Hidden Desires Pt. 01

"I―sure, I'd love to go," Terry answered.

"Great. It starts at eight, so we can have a light dinner first, can I pick you up at about six-thirty?"

"Yes, that sounds nice," Terry said, feeling a little rushed. "Good night Jade."

"Good night Terry."

Jade watched her as she stepped out of the car and waited until Terry entered her house before she drove away.

Behind her door, Terry was kicking herself. Why did she agree to another date? A part of her was upbraiding her, but Terry sensed there was something irresistible about Jade. She thought she should cancel, but she really didn't want to. A minor war would rage in her, but the wanting part was stronger this time.

* * * *

As Jade had hoped the second date led to a third and the third to a fourth and before Terry realized it, she was seriously dating Jade. There was no rush or pressure from Jade and that allowed her to ignore the small war inside of her. They went out, had fun and at the end of each date, while sitting in the car, Jade would kiss her hand and ask for another date. Terry would, in the moment of her growing weakness, agree and then tried to talk herself into canceling, but she never did and the cycle went on.

After each date, she felt herself falling more and more in love with Jade but that love was intruded on by her fear—the fear that Jade would reject her if she discovered her secret.

By their tenth date, Terry was a nervous wreck and decided it couldn't go on any longer, the quiet battle within her suddenly erupting.

Jade saw the building apprehension in Terry but she tried not to push hoping that Terry would let her into her world.

When Jade parked in front of Terry's after their date, as was their custom, Jade held her hand and kissed it. Before she could ask about another date, Terry reached up and took Jade's face in her hands and kissed her.

In that moment, time stopped for Jade. Terry's lips were so soft pressed against her own. This was Jade's first kiss with a woman and it was electric. When Terry's lips parted so did Jade's and when Terry lightly brushed her tongue against Jade's lips, Jade willingly opened her mouth wider to let Terry's tongue in.

Their tongues danced together lightly and Jade raised her hands and held on to Terry's arms. It was as if someone lit a fire when their mouths touched and the warmth stretched out throughout Jade's body and centered in her sex. Her nipples hardened and her head swam, all in the space of the thirty seconds their kiss lasted.

When the kiss broke both women were panting hard. When Terry caught her breath, she softly touched Jade's cheek.

"These past few weeks have been wonderful, but I can't see you anymore. I'm sorry."

A stunned Jade watched as Terry quickly left the car and ran to her door. It took Jade a few moments to register what Terry had said, the kiss had so overwhelmed her senses.

Stunned, a great sense of loss began to descend on Jade. It was as if she'd suddenly been dispatched to a black void, it was all so sudden, and it was devastating her!

* * * *

Paula turned in bed and bumped into a warm body. She immediately woke up remembering that she didn't have a bed partner when she went to bed. Turning on the light, Paula immediately noticed Jade's sullen expression and the tear tracks on Jade's cheeks.

"Oh Jade, what happened?" Paula asked as she drew Jade to her for a comforting hug.

"She broke up with me," Jade said feebly and broke down, bawling her eyes out on Paula's shoulder.

Jade calmed down eventually but she was at a loss as to what had happened to cause Terry to end their relationship. Things had been progressing well and Jade had avoided putting any pressure on Terry for anything more than spending time together. Then to have the kiss that she was dreaming of since their first date turn out to be the last kiss Terry was willing to give—how could that happen?

They moved to the kitchen and Paula poured a stiff drink for each of them.

Paula really thought things were going well. This was the longest any woman had dated Terry in the two years that Paula knew her. She must have felt much more than friendship for Jade to have dated her so long, so why just break things off so suddenly? Things didn't add up at all; Paula's instincts told her that Terry was hiding something big.

"Look here Jade, you love her right?" Paula asked though she already knew the answer.

"Yes, more than anything. More than I ever thought that I loved Michael," Jade whispered, feeling the truth of her words deep within herself.

"Alright then, don't give up on her. She seems scared of commitment but maybe you can show her that there's nothing to be afraid of."

"But how? She won't talk to me."

"Don't stop trying to persuade her. Until she can look you dead in the eyes and say she doesn't love you, you keep after her," Paula said with conviction. She truly believed that Terry just needed someone who wasn't willing to give up so soon.

Chapter 10

Early the next day, Jade went back to Terry's house. She knocked several times but there was no answer. Dejected she returned home and called Terry's cell and land line several times but as before, there was no answer. With each connection going to voice mail, Jade felt her heart sink lower and lower. By Sunday night, Jade felt like she had a hole in her the size of a grapefruit where her heart was.

* * * *

Monday morning, Terry entered her office building, her mind swirling with thoughts of Jade. She hurried to Darla's desk to collect her messages and saw the little smile Darla had on her lips that indicated she had a secret.

"Morning," Terry croaked out, not really in the mood to be sociable.

"Good Morning Terry. Here are your messages and there's a surprise waiting in your office," Darla giggled. Terry sighed.

"Thank you; I'll call if I need anything," Terry droned. She went into her office expecting to find another bouquet of flowers on her desk.

She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Jade sitting by her desk waiting for her.

Darla stuck her head into the office and announced, "I'll hold your meeting for a bit so you can have some time boss," and with a giggle again, she closed the door and was gone. She was a good assistant, but liked to meddle sometimes.

Terry stood there, frozen, stunned. She didn't expect Jade to come here, to her work of all places.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" Jade inquired icily, "Maybe a hello?"

Terry moved around her desk and sat in her chair.

"Hello Jade, I didn't expect to see you," Terry began, working hard to make sure she didn't stutter.

"Really? You dump me without so much as an explanation. You won't take my calls or see me. I had to do something," Jade said her voice rising slightly.

"Jade please, I can't do this here. Not now," Terry's feelings for Jade coming to the fore, the war in her beginning anew in a rush.

"Then when Terry? You can't just expect me to walk away. I care too much for you. I love..."

"Don't," Terry cut her off, sensing a powerful desire to have Jade hold her. "Don't say that. You can't love me. You don't know what I am. No one can love me," Terry blurted out, her voice almost panicked. She buried her face in her hands and cried.

Jade immediately move to her and tried to hold her. She pulled away at first but Jade insisted and wrapped her arms about Terry. It took a good five minutes before she seemed to be out of tears.

Jade lifted her face and very softly kissed her tear stained cheeks, her eyes and finally her lips.

Staring into Terry's eyes, she saw so many emotions there; sadness, fear, pain, and longing. She also saw love. There was an internal struggle that Jade didn't know or understand but one thing she did know was that she didn't want Terry to face it alone.

"I do love you, no matter what. Just trust me. Whatever it is we can get through it together. Please Terry, have some faith in me, in us. I know you love me just as surely as you know that I love you. Let me in; share yourself with me."

How had she allowed Jade—anyone—to get this close to her heart, she lamented to herself. How didn't matter now, just that she did. Her thoughts ceaselessly on Jade, her heart aching with love of her as it had never ached, never thought she'd ever love anyone, now her heart yearned mightily within her. Her heart couldn't allow Jade to not see her love no matter how powerful her fears. Her heart was insistent, overriding her fears though she still felt them.

Yes, she had to take a chance. She had to.

"You may run screaming but I guess you do deserve to know part of it maybe—but not here. Please, let's go to my house," she said resignedly, as she released a long sad sigh.

It was her love that deserved to reveal her secret—she did love Jade. She loved her so much.

* * * *

They each drove their own cars, Terry's idea though Jade wanted to drive her. They entered the house and Terry offered Jade a drink saying it would help for what Terry was about to tell her.

They sat on the sofa together and after a couple of sips of red wine, Terry began.

"I was the only child for my parents. My mother told me that she and my father were ecstatic to learn they were expecting. Everything was fine until I was delivered and examined." Terry took a couple of deep breaths and gulped down some wine before she continued.

"The proper term now is intersex," she said slowly, sadness and regret in her voice, "but back then the doctors called it, me, a hermaphrodite. Do you know what either term means?" Terry asked.

"A little bit. It means being both male and female right?"

"Yes, in a manner of speaking. An intersex person will have physical characteristics of both male and female. I am such a person."

She watched Jade's face for her reaction. She was expecting disgust and for Jade to want to leave, run screaming even, as others had done, or call her a freak and other demeaning names which had happened before.

Jade took a moment to absorb what Terry had said, and then she shocked Terry by taking her hand in her own, "So tell me more," she said with a love that startled Terry, the words sounded as if sweet and sincere.

Without further words, Terry began to hope, her heart to swell with her need of Jade's love.

"My father really hoped for a boy, or so I understood," she began again, slowly, hesitantly. "Imagine his surprise when he was told about my being of uncertain sex—they wouldn't be sure until they checked further—but I did have what they at first thought was a penis and testicles, but quickly saw I also had a vagina," she said, her voice ruefully recalling so many sad memories.

Jade felt Terry's sadness, suddenly sensing what her life must have been like; her heart went out to Terry.

"I'm sure I can't understand it all, but please go on. I want to know more if you'll tell me," Jade said in a voice that told Terry Jade wasn't about to run off; she was really interested.

Buoyed by Jade's words, her heart wanting to lurch with joy at how she said them, Terry did go on.

"What they at first thought was a penis turned out to be my clitoris with my urethra embedded in it so I at first looked just like a boy would without looking too closely. Just under that I had a vaginal opening too. They'd never seen anyone like me. The doctor told my parents that they couldn't just cut off my enlarged clitoris as I might not be left with any sensation. My mother didn't want to make any decisions on it.

"In a way, that was very considerate of her, but it came with a multitude of problems. When I was a teenager, my mother and I talked about it. My father? He left when I was two, but I honestly don't remember it. Maybe that's good, and maybe it's not; I don't know.

"It was unavoidable that we should talk about it as it was a problem. I passed as a boy, but then my breasts, such as they are, unmistakably made that impossible. They're not large, but then they aren't exactly as if not there," she said with a snigger she tried to smother, but resentment tinged her voice.

"It was rough on you, huh?" Jade couldn't help but ask in her growing empathy.

"Yes. Yes it was," Terry said in quiet resignation.

"Please, if you can, tell me more. I do want to know all about you."

Terry looked at her again, still unable to believe that Jade wasn't running from her as she had expected. Looking with hope into Jade's eyes, she saw nothing but love in them, and nearly broke down crying, but instead held her tears at bay and nodded, her heart hoping as it never had before.

"My mother was my only friend. Others who knew me began to look at me with suspicion. I did pee like a boy, and my clitoris, large as it is, did also stiffen erect at times making it swell and become longer, but my testicles didn't function as they normally would, and on top of that, there was an increased risk of having testicular cancer so naturally I agreed to have them removed. I was also said to be sterile though I have a uterus, ovaries and eggs.

"Of course we didn't tell anyone, and as best I could, I kept it hidden, but not enough; in school one day a boy suddenly came up behind me and laughingly lifted my skirt and ran. Those who saw couldn't help but notice that though it wasn't large, I had a bulge that was too easily seen. Those days after puberty began were miserable for me."

Terry didn't feel ready to tell Jade that caressing her enlarged clitoris caused her to ejaculate as a man would through her urethral opening in her clitoris. She felt too ashamed to tell her that now, if ever.

Ever? Would there never be a time for her? That sudden thought nearly brought on her tears.

"My god, you have been through hell," Jade said sympathetically.

Terry snickered, her face in a snarl. "Yes, it was hell. Naturally, my mother began home schooling me. Learning was all I had, other than my mother, so I buried myself in the books and learned all I could; there was nothing else for me. I blocked everything and everybody out, told myself that it was all okay if I just learned everything I could, and I did."

"You never went out much with anyone?" Jade asked before she could halt herself.

Again, Terry snickered, this time more so than before.

"Not until I was much older, but as you guessed, not much, and never more than one date with anyone. There was no way I could allow myself to get serious about anyone, but even that wasn't enough. One guy decided he wanted more, and was too aggressive. When he felt my clitoris and thought it was a penis, he went into a rage thinking I was a man. It was too much for his ego, and he beat me enough so I had to go to the emergency room. Fortunately the damage wasn't as bad as it looked. Needless to say, that put an end to me dating any men."

"My god, that's terrible," Jade said her hand at her mouth in disbelief. "I hope things were better for you when you dated women. You did date some women, didn't you?" Jade asked as if she didn't know Terry had.

"Yes, I tried that. A few times I trusted too much. When I said something about how it is with me, they said I was a mistake of nature, and even an abomination," she said with much sadness.

"It was different with me though, wasn't it? You do like me enough that you broke your rule of not dating much, that is, right?"

Terry's head went down, and she nodded. Jade felt a welling up of sadness for Terry who was a wonderful person, not to mention beautiful. She was a woman—penis-like clitoris or not—and she had gone through so much in her short life.

Now was the moment of truth. Was Jade going to be like all the others, would she run away from her, call her terrible names and make Terry wish she had never been born which was how she felt with the others she had trusted? Terry waited, her heart pounding hard.

"It's a lot to absorb, that's for sure," Jade started, "but I can tell you first off that I'm not going anywhere," Jade said and pulled a startled Terry into a hug.

"I love you," Jade whispered into Terry's ear, "I loved you before I knew your secret and I still love you after hearing it."

"I love you too," a stunned Terry whispered back as tears of relief and utter joy rolled down her cheeks.

They held on to each other for a long time, eventually moving to a more comfortable position where Terry was lying with her head on Jade's lap while Jade stroked her hair.

It was a lot to take in but Jade didn't see Terry any differently. She was still the same beautiful, sexy, intelligent woman Jade had met weeks ago. However something occurred to Jade and it was a delicate subject to broach.

"Sweetie, I know you've been through hell already, struggling with having to keep your secret all this time, but can I ask you some questions? Some very personal questions?" Jade asked as gently as she could.

"I guess so. What is it?" Terry replied as she sat up, a look of mild concern on her face.

"Well, you said that your clitoris becomes erect, does that mean that you can penetrate a woman like a man can?" Jade hoped she didn't come off sounding prurient, as offending with this line of questioning.

Terry didn't take it as such. "Well in theory, it is possible for me to do so but I've never tried."

Slowly, Jade considered asking more. "And you have a vagina too so can you have intercourse with a man also?"

"Yes, that is possible too but I haven't," Terry whispered and blushed.

"Baby, are you saying you're a virgin?"

"I'm saying the only sex I've ever had is with myself and only by masturbating like a guy does it, or sort of, I guess," Terry answered, blushing and hiding her face. It was terribly embarrassing to admit that at thirty one she had never even seen another person naked before.

Jade pulled her close and kissed her head. "I'm sorry I had to ask sweetie. I'm just trying to understand everything," Jade assured her.

They stayed quiet for awhile before Jade started to giggle. Terry raised her head and stared at Jade.

"What are you giggling at?"

"I just thought about how stupid those other women were and how lucky I am," Jade said, feeling an overwhelming happiness.

"What do you mean?" Terry asked concerned.

"Well, just think, you are every woman's dream. You're beautiful, intelligent, caring, you have the right equipment for fucking me and after a good session, you'll want to cuddle, not just roll over and go to sleep."

Terry looked at her with disbelief. Was she really okay with her?

"And you're all mine. I love you, Terry."

Before Terry could respond, Jade pulled her into a long, sensual kiss. Jade felt the fire building within her but fought to control it though Terry simply melted into her in stunned joy. She wanted nothing more than to rip Terry's clothes off right now and fuck her until neither could move but she forced herself not to.

She remembered her own first time. It was hurried because hormones were running rampant. In that moment she thought she was ready, but her then boyfriend didn't have a clue what he was doing. He pushed roughly into her and before the pain from her broken hymen had even stopped he grunted and came in the condom.

She had cried out of disappointment rather than the physical pain, and then he had the nerve to brag about it to his friends.

Jade didn't want to rush Terry's first time. It would be special. Jade would ensure it.

Before Jade realized it, she and Terry were lying on the couch with Jade on top. Her nipples were hard, her pussy wet and pressing on Terry's crotch, with a hard bulge in it.

Tearing her lips away from Terry's, she got enough air to speak.

"Baby, baby, we have to slow down," Jade got out before Terry's lips possessed hers again.

Terry's tongue shot into her mouth and tried to wrap itself around Jade's. It was the most wonderful French kiss Jade had ever had, and she wondered if it was it her imagination or was Terry's bulge getting bigger? Jade had a sudden urge to reach down and stroke it.