tell you that you are bigger in every way. I had seen a few pics of guys with decent sized dicks in a porn mag once but I had never seen a guy with a decent sized dick until I met you, Daulton. Whatever Randy said to you was an absolute lie and just to piss you off. No one has ever filled me up the way you do, Daulton."

I wasn't sure how to respond to the compliment and I sounded like a puss when I said, "Yeah, well, it still pissed me off."

"Come on, Daulton," she said, more serious. "Please just give me another chance. We'll take it slow, I promise. I'll work my ass off to regain and build up your trust. I'll do whatever it takes, babe, I promise. To answer the second part of your question, I don't want any other guy in Royal Fork. Or any other place, for that matter. I want you. I deserve you!"

"Deserve me?"

"Yes, I deserve you. For too long I settled for what everyone else thought I should get. I settled for what everyone else thought I deserved. Guys like you, Daulton, were never in my league."

"Oh, that is so not true!" I scoffed. "You're just another example of why good guys always finish last."

"Yes, yes it is true! You're the kind of guy most girls want. Some of us only go for the bad boys because we never see ourselves having a shot with the good guys. I was always too afraid. I just assumed that all of the guys were the same and, because I was never around anyone decent, I never got to know guys like you. I just assumed you wouldn't go for a girl like me. All the other girls portrayed me as a slut. I never figured I had a shot with someone like you. And during the time we were together before, Daulton, I was always afraid that it was going to end."

"What did I ever do to give you that impression? Don't you see how unfair that is to me? You automatically assumed the worst about me!"

"I know, I know! I didn't say it was fair, Daulton. I just said that it was how I was thinking at the time. I don't even know myself that well, to tell you the truth. I don't really even know what kind of movies I like or what kind of music I like or even what kind of food I really like. When I panic, I just go for something familiar. That's how I ended up back with Randy."

"Okay," I said, incredulous. "How is it possible that you don't know any of that stuff after twenty-some years?"

"Because whenever we went to the movies, we always just went and saw what Randy liked. Whenever we listed to the radio we listened to whatever Randy liked. Whenever we went out to eat, we just ate wherever Randy wanted to eat. The truth be told, Daulton, I don't think I even like your spaghetti all that well. I just eat it because the kids like it and I didn't want to upset you."

Ouch! That hurt!

"Really? You don't like my spaghetti?"

"Not really," she said, half-crying. "I'm really sorry, Daulton."

Suddenly, it all made sense. Everything was starting to take shape. Here was a woman who for years had tried to make everyone but herself happy. She was a woman whose sense of value and self-worth was tied entirely to what those around her thought of her. If Randy and the kids were happy, she was happy. If everyone else around her was satisfied, she was satisfied. If Randy thought she was beautiful, then she felt beautiful. If he called her a slut and a whore, then she probably figured she was a slut and a whore. Although, to be honest, I doubt she ever stepped out on Randy the entire time they were married, even though no one would probably have blamed her if she did.

Darla Jones was literally a blank canvas and for the first time in her life, she and she alone had the opportunity to decide what the colors and shapes of her life would be. As someone once told me a long time ago, a ship is useless if it is dragging an anchor. And so the anchor must be cut loose - not because the anchor is worthy but because the ship is. It was time for Darla to set her own course for the future and she could do that now because Randy was gone for good. She had gotten a taste of her freedom when we were together before and had a deeper appreciation now that she knew for certain that Randy had nothing to offer her or the children.

Maybe I'm a chump. Or a sap. Or a big old softie. Maybe I'm just pussy-whipped. I don't really know. All I knew as I sat there staring into Darla's eyes across my kitchen table was that if I was indeed pussy-whipped, then I sure as hell wanted Darla's pussy to be the one whipping me.

"Do you like Chinese at least?"

"Chinese? Jesus, Daulton. I don't even know if I like hamburgers or hot dogs better," she said, wiping away her tears.

"Well, we better figure it out then because I absolutely love Chinese food. Where are Natalie and Nathan?"

"Um, they're at Mom and Dad's. Why?"

"Well, let's go get 'em."

"Where are we going?" she asked as I got up and grabbed a jacket.

"We're going on a field trip."

"What kind of field trip?"

"A field trip to discover the real Darla Jones."

We got into my Taurus and drove over to Butch and Cecelia's to pick up the kids. While we were there, I made Darla run in and pack an overnight bag for herself and for the kids. I still had my work duffel in the car so I already had a change of clothes. I did make sure that we had swimsuits along, though.

Natalie and Nathan were ecstatic about the impromptu mini vacation. We headed east and eventually caught I-94 and followed it all the way into the Twin Cities. I kept the destinations a secret and I had gotten a buddy and co-worker of mine, Neil Boyd, to trade shifts with me so I could have the next day off. I would work the following week for one of Neil's shifts.

We got to Minneapolis just before noon and headed south into Bloomington, one of the bigger Twin Cities suburbs. We made our way to the Mall of America. Darla and the kids had never been here before and I had been over here numerous times, both as a kid when it first opened and later on in life. Like most people, I still call the amusement park Camp Snoopy instead of Nickelodeon Universe.

Natalie and Nathan, of course, were practically bouncing off the walls wanting to go on all the rides but I told them we had to eat first. So we ended up on the top level of the mall in one of the newest restaurants, the Imperial Szechuan Palace, a gourmet Chinese restaurant. The aroma was absolutely intoxicating to me the moment we walked inside - at least it was to me. The Palace, as it is called, offers sit down dining where you can order off the menu. But during the lunch time, they also put out the most spectacular buffet you've ever seen in your life.

"Oh, my God!" Darla exclaimed. "I don't have the first clue what to get! Some of it looks delicious but some of it looks kinda gross, too."

"Well, why don't you just grab a plate and kind of take small samples of everything and see if there is something you like?"

"Okay," she said. I couldn't help but chuckle as I watched her pore over all of the items. There were nearly 50 entrees to choose from. Finally, she picked a few things to try and we all sat down. Natalie and Nathan got a kick out of chicken on a stick and loaded up on crab Rangoon, which was absolutely outstanding here.

All-in-all, Darla managed to take and eat bite-sized portions of about fifteen different items. But at the end of the day it was obvious that Chinese food just wasn't going to be her food category of choice.

"I'm sorry, Daulton. I just don't think it's for me. Everything is just either too spicy for me or way too salty. I know you like this kind of food, but it's just not me."

"That's okay," I said. "No biggie."

"You're not mad?"

I shook my head. "Why would I be mad? I mean, aren't you at least glad that you know for sure that you don't like Chinese? It's not a crime if you don't like all the same things as me."

Darla responded by reaching across the table and just held my hand. God, it felt good to just look deep into her eyes again. But I knew, for my own good as well as Darla's, that we couldn't rush things.

I paid for the meal and we headed back out onto the concourse again. Since I knew Darla was less-than-thrilled about the Chinese dinner I suggested we stop by the A&W food stand and grab some root beer floats, which went over HUGE with Natalie and Nathan. Darla even ordered some onion rings for herself.

"Now these I can DEFINITELY say I like," she chuckled. It was good to see her smile again. Little by little I was immersing myself in the warm feeling of just being with Darla, Natalie and Nathan again. It was starting to feel almost like a family again, although I didn't want to rush things.

We spent the rest of the afternoon taking the kids on just about every ride in the amusement park right there in the middle of the mall. The kids just couldn't believe that such a fantastic place existed in the world. Natalie was big enough that she could go on just about every ride in the park, which the exception of one or two. Nathan did get a little bit upset that he couldn't go on some of the bigger rides but I did manage to sneak him into Paul Bunyan's log ride, thanks to the slight chaos of a long line that day.

By six o'clock I told everyone it was time to call it a day, which elicited groans of extreme disapproval from the kids. Darla immediately scolded them, telling them they were lucky to be here on a weekend at all. But I also told them that I had another big surprise for them and we literally drove just a few blocks north and checked into a large suite at the Radisson Hotel, which was also home to the Waterpark of America, one of the largest indoor waterparks in the Midwest.

We all got checked into our suite, which included a king size bed and sleeper sofa in the main room and a separate bedroom for the kids with a set of bunk beds. We ended up swimming for the rest of the evening until ten o'clock, which just about gave Darla fits because the kids were used to being in bed by nine at the latest. Needless to say, the kids were both completely worn out from the long and active day and were asleep almost as soon as their precious heads hit the pillows.

Darla objected when I insisted that she sleep in the bed while I took the sleeper sofa.

"Daulton, that is absolutely insane. There is more than enough bed here for both of us."

"Look," I sighed. "If we're going to reboot this and give it another shot, then I think we should take it slow. I don't want us to blow it twice."

"Well, then, can I at least get a kiss goodnight?"

"Now, that I can do." We kissed tenderly and briefly, though Darla tried to lean in for something more passionate. Instead, I just held her in my arms and savored the feeling of how good it felt.

Several times I awoke during the night, which apparently roused Darla, too. We stared into each other's eyes and Darla would rub the open space next to her in a silent invitation for me to join her. As tough as it was, I just smiled and jokingly chastised her for trying to break my will.

"Can't blame a girl for trying," was her giggling reply.

We all slept in late the next morning and I had even paid for a late checkout. We spent the late morning and afternoon at the Minneapolis Children's Museum. I was initially going to schedule a jump time at one of the Sky Zones but decided against it as I didn't want to be too worn out to drive home. I decided to save that for a future trip. Besides, we all had a blast with Natalie and Nathan and all of the amazing interactive activities to be done at the children's museum.

By the time we got back to Royal Fork that night, it was nearly nine o'clock. Both the kids were fast asleep and had to be carried into Butch and Cecelia's.

I felt bad because I knew Darla had to work at Callahan's the next morning. As I got ready to leave, Darla followed me out to my car to see me off. I had barely turned around to tell her good night when she grabbed my shirt and pulled me into the most incredible, steel-melting kiss I had ever received. By now I was too weak to resist and I just pulled her into me and matched the fervency of her kiss with my own.

When she finally let me up for air all she could breathlessly say was, "Keep going, Daulton. I'll be waiting for you at the finish line?"

"Huh?" I said, dumbfounded.

"You said that nice guys never finish first. I just want you to know that I'm waiting for you, Daulton. No matter how long it takes, I won't give up on you. You deserve to be happy and so do I. You made me so happy this weekend, Daulton. And I want more. I deserve more." Then she pulled me in for another tongue lashing kiss, turned away and jogged back into her parents' house and closed the front door behind her. All I could do was take my raging erection, get in my car and drive home.

*****

We kept things casual or at least as casual as we could, minus an awful lot of steamy make-out sessions. Things continued that way through Halloween that year but by the time Thanksgiving rolled around Darla and the kids were back living in my house. The fervor and passion of our kissing crossed over into our lovemaking and the results were absolutely explosive. What I thought had been a good sex life during the first time we lived together absolutely paled in comparison to the sex we enjoyed now.

Darla was all I thought about but not in a possessive or all-consuming way. It simply felt as though we were truly becoming one the way we were supposed to. Maybe God or the fates dictated that we had to take this fucked up journey to get to this point, I don't really know. Perhaps sometimes we can only appreciate how good things are only after they have gotten really shitty; kind of like appreciating sunny days after a week straight of storms.

"I'd give anything to make those months we were apart disappear," Darla said one night during a late candlelight dinner.

"Are you sure?" I asked, taking a bite of my steak. Steak, by the way, was one food we both agreed we loved.

"Absolutely! Are you saying you wouldn't?"

"No, I'm not saying that. But I just wonder sometimes if it had to happen to make us appreciate what we have all the more. Like some kind of cosmic test."

"Well, I'm sure I hope like hell it never happens again. I lost you once, Daulton. I pray I never lose you again."