Don't Get Mad, Get Even

I also knew that over the next few weeks I'd have the task of explaining why we broke up to everyone we knew. I wondered if Sarah would show up at the party. I wondered if Rick would.

Just thinking the bastard's name brought my anger back. Rick's wife Georgia would be devastated. They'd been married for so long and they had three kids. Georgia, like me didn't deserve what was happening to her. She had so much invested in her life with Rick. I doubted that she would divorce him. Things would be rough for them for a while, but they had three kids and they had been together for so long. She deserved so much better.

It just seemed so unfair. I had done nothing wrong, but I was the one who ended up losing it all. I had to find a way to make that asshole pay.

As the sun came up, my phone rang yet again. I didn't need to look at the screen to see who it was. The small chirping sound a few moments later told me that I had yet another message waiting for me.

I looked at my watch and saw that I had about an hour left before I could go home. I drove to the Meijer's store near my house. They were open 24 hours so I bought some fresh fruits and vegetables. I needed to make sure that I ate well, since I'd be on my own. I also picked upup few nice steaks that I could throw on the grill some evenings when I got home, instead of cooking.

The shopping had burned up more than the hour and it was well past the time I said I'd be home. As I pulled into my driveway ... I'd thought MY driveway and it suddenly dawned on me that it was MY driveway. It was no longer OURS. There no longer was an US. For the first time in my life I was ALONE.

I grabbed my bags and went into MY house. Once I got onside and started to put away MY food, I noticed two things. The first was that almost everything I had bought was already in the refrigerator. Sarah had clearly bought the exact same fruits and vegetables the previous day. When I checked the freezer, I noticed that she'd even bought steaks.

The second thing I noticed was that the phone was ringing. I picked it up wondering who would be calling me at 8:30 in the fucking morning. Suddenly it dawned on me. Whoever was calling was probably calling for Sarah. I wonder if it was one of her lovers. I wondered how many she had.

"Hello," I said, my voice sounded as if I had died the day before.

"Steve, Baby, I love you, did you read the note yet? Can I pleeeeeeease come home so we can talk? I am sooooooo sorry, you have to let me explain this and ..." I hung up the phone while she blathered on.

I grabbed a Honeycrisp Apple from the refrigerator and had it with some of my favorite Canadian MAple turkey breast. I brewed a cup of strong tea and sat down to watch the news on TV. The phone rang again and I picked it up and turned it off. After finishing my snack I got into MY bed. Almost as soon as MY ass hit the sheets, I leaped back out of the bed, staring at it as if it was a vat of acid. How the fuck did I know whether or not that whore had brought any of her legions of lovers over and slept in that fucking bed?

I quickly ran down the hall to the guest room. I almost got into that bed, but at the last second I realized that the bitch was ruthless. She probably knew that I would know that she'd fucked Rick or whomever else she was doing in the house. So she probably figured that I would know if she did it in our bed. So to throw me off the track, she'd fucked them in the guest room. I was sure that I saw cooties multiplying on the seemingly clean sheets and comforter.

I was exhausted as I went down the stairs and into the den. As soon as I looked at the sofa in there, I knew there were cooties there too. I went into the living room and just before I sat down on the sofa in there I saw her note. I left it there, realizing I couldn't sleep on that sofa either.

I thought about taking some pillows and a blanket and sleeping in the bathtub. But as much time as the bitch spent in there, I wouldn't put it past her to have fucked someone in there as well.

I went out to the driveway with a pillow and a blanket and put the seat all the way down in my Mustang. I let the windows down about a third of the way for fresh air and went to sleep. I was exhausted anyway.

When I woke up, it was late afternoon. I felt numb. I got out of my car to find Sarah sitting on the porch while reading a book.

"Steve, Honey, why did you sleep in your car?" she asked.

"I didn't know how many of the beds and sofas in the house that you fucked your lovers on," I spat. She looked as if I had punched her.

She had been trying to appear calm and confident, but seeing what I thought of her had clearly unhinged her.

"There are no lovers," she said sadly. "You know about Rick, and I wouldn't call him a lover. There was no love involved. And I NEVER brought him into our home. I would never risk hurting you, Steve. I love you. I just made a mistake. What kind of woman do you think I am?"

I yawned and looked at her. "Too easy," I said. "Why are you here?"

"Steve we need to talk about this," she said. "If we don't talk it out, we'll never get back together."

"What the fuck makes you think that I want to get back together?" I asked.

"Steve, you love me," she said. "I love you too. We belong together. We can get over this. It's really not what you think. It's pretty stupid and it really doesn't mean anything."

"Yeah, it kind of does," I said. "It means that our marriage is over. It means we won't be growing old together or having kids together. But after our divorce you can do whatever the fuck you want. Actually, I'm done with you now. You can do whatever you want, now."

"You're blowing this whole thing out of proportion," she said. "Can't I just explain it to you?"

"Why?" I asked. "Maybe you need closure or something. I don't. Maybe you need to explain why this happened so you can blame shift it until it's my fault. I don't need to know the hows or the whys. I don't give a bubbly fart about why you cheated on me and destroyed what I thought was a good marriage. The only thing that matters now is that we're done!"

"Well ..." she said. "I can see you're still too bitter to talk. I'll be back tomorrow."

"Don't bother," I said. "I'm sure it'll take longer than that."

"Yeah, I'm sure it's going to take a while for you to get over this too," she said.

"I'm not going to get over it," I said. "I was talking about how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer to start the divorce and get the papers ready."

She started laughing at that. "You're not going to divorce me," she laughed. "You're hurt and angry and confused, but you still love me. And I have to admit that on thinking about it, I was wrong as hell and very selfish. But I love you just as much as you love me and I swear to you that it will never happen again."

I turned to go inside of the house. And she leaned over and kissed the side of my neck. I pushed her away so hard she almost fell off of the porch. Then I closed the door and put the chain on it. The first thing Monday morning I'd get all of the locks changed.

I went up the stairs and took a shower. I dressed in my favorite old cargo shorts and a Mustang Alley T-shirt. I went out in the back onto our deck and looked around at the yard. If Sarah had been here, she'd have been all over my ass about cutting the grass. If she had her way I would probably cut the fuckin' grass every two days. She loved to sit out here on the deck or spend time in the hot tub. She had landscaped the shit out of our yard. Even I had to admit it was beautiful.

We often had breakfast or dinner out on that deck and we were ...

"Steve is the hot tub ready? I am definitely going to be taking advantage of that tonight so you and Rick had better get all of your God Damned car talk over before we get in!" screamed a voice over the fence separating my yard from the next one.

I looked over and a head popped up over the six foot privacy fence between our yards. It was Georgia, the wife of the asshole who'd fucked Sarah. Georgia at forty-five years old was probably one of the friendliest, most outgoing women I knew. She was equal parts mom and neighborhood cop, but there was just something about her that was beyond either. Georgia was a miracle on two legs.

She could come over on a day when you just felt like shit and have you end up thinking it was the best day of your life.

"Huh?" I said.

"Remember, this evening is the neighborhood barbecue?" she said. "Sarah volunteered your hot tub for after dinner drop by usage. I will be one of those dropping by for usage."

She looked over at me and just beamed. "Too many midnight shifts Huh, Stevie?" she asked. "I used to be a nurse, remember? I know what it's like. Before you know it you'll have a day shift position. Just hang in there, Honey."

I had forgotten about the barbecue. But the idea of being around people and actually thinking about something other than how pissed I was at Sarah sounded good.

I jumped in my Mustang and drove over to the neighborhood Kroger store. It was closer than Meijers and their prices were better.

I bought a bouquet of roses and a couple of bottles of wine. I drove home, grabbed a couple of nice steaks and then went over to the neighbor across the street's house. Brian and his wife Alicia were really nice. I could smell the meat on the grill before I got into their yard.

As I entered the yard, looking for Brian or Alicia, something flashed across the corner of my eye that caused almost everyone in the yard to howl with laughter. All I heard was the bushes in the yard next door moving and the sounds of someone screaming in pain.

"Oh my God," laughed Brian, coming over to shake my hand. "You guys and your practical jokes! Come on Steve. I assume those flowers are for my wife. She's over there."

I handed him the steaks and delivered the flowers to his pretty wife who was holding court in their large gazebo.

"Thank you sooo much, Steve," said Alicia, accepting the flowers. Several of the ladies with her looked on jealously.

"Steve," asked Mary Sue Willis, Alicia and Brian's next door neighbor. "What's the joke? I just don't get it. Actually I'm not sure whether or not to be pissed off or not."

"What Joke?, Ma'am?" I asked politely. Mary Sue was older than most of us so I always called her "Ma'am," and her husband Frank, "Sir," out of politeness.

"We were all sitting here having a great time. Rick was sitting over there talking to his wife Georgia. He's been acting kind of squirrelly since he got here. He kept looking around and looking over his shoulder. As soon as someone said you were coming into the yard, that asshole ran across the lawn and dove over the fence into my God Damned rose bushes. From the way he was screaming, I'll bet he got a bunch of thorns in his fuckin' ass; fuckin' bastard. If he knew how hard it was to get those plants in that kind of shape," she said. Her voice got angrier with each word.

"Mary Sue, I'm very sorry," I said. "You've seen our yard. So you know that we've spent a lot of time with our plants too. I have no idea why Rick did that. I haven't spoken to him in a few days. I've been working a lot of midnight shifts in the ER. I'm not a part of any jokes. But he and I have been working on that project car of his ... Or I've been working on it anyway. Rick doesn't know which end of a wrench is which. He does owe me money for parts, so maybe he was trying to avoid me."

"Well you tell that fucker that I'm gonna bust his ass if he damaged my roses," she said.

"Yes Ma'am," I said. "If I talk to him I'll definitely tell him."

I walked across the yard and sat down next to Georgia, who'd been looking at me the whole time I'd been in the yard.

"Hey, Georgia," I said.

"Hi, Honey. Where's your other half? And what the hell is going on with you and my doofus?" she asked. "You guys aren't playing that squirt pistol assassin thingy again are you? If either one of you gets my hair wet I'll kill both of you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I said. "No games as far as I know."

She looked me up and down as if she could scan me by looking at me. "Where's Sarah?" she asked again.

"She's staying with her parents for a while," I said.

"And it's killing you isn't it?" she asked. "You look miserable."

"I guess I am a little down," I said.

"So go over there and visit her," she smiled. "Turn the hot tub on for me before you leave, okay?"

"Georgia, going over there is the last thing on earth that I want to do," I sighed.

"Ohhh ..." she said. "We're arguing are we? Ooooh weeee ... Trouble in paradise. It's about time. You guys have been married for ten years, Honey. It's about time the honeymoon ended. The easy part is over. Now you have to put in the work and turn the romance into a real marriage."

She gently rubbed my shoulder and her touch was like magic. Tears filled my eyes and slowly rolled down my cheeks. Georgia suddenly sneezed very loudly. "Sorry Stevie," she said loudly and then wiped my face with her napkin.

"Get up, put a big smile on your face, excuse yourself and meet me at your place," she whispered to me. I did as she asked. I got up and had a big smile for everyone around us.

"Go get that wife of yours," Georgia said loudly enough for anyone listening to hear her. I just nodded and headed for the gate and out of the yard. I crossed the street, headed for home, realizing that going to the barbecue had been a mistake. Clearly, I wasn't as strong or as unaffected by Sarah's cheating as I had thought. I saw Georgia heading into her house and I went into mine. I sat down at the kitchen table and wondered what I had done wrong.

Before I came up with any answers, someone was gently knocking at my back door.

"What's taking you so long?" asked Georgia. I stepped out onto the deck and she smiled. She pointed at the hot tub. I turned it on and noticed that she had changed into one of those "mom type" swimsuits. It had a long cover-up and was cut very high on the neck with ruffles over her boobs. It was also cut low enough that the bottom looked like it had shorts. There were ruffles around the waist too.

She got into the tub and the look of bliss that took over her face made me smile. "God that feels good," she moaned. "I wish your buddy wasn't so God Damned cheap. I would definitely have one of these."

"Georgia, my hot tub is your hot tub," I said.

"So what did she do?" she asked in a quiet voice.

"How do you know she did something?" I asked.

"After being married for twenty years, I have a Phd in marital dynamics," she smirked. "If YOU had done something SHE would have thrown YOU out of the house. Did she do something really bad like scratching your car? Or is it something a normal person would get pissed off about?" She looked at me waiting for me to bear my soul, or at least to spill my guts.

"She cheated on me," I said. Georgia sucked in a big gasp and stared at me with eyes as big a dinner plates.

"Oh Honey," she cooed. "I am soooo sorry. I had no idea it was that bad. I thought it was ..." She took my hand and started rubbing it. She pulled me over to her and hugged me.

"That asshole I married," she spat. I was shocked. I wondered whether or not Georgia was psychic. I had decided not to tell her. I was in a lot of emotional pain but I didn't want Georgia or her kids hurt.

"Some best friend he is," she spat. "Now it all makes sense. That's why the motherfucker dove into those God damned rose bushes isn't it? He knows that Sarah cheated on you and like a typical man ... He's avoiding you while you're upset. What is it with you men? The two of you spend almost all of your free time together. You're either playing golf of going fishing or working on that car of his that you two are building. And it's mostly you doing the building. Rick can barely change a light bulb.

But like most men he's so afraid of any real emotions that he's avoiding you until you have it under control. Just wait until I get home to his dumb ass." I just nodded. As much as I felt like ratting that bastard out, I couldn't do it. I couldn't hurt Georgia and her kids. She was too nice a lady for that. She deserved better. I would suffer alone to save her.

"Stevie, trust me," she said. "I know that right now you are in a lot of pain. Have you given any thought to how you're going to handle this?"

"Yep," I said. "Monday morning, I'm going to find myself a good lawyer and file for divorce."

She looked shocked. "Stevie are you sure that's your best option?" she asked. "Is this the only time she's ever cheated on you?"

"Shit... why would there ever be a second time?" I asked in shock.

"Stevie, listen to me," she said. "The two of you are barely thirty. And you're very lucky. The wine and roses stage of your marriage lasted for ten God damned years. That's incredible. The two of you walked around with stars in your eyes for longer than a lot of marriages last. Have you ever heard about the seven year itch? It's real and somehow the two of you managed to just skip it. Again, Honey, that is incredible. Every time I see the two of you together, I get jealous. You two love each other so God damned much."

"Oh yeah," I spat. "She loved me so God damned much that she would do anything for me. Anything except keep other men out of that hole of hers."

"Steve you've got your tenses all screwed up, Honey," she said. "You said that she "LOVED," you. As of yesterday when I last saw her, she still loves you as much as ever. She even told me so. I don't think she got over a love that deep over night. You also said "MEN," do you have any proof that she was with more than one man?"

"Georgia, if she loved me she wouldn't have cheated on me," I said. "And as far as I know there was only one man, but who knows how many times she's done this? For all I know she could have been having gangbangs every time I was out. Why the hell didn't she just ask me for a divorce?"

"Honey, I don't think any of those things are true," she said. "We're human. Sarah is human. Humans make mistakes. Maybe after ten years she just got curious about something or someone else. Maybe she was drunk. But as to the last part ... I can answer that. But you don't have to hear it from me. Go back to the party and ask any woman there who knows Sarah, if she wants to divorce you. They'll laugh you out of the place. Sometimes we women all sit around and talk about stupid things just like you guys do.

We talk about the things we love the most. We talk about the things we want the most and the things we are the proudest of. Sarah loves you more than anything on earth. The thing she wants the most is to grow old with you, dummy. And the thing she is the most proud of is to be YOUR wife. Stevie, you are that girl's whole world and you know it."

"Bullshit," I spat. "She's been lying to all of us for all of this time. I've never cheated on her. And she was my whole world too. Everything I've done since I met her has all been for her. I can't stop thinking about her. Only now, when I do think about her I see her with her legs spread for that asshole. He can have her. She's not mine anymore."

"So you're just going to give up and let HIM, whoever he is take her from you?" she laughed.

"Nope," I spat. "He doesn't have to take her. I am giving her to him with my blessings. Like you said, I'm young enough to start over and get it right next time."

"That's the pain talking," she said.

"How do you know, Georgia?" I asked. "It's not your marriage that just went up in flames."

"No, Honey, it's not," she said. "My marriage is a lot stronger than that. It would take a lot more than Rick getting some strange pussy to tear my family apart. Things wouldn't be too pleasant for him for a while, but we would make it through. And as far as how I know ... I know because it's already happened ... TWICE." It was my turn to be shocked then.