Hilton Head Getaway

John moved into a house a few blocks away to make it easier on the boys who were splitting their time between the two of us. Every thing else continued much as it had during our separation, with John actively involved in every activity the boys participated in. We continued to sit together at their baseball games and go out to dinner afterwards. The only real difference was that Suzanne began to come along with John and if I am totally honest with myself, I really liked her. She and John appear to really love one another and she is really good to my boys. I guess that's all I can ask for in this circumstance.

That fall, John and Suzanne were married and a year later, they welcomed twin daughters. The boys were so excited about their new sisters. I wish I could tell you that I have moved on as well, but that would be a lie. My life is focused on work and the boys. I have been on a few "dates" but never a serious relationship. In fact, the most intimacy I've gotten from a man in the past few years is a hug or a kiss on the cheek. I just can't seem to move on. The only man I've ever wanted to be married to was John and I managed to fuck that up.

At this point, I don't even have many friends other than my sister and my best friend from college. All of our couple friends seemed to have moved on with John. The wives act like I'm some kind of slutty divorcee and don't want me anywhere near their husbands or marriage. I couple of the husbands started hitting on me thinking I was an easy target. So, I find myself alone a lot.

The laughter and splashing from the pool brought me back to the present. I was here at John and Suzanne's house for a graduation party in honor of our oldest son as he graduated college. It has been almost nine years since that night in Hilton Head where my life turned upside down. John has been very gracious in the years since our divorce. He and Suzanne have always included me in family holiday celebrations and special occasions like this party today. Suzanne and I are definitely on friendly terms and if not for the circumstances, I think we would be great friends. Still, events like this party are really hard for me. I sit around and watch John, laughing and playing with the boys and with his little girls and with Suzanne and I can't help but think that this was supposed to be my life. They all seem so happy and I just feel out of place.

I heard him before I saw him, as John pulled a chair up beside me, put his arm around my shoulder and asked "What's wrong? You look sad."

I leaned over and laid my head on his shoulder. I was sad, but it felt good to have his arm around me, even if it was only as a friend. "You know John, this was my dream for us. I always imagined us sending our boys out into the world and growing old together with them, their wives, and our grandkids. I'm really happy for you and Suzanne, but it makes me a little sad thinking that if I hadn't been so stupid and betrayed you that this could have all been ours."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, this was always my dream for us too. But I can't imagine my life without Suzanne and my girls. Somehow all of that pain that your affair brought, turned into something good for me. It taught me not to take anything for granted in life, not my wife, not my children, not anything. Listen, we both made mistakes in our marriage and we both contributed to the unhealthy atmosphere that was present when you cheated. So, I'm determined to work everyday to make sure that I don't allow my current marriage to fall into that unhealthy state. I was bitter towards you for a long time and actually took some pleasure in your unhappiness. But I can honestly say that today, I truly want you to be happy. You need to forgive yourself and try to find someone to share your life with, whether in a romantic relationship or just as a close friend. I assure you, that life is so much better when it is lived with friends and family."

He hugged me as he got up and walked back to the party. I suddenly remembered something that my mother told me when my high school boyfriend broke up with me. She said "sometimes the best revenge is a life well lived." It seemed kind of corny at the time, but suddenly it made perfect sense. John had found a way to exact his revenge far better than anything he did in that hotel room nine years ago and he wasn't even trying to do it.