Flower of Desire

It was a question she never found a real answer to, but one she couldn't help but recall the following week when she and Tim went out for their occasional Friday night dinner and a movie. As was their norm, the 'date' ended up in one of their beds, Tim's in this case, and everything seemed to be following what had become a familiar pattern - except for when it didn't. Much to Alice's surprise, for the first time she could remember, their lovemaking had ended with an unsatisfying conclusion - at least for her.

It was rare for Alice not to reach orgasm, especially with Tim, because he was the kind of guy who always went the extra mile to make sure his partner was satisfied. Still, it did happen and, to spare his feelings, she did something she rarely did - she faked it.

Then, in the middle of the night, Alice awoke from a dream so intense that she found herself covered in the wetness that had eluded her earlier. A fantasy that had been so lifelike as to have been almost indistinguishable from reality - one in which it hadn't been Tim down between her legs, but Miyoshi.

-=-=-=-=-

When Tim woke the next morning, he was disheartened to find a freshly showered Alice just finishing dressing, forestalling any thought of a morning encore. He was further saddened when she turned down his offer to take her out for a leisurely breakfast.

"I'm meeting Miyoshi for brunch down at Seaport Village at eleven," Alice said as she picked the still damp bath towel off the floor and tossed it into the hamper just inside the adjacent bathroom, "and then we're going shopping along the bay."

"Well, it's still early," Tim observed, glancing at the hands of the clock on the night table. "We could just get coffee if you're not hungry."

"Thanks, but I'd rather head home and change first," Alice replied. "This really isn't the sort of thing you wear to brunch."

Tim really didn't see anything wrong with her outfit, one of the change of clothes she kept at his apartment for nights she stayed over. Then again, he'd be the first to admit he knew little about fashion, or even brunch for that matter.

She stepped over to the edge of the bed and kissed him goodbye, then let herself out the door. "We'll do this again soon," she said.

Still not fully awake, Tim didn't catch the less than definite tone in her promise. What he did wonder about was why she needed a second shower this morning since she taken one after they were done last night. Especially since, if she was planning to change clothes once she got home, as she said, she'd undoubtedly also shower then as well.

"Women, who knows why they do anything?" Tim said aloud, once more glancing disappointedly at the now empty space in his bed.

Still, he liked the casual arrangement he and Alice had going, and if that meant that there were some things he didn't ask, so be it. Tossing the sheet off his naked body, he got up and headed for the bathroom to take a shower himself.

-=-=-=-=-

Arriving home by the time Tim got out of the shower, the proximity of their apartments being another of the good things about their arrangement, Alice found herself also grateful for the casual nature of their relationship. While it had been easy to wash away the remnants of her nocturnal orgasm, it was proving impossible to do the same with the dream that had accompanied it. That disturbed her enough that she was seriously considering canceling her brunch date while she tried to figure it out.

But fate, kismet or whatever else one might call it, intervened as the phone in her kitchen unexpectedly rang, and upon answering it Alice found Miyoshi on the other end of the line.

"Hi," Miyoshi said in a cheerful voice, "I was just calling to make sure we were still on for this morning."

"Is there a reason why you thought we might not be?" Alice asked, thinking that this was the first time Miyoshi had ever called to confirm any of their plans, at least on the morning of.

"No, not really," Miyoshi replied. "I just had this funny feeling that I should. I know it's silly but ..."

'Well, it's a good thing you called,' Alice thought. 'I woke up with a really nasty headache this morning and I think I might be better off staying home.'

It would've been so easy to say just that, but instead she heard herself say, "Don't worry, brunch is still on; I'm really looking forward to it. We're meeting at Norman's at eleven, right?"

"Yes, Norman's at eleven," Miyoshi confirmed.

"I'll see you there, then," Alice said before ending the call.

Staring at the phone after she'd returned the handset to its cradle, Alice decided that she was the one being silly. So, she had an erotic dream, big deal, it wasn't the first one she'd ever had. In fact, it wasn't even the first one with another woman, although previously the women had either been generic or else someone famous, never someone she actually knew.

Her dreams involving men, however, often involved men she knew, even a few of which would certainly be considered inappropriate, given that the men were married, or in one case, a member of the clergy. But they were only dreams - involuntary fantasies. Why was she treating this one with Miyoshi so differently?

'I'm really making too much of this,' Alice finally decided, shifting her focus instead to the thought that if she was going to get to Norman's by eleven, she'd better figure out what she was going to wear.

-=-=-=-=-

As it turned out, Alice didn't make it to the restaurant until a quarter after eleven and she found Miyoshi waiting anxiously outside. She quickly apologized, adding that she really had no excuse other than that she just couldn't figure out what to wear. An apology her friend brushed aside, saying that she was here now and that was all that mattered.

"I was beginning to get worried, that's all," Miyoshi added, "and as far as you taking a bit more time to pick out that dress, well, all I can say is that it was time well spent. You look great."

The glass walls that lined the front of Norman's were reflective enough for Alice to see herself in them. Looking back at her was an attractive, still young woman, wearing a short sleeve navy blue dress with a hem that came to her knees and showed just enough cleavage to draw attention to her impressive endowments. A wide white belt completed the ensemble, along with a thin gold chain around her neck, a cameo locket hanging from it.

"I was about to say the same about you," Alice smiled.

Miyoshi's dress was similar in style to Alice's, but red in color and decorated with a bright floral pattern. She didn't have as much of a bust, so it hung a bit looser on her top, and a corded red sash wrapped around her waist. From her neck hung a small single strand of pearls.

Despite being later than they'd planned, they had no trouble getting a table, and it wasn't long before they'd placed their orders and were enjoying a couple of mimosas.

As they normally had lunch several times a week, they had little catching up to do, so the conversation quickly focused on how their respective Friday nights had gone.

Did you have a good time with Tim last night?" Miyoshi asked. "You went to see, what was it called, Rise of the Titanic?"

"Raise the Titanic," Alice corrected her, "and it was rather disappointing. I thought the book was much better."

"Really, how so?" Miyoshi inquired.

'Well, any time they make a movie from a book, you have to expect there to be some changes," Alice explained. "Events get compressed or deleted, and some characters disappear or are combined with others. As I watched the film, however, all I could think was what a horrible hatchet job they'd done. They even changed the ending."

"They didn't raise the Titanic?" Miyoshi asked.

"No, they raised it alright, but, well, I don't want to say too much in case you want to read the book," Alice replied, "but suffice to say, there's something on the ship that they need and the film totally turned the story around once they found it."

"I guess I should just read the book then," Miyoshi said.

"I think you'd enjoy it more," Alice replied.

"Speaking of enjoyment, I hope the rest of your evening went better," Miyoshi offered, the glint in her eye making it clear what she was referring to.

"It went about the same as it's usually been going lately," Alice replied in a vague tone.

"Is that the same as in good, or bad?" Miyoshi asked curiously.

Alice just smiled, her expression making it clear that it wasn't a question she was going to answer. Instead, she asked Miyoshi, "And how did you spend your Friday night, do anything fun?"

"Actually, I did. I had the chance to call home and speak to my mother," she replied. "A family friend owns an Import/Export business and has a dedicated telephone line between Japan and the States. He arranged for us to use the connection in their offices."

"That was awfully nice of him," Alice said. "Did you get to talk to your father as well?"

"No," Miyoshi replied, a quiver in her voice, "he wasn't available."

Alice knew Miyoshi's relationship with her father was a sensitive subject and it was better not to inquire further. Still, it saddened her to hear that it hadn't improved in the long months since she'd left home. Miyoshi had shared the story one night after the two of them had celebrated her birthday with a few bottles of wine.

Back in Japan, Miyoshi had been engaged to the son of one of her father's long time business associates. She had known Hiroshi Sato nearly half her life, and it had been taken almost as an article of faith that someday they would make the two families one. The question was finally asked, the date set and all the arrangements made. But then, only a week before the ceremony, Miyoshi abruptly seemed to change her mind and broke the engagement.

Her father had been both enraged and humiliated, unable to understand how his only daughter - he had two sons - could do such a thing to him. Akio Yoshida pressed for a reason, but all Miyoshi would say was that in her heart she knew that, while she did care for Hiroshi, she didn't love him - not as a wife should. It wouldn't be fair to him to become his bride.

Still, her father was adamant, insisting that she was merely confused, perhaps even frightened, as many young brides often become as their wedding day, and by implication, their wedding night approached. He assured her that there was nothing to fear.

That assumption had just been too ridiculous for Miyoshi to bear and in her ire, she shattered one of her father's last illusions, declaring that not only hadn't she been a virgin for quite some time, it hadn't been Hiroshi that she had surrendered her pearl of great price to - a circumstance that might have made the revelation palatable.

Father and daughter had not spoken again in the long months since.

"You know, I still get that mixed up," Alice said, putting the tale aside in her head, "the time differences, I mean. It's already tomorrow there, isn't it?"

"Yes, there is a seventeen-hour difference," Miyoshi confirmed.

"Well, do you think your mother could tell me how the Padres are going to make out against the Expos tonight?" Alice smiled.

Miyoshi also smiled, her mood restored.

Their food then arrived and they began to eat.

-=-=-=-=-

Shopping followed brunch, and in a recently opened boutique Miyoshi found a dress she simply had to try on. Alice waited outside the changing room, until she heard the younger woman say that she needed a little help.

"I think the zipper on my dress is stuck," Miyoshi said as the blonde stepped into the small cubicle.

Sure enough, the teeth of the zipper had snagged on a piece of material. It only took a moment for Alice to work it free and as soon as she did, the dress slackened, allowing Miyoshi to slide out of it, leaving her standing there in only her bra and panties.

Alice had taken Miyoshi to her gym a few times, so this was hardly the first time she'd seen her in her underwear. In fact, having shared the communal shower room afterwards, she'd also seen her in far less. But this time it felt different, even strange. It didn't take a lot of thought to know it was because of the dream.

"If you don't need me anymore, I'll wait outside," Alice said, slipping back out through the three-quarter high louver doors.

Doors Miyoshi herself stepped through a minute later, now wearing the new outfit.

"So, what do you think?" she asked as she turned first right, then left, in order to give Alice a good look at it.

"I think you look great in it," Alice replied, even though she'd only given it a brief glance.

"Are you sure?" Miyoshi asked. "You don't think its a little low cut? I know I don't have what you do, but still..."

"No, I think it looks fine," Alice quickly said, this time taking a longer look.

"Okay, I'm going to get it then," Miyoshi smiled before stepping back into the changing room.

They checked out a few more stores, during which Miyoshi finally realized that Alice's heart really wasn't in it. She suggested they call it a day, jokingly hiding her concern by implying that if she went to any more stores, she was going to max out her credit card. Looking at the two bags of purchases resting at her feet, Alice agreed, even though she knew the girl managed money better than she did.

"Should we get a cab?" Alice asked as she glanced around to see if any were in sight.

"Why don't we walk instead?" Miyoshi offered. "It's really a nice afternoon and only about twenty minutes or so back to my place. You can call for a cab from there."

Looking at the bags again and deciding that between the two of them they'd hardly be a burden, Alice agreed.

-=-=-=-=-

Much to Miyoshi's disappointment, she really couldn't get Alice to talk about anything of substance during the walk, their conversation remaining confined to safe topics. It wasn't until they'd set the packages down on the floor of her small apartment that Miyoshi pressed the issue.

"Alice, is there something wrong?" she asked as they stood in her living room.

"No, nothing is wrong," Alice replied in a tone that clearly lacked conviction.

"Is it Tim?" Miyoshi asked, recalling Alice's ambiguity about how her date the night before had gone. "Did the two of you have a fight?"

"No, we didn't have a fight," Alice replied.

"Well, I think something happened, because you're really not acting like yourself today," Miyoshi continued. "I'm your friend, you can tell me. I only want to help."

"It's just something stupid," Alice replied. "Forget about it."

"Alice," Miyoshi said firmly, "if it's something that is bothering you, then I'm not going to just forget it."

Alice took a breath, then sat down on the couch, glancing at the empty space beside her in invitation. One that Miyoshi readily took as she sat down as well.

"Okay, so what's the problem?" Miyoshi repeated.

"Just remember, I said this was really stupid," Alice began, then told Miyoshi about the dream she'd had the night before, but leaving out the identity of the 'other woman' in it.

"That's it, you had an erotic dream?" Miyoshi asked, surprise in her tone.

"Well, there is a bit more," Alice added.

Miyoshi didn't say so, but her expression said she was waiting to hear all of it.

"You were the woman in my dream," Alice admitted after a pause.

"And have you ever had a dream about another woman?" Miyoshi further asked, seeming not to have heard Alice's admission.

"A few times, but never someone specific," Alice replied, drawing attention back to the fact that it had been Miyoshi in her dream.

"Alice, have you ever been with a woman?" Miyoshi asked after a short pause.

"Not really," Alice answered, clarifying her reply with the story of that night back in college.

"No, I don't think that really counts," Miyoshi said. "I have to say, I really don't understand why you've gotten yourself so worked up over this; it was just a dream."

"Wendy thinks that you're a lesbian," Alice heard herself blurt out, "and if I keep associating with you, people are going to think I'm one too."

"And I think Wendy is an idiot, but that doesn't make it true," Miyoshi replied without pause, even though she thought it was. "You can't let people like her upset you; I certainly don't."

Alice looked into Miyoshi's eyes and knew that she was right. Perhaps it was time to reassess her friendship with Wendy. It certainly wasn't worth what it had been before she'd met Miyoshi. In fact, to be honest, it hadn't had all that much value before. Outside the office, other than hanging out together at McCann's, they really didn't have much in common. They'd never even gone to so much as a movie together, much less a museum or gallery. With negatives that matched, if not exceeded, any positives, why were they still friends?

Lost in reflection, Alice didn't notice that Miyoshi also seemed to be thinking deep thoughts. As if she too was considering an important decision. A long and silent minute passed before either spoke.

"Alice, what if Wendy was right?" Miyoshi unexpectedly asked. "How would you feel about that?"

"What?" Alice replied, not having really been paying attention.

"If I were a lesbian, would you still want to be my friend?" Miyoshi clarified.

Alice was about to ask why Miyoshi would even ask a question like that, but then slowly closed her mouth as she realized that she already knew the answer.

"I ...I ... don't know," she said after a few seconds' pause.

"Really?" Miyoshi inquired, not appearing satisfied with the response. "You never considered that she might've been right, and asked yourself how you would feel about it? Are you honestly saying that?"

"No, I have thought about it," Alice admitted, her face blushing slightly having been caught in a lie.

"And?" Miyoshi asked, expectation in her voice.

As Alice tried to form her answer in her head, she became acutely aware of the clock on the wall, ticking off the seconds in what seemed like an agonizingly slow cadence. Rising to her feet, she took several long steps that carried her nearly all the way across the small room before turning back around to face Miyoshi.

The Japanese woman had also risen to her feet, but remained firmly fixed in front of the couch. She knew that figuratively, if not literally, Alice needed a bit of space right now.

"You're right, I did consider the idea," Alice began, "but I guess I also thought that as long as it was only just an idea, it wasn't a question that I had to answer. Now that I know, I can't say that anymore."

She took a long breath, then went on. "Now that I know," she repeated, "I'm going to have to say that I'm not sure I could still be your friend."

With those words, a pallor washed over Miyoshi's face, eclipsing the normal healthy glow of her skin. Her shoulders sagged and even from across the room, Alice heard her let out a soft sigh as she expressed the breath she had been unknowingly holding.

"I understand," Miyoshi said softly, dejection clear in her response.

"I couldn't be your friend," Alice said again, as if she hadn't thought Miyoshi had heard her the first time, "because I already know that I want to be more than that."

"What?" Miyoshi asked, confusion in both her tone and expression.

"I think I'm in love with you," Alice said.

A silent heartbeat passed, then she corrected herself.

"No, that's not right," she amended, her voice starting low but growing in strength and intensity with each subsequent word. "I know that I'm in love with you, and if that makes me a lesbian, or bisexual or whatever they call it, so be it." She paused a breath, the added, "And if Wendy or anyone else has a problem with it, well, they can go fuck themselves."

For a long moment, Miyoshi just stood there thunderstruck, not quite able to believe what Alice had just said. The most she had hoped for was that her revelation wouldn't destroy their friendship, but this was beyond her expectations.