Deep Talks

"You're the idiot," he whispered. "You make it sound so simple. And so good. I'm in love with my baby sister. What's simple about that?"

"Nothing. Everything. I don't know."

I kissed him. It was tender, not full of the lust I would have expected even a moment or two ago. It was something different. Something loving. Something we needed now.

"You're so much better at this stuff than me," he said between kisses. "Emotions and shit."

"I'm really not. It's taken me a long-ass time to figure stuff out. I was in love with you way before I should have been. It's made things hard."

Xander shook his head. "I've loved you just as long. You recognized it in yourself, is all. I tried to find what I needed with other girls. It was never gonna be as good as with you. I wish I'd realized."

"We both needed to learn stuff. It's just what is." I grinned shyly. "You really think you loved me that long ago?"

"Looking back... I can't see how I didn't. I didn't know what it was then. You were my sister. It... it made it hard to see some stuff."

"Even when I had that whole incest fetish thing going?"

"Especially then. I think it just made me shy away from ever really thinking about you. It woulda just seemed all porny and stuff."

"Oof. Cock blocked myself."

Xander laughed softly. "Not exactly. I was slow. Apparently I just am about these things. Things that I think are gonna be really good... they turn out not to be." He met my eyes. "I don't want to do that with you. I don't want to do it wrong."

"I told you. You can't. I just want you. I don't care about the details."

"Even if I said I wasn't ready right now?"

I nodded. "Even then. You'd be wasting a good pussy-flood though."

Xander smiled in a small but genuine way. "Well shit. Can't have that."

"Really though."

His cock had been pressed against me the whole time, unmoving but so hard and warm, dripping and throbbing sporadically. A few times while we talked I felt him twitch. I took it as desire for me. All of it, really. It helped keep me revved up and ready for him.

Not that it compared at all to the way he looked at me when he was finally ready. It hadn't even occurred to me that he'd hesitate like that. That wasn't how I thought of boys reacting to the prospect of sex. It was kind of sweet, though, and I loved him for it.

But that expression on his face when he'd made up his mind that he was definitely going to fuck me, complete with all due love and tenderness he felt for me, that was the kind of thing that drove me wilder than his physical arousal for me ever could.

I gasped aloud as he moved. He was already so close to my pussy, and a gentle movement of his hips ran his shaft over me, so damn near to doing what I needed him to do.

He was more careful the second time, lining up better. He parted my lips and stretched my horny little pussy out, penetrating me, bringing us physically together like never before.

"You're in me," I whispered.

"Mmhm."

"You're in me!"

"I know."

"Mmm, fuck, Xan." I dug my fingers into him, just a little, just to feel him and know that he wasn't going anywhere. "Can you go deeper?"

"Of course." He kissed me even as he sank further into my hot little pussy. "I'm going to give you everything."

"You better."

"I will." He stroked my hair, pushing it back from my face. "I want you to have everything. Not just this. Not just sex. I don't know. I love you, Kase. Fuck I love you so much. Why do you do this to me?"

"If I could answer that, my life would have been a lot less confusing."

"Ha, yeah."

I widened my legs as Xander got deeper, nearer to bottoming out. I wanted to have him just as completely as possible. To have us joined fully in our sibling love. I wanted everything.

A bubble of emotions welled within me. It was really happening. Sex. Sex that I wanted. That I needed in a way I couldn't properly articulate. Sex with my beloved brother. It felt right already. We'd barely even started, in a sense, and still I felt a perfect clarity that this was, in fact, how it was meant to be. Xander was who I needed to be with.

"You fill me so good," I whispered.

"You like it?"

"Mmhm."

"So you don't want me to stop?"

"Don't you dare!"

"Don't worry. I don't dare."

Xander started moving in me. Mostly in and out. A little bit of wiggling too, like he wanted to make sure he was getting just as deep in me as possible.

My pussy was all filled up with him. Getting fucked by him. By my brother. By Xander.

My Xan.

It was so good. Exquisite. Just the best thing a girl could ever dream of.

Xander was in me, on top of me, kissing me, whispering to me. Our bodies lay together, me pinned beneath him, feeling everything. I was his. He was mine.

He thrust harder in me, gaining confidence, letting lust take more control. My pussy accepted him so nicely. Molded itself to him. Clenched around him. We squelched together rather lewdly, the sounds of sex very prominent despite him still being relatively slow and gentle.

And all the while I felt something growing in me. That complicated ball of emotion. All the things I felt. All good, but not at all simple.

There was no time to process everything. Not while Xander kept fucking me, getting into a good rhythm, losing any last restraint and just doing what he wanted. What we both desired beyond anything else for this special night.

I got overwhelmed. There was too much for me to handle. All in the best possible way, but still.

I clung harder to my brother, feeling him so deep inside me. I buried my face in him, inhaling him, muffling myself against his hot skin. I hid away, trying to take comfort and repress something, anything, just enough so that I could focus. I couldn't do it. There was so much. Way too much.

Xander was grunting, his rhythm losing cohesion. The sounds were so beautiful and sexy to me. He was going to cum. Oh god he was going to cum. All inside me. My amazing brother. My love.

I was crying. I didn't know when that had started. My cheeks were wet. Xander's shoulder took on a salty taste. I was absolutely losing it.

And he was cumming in me. I could feel it. The spasms, the gasps and pants, the small shudders, and the hot splash of cum inside me, snugly in my pussy.

I was a mess in so many ways. But I just felt wonderful. Too good to hold it in.

"Aw, Kase, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," I croaked. "Not a damn thing in the whole world."

"You're crying."

"I know."

"What'd I do?"

I held his cheek so tenderly, gazing at him as best I could through misty eyes. "You were perfect," I whispered.

"... is this one of those things I don't get?"

"Oh, Xan."

"What?"

"Nothing." I smiled through my happy tears. "Just kiss me, would you?"

His lips locked with mine for a long, loving kiss. He nuzzled at my cheeks, wiping my tears away with his face. He kissed me in some of the wettest places.

He still didn't get it. I could tell. But he kind of did, and that was enough. I just needed to be held, to be cared for, to be loved the way only my brother could ever do for me.

Xander was still inside me. He was softer, and it was all messy with cum, but he was there. Our bodies were sweaty together in a way that might have been gross under other circumstances. Right now, I wanted everything. Every part of him. As much care and adoration and comfort as could physically be provided.

"I love you so goddamn much," I breathed.

"So... good tears then?"

"Yeah, Xan. Good tears."

"Oh. Ok. Good."

We lay on our sides together, his arms wrapped around me. He held and caressed me a while longer. I couldn't get enough. I was definitely being kind of needy, but it wasn't unjustified. It was our first time together, and it was pretty huge for me. Important in ways sex had never, ever come close to before. I craved that sweet aftercare, and boy did Xander deliver on it.

"So we're gonna do this more, right?" Xander asked.

"Of course."

"Nice."

I chuckled softly. "Not right now, though."

"No. I sensed that."

"Other times. Lots of other times."

"Lots?"

"Hope so, yeah."

"So you really liked it then?"

"How many times are you gonna make me say yes?"

Xander grinned. "I just really like being the guy who finally did it for you. The special one."

"Idiot. You always were."

"Now there's proof."

"Is there?"

"Yeah. I've never been so good that a girl cried from pure joy before. That's gotta be proof, right?"

"Ok, whoa, first of all it's a lot more complicated than that. It's all, like, emotions and shit."

"Sure."

"Second... oh whatever. Just cuddle me some more."

"I'm cuddling as hard as I possibly can."

"And you're doing a great job. Now shush and enjoy the moment."

"I'm enjoying the hell out of it already."

"Bet you are."

"Kase?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you so goddamn much too."

Another shiver and a little tug on my heart, as if I needed more of that. I still grinned widely and nuzzled my big brother, as happy as could be. "Yeah you do."

****

"So you did it?"

I hid my face behind my mug of coffee. It wasn't nearly enough to keep Lily from seeing the wide, foolish grin on my face.

"Yep."

"How was it? I wanna say good just by looking at you."

"Dude. So good." I had to set my coffee down for safety's sake. I couldn't trust my hands to stay calm and collected. "I get it now."

"Sex?"

"Yeah."

"That's awesome then." Lily grinned back at me. "You've graduated to a brand new level."

"Have I?"

"Mmhm. That first time sex is actually good... unf. It's just a whole new world after."

"Yeah, I don't know that it wasn't good with Brendan. It's more like-"

"Did you ever get all stupidly grinny after? Did you ever look forward to it? Did you ever feel like you do now?"

"... no."

"So it wasn't good."

"But that's just 'cause I'm weird."

"Kase, here's the thing. Good sex isn't about the mechanics of it. It's about how everyone feels about it. It could be mechanically terrible, but if you can't stop thinking about doing it again, it was probably actually good."

"How'd you know what I'm thinking?"

"Your dreamy eyes. The way you keep watching to see if Xan's up yet. That smile that won't quit."

"Fine. Ok." I squirmed in my seat. "I wanna do it again so bad," I said in a lower tone.

"Excellent. That's my girl. Fuck your brother's brains out. In fact, go wake him up with sex."

"You think?"

"Do you want to?"

My smile was so wide it kind of hurt. "Yeah. Yeah I really do."

I set my coffee down and pattered off back to my room. I felt Lily's eyes on me, offering delighted support, and maybe taking in some amusement of her own. She was such a bad influence on me, but it was just what I needed at times. A bad influence in the best possible way.

****

Chapter Twelve: Kasey at Twenty-Eight

****

Xander moved in with Lily and me. It just got to a point where it was silly not to be living together. When he was over six nights of the week anyway, give or take, it was only playing pretend that we weren't a full-time kind of thing.

It was better for our respective budgets anyway. The apartment was really meant for three, and while Lily and I could swing it with just the two of us, it was a financial relief to have Xander paying his share.

The practicalities were kind of irrelevant to me most of the time. I was too busy being deliriously happy. Waking up with Xander, going to sleep with him, going out, making out, generally being romantic and/or sexy.

Life made sense. Possibly for the very first time ever.

The only unfortunate part was that I couldn't tell anyone. No one except Lily. Not our parents or friends or anyone else. It was a weird and kind of trippy feeling at time to be so very thrilled with my relationship, and yet not able to tell anyone why. Mom was probably the trickiest.

"You know your brother won't tell me who you're seeing either?"

A small knot of tension grew in me while I perused racks of blouses. Mom was looking for some new clothes, and I was there to help her. Though I mostly kept finding stuff for me more so than anything for her. Maybe it was because I kept imagining what Xander would enjoy seeing me in.

"I'm not seeing anyone," I said, sticking to my line. "And even if I was, there's no reason Xan would know."

"You're living together now. How would he not know?"

"You think I'm gonna bring guys home while my brother's there?"

"I think they'd at least bump into each other."

"Maybe. Doesn't matter. There isn't anyone."

"Of course there is. Do you know how many years I've known you for?"

"I'ma go out on a limb here and say roughly twenty-eight."

"That's right. I have never in my life seen you this happy."

"I'll tone it down some."

"I don't want you to do that. I just want to know what's going on with you."

"Nothing."

Mom sighed and held a shirt up in front of herself. I gave it a once over, then shook my head.

"It's not nothing. That much I'm sure of."

"Ok."

"Which means it's someone you don't feel comfortable telling me about. You can tell me. Whoever it is. I love you. I'm glad you're happy."

"What if I was with some super old guy? Like ninety? And just gold digging like crazy?"

"You're not. We're right back to you being happy, remember? This isn't some scheme. You're actually just doing well."

"What if it was a dictator in some country who's very into violently repressing the-"

"Kasey, sweetie, why the hypotheticals?"

"'Cause there's no-"

"No one. Right." Mom sighed. "If you weren't so happy, I'd be worried, you know? You've never been nearly so stubborn about keeping a secret."

"I'm fine."

"Ok. Let me just ask you this. Is it Lily?"

"Mom!"

"I'm only asking. You know I wouldn't mind. Neither would your father. If it's something like that-"

"I'm not into her that way, Mom. Jeez."

"It's ok if you are. That's all I'm saying. I know you've been best friends for a while now. Sometimes... sometimes you find someone you didn't expect. And that's ok."

"It's not Lily."

"Aha, so it is someone!"

I rolled my eyes. "Gee, thanks for tricking me under the guise of being progressive."

"I can do both."

"Number one mom. That's you."

"I love you, Kasey. Whoever it is, I love you. I won't push anymore today."

"Thanks."

"But if you wanted to share..."

"No. I'm good. Love you too. But seriously, enough."

"Ok. What about this top, you think?"

I shrugged. "Maybe. Try it on."

"Ooh, we got a maybe. Better than we've been doing."

"Don't worry. We'll get there."

****

"I think we should tell Mom and Dad."

Xander frowned. "Hard disagree."

"I'm serious."

"So am I."

"They have to find out sooner or later."

"Why? Why would they ever need to know?"

"They're our parents."

"Yeah. That's a big reason why we should never ever tell them."

"There's a chance they'll figure it out anyway. Mom got close. She thought it might be me and Lily."

"Ha, really?"

"Mmhm."

"That's kinda funny."

"Why?"

"I mean... I don't know. It's not really. I've thought it before. And I could totally see it."

"Could you?"

"Yeah. After me, she's the person you'd be most likely to be with."

"I don't know that that's true. But yeah. There's definitely a world where that happened. I almost sad-made-out with her once."

"Sad-made-out, huh?"

"Yep. Lucky she was being smarter that day than I was."

"Good thing. Wouldn't want to have to compete for your affections."

"A little competition never hurt."

"Disagree. I like you all to myself."

"Bet you do. 'Specially when we can be nakey."

"Mmhm. Those times are my favourites."

"And when we can do stuff."

"Even better."

"Speaking of which, how do you feel about fingering me some?"

"I feel really good about it."

I spread my legs. "Glad to hear it."

****

Lily started getting pretty serious with this girl Hazel. I was happy for her. She hadn't had a tremendous amount of luck with relationships since I'd known her. She'd had some fun, but I'd seen the frustration in her too sometimes.

"Things still going good?"

Lily nodded, giving me that shy but helplessly wide smile that I recognized from my early days of being with Xander.

"Pretty good."

"Nice."

"Yeah. We're going out tonight. I think... I think we're gonna have a sleepover."

"Ooh, there ya go. Excited?"

"So excited. It's been a while. And I think I really like Hazel."

"Me too. She seems to make you happy. That's the main thing. And she's a cutie."

"Damn right she is." Lily sighed wistfully. "It's almost unfair how good she looks sometimes."

I giggled. "Probably 'cause you're so into her."

"What would you know? You don't even like girls."

"Sure. But I don't like many boys either. I know Xan isn't objectively as good looking as I think he is."

"He's pretty alright."

"Mmhm. But he's, like, perfect to me. All he has to do is look at me the right way and I'm ready to melt into his arms."

"Ok, you're right. He's not that good looking. You're just in love."

"Mmhm. And maybe you are too."

"M'not. Too early for the L word."

"Never know."

"I do. Too early."

"Well... maybe after the sleepover."

"Yeah. Maybe."

I helped Lily get ready. She was more neurotic about picking just the right outfit than I'd ever seen her. Another sign there was something special going on with Hazel.

I wasn't really helpful for much other than moral support, in a sense. I could help Lily reject clothing choices, but even when I thought she looked amazing, she still stripped off again and tried something else.

Lily spent a lot of time in her underwear in between options. At times her outfit might call for no bra, and she also switched up her bra and panties a few times too. That sort of thing didn't really even register to me most of the time. Lily and I were pretty comfortable with each other. Somehow, though, I started feeling just a little horny after a while.

It wasn't about Lily, I thought. Not really. Seeing her in any of various states of nudity or masturbation had never done anything for me. But maybe it was something about how excited and nervous she was. Something that reminded me of myself thinking about Xander. In that context, maybe the casual nudity and constant clothes switching was getting me in mind of something different. And maybe, too, my head would flick to images of me posing for my brother in sexy or skimpy outfits.

"You sure this is the one?" Lily finally asked at the end of a long fashion show.

"Pretty sure."

"Maybe I should-"

"Lil, you either go with that one, or you go naked. You're gonna be late if you run through another round."

Lily blushed. "You know, that'd probably work, too."

"Showing up nakey? Yep. It's a strong move. Assuming you don't get arrested before you can sneak off for fun times."

"True. Plus I'm not nearly brave enough to go in public like that. Even if it would be crazy hot."

"But seriously. You look good."

"Yeah?"

"Don't fuss with your top. That's the perfect amount of cleavage just the way it is."

"I can't help fussing. I'm a little anxious here."

"Mmhm. I kinda got that hint from the... four hours we spent on dress up just now."

"It was barely an hour, you ass."

"Still though."

"It really looks ok?"

"You look amazing, Lil."

"Thanks."

"Go get her."

Once I finally got Lily out the door, I had some time to myself before Xander got back. It occurred to me that if Lily was going to be gone all night that Xander and I were going to have some quality time to ourselves in the apartment. That was a fun opportunity.

I made use of the time I had to myself. I showered, getting all squeaky clean and ready for my brother.

After contemplating on the issue of what to wear, and giving strong consideration to wearing nothing at all, I opted for something very similar to back in the old days of trying to get reactions and attention from my brother. A tight cami that left some midriff bared, and a small, cute, but not slutty pair of panties. I wanted to strike a balance between adorable and sexy, plus anything too bold and revealing wouldn't have been something I'd have ever worn before getting together with Xander.