All Comments on 'Flashing Game'

Did you seriously give all that great build up and skip the sex that ruined the whole story come on you can do better than this

it had a good build up but u ruined it at the end with practically no description on the sex part

That build up was perfect amaing even the. You rushed the end u could of done so much more ur a good writer but u let Urself down did u get bored or somthing?

A really good build up to what should have been a great story only to be let down by the ending. Please try again and take your time with the whole thing, not letting it dribble to an end.

Looked like you could not hold the excitement no more and ended it in a run.

Great potential but needs patience.

The glacial pace of the "seduction" was taking forever, but I (mistakenly) believed when "the line" was finally crossed, we'd see some salacious action. I was wrong.

You drew out the tension to the point it was almost absurd, as if you were afraid of writing something "too sexual". "Oh, look, my dick is slightly hard." "Oh, look, my dick is slightly harder." "Oh, look, my dick is a little MORE hard." etc., etc...

Then we get to the finale, and it was if you ran out of time. Like you ran out the fucking clock. Literally. If the pacing hadn't been so awful, I might have cut you some slack, but as is, the story wasn't that great, the writing wasn't that great, and even the grammar and spelling were sub-par.

If you're going to attempt to write anything else, PAY ATTENTION TO THE COMMENTS "THIS" STORY IS GENERATING! Don't make the same mistakes again.

Um, oof. Honestly, I don't care enough about this story to really go into why it wasn't what it needed to be, and that's because it's evident you didn't care enough to make it do. Everyone's saying you ruined the "great buildup" with a rushed ending, but what build up? There was no dialogue, no description, no development. Both people sounded like total goobers, just... I don't even know.

But all this aside, for the love of God, never use "chub" or any variation thereof in reference to a penis ever again. I wanted to fucking puke the first time you said "chubby cock," and then you go and say it "chubbed up" several times? No. You got hard, aroused, erect. Fuck, just say you had a boner! Anything but that. And this isn't just me being a wuss of a straight man. Women don't like dick pics, and I can't imagine reading "chubbed cock" sits any better with them. Makes you sound like the last kind of guy you'd wanna have sex with.

Trying to get past the obvious errors; did you even proof read this? Then that rushed ending. So much build up to end liked that really sucked. You were doing quite well and fucked it up at the end minus the list of obvious errors.

If you are going to complain about proof reading then you need to at least proof read your own complaints.What a moron you must be..

It was good till the end.

The ending seems rushed and forced.

That was good

Somewhat agree with others about the ending, but still enjoyed the story.

Another chapter, how much cock did he give her and how old is the mom, did he seed her ? Write more in detail please, I enjoyed it and so did my wife, she wants to know more about the feeling as she got fucked, thanks, we are waiting for more, 5 stars !!

Wow your story was leading to something great then you fucked it up at the end

It was a very promising story! The ending felt rushed, though. Only thing that kept me from giving it a 5 was the length and ending. Although short stories can be great, the ending seemed very rushed. I hope you continue to write more, I like your imagination and writing style, minus the ending lol. Keep it up, look forward to more.

could've been an amazing story had it been written by a competent writer and not rushed. The theme is solid.

You described her tits in detail, so why not do the same justice to her pussy?

You should have told of her reaction as you slid your cock into her, then how she responded to you fucking her.

There is so much you could have done to make this a very good story but you fell at the first hurdle.

It made you sound like a tit man who lost interest when you reached the pussy.

The story was coming along at a good rate, but you seemed to have rushed to finish it. Unfortunately that caused for the story to be a let down. All foreplay, but skipped right over the climax!

Like how mom and son each took it to new level slowly

Personally, I enjoyed the buildup and teasing aspect, so it definitely felt rushed at the end. Keep writing!

Took your time with the teasing. To rush through the eating pussy and fucking part did a great injustice to the story.

Much more material there to work with. Keep trying.

Some good ideas that have element of truth. Quite often mom accidentally flashes son. When she notices son's arousal she feels proud and begins teasing a little more.

by a first time author who's around 30. One thing it captures superlatively is the feeling lots and lots of boys have. "It felt so good to have my cock visible under my shorts (in front of my own mother) I started getting really hard." Face it, boys are proud of what they've got jumping around in their pants, and as the female closest to them, they want their mom to notice their hard young penis, admire it all to hell, and get wet between their own legs. Then if all goes well, they stick their stiff young cock up between mom's welcoming thighs and blow their hot young balls up the same cunt they came out of.

Talk about over-written!

About a hundred paragraphs of repetitive lameness, then two of completely throwaway sex.

And yet, the retards all love it. Go figure!

Good build up to a terrible ending. Try again.

First of all I would pay no attention to the ANONYMOUS Boo Birds. They are too cowardly to stand behind their remarks.

I personally liked the slow build up to the "taboo incest" act. It is a no no, so it would be difficult to press forward too fast... possibly getting in trouble. That goes for the son as well as the mom.

I think the ending might have been rushed, but here again the build up has them both at such a high state of arousal that the premature ejaculation and her orgasm just happened. Yes you could have explained how they were both feeling. I think that you could save this story with a followup chapter and have the characters discuss all of the points that might have been lacking in chapter 1.

I loved the idea for the story , don't give up and keep writing. Take the comments with a grain of salt accept what you ageee with and trash the others, especially the Anonymous cowards.

Ignore the complaints. :)

I enjoyed the teasing and the build-up. Easy for me to put myself in the situation.

Why not just ask the kid, hey!!!!!. how about giveing mom a rub down. It's been a bitch of a day, and save all that money..... good read thanks

I would have been fine if the teasing had continued more. Like her walking in on him masturbating. Or mom sunbathing topless.

While I gave 5 stars for overall. Think story could have used less buildup and more ending..

Great story! Every man's fantasy, even if just secretly. Has my little guy so excited!