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In her dark vision she saw powerful strings of energy whip about the room. Several of these strings whipped around, latching onto her body. She felt a tingle in her skin as they coiled about her arm and sunk into her flesh. Oddly enough, all she felt from it was a tingle, nothing else. No damage, no marks in her skin, nothing.
What in Lolth's name is happening?
"I feel... warm..." Galen muttered beneath her.
The Empath looked down on the male laying down beside her feet. An eerie white glow consumed his entire left arm, and as the glowing cracks in the floor spread to the walls, the light began to consume more and more of his body.
It was then that the door to the office barged open, Dreek storming in with Keetle in tow.
"Commandant-" Felyn started.
"Silence. Get your armor on and prepare the Human. The pillar has awoken, and I can feel something has gone wrong."
- COMMENTS
bhojoabout 1 year agoA veteran soldier with a powerful weapon which the enemy had no knowledge of , would have used it to take out the officers. It very implausible that Michaels first shot with the m60 would not be directed to kill the razorlich king, especially as it was clear he was the driving force behind the attack. sorry but his decision not to makes no tactical sense.
tiercenptover 3 years agothe story is all over the place.
and it has a couple of distinct similarities to "Endangered".
Though it's not a good thing.
Anonymousalmost 4 years agoInconsistent characters. And I had to skip most of the drow nonsense. It is just rude to make me like someone then just flip the script.
Anonymousabout 5 years agoAs others have mentioned, and fanboys have flamed them for, you build up and undercut your characters, Galen lost everything that made him a fun character in the first chapters, feels like you sacrificed your main character to shoehorn sex in, the rape isn't upsetting in the way that it can be used to forward dark plot lines, it's the fact that he wakes up, realizes it and he's like meh, the love of my love is getting raped, might as well get my dick wet.
He has no... Back bone, it's hard to think of him as this badass monster of a warrior when he acts like a lil bitch you know? Your writing is good, the story was fun pre-drow. Now I'm kind of just skimming to hope it gets back to where you started.
illwindabout 6 years agoMan, your writing is insanely inconsistent. You spent three chapters making it clear that the neko were physically superior to humans(Mila was carrying Michael back in the first chapter for god's sake). And yet now Michael is not only able to defeat one in close combat, but one specifically that had spent his life fighting and training. Seriously?
I couldn't even get to the Drow part of this chapter, but judging from the comments it's about what I expected. Nothing that has been shown about Galen's character makes me believe he wouldn't have busted out of the Drow's lair or die trying. Yet, once more inconsistency rears its ugly head and he's now just fine with letting his beloved go through all kinds of hell for a couple weeks.
I tried to like it, but honestly the story has just aggravated me more than anything, so I'll cut my losses.
