Gone with the Wind

Lisa was sitting on the sofa crying. Maybe it was weakness, or just the fact that I'd been taking care of her for ten years, but my heart went out to her.

I sat down next to her and she immediately wrapped her arms around me and cried into my shoulder.

"Dave, I don't want a divorce. I'll die without you," she cried.

"You won't die and we're going to be fine," I said. She looked up and smiled.

"You mean, you think we can get by this?" she asked. "You're really willing to work this out and stay together? Oh Dave, I..."

"Uhm, Lisa, I said we'd be fine." I told her. "I didn't say anything about us staying together."

She started sobbing again.

"Lisa, I know that this all seems bad, but maybe it's for the best. Our marriage has probably been holding you back from some things that you wanted to explore."

"No, Honey, that's all over with," she said.

"The best thing is for you to get yourself a lawyer, if your dad won't help you out, I'll pay for yours too. Then maybe we can work out some kind of settlement and move on from this."

"Dave you're carrying this too far," she said.

"See we've already started to express our opinions and work out our differences," I told her. "I think you should spend a few days with your parents and get a lawyer."

"But I don't want a lawyer and I don't want to leave," she said.

"Lisa, this way you'll know where I am and you can come and see the kids any and every day that you want. And we really need to spend some time away from each other. These past few weeks have been really hard on me. I just need a break."

"Why didn't you say something sooner?" she snapped.

"Lisa, do I really need to point out that I'm not the one who screwed up our marriage? Why didn't you say something?" I asked.

"Dave, I felt awful about it," she said. "But I knew that if I did it would be the last straw and I'd lose you for good. I...I just couldn't risk that."

"What the hell does she mean the last straw?" asked her father. "Please tell me that she hasn't done this before!" he hung his head and just shook it.

That was the day that the dance began. Lisa moved in with her parents but she came over to the house every day. Her parents came with her several times a week to see the kids.

One of my favorite moments came when we went to the awards ceremony to see Steve get his award.

He smiled and pumped himself up in front of the crowd. But halfway through the ceremony his disappointment really showed. He'd expected to see Amanda and his kids there, but they weren't present.

I could see frustration on his face at the thought that my family was there and together while his was in a shambles. Amanda had actually filed for divorce and was going after the whole nine yards. She wanted the house, child support and alimony. And with his landscaping job he'd never be able to pay even half of it.

Just after he got a medal for what he'd done, I presented him with an envelope. When the cameramen left, he quickly tore open the envelope I'd given him. That was when I exacted my revenge. Nope, I didn't go Rambo or develop championship martial arts skills. I hurt him in another way. I'm a business man. I used the tools at my disposal.

As Lisa ushered the kids back to the Jeep, Steve ran towards me.

"Hey Dave," he called. "Buddy, I never thought of you as being cheap. Surely, you can do better than this."

He smiled at me as we looked at each other, and I smiled back.

"You make a lot of money, Dude," he smiled. "I know that you can afford to pay me more than six hundred dollars for saving your wife's life; even if you have to do it in installments. I hate to ask but my financial situation is kind of weak right now and..."

"You clearly didn't look at the document," I said interrupting him. "It wasn't a check or a letter of intent to pay or a promissory note, Steve. It was a bill."

His eyes grew huge and his face twisted with anger.

"A bill for what?" he screamed.

"You used Lisa like some kind of cheap whore," I said. "I checked around town even the cheapest whores charge fifty bucks a pop for a blow job, a hundred for straight sex and one fifty for anal. You fucked her three times plus the other three each had her at least once. You had her ass twice, right. I figure six hundred is kind of fair. I'm not charging you for destroying my marriage, since that was on the rocks any way. And, speaking of marriages that are on the rocks, Amanda and the twins said, "Hi."

The rage in his face twisted even further. "You," he screamed. "You're the reason she wants a divorce. You..."

"Nah, Steve, " I smiled. "I can't take credit for that. You and you alone are the reason that she or any woman with common sense would want a divorce from you. You were too stupid to realize what you had. I just gave her an example of what to do and a little bit of support to...Oh, before we get too busy talking about divorces, you really should read that second document in your letter, see ya around Steve..." I turned and walked away as he ripped open the second sheet in the envelope I'd given him.

I was almost to my Jeep when I heard his scream. "You got me fired!" Not only had I gotten him fired from his landscaping job, but most of the companies he'd interviewed for in his real line of work, which was very similar to mine, would over the next few days cancel interviews with him and never even consider hiring him.

Lisa had in fact hired a very good lawyer. He did everything possible to prevent the divorce, including getting us into court mandated counseling.

The proceedings and our relationship were very cordial during the divorce. And both sides agreed that in the event that the divorce couldn't be halted, the settlement was extremely fair.

We did have a few skirmishes, but both of us understood the reasons behind them and why they ended the way they did.

It was hard for Lisa to give up primary care of the kids. I really believe that she really wanted it because if she had the kids, I'd constantly visit them and she'd also get to keep the house.

The biggest problem was that even when everything was resolved, Lisa wouldn't sign the papers. She asked for a talk between us to work things out and promised to sign them then.

I met her in a quiet place in the park. She told me about how over the past few years she'd begun to feel old and boring. She felt like she wasn't her own person anymore and she envied the freedom that her friends had. She, at some times, missed the exciting things she'd done when she was single. But after speaking to Paula, she'd realized that what we had was far better.

She hadn't sought out what happened with Steve. According to her she had been terrified during the storm and had been afraid of being or dying alone, so she'd been willing to let him do what he wanted just to have someone with her. She had never cheated on me before then or since and if I could please forgive her, it would never happen again.

"Lisa, thanks for finally being honest and telling me all of this," I told her. "The problem is that this longing that you have has been going on for a long time. I can't live my life constantly worrying about whether or not our kids and I are enough for you. I also don't need to spend all of my time wondering whether or not you're doing it again."

"Lisa, I think that you should go ahead and explore being single again. I think we should both sign the papers and hold onto them for six months. I'll hold onto them and we'll talk again then. If we still want to go forward with the divorce we'll submit them. If you've got this out of your system and we want to try again, we'll tear the papers up and move on from there, trying to put things back together."

"You'd actually let me do that?" she asked.

"Lisa, I don't have a choice," I said. "I can't force you to be happy with our life. This is the twenty-first century, so the o my thing I can do is to let you to and hope that you'll come back."

* * * * * *

Epilogue

Lisa

I couldn't believe that Dave was going to let me do this. I was too excited at his offer to think about what it really meant. I told Paula and she jokingly asked me to have Dave call her. At least I thought at first that she was joking. I later found out that she had actually called him, and so had a couple of my other single friends. I couldn't believe the same women who were braying about how good single life was, were trying to hook up with my husband.

Paula actually told me that I was a fool for taking Dave up on the offer. "That was your chance, to make points with him and get your life back, Dummy," she said. "Don't you see that he was trying to see if you really had gotten this out of your system?"

"I think he knows me better than you do," I said. "He knows that by giving me some time to get this out of my system, it'll make us a stronger couple in the end."

My parents said the same thing Paula had. And after my first date, they came to me and told me that I needed move out. They said they couldn't tell me what to do, because I was a grown woman, but they wouldn't allow it in their home. In their eyes what I was doing was still cheating, even though Dave had allowed it.

When we first separated, Dave had given me money to live on and I had gone through it quickly. I'd even paid for my first couple of dates because the guy I went out with was between jobs.

I slept with him after the second date. He was younger than Dave and I. He had a lot more energy than Dave did and he fucked me until I was sore. Unfortunately stamina was all he had. He had no technique and it was probably the worst sex I've ever had.

Paula had generously allowed me to move in with her. I guess it was a way for us to mend the fences between us. When I explained to her my problems with the guy, she didn't want to hear about it.

I was wracking my brain trying to come up with a way to get rid of the guy because I already had another guy on the hook, but I couldn't figure out a way to do it gracefully. I needn't have worried.

Dave still allowed me to see the kids whenever I wanted, so one afternoon I went over to see my kids and spend some time with them. It didn't go quite the way I'd planned. Dave left as soon as I got there. He looked good and I'd looked forward to spending some time with both him and the kids.

It hurt. I think I rationalized it by thinking that Dave didn't want to put any pressure on me or confuse me. But something in the back of my mind was irritating me. The time with my kids wasn't as good as I'd expected either. They played their games and watched TV and barely spent any time with me. When I tried to make their lunch Wendy pointedly explained to me that I hadn't made the sandwiches the way they liked them. That hurt even more. My kids at 7 and 5 were beginning to move on in their lives.

When I got back to Paula's apartment I was already upset, but what I found there made it worse, even though it was exactly what I'd hoped for.

I walked into the apartment to find Paula having sex with the guy I'd been dating.

Needless to say there was a scene. Bobby, the guy explained to me that he'd only been with me for the chance to go out and for the sex. But in the end, he felt that we had nothing in common and I was just too old for him. He thought that he and Paula were a better fit. I tried to explain to him that Paula was a year older than I was and had smaller boobs.

He came back by telling me that my boobs were bigger but they sagged and Paula was much better in bed.

Paula and I didn't speak for over a week after that. Two more weeks passed and I dated two more guys. In Both cases there was something missing. The first guy fucked me after our first date. Again I noticed that there was something missing from the sex. The next time we went out he brought a friend along. The whole time that we were in the restaurant all he talked about, in front of his friend, was how great the sex had been. When we got back to his place he tried to move me into a threesome with him and his friend.

The next guy was another younger guy. I had trouble believing that a guy in his late twenties was still in college, but I didn't make a big deal about it. I had to borrow money from Paula to pay for the dates. It took him a couple of dates to get into my pants, but once he got there, he made up for it big time. Since neither of us worked we had sex constantly. The problem was that his attitude changed after a while. He started to treat me more like his slave, than his girlfriend.

There was also the fact that I decided that if he was going to constantly screw me he should do more of the things that I liked on bed too.

The first time that I asked him to eat me, we had the biggest argument ever. We were still screaming when Paula got home. At first Paula tried to mediate the argument. She asked him if he expected me to suck his dick why he couldn't reciprocate.

He explained that he knew several guys who had screwed me and that was the main reason he'd started dating me. I was easy pussy and I paid for dates. He had no intention of getting into anything serious while he was getting his life together and I was basically just a whore that he was using while he was in school. Paula threw him out then, but the damage had already been done.

Paula calmed me down after that. She reminded me that I had a husband who loved me so much that it was crazy. He'd loved me enough to let me try this experiment and it was probably killing him. She also told me that maybe now I could see how foolish I'd been and I could think about trying to go home. And just when she got me to stop crying, she made things worse.

"So tell me about the party," she said, trying to change the subject.

"We didn't go to a party," I said. "He just came over and fucked me, the same way he always does, or did."

Paula was looking at me with the strangest look on her face.

"That's all that asshole ever did," I said. "I think it was better this way because at least I didn't have to borrow any money from you to take him out. I'm starting to realize that I made a mistake leaving my husband. I haven't had halfway decent sex since...Paula why are you looking at me like that?"

"You laid up here fucking that loser instead of going to the party?" she asked in shock.

"What fucking party?" I asked.

"Your daughter's FUCKING 8th birthday is today," she said sharply. She just shook her head and went into her room and slammed the door behind her.

Later that evening my parents called and read me the riot act for missing the party too. They told me how stupid I'd been for the three hundredth time. I thanked my lucky stars then for Dave and for him giving me the chance to find out what I wanted.

I called Dave and spoke to him for a while. Just hearing his voice made me feel better. I could feel the pain on his voice though and although he didn't know it, I felt the same pain. I wanted to ask him right then and there if I could come home, but every time I started to talk about us, he changed the subject.

I asked him if I could speak to Wendy and wish her a Happy Birthday, but he told me that she was asleep. He did tell me that she'd told him that she'd had the best birthday party ever in her life. I guess that he'd told me that so I wouldn't feel bad about having missed it, but it had the opposite effect. It just made me realize even more, that my kids had moved on. Dave was such a super dad that they didn't miss not having a mother in their lives.

With almost four months to go in the separation, I was ready to give it up. I'd been a fool and I was suffering for it.

A few days later I met Bill and things started to look up for me. Bill, reminded me of Dave, in a lot of ways. He was a couple of years older than I was. And he always treated me with respect. In the bedroom, he was into some far kinkier stuff than Dave and I had ever been. He paid for all of our dates and even gave me money once we figured out that I didn't have any.

It took a while and it happened over time but I noticed that Bill was more into tying me up and beating me than he was in penetrative sex. He had slowly moved me away from actual sex and more into the bondage thing. He did use various vibrators and other implements on me to give me an orgasm every time though. But for me it was frustrating because although I was having orgasms I missed being connected to my partner. I missed my home and I missed my husband. When I told Paula about it, she told me, she begged me to go home and get my life back before it was too late.

I agreed to call Dave, but the bottom dropped out of my life. The next afternoon I was just about to go over to the house and surprise Dave and the kids when it happened.

As soon as I stepped outside of the apartment, I noticed a large woman standing there as if she was looking for an address.

"Are you Lisa Thomas?" she asked in a pleasant voice.

"Yes Ma'am," I said. It all happened so fast that I had no time to react. All I remember was a large fist headed for my face faster than anything that big had a right to.

I remember falling to the ground and her beating me over and over until someone from one of the other apartments dragged her off of me and held her until the doorman could get security on the scene.

I had no idea why the woman had attacked me until the security men made us sit down.

As I listened to her talk to them, I was sick to my stomach. She was Bill's wife. She'd gone to a doctor's appointment and found out that she had an STD. She'd confronted her husband and the story of our affair came out.

He'd even gone as far as to tell her that I was just a whore and he paid me for the sex by leaving me money all the time.

I went to my doctor that afternoon to get screened and start treatments. I found out that I couldn't have any type of sex for a month. I didn't dare go back to Dave with a disease.

I sat home for all of that time dreaming of getting my life back and my family back. I thought it was the lowest part of my life.

I missed all kinds of things that I'd taken for granted. I missed Dave coming up and hugging me for no reason. I missed the way he acted like having sex with me was a gift from the gods. I missed making breakfast for him and hearing about his day. I missed the way he lit up every time he saw me. When we got back together in a few weeks we would never be apart again. I was in hell without him.

My worthless sister called me the next day and my life reached another new low.

A guy had come up to her on the street and propositioned her in front of her husband. He told her that he'd figured that she was probably a whore like me. He'd been hearing all over town about how I was just giving pussy away left and right.

At about that same time Paula started hinting that it was time for me start looking for another place to stay or a job or both. I couldn't believe it when she told me that I was a bit too wild for her.

Even our next luncheon with the girls was weird. When we got home from it Paula told me that the girls were done with the lunches. It was time for us to move on with our lives. I was pretty sure that it was their way of letting me down easy while they eased me out of the group.

I verified that when the next week right on schedule they met at the same old time in the same damned restaurant, just without me.

I didn't care. I really believed that being jealous over what I thought those bitches had was a larger part of what had driven me to ruin my life.

Being excluded from their lunches didn't hurt me at all. In fact, if what I was planning to do in a few days worked out, I'd probably have quit anyway.

I dressed up as nicely as I could and I got Paula to drop me off. I was a few minutes late and it was dark in the auditorium when I went in. I looked around the room until I saw them all. By the time I noticed them the lights were being dimmed so I really couldn't see them, but I got the general area they were in so I could find them after the show or maybe even during the intermission.