Find a Way to My Heart

She sighed and said, after a second of internal debate, "This is why we love you Jonas. This is why we care and we won't let you wallow in your personal pit. Come find me when you are ready to go, okay?"

I nodded, and she smiled, bent down and kissed me on the cheek and then left.

I was alone, outside for the next twenty minutes, just enjoying my beer and thinking about what Auggie would have thought about all this.

Now I looked at it from Barb's point of view and considered what Auggie would have said, she had a point. Not about us breaking our vows, no, not for a second, but from a 'I have to do something and start living again" point of view. I was seeing my own life from the outside, for once, and it wasn't pretty. While I was being there for the kids, what I was actually being when I was there was not all I could be, or what they deserved. Just because you are present doesn't mean you are always there. While I had been dimly aware that things weren't right, I was actually facing it, for once, rather than just not thinking about it.

I was just about to get up and go get another beer, the party was starting to thin out behind me because presumably, various people were adjourning upstairs, when Mary plopped down beside me, handing me one of my Land Sharks.

She smiled at me, holding up her own Bud Light and said, "Cheers!"

We both had a long drink and then she said cheerfully, looking over at me, "Quite the mind fuck, isn't it? All this?"

I nodded, smiling back.

"Could be more than just a mind fuck, if you wanted?" she queried, with an even broader smile, elaborately winking at me.

I considered the best way to reply, without trying to offend. "I think, for now, I'm okay," I offered.

She looked at me, examining my face. "No, you're not," she said. "You are very damaged right now. That's as plain as the nose on your face.

"You've lost someone very close to you, and you haven't even begun the healing steps yet. I doubt you even know you haven't."

I wasn't used to this level of directness, from someone I'd just met and had exchanged less than twenty words with, and I'm pretty sure that feeling was reflected in my expression.

"Oh, don't pout," she said, kindly. "It doesn't become you. You are way better than that."

She put her beer down on the small table next to her chair and looked over at me.

"Do you understand why you are here? Why Chuck and Barb lobbied for you to come, and why we said yes?"

The immediately reply I had in mind I didn't say. Saying "So I could get laid and fart rainbows" would be un-necessarily confrontational. I settled for, "I believe they thought it would help me rejoin the human race."

She stared at me for a moment, looking for sarcasm I think, before deciding I was serious.

"Believe it or not, yeah, that is the actual reason. It's an evening. An escape. Hopefully, some good sex. A release. A smile tomorrow morning. A new set of memories doing something you've never done before. Some new friends. A secret smile when someone says something that reminds you of this evening."

"And a guilt free screw would do that?" I challenged. For some reason, there was some bitterness in my voice.

"Jonas," she said, leaning forward and putting her hand on my arm, in a very intimate way. "You aren't betraying anyone. You aren't betraying the memory of your wife. From all I've learned of her, she'd be the first one cheering you on, right?"

I went cold at that. "I think I'd be the better judge of that," I said, icily. It didn't put Mary off for a second.

"Okay then, tell me I'm wrong?" she said, looking right at me.

I just stared at her for a moment. Then, like the coward I am, I changed the subject. Better than facing that subject.

"So, do these places have rules? Are people allowed to do whatever they want?"

Mary didn't miss a beat, switching contexts easily. "Well, most couples have their own rules. Our experience has been that generally couples refine their rules after a few visits. A generally good rule is to always ask your partners permission. Although that can be hard if they are upstairs, bumpin' and a grindin', and you are downstairs waiting for them, so you can ask. The moment can go cold. But... people work it out. Or they don't, and they don't come back."

She shrugged.

"We have our own rules for house etiquette, and most of the parties follow similar ones. If a door is shut upstairs, you don't enter. If the door is open and there's someone inside, getting it on, then you are welcome to watch, but you don't attempt to join them without permission. No means no, as is should anywhere, and generally this tends to be a woman's game, since she can go multiple times a night, and a fella, well, twice is good. That's really about it."

"What about... I dunno, threesomes? That kind of thing? Is there any sort of expectation of dude on dude?" I stuck my tongue at the that last, quite a distasteful thing to my eyes. I mean, all power to guys into guys, no judgment here, just, it wasn't my thing and I didn't want to be watching it or have to make excuses if asked.

"Well, female bisexuality tends to happen a fair amount. I think women have a far more relaxed view of who is giving them pleasure, and let's face it, women can be very attractive. Guy on guy, well, what you do in the room with the door shut is up to you, but I don't think any of the guys here are into that."

I was struggling to keep up. This information had just short circuited my brain.

"So, you've... been with women? Wait, has Barb?" That certainly put a new perspective on my view of her.

"Sure, Barb can be a fire cracker if you do it right. She goes wild when you tickle her G Spot, and if you have your tongue on her clit at the time, well, hold on there, cookie!"

I didn't know what to say to that, and had to shift slightly, since I was now experiencing the first erection I'd had since... and there it went. Shit.

Mary had noticed.

"Oh," she said huskily, leaning into me and staring in to my eyes. "Someone perked up for a moment? That's... exciting." She managed to make the last word drip with meaning.

I lost my train of thought. "I don't know that this is what I want, right now," I said, attempting to gain some distance, at least metaphorically.

"It may not be what you want, but I think it's what you need," she said, even more seductively, licking her lips. "You need to get back in to life. Into the swing of things... oh, great. Yeah, I just realized what I said. That was not intentional."

I just looked at her, and the thought 'I wonder what it would be like to kiss her?" wandered across my brain, looking for something to connect with.

With an effort, I responded, slowly, "Well, as I understand it, Freudian slips are like buses. If you miss one, you just have to wait for a mother."

Mary looked at me, incredulous, and then let out a huge belly-laugh.

"I've been doing this some time, Jonas, and that's the first time I've ever heard that. That's great. A sense of humor and all that dark and sexy vibe."

I was taken aback. 'Dark and sexy?' Me?

She saw my reaction.

"Oh, don't be so down on yourself. You are quite the package, you know? Not overweight, smart, a sense of humor when you allow yourself, intense loyalty to your spouse, loving your kids. You've got it all going on. Frankly, for women my age, you are exactly what they are all looking for. You've already had some enquires from some of the women here tonight, asking if you are up for partying. Your brand of personality and traits are quite in demand. Gets the juices flowing, let me tell you. I could take you upstairs right now and have a damn good time with you, let me tell you."

I was doubtful in her appraisal. I'd never thought of myself as a sex god. Not even a sex Smurf.

Mary looked at me with her eyes wide, and a big smile on her face.

"Here, I'll prove it."

She grabbed my hand, hiked up her skirt, and I couldn't help noticing she was wearing stockings and garters -- with no panties -, which had always been a favorite of mine, and something Auggie hated wearing, and thrust my hand against her glistening pussy lips.

"See? Wet."

I just had a second's surreal moment. I'd know this woman a matter of hours, and I was sitting in her back yard, with my fingers stuck up her wet twat, at her insistence. That doesn't happen very often. Or, in my life, ever.

"Now, arch your index and pointing finger, like you are beckoning. Yes... that's it".

She thrust my outstretched fingers into her wet snatch, which felt like a velvet furnace, and then said "Now, arch them... feel that smooth spot on the ceiling of my pussy? Yeah... that... oOOOoohhooo God. Yes, that. Do that. That's my G Spot. Yes... oh god. Yeah..."

She was breathing heavily, face flushed, eyes closed, as she humped my fingers.

I just kept stroking the spot she told me about, and she was frantically diddling her clit, and suddenly, she arched her back and just let out a guttural growl, as she came.

"Oh... Wow. That was... well, I needed that. I've been hot and on a trigger all night. Thank you," she said, opening her eyes and looking at me, through lidded eyes.

"Now... your turn. Come on," she demanded, standing up and taking my by-now very sticky hand, coated in her juice.

I stood up, and she looked at me with a wicked smile on her face, brought my hand up, and then licked my fingers, maintaining eye contact the whole time.

"Mmmm... I taste good. You want a taste?" She said, and then, without warning, grabbed me and pulled me in to kiss me. As kisses go, it was pretty good. I could taste her own juices on her lips and tongue. We kissed for a moment, and then she broke it, looking at me intently.

"Come on upstairs. I give you permission to have a good time. You need to do the same."

Like a sacrificial virgin to the altar, I let myself be led. I have to admit, it was my dick leading me. It may have been asleep for quite some time, but he was awake now, with a vengeance. For some reason, Auggie was not on my mind, thankfully.

We made it upstairs, and the door to what turned out to be the master bedroom was ajar.

"Come, on" Mary said, pulling me in. "My bed. A fitting place to take the swinging virginity of a newbie." she half laughed, and half growled.

I was dragged to the big four-poster king-sized bed, and then wrapped in her embrace as she kissed me once more, only this time, I absolutely kissed her back. If I was going to do this, fuck a swinger, I wanted a good accounting of myself. Auggie had always said I was a good kisser.

Thinking of Auggie right then made me falter, but something kept me going, and growing. I was now carrying an iron bar in my pants, and it was struggling to get out.

Mary could feel it, and ground on it for a few seconds while we made out. She sprang back, a smirk on her face. "Do you have a canoe in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?" she drawled, teasingly.

"I..." I didn't manage to even get a full word out before she was back on me, making out furiously, her right hand gripping the outline of my dick through my dockers.

This was pure lust. I could see it in her eyes. It wasn't love. It wasn't affection. It wasn't a mercy fuck. It was raw desire, and on my part, too. All those months of abstinence were coming due. Literally.

She broke apart again, gasping for breath.

"Right, I need you, right now," she said, grasping at by belt in a furious attempt to get my pants down. She had my slacks down and my boxers right after, was instantly in her knees, my cock in her mouth. There was on attempt at subtlety or taking her time, no teasing or anything like that. She wanted my cock in her mouth and by god, she was going to get it.

Not that I was upset. I put an arm out to steady myself against one of the posters of the bed, and just let her have her head, so to speak.

She was good. Lots of saliva and lots of tongue being rolled over it. My seven and a half inches was hard and she was making the most of it. I knew I was no John Holmes, but I knew I was above average is size, even if the girth wasn't anything special. I had been a little concerned when she pulled down my pants that I wasn't circumcised, and she might balk at that, but it appeared she was not concerned.

The thing that makes a blow job good, from my personal perspective, is enthusiasm. That's just all it is. Women, if you want to make it memorable, want it. That's all there is to it. There is plenty you can do to make it bad, teeth come to mind, or too hard sucking on your balls, but other than that, what turns me on the most is a woman who loves what she is doing.

Mary did. It was a delight to be on the receiving end, for damn sure.

All too soon I had to pull her off; I hadn't had an orgasm in so long, I was afraid I would just blow there and then, and as I said, I wanted to give her something to measure against everyone else, because I was damn sure she would be.

She looked up at me knowingly, as I pulled her off.

"Awwww," she said, mockingly, "Too much too soon? I was really enjoying my lollipop."

I just shook my head, smirking at her. "Don't worry, there's plenty more where that came from," I said.

She smiled back and jumped up.

"I need you, right now," she said, and hopped up on the bed, pulling her skirt up, and pulling down her top, so her small boobs popped out. I couldn't help but notice she had big puffy nipples, and they were quite erect.

She positioned herself on all fours, presenting her ass to me, skirt pulled up.

"Do. Your. Worst, Sir" she laughed at me.

I did. I think she expected me to just jam my cock in her very wet pussy, but instead, I pushed her forward and dove on her ass, tongue first. She had a very trim pussy in terms of hair, not quite shaved, but very closely clipped, and I was grateful. I basically smothered my face in her pussy, licking for all I was worth, and then running up to her asshole and giving that some tongue attention, too.

Auggie had liked that, being rimmed. She never wanted to do it to me, and I was fine with that, but I loved eating her ass. We had anal sex every now and then; Auggie had to be terminally turned on to want it, and let's face it, most married sex is not of the unbridled passion variety, so it didn't happen that often. Mostly after we'd been out drinking and she was that much more horny, and uninhibited, but it did happen, and it was great when it did. I was gentle, since I didn't want to hurt her.

Thinking about Auggie, and knowing how much she enjoyed me tonging her ass, far from making me deflate, it made me harder. I have no idea why, but I was determined to make this woman as hot as Auggie was when I did it to her.

I carried on doing this, switching from asshole to pussy to clit and back up again, for the next five to ten minutes, before Mary thrust her fingers onto her clit while I was thrusting my tongue into her ass and started bucking. A second climax for her. I was pretty happy about that.

She wasn't done, though. When she came down from her orgasm, she stopped for a second, breathing heavily again, and then looked back at me and said, "I. Need. Your. Cock. In. Me. Now!", hissing it at me.

Alrighty then. Time to oblige.

With that, I stood up and just drove my cock into her gaping wet hole in one stroke. It took her breath away, and mine, too.

I just jack-hammered her pussy, as hard as I could, for almost five minutes. She was grunting and groaning, and at one point she reared up and leaned back to kiss me. It was an awkward pose, but our differences in height jammed my cock deep in her, and she leaned on me, eyes closed, groaning with delight.

"Pull my hair!" she hissed, and leaned forward again, giving me access to resume pounding her.

I gathered up some of her hair splaying down her back in one fist, looping it around so I was holding tight and it had no slack, and I just controlled her from the head down with it, allowing her no ability to move as my thighs banged into her ass, while I pummeled her wet pussy. She was groaning and moaning, and it was getting quite loud, something I took as a compliment.

This went on for another three of four minutes, and she came again, as I pushed my thumb into her asshole and then drove my cock into her from fully outside to fully penetrated. I could feel her spasm, and at that point, I couldn't hold back myself. I grunted as I blew what felt like what a sperm whale blows -- months of inactivity erupted in a geyser, being driven deep into Mary's waiting hole.

It went on for longer than I ever had. By the time I was done spasming myself, I almost collapsed. I fell sideways on the bed, Mary fell the other way and we ended up facing each other.

I was literally dripping with sweat. My shirt, which I had discarded earlier, was going to be soaked through.

Mary fluttered her eyes a few times, then opened them and looked at me, and I could see how deeply blue they were. A weird thing to notice, but then nothing about that night was normal.

"I needed that," she whispered. She brought a hand up to my chest, feeling my heart pulsing. "I think you did, too."

It didn't seem like a question, so I didn't answer. She closed her eyes again, and put her head on the bed.

So, what was the protocol now? Did we... cuddle? Did someone get up and shower? Did we dress in silence, banter a bit, what? Even more... I suddenly began to realize I hadn't used a condom. Mary hadn't said anything or asked for one, so I guessed this was okay with her, but still, should I say anything? I felt I had to.

"Err... hey, um. Just realized I didn't use a condom...I..." I fumbled over what to say.

Mary opened her eyes and looked at me and said, 'You haven't had sex in over a year, have you? I think you are clear... As for me, I only have sex with the people here, and we are all clean. We are tested -- you'll need one if you come again."

I nodded. That made sense.

She closed her eyes again, and we just laid there for a few minutes, both of us getting our heartbeats, sweating and breathing under control again. Eventually, she opened her eyes and said, "Well, I suppose we should rejoin the land of the living."

I groaned, and then replied, 'I'm gross, can I shower? I just need to rinse off."

She looked surprised, but nodded, "Sure, bathroom is over there." She pointed at a door and I hopped off the bed, looking back at her. She sure did look good. She must have been at least fifty, but she looked forty, or even younger. Tight body, small, real, boobs, the stockings and garters framed the trimmed bush, although one of the garters had come off... it was the perfect post sex image.

I showered quickly, I didn't want to take up their bathroom time, and went back in to dress. She had got up, pulled down her skirt and was listlessly trying to pull up her top over her puffy nipples, and seeing me, gave up dramatically.

"I think you literally fucked the steam out of me," she said, grinning lopsidedly.

"Well, I had a good time. No, I had a great time," I said, buttoning up my shirt.

She came over and put both hands on my shoulders, looking into my eyes. "I did, too. A really good time. But... you know there is nothing more, right?"

"Oh, I get it," I said, glancing at the bedside table, where there was a framed picture of her husband, Rob. "Don't worry about me. I think I just needed to clean my pipes a bit. Get them out for some airing."

She chuckled, and then kissed me, full on the mouth. She stepped back and said, "I could kill a beer, you?"

"Right behind you," I said, because yes, I could murder one, too. I was dehydrated, my thighs were on fire from the unexpected exercise.

We went downstairs, although we bumped into Chuck coming out of another room with one of the other wives in tow. He grinned a big grin when saw me, and said, "Was that you I heard, making this one squeal?" He slapped Mary's backside.