Forever Gone, Forever You

"So you spied on us," I said.

"Grant, call it what you want to. But I couldn't live without you. I needed to be able to see you even if I couldn't be with you. What if there'd been an accident or an emergency and you needed me? What if some woman had tried to come into your life? I needed to know what was going on with you and the girls," she said. "You did a far better job without me than I could ever have imagined. Of course the girls wrapped you around their little fingers, especially Marie. My God, Grant, you bought her a three hundred dollar cell phone when she was 14. Is there any wonder that Tara thinks she's getting one now?"

She stood up and came slowly towards me. "You can probably throw me out of the house if you want to, but you need to know that I was right all along. I hate what it took to prove it to you. It took an entire year of our lives just to get you to see something that you knew in your heart all along."

She shook her head.

"This whole thing was my fault, Grant. I was wrong as hell. I just got an idea in my head and I never stopped to consider how you'd feel about it. All I thought was how great it would be. I just kept imagining you holding me as our baby grew in my belly. It became an obsession. After a while I couldn't think of anything else. How I got us there no longer seemed to matter. In the back of my mind I always imagined that it wasn't Denny that got me pregnant. That's why I came home and raped you after both times with him. Not that we didn't make love most nights anyway, but those nights I just needed so badly to pretend. I guess after a while it wasn't even necessary to pretend any more. I truly in my heart believed that she was your baby."

She stood right next to me walking beside me as Brandy snored away on my shoulder.

"What I did to you was awful," she said. "I deceived you, I cheated on you and I lied to you. I swear to you I'll never do it again. I just want a chance to be with my family again. I know I'll need to earn their trust and their love all over again. But all I can do is to try, if you give me the chance."

"So now we know why you're here," I said.

"Why did you think I was here?" she asked.

"I guess I thought that you'd come to get YOUR baby," I said. "When you left, we'd been discussing a divorce and me trying for custody of my two. I wanted nothing to do with you or Brandy."

"I remember," she said. "If I'd offered to put her up for adoption, would you have taken me back?"

"I think even back then I was sure that a baby should be with its mother," I said. "So you and she both needed to go. I thought that you and she should just go away and I'd get custody of my girls. Or you'd get custody and I'd get visitation rights and visit my girls as often as I legally could."

"So what if I offered to take her off of your hands right now?" she asked.

"I'd throw you out of my house and see you in court," I said. "You abandoned her."

"Good God, Grant," she said. "I was only making conversation. I wouldn't dream of trying to take her from you. Not that I could. That isn't why I came back."

"Then why did you come back?" I asked her.

"Grant, God damn it, I came back for you. I came back because I ache for you every fucking night. I came back because I love the way you smile at me every time I walk my fat ass into a room. I came back because I want to grow old with you. You already know about the part where I wanted to have babies with you. I came back because I can't fucking live without you and whatever it takes to get you to forgive me, I'll do. That's why I came back."

"You're going to have to convince the girls though," I told her. "We're a package deal."

"Marie is going to be the hard one," she said. "I can't believe that my baby looks at me like that. But you know she loved you from the first moment she saw you. I think the thing she resents the most is those years that you weren't with us."

"So you think Tara will be easier for you to convince?" I asked her.

"Oh yeah," she said. "You let me have an afternoon with her at Best Buy and Tara will forgive me."

"It's the other two that are going to be hard," she said. "Marie already resents me being back and Brandy doesn't know me. She's a year old, starting to walk and talk and she's never seen me or doesn't remember me. She'll always prefer you to me."

I shrugged my shoulders.

"Then of course there's the most important one," she said. I looked at her curiously.

"You, silly man," she said. "I'd never have done any of this if I knew there was a chance of me losing you. I love you so much that I'm just dying to take your clothes off right now."

"That's probably not going to happen for a long time," I said. "I have my kids to think of. I can't just bed down with some strange woman. What kind of example would I be setting?"

"But it will happen eventually, right?" she asked.

"I don't know," I said. "I have been out on a few dates. There's a line of eligible ladies interested in me."

"Are you talking about my sister or Denny?" she asked. "You know, you didn't have to beat him up. I left you the DVDs so you could see what happened. You know I didn't enjoy it and that I was telling you the truth about only doing it to get pregnant. I don't care if he tells all of his friends that I'm a slut as long as you know the truth."

"Oh I didn't beat him up about you," I said. She looked at me strangely.

"Then why?" she asked.

"I beat him up for what he said about my girls," I smiled. "Some men just aren't ready for fatherhood."

"I love you Grant," she said. "So much more than you'll ever know."

"I love you too Bonnie," I said. "And I've missed you."

"Can you forgive me then?" she asked. "Please, I promise I'll make it up to you and it won't happen again, ever."

"I forgave you a long time ago," I said. "But I'm just not sure I'll ever get over the betrayal part. We can try. I'm willing to, but we'll have to take it one day at a time. I can't promise you that we'll always be together or even that things will work out in the short term, but I'll try."

And that's what we did. We crawled before we walked. We started out with Bonnie living with Brenda. We went on a few dates and then she started coming over to the house. After being gone for a year, those first few meetings with the girls were awful. They looked to me to confirm everything she said. If Bonnie said she'd take the girls shopping, they looked at me or simply asked me in front of her if it was okay. Marie came around far sooner than we expected when she saw that Bonnie was really trying. Tara was the problem. She simply didn't trust Bonnie at all. She often peppered her answers and comments with things like, "How long before she runs off again?" or the ever popular, "I don't have to listen to you. You're not my daddy."

Luckily babies are resilient. Brandy got over her fear of Bonnie and would often crawl into Bonnie's lap, if I was unavailable or occupied.

We slowly got her relationship with the girls back together. It was years though, not months before we could look back and say that the relationships between Bonnie and the girls were as good as they'd been before.

And things with us went equally slowly. I have to admit that there were times when I didn't think we'd make it. I remember several times when I was so angry at her that I just screamed. And I asked her why the hell this was so important to her. There were plenty of families that went through a divorce and dealt with it. She'd just calmly looked at me and told me that she'd already seen what a year without me was like. At least I'd had the girls with me to give me all of the love and attention I needed.

During our time apart all she'd had was the time to think about what she'd done and what it almost cost her. She'd face anything other than that again.

It was baby steps all the way. There were some things that were strange about our relationship. Bonnie didn't have very much money. She'd saved most of the money she made at the convent, but they hadn't paid her very much above room and board. So she soon ran out of money and I had to give her some. She could have gotten a job and we discussed it but I decided that I'd rather have her take care of our house instead. I might've been super dad but I was a shitty housekeeper.

That also brought some confusion and some pain. When she took over the housekeeping, Bonnie made two very bad assumptions. Neither of which we were ready for. She assumed that taking care of the house meant that she'd be moving back in, it didn't. And she assumed that I'd be taking Brandy out of daycare and she'd watch her during the day. It didn't mean that either.

There were some good moments as well as the bad ones though. The first time she touched my hand again was scary in its intensity. Our first hug, the first time she molded that body against me I almost came in my pants.

My birthday was the first time we kissed again. The girls had given me a party at a local water park. We spent the whole day in swimsuits splashing through cold water in the summer heat. Then we had dinner at my favorite restaurant. When we got home the girls were exhausted. I had to carry Tara in from the car. Brandy was soon snoring as well. Bonnie and I sat on the couch with my exhausted 15 year old daughter sitting between us, texting one of her friends. When Bonnie went to get something to drink, Marie whispered something in my ear.

"Be careful, Daddy. She's looking at you funny. I think she's going to try something," she said. Bonnie came back and sat beside me with Marie on the other side. Marie nodded off to sleep too and I carried her up to her room. When I got back, Bonnie was still on the couch. I noticed then what she'd done when she got her drink. She'd taken off her bra and her nipples were almost shredding her shirt.

"I have one more birthday present for you," she said. And she pulled herself against me. When she kissed me it was as if I'd been dis-assembled and was complete again. Our lips hungrily attacked each other. Our mouths opened and her tongue tasted as sweet as it always did. She leaned back and pulled me on top of her. Those boobs pushed themselves against me flattening against my chest.

"I want you so bad," she hissed. She had already started pulling her shirt up when we heard it.

From over my shoulder came Marie's angry voice. "Then you probably shouldn't have left him," she snapped. "

"I'm really sorry that I did, Baby," Bonnie said. "I'll never ever do it again." We didn't do anything else that night, not even a good night kiss. Marie stayed with us the whole time and refused to go to bed.

Bonnie thought it was cute. "She's protecting you," she laughed. My dick didn't find it cute at all. For the next few weeks Marie never left us alone. She did, after a while, grudgingly allow hugs and then kisses. Then after seeing us walking around holding hands all the time, she had a talk with Bonnie and things seemed to be okay after that.

When I asked Bonnie about it she shook her head. We had a talk she said.

"What about," I asked.

"She said that she was going to give me another chance. But only one," said Bonnie. "She told me that I was getting older and I needed to consider my future."

"You mean she thinks you should settle down with me again?" I asked.

"No," said Bonnie. "She told me that if I ever hurt you again, I wouldn't have one."

A few nights later, I got Bonnie in our bed. We had to be very careful not to awaken the girls but it was hard. I don't remember how it started, I just remember she turned around and the next thing I knew we were kissing like we'd never stop. And then before I got used to that, I was on top of her and then I was inside of her. It had been so long, I think we were having flashbacks. I was pumping in and out of her with long slow strokes that seemed to last for minutes at a time. She wrapped those thick legs around me and held me deep inside of her and I came like never before. It was like my entire consciousness folded up and went into her body through my dick.

We both knew then that we were back together. "I love you Grant. I always have and I always will," she said. "I'll never leave you again."

Then she grabbed the blanket, pressed herself against me and went to sleep. The next morning the girls were surprised that Bonnie had come over that early.

"She isn't here early Tara," said Marie. "She stayed all night."

"She didn't go home?" asked Tara.

"No, Tara," said Marie in an exasperated voice. "She is home, now."

The girls went about doing what they normally do. Over the years we gelled as a family again. Now it's just the three of us. Marie is practicing law in Chicago. Tara is married and living with her husband in Atlanta and Brandy is at the University of Michigan, studying computer engineering. With the girls living their own lives, it only leaves me, Bonnie and my new Mustang.

We never did have any kids of our own. But we raised three beautiful daughters and I couldn't have loved them any more if they had been mine. I guess in the end, the circumstances of Brandy's birth almost tore my family apart. But we learned from it and moved on. Bonnie never lied to me about anything again. The risk of us not making it was too great. So she'd learned something.

I learned that sometimes someone can do the wrong thing for the right reason or the right thing for the wrong reason...Okay I'm not saying this well, but it all boils down to... she fucked up and I forgave her. It was my life and my choice.

I let go of all of my anger and ego and realized that I loved her and I always will. I love Brandy too and I always will. I almost made the biggest mistake of my life. If I'd forced her out of my life, it would have been far worse. I'd probably be a lonely, cranky old man right now. I wouldn't have the love of my life by my side and I wouldn't have gotten the joy of watching my youngest daughter grow into the truly special woman she became. I'd be more like Denny.

His wife finally died and left everything she had to charity. He didn't get a fucking dime. He didn't even get the house. He was homeless a week after her funeral. For the last 5 years, he's lived in a series of homeless shelters. He spends his days now walking up and down the streets telling everyone who'll listen about all of the women he fucked.

Last Thanksgiving, the girls and I went out to do some last minute grocery shopping while Bonnie cooked. Tara stayed home to help her mother, but Brandy and Marie were with me. When we came out of the store, Denny was sitting there outside of the store with a "Will work for food" sign.

I reached into my pocket and gave him a dollar. Marie as usual watched me and gave him one too. I could tell that she didn't want to get too close to him. He didn't seem to recognize me and he'd never seen my girls. "Thank you sir," he said. He leered at Marie and she backed off even further.

"Daddy, why did you give that bum any money?" asked Brandy. "He's only going to use it for drugs or alcohol."

"You never know, sweetheart," I said. "That bum could be someone's father."

"Not mine," snapped Marie.

"Not mine either, thank God," said Brandy. They each grabbed onto one of my arms as we got back into my car and drove away. And for those of you who're wondering it was my Jeep. My Mustang was already stored for the winter.

Anyway, I guess I should go now. Bonnie is leaning over me, rubbing those boobs against my back again. I'm old, but all of the plumbing still works.

The end.