All Comments on 'Hayley's Party Ch. 05'

Entertaining and the one liners here and there had me laughing. Enjoying the whole series as well as there being a story that gives some depth to the sex. Keep writing......!

5 Stars for sure. What a roller-coaster chapter, starting with the action in the parking lot followed by the threesome sex. Oh, man!

An interesting story and lots of hot sex. You do so well with your own voice. Your heroine is someone we can care about, a lot. Very nicely done. Looking for the rewrite of chapter one when you get to it, and of course you can't leave it here.

This chapter was a whirlwind of emotions, sex, and action jam packed in a well developed Storyline! The editing and story telling is deliscously~ enticing!

I found it next to impossible to tear myself away from it... especially the epicaly erotic and well detailed sex scene at the end. Best of all I did not find it to be predictable.. .a pleasant added bonus since some of these erotic series can often become!

Okay, Chapter 1 has been resubmitted (in 3 parts - A, B and C) because the rewrite turned into a bit more than a rewrite. It went from 10,000 words to 45,000 words so I broke it up. Literotica should have it up in 2 or 3 days with a bit of luck. Sorry about the wait guys.....

The secret is about to unfold

Upstairs before the night's too old

Tonights the night

It's gonna be alright.....

Just make sure you have Rod Stewart's "Tonight's the Night" playing while you read. And Nightwish - "While Your Lips Are Still Red."

This girl continues to be full of surprises. Just as Steve discovered his creepy sleazy side, Hayley has tapped into her Old Faithful geyser of sexuality. Who's luckier? Barry or Joe? Hell, it doesn't matter, who WOULDN'T want to be with Hayley that night? It's one of those nights that you'd remember the entire rest of your life.

Excellent story from the beginning to the end! Excellent writing skills! I hope you will have more stories to tell!

Thanks!

Oh yes, there's more coming. Working on Chapter 1B and 1C right now and Chapters 6 and 7 are lining up. Hayley's life is going to get more intense and exciting soon......

I think you are disgusting and filthy and that you feel ashamed about writing such utter, utter depravity..! I also think I love you...!

I do so hope, that you writing about Hayley's adventures, made you as wet as the inside of my trousers were, when reading about them.. I also hope that she is part of your alter ego.. So very, very pleased that I will be reading more about her.. Thank you..

first, I read all the chapters that are up at the moment. And I have suggested that my ABC wife take a look at them, too. I do worry about our 20-something daughter and wonder if maybe my wife should suggest that she read this. Our 3 sons seem to have dealt with being Hapa and getting through high school and college quite nicely though.

All that being said, I do have a few comments. I hesitate a bit to comment though as my wife is the words person between us. First, you appear to need some more proofreading. There are quite a few cases of "to" when "too" was meant for example. 'of' for 'off' is another common one. There are some sentences that don't sense probably because of missing or extra or out of order words. Second, a few things confused me about the narrator/Hayley. Some things indicated that she is an ABC but other things give the impression that she might be from the UK. 'carpark' in particular and, also, 'hospital' for 'the hospital' and 'university' rather that 'college' or 'the university' were some of the ones that I remember off the top of my head.

I'll be watching for those other chapters !

I love how she loves bareback so much that she risks pregnancy, giving all of herself to her man, including her womb. Preg risk sex can be so damn hot, sort of like extreme sports - a real adrenaline rush, especially if the pregnancy is not wanted!

I hope there is a lot more of that and she never goes on the pill, and also she converts all of her GFs to unprotected bareback sex as well.

I love your sense of humor as well as the sex and the fight scene. That had me laughing completely unexpectedly. "With the engine off, it was silent but for the natural sounds of the night. No traffic, no street lights, just the river and the sounds of the night, insects and the odd birdcall. Owls' maybe? I wasn't big on birds except for soya sauce chicken and roast duck and they came cooked, not chirping, so I had no idea." Beautifully done.

Just read some of the comments. While sometimes it can be difficult to knock some other persons opinion, my opinion of their input is they lack some real world experience. But after all, opinion is merely prospective. It only gains weight when there is some facts to back it up.

Haven't seen a perfect writer yet.

Chloe, let it roll, you cannot please everyone and your fan base is big enough to support a few minor league comments.

Most of the local authors are slam, bam, without the Thank You Mam writing style. So why expect their readers to have more than a 4 second focus?

Keep it up please.

God, I love your writing....your EROTIC, SEXY, DIRTY, HOT writing. And after kicking the shit out of some idiots, (...idiots come in ALL shapes, sizes, and nationalities....plus PEOPLE it's a STORY, meant for enjoyment, REEEEELAX!!!...) she was too wound up not too have great passionate sex! Love your writing!

Daaaamn... That was HOT Chloe. I loved the scene at the river, with Hayley so turned on that she fucked them both. Nice!!! ;-)

Hayley kicking the dirtbags' a____ is the highlight of a mind boggling story (so far).

How about turning her loose on a bunch of black hooded anarchists disrupting a speaker at a conservative club's college program. Let Joe & Barry get a few for good measure.

YOU"RE THE BOMB, Chloe!!!

Just got a notification that this was published...am I a time traveler or something? This story isn't one of my faves, too much angst for that, but I know I've read this chapter before! (At work, had to use incognito mode and VPN, so anon)

I’m not sure why I got the notification that this story was just published? This chapter was put out eight years ago.

Is this a re-edit or something? I see it and Halloween In the Cemetery as just being published.???