Extending the MILF List Ch. 18

"So, its not so much that you want me to seduce her as you want her to seduce me."

Borland nodded.

"Let me explain though. My son is a year younger than you. Just turned nineteen and is graduating high school. I can get him into a very good school but he'd need to leave home to attend it. One of the premier schools in the country. I offered to pay for it all and get him in and everything and she shut it down. It is one of those things she just wants to be contrary about, saying that she wants him to stay close by. I don't buy it of course, she is just opposed to anything and everything I propose, but always amiably. She says no with a very sweet smile.

"If that was all it was, I could just chalk it up to a difference of opinion but it isn't. She is busily emasculating our son. She does everything but dress him up in a skirt...I know that isn't the slam it used to be but still, you get my point. I'd not be bothered by any sartorial choice so long as he made it but she has sapped his will and destroyed his ability to make any decision or any will to even try.

"Carol Lynn isn't a bad woman and I don't really hold her responsible. Frankly, she is jealous of the combustibility of the sexual relationship I have with Suzanne. She hates Suzanne and that feeling seems mutual. Suzanne gets her hackles up whenever Carol Lynn is even close by. Both woman get possessive and I start looking for a priest with the right credentials to exorcise them both. It's easier to just keep them apart. At least till now.

"Carol Lynn has convinced Jason to stay home and go to a community college. She insists she should be the one to pay for his schooling and won't allow me to change that conviction. He is listless and limp when it comes to the subject and is ready to do only and whatever Carol Lynn tells him to do."

I sat back. I think the pending project of the Travers women inspired me to try and suss out the point. I wasn't seeing it. I could see part of it but I couldn't see the whole picture and Borland clearly had something definite and clear in mind. I decided to just be honest and tell him what I thought I saw.

"Okay, so I see that if you introduce me as your assistant I should expect a flutter of petty coats and some heavy breathing coming my way. I don't see how that helps you with anything. Except to pull a gag on your ex-wife by tricking her into fucking me." I couldn't help it. I grinned and felt raffish for the first time ever. "Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining. I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating crackers. I think you'd have to be crackers to let someone else pick your bone with that lounging at home."

Borland smiled.

"My ex-wife is a smart woman. Believe me, her skin wasn't that nice when we were married. She mistook lack of affection as lack of interest. Affection is like sound, after a while all that's left is echos of the original and if you don't have some nice hard surfaces, it just gets absorbed. We both went lax and let it fade and fade it did. Living together quit being fun for me at least and I'm pretty sure for her too. I was obsessed with the game at work and bored with raising the kids. That's likely why they resent me now. Let me lay it out for you though.

"You let her seduce you and you seduce her. You do with her what you did with Suzanne and I doubt she'll recover. While her head is turning round and round, you introduce her to the mother-daughter thing or the mother-son thing if you insist and let things be for a while. You're bound to meet Jason if you can keep Carol interested. She's been using sex to poke me for so long, I doubt she'll notice getting addicted to Sonny. When you have her enthralled, you either suggest Jason do her or make it happen. Either way, she'll be so appalled at what she let happen, she'll let go of him and I can get him to come live with me or something like that. Then he'll have a chance to get his head clear and start using the testosterone God gave him."

I nodded, a little nonplussed but definitely intimidated.

"I think you overestimate the power of Sonny. I may look like a Pussy Master but it drops in my lap a lot of times and the rest of the time I am just dancing to the music. I don't think I'm the guy who dances and changes the music."

"What?" Borland looked completely confused.

"I think you overestimate my ability first to seduce your ex-wife and then to keep her seduced long enough to make having Jason around uncomfortable."

"Oh. Why didn't you just say that? What's all that about music and dancing? We're talking about sex."

"I know." I didn't want to try to explain. I wasn't sure I could. I can't tell sometimes if I am making the metaphor or if the metaphor is making me.

Borland sat forward.

"Listen. I shouldn't tell you this but I need your help and Suzanne says that you have what addicts a woman."

"A dick?" I muttered. "Pretty sure I am not that different from the other pants walking around with zippers for flies."

Borland looked confused.

"I am not the only one who has a cock."

"No, not the cock. Suzanne didn't tell me whatever it was, she just said you had it and Carol would want it, like it and not want to give it up. She suggested that you treat Carol Lynn as just another of your, what do you call them? MILFs?"

"MILFs, right. Mothers I'd Like to Fuck. Leave out the T."

"Right. MILF. I get it. Listen, I am worried sick about Jason and how he is turning out. He has no backbone and little or no interest in dating or sex or women. He ain't gay. Carol went nuts about the books he downloads from Amazon. She wanted me to shut off his access to my account but I refused. I see what he buys and it is all manner of tab A in slot B."

"You read that stuff?" I asked a little nervously.

Borland nodded. "Traveling with the idea of keeping the plumbing working needs the help. Nice to take a brain vacation at night after working long hours."

I nodded. Studying was like that, I guess.

"So you want me to seduce your wife?"

"Ex-wife. You've already had the current wife and she has you on her speed dial so if you call, she'll know it's you and answer. And yes, I have her phone at the moment. And yes, she knows what I am suggesting. She said to tell you to take one step at a time. If you find that Carol doesn't cotton to you, then there is no next step. If she does, then you can play hide the sausage with her as much as you like. If the opportunity comes up to make sure Jason knows she having sex, often with you, monkey sex, circus sex, all that shit, then maybe you can find a way to get the end result, namely he wants to flee there and come live with us for the summer, at least. I can get him in off a wait list if he wants but he has to agree to get on it in the first place. Time is short. Just one step at a time. I want to hurry the process along but Suzanne says you stroke the pussy till its wet and you don't go pushing things inside until then. One step at a time."

"What if she doesn't chase me?"

"Oh, she'll call. One thing she is or at least has been is consistent. I've had eight or nine assistants since we broke up and she's fucked them all. I was going to get two assistants but that just avoided the issue."

"What happen when she pumps me for knowledge and finds out I'm a know nothing?"

Borland smiled.

"She'll think you're incredibly clever and careful, loyal, kind, brave, clean and reverent and she'll want to fuck you all the more, I expect. Look, the whole point is to get Jason to think for himself. It may be that if you are having sex with her, she'll forget to focus on him. Tricia, my daughter, tells me that it's sickening, her words, how Carol dotes on Jason. Even Jason notices. He knows but doesn't want to reject her. He's a tenderhearted guy and knows how much the divorce hurt her, how much I hurt her. He has matured and gotten over the 'I hate Dad' thing but he hasn't found a way out of the 'mother loves me the best' trap he's caught in. He still believes that love and good are the same thing. He still believes that if someone loves you, they'll never hurt you and whatever they do will be for your own good. That conception is difficult to shake. It is sad but true, love and your own best interest are not always aligned."

"Stop it. You're depressing me." I muttered. It wasn't that realization that love and goodness are not always aligned; it was more the more personal idea that love would never find me because the first fight would end up being about me boning her mother and there's no way a guy wins that fight. Ever. That is not good long term love relationship material. Unless the objective is tab A in slot B, my approach to life simply doesn't fit anywhere in normal life. My sisters would agree, think. I stared the fact that love was not in my future if I kept fucking every opportunity that skirted my vision. I sighed, inside, out of sight, but I sighed. Everybody wants to love and I was too young to realize that eternal love was less likely that eternal pain. Still, that much was clear to me and so, yes, I sighed.

"Sonny, if you don't want to do this, if it doesn't work for you, then don't worry about it. This is my last attempt to influence my son's life and if it works, jolly good! If not, then that's the status quo. I know I cannot exert pressure without making things worse. I am hoping that you are a honey trap that might change the balance of power in that household."

"Isn't that being mean to the metaphor? I mean, I've never been called a honey trap before." I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I always thought that was a seductive young woman who stole your wallet and identity while you are stoned out of your mind under the couch from pussy intoxication.

Borland ignored me.

"Well? What do you think?"

"What do I think about what? I don't see anything to do yet. Are you going to give me her number or some way to get in contact with her?"

"Oh no, she'd smell me on that. Nope, this has to be her idea. You are bait and we just wait to see if she strikes."

"Great, first a honey trap and now bait. Is that an improvement or not?"

He ignored me again, apparently my identity crisis had no interest for him.

"Well, if she calls, I wanted you to know a little about what was going on. Okay?"

I grunted. Borland took that for agreement and called for the check. He signed and stood up. I wasn't done eating yet but it had gone cold. I ordered more.

"Thank you for doing this for me, Sonny. I know it is a lot to ask." He turned to go but then turned back. "Don't neglect Suzanne, either. She is feeling ignored and that makes her downright hard to live with. So, I mean, when you have a situation to fit her, don't hesitate on my account. I have no problem with you having sex with my ex-wife and my wife on successive days."

"How about together?" I asked, just to fill out the options.

The look Borland gave me made him look cross-eyed. I wanted to laugh but he laughed first.

"You do that and...and...shit, I don't know what I'd do but it'd be a fucking miracle. Fucking miracle!" He laughed at himself then as he walked away.

I checked the time. Shit, suddenly I had the whole day in front of me and nothing doing. That bothered me a little. I had that awful feeling that the pussy faeries had been rejected and they took their toys and went home. What if it was me and Rosy for the rest of my life, hell for the rest of my youth would be bad enough. I locked on that and after a dour few minutes, shrugged and assured myself that I was a talent and I could live if the pussy monsoon blew over and the sun came out again.

The Travers women returned to my mind and I sat there puzzling over their little knot of naughtiness. Those two women posed an interesting dilemma. One wanted to have sex with her mother and the other wanted to hide the fact that she wasn't really a lesbian. They both wanted me to have sex with the other and leave them alone. That confused me. It felt like a mid-term test and I'd skipped the last two weeks of class and material in the syllabus.

I was puzzling over this when my phone rang.

I answered it and it cleared up my confusion.

"Sonny." The voice reminded me of tomorrow.

"Well, if it isn't Ellen Collier. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Were you fucking with me?"

"Not that I know of. I think I'd have noticed, I mean, you are short but not that short."

"Fuck you, Duncan. No, I mean about the whole father and son does Ellen, thing?"

"Oh, oh that."

"What do you mean, oh that?"

"Just that. That. Nothing else."

"Jesus, Sonny, you're not making any sense."

"Shut up and let me think." I muttered. I was getting the divine light of the a priori shining up my butt again and I just had to let it mature.

Let's see. Miriam Travers wanted to have sex with her mother but wanted me to have sex with her mother first, so she could tell her father Imogen wasn't a lesbian so maybe he'd go back home danging his cock before him. Imogen, on the other hand, wanted me to have sex with her daughter a) because she, Imogen, was a lesbian and didn't want Mimi to discover she was a fake pussy lover...unlike me who am genuine 100% pussy lover. And b) because she wanted to disabuse her husband of the idea that he was the only one banging his daughter. This all existed in the vacuum created by Hassum when he insisted that Miriam and Imogen were swapping lovers behind each other's backs, which meant that somehow they both knew neither were lesbians...god, my head hurt.

"Sonny? Jesus, are you still there."

"Not Jesus, this is Sonny. God, do you use the phone to talk to God?"

"God? I don't have his number but I'd text him if I did."

"You called me." I said.

"And you told me to shut up and let you think. I doubt I really have that much time to waste."

"Fuck you, Ellen. Mrs. Collier."

Ellen laughed.

"Mrs. Collier was my mother, at least for a little while. So? Goddammit Sonny, were you shitting me?"

"Oh, you mean about you having sex with your dark friend's father and him at the same time?"

"There you have it. I knew you'd catch up if I slowed down to a fast crawl."

"Fuck you."

"You said that once but without much conviction."

I couldn't untangle the Travers knot but then I got an inspiration. Mrs. Travers wanted a double dose...I'd demonstrated the regular fucking last night using Tawny as my partner in crime...I chortled to myself. I am Captain Profane! I bet I'd look good in purple tights.

"Ms. Collier, how is your ass lately?"

"My ass? Are you asking if Sammy has been spanking me, no. If anyone gets spanked its Sammy, not me."

"I don't want to know about that." I muttered. "No, I mean as in the asshole."

"Oh, you mean is Sammy cornholing me?"

"You're such a lady."

"You too. What do you want, really?"

"Ask not what Sonny can do for you, ask rather what you can do for Sonny!"

"Jesus, don't you respect anyone?"

"Bugs Bunny gets my vote. He had more cool than James Bond and never even killed anyone."

"James Bond isn't real."

"Hey, neither is Bugs Bunny."

"What are we talking about. Oh, the ass."

"What if I offered you a two 'fer. One in front and one in back?"

"Didn't we do that already?"

"Maybe. But if you don't remember, we should try again and see if it is more memorable."

Ellen snickered.

"Can you get to the point. I'm dying here."

"You called me."

"I know but...oh never mind. What the fuck are you talking about?"

"How would you feel about getting double-teamed in front of a couple of strange women who have ambitions of their own?"

"Ambitions?"

"Answer the question. No deflecting. Think about it. You riding one cock. Another inching into you from behind. Two beautiful women watching closely, seeing how a real woman fucks two men at the same time."

"God, Sonny, you really know how to ruin a woman's day. I won't be worth a shit now."

"Why?"

"Didn't you just proposition me?"

"Did I?"

"Did you?"

We were getting no where. I finally grabbed the bull horns, or the horny girl by the bull, maybe.

"I'm thinking of demonstrating how a woman can be fucked in the ass and pussy at the same time. I'd like you to volunteer as exhibit number one."

"You want to make me an exhibitionist?"

"Yes or no. I'll call someone else. I have a little black book."

"Surprised you can read."

"Fine. Talk to you later. Oh, what did you call for?"

"Sonny." Her voice became completely serious suddenly. "I need to know if you were shitting me about fucking Sammy and his dad."

"Ellen, I was not shitting you. I'd be pleased if you'd consent to fuck Sammy and his daddy."

"Why?"

Oh. There it was. She was smelling a skunk in the wood pile.

"Because. No, hold on. I'll tell you. Because Sammy's Aunt is arriving tomorrow night and I thought it'd be easier for Sammy to share you with his dad before they took on his Aunt."

"Good god's galoshes. Sonny, are you serious?"

"Yep. Later, its Sonny, his father, his mother, and his aunt all comparing freckles on a bed."

"My god, are you serious? Can I...I don't suppose that would work so well. What with Mrs. Honeywell being my boss and all. How will she feel about me boning her ol' man?"

"She's not exactly in love with him. I have my doubts about making this all work out. They have issues."

Ellen didn't respond for a moment. She was thinking and I was waiting for her to finish.

"Sonny, really, would this help or hurt that? Them I mean? I don't want to go where angels fear to tread."

"Yeah, like you're an angel. Ellen, seriously, I have no idea. I am just taking suggestions from the audience and they include Alissa's sister doing Sammy and Mr. Honeywell."

"What makes you think Mr. Honeywell is interested?"

"That's a good question. He said he was. It is in the man manual not to lie about such things except to your therapist."

"You've discussed this with him?"

"I have."

"And?"

"And he wants to fuck his sister-in-law."

"What about his wife?"

I grinned to myself.

"That might be a little of my own invention."

"You're shitting me? You're thinking about setting Mrs. Honeywell up with her own husband?"

"And her sister. And her son."

"Jesus rocks, Sonny, you're one crazy S.O.B."

"And you could be there." I added, almost eagerly. I managed to keep the voyeuristic excitement out of my voice. If I was a woman, watching another woman fuck her husband and son at the same time would spin my top. I knew I was projecting but I had the feeling that Ellen Collier's top spun in just that way.

She exhaled into her phone, a very expressive statement of her response without wasting any words.

"Well?"

"It's scary to say, but fucking god, Sonny, I want to be there."

"Can you leave work today? No. Better, come around early maybe four or five? Take tomorrow off, hell, take the rest of the week off. I think I can put a little fizz in your juice box if you like."

I could imagine her shaking her head and rolling her eyes.

"Sonny, you do this and...I don't know what but I'll make it up to you."

I chuckled, imagining Ellen with a nice neat collar around her neck. I had a sudden, disquieting thought. Was I getting too rambunctious with the collars? If everyone I fuck has one, does it lose its meaning? No. No and no. No, no, no. A collar means, Sonny please fuck me. I failed to see how that would be an inhibition I didn't want to live with. Hell, I could always say 'no', but only if it was sexy as hell to make them wait.

"So where are you. I mean, where should I be?" Ellen asked. The subservience in her voice, tautly eager, ran a shiver up my spine.

I told her about The China Sparrow and gave her basic directions. I disconnected. Oh, shit. I was missing a dick. I hated it but the idea of Ellen mounted on Brent's cock more or less grossed me out. She'd look like a corsage. I called Landon.