Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 027

Mike chuckled. He didn't feel like it was a waste. There was something sexy about knowing that his seed was in a woman's stomach. "Let me guess. You're going to run some tests?"

"Absolutely." She gave him a light peck on the lips. "If I haven't reverted by tomorrow night, could we do this again?"

"I think that would be fun." They helped each other stand, and he fixed her skirt for her. "But for now, would you like to go to a party with me?" He held out his arm.

"I would love to." She pocketed the vials and slid her arm through his. Together, they stepped through the door of the greenhouse and back into the real world. When they walked back into the garden, the fairies were flying around, music coming from their glowing bodies. Beth was showing Asterion how to eat a piece of pie, and Tink was in a heated argument with Ratu over what appeared to be the last meatball.

He smiled.

***

"Okay, let's do this." Mike put on the mask Tink had given him. It had a HEPA filter built in, and was identical to the one she wore. When she crouched down to place the drill in the lock, her tail lifted her skirt just enough that he could see her bare green buttocks. He stifled a laugh, which was easy behind the mask. "Abella, are you set?"

"I'm ready." She spoke from outside the window. The house was largely made of wood, but all across the roof and siding were iron handholds that had been attached to metal framing in the home. Surprisingly, this bay of windows had plenty of them, allowing the gargoyle to supervise. Mike's main concern involved something unfriendly beyond the door that may decide to pounce on them. They had chosen the door at the end of the hall so that Abella could quickly get between them and anything that may come after them.

"Cerulea?" The little blue fairy sat on his shoulder, her fingers clutching his hair. She gave him a tiny thumbs up. While not entirely certain how she could contribute, he had found her teasing birds in the garden this morning and thought it better to give her a job for the day. Beth had decided to spend her morning looking into the missing storage unit items, so was probably having breakfast downstairs with Sofia. The cyclops had taken to prepping meals in the mornings and most evenings. Her duties in the Library were minimal and she was grateful just to have some other people to talk to.

Tink's new drill came to life in her hand, and she pushed the bit into the lock, causing a loud grinding noise to fill the hallway. Mike winced, the sound reminding him of having a tooth drilled. Tink gave him the signal, and he stepped in with his Shop-Vac to suck out the debris. Small wisps of smoke came out of the lock, and Tink swapped out for a smaller bit, the lenses on her goggles swapping places to tell her where to drill next. She tackled the lock at an upward angle now, pushing the bit in until it disappeared.

"Fucking fuck fuck," Tink hissed when the bit broke. She had the replacement ready, her tail whipping back and forth while she switched out and continued the assault. When finished, she grabbed the knob and wiggled the door back and forth while Mike put the hose on the lock. Hard chunks rattled through the hose.

"The culprit is clever, I must admit," Abella said when he stopped the vacuum. Tink held a series of thin wires in her hand, her tongue sticking out while she probed the lock.

"I don't know that playing with your shit makes you clever." Mike stepped back when the knob turned. Tink held a finger to her lips, then grabbed the hammer hanging from her belt. Mike sighed and loosened the knife in his belt. It was a magical blade that could cut through anything, even spirits. He had never actually used it on anyone, but he felt better having it on him.

"I'm ready." Abella was holding onto the window sill, ready to launch herself into the hall. She had curled her wings in, her clawed hands squeezing the wood tight enough to leave marks.

"Let's do this." He nodded and Tink pushed the door open. The room inside was simple, a small wardrobe in one corner and a bed against the wall. There were no windows, and the room had a bathroom not much larger than a closet.

"There's nobody here." He moved toward the bed, but Tink was ahead of him. She knelt down, her nostrils flaring. She shook her head, then grabbed the sheets on the bed and yanked them off. The mattress was old and looked like it had almost never been used.

"Well?" Abella had carefully climbed through the window and stood in the door. Cerulea's beetle-wings emitted a loud buzz while she circled the room, her antenna twitching.

"Nothing." Mike looked at the other side of the door. Other than the remaining blockage in place, it was normal. "Does this mean it was sealed from the outside?"

"I don't think that's..." Abella's eyes widened and Mike turned. Tink was on top of the bed when it threw itself into the air, launching the goblin up. MIke stepped to the right and caught her. The bed charged the doorway, its metal legs squeaking.

It threw itself through the air and Abella smacked it so hard that it broke apart upon hitting the floor. They all stared at the broken furniture in disbelief.

"Was... was that another mimic?" Mike asked. The clock in the front room had secretly been a mimic, but Dana had restored it to life and taken it with her when she had left.

"Not mimic." Tink slid out of Mike's arms. She picked up one of the busted legs, then dropped it when it tried to curl around her. "Mimic much stronger."

"It's been-" Abella spun in place, her powerful tail smashing through the wardrobe that rushed at her and turning it into a pile of splintered planks. Tink had jumped back into Mike's arms in surprise, and he held her tightly. "...enchanted."

"How can you tell? I mean, other than the obvious." Mike, suddenly aware that he was squeezing Tink's breast, set her down.

"I'm a creature made of stone. I can smell the magic on this. Look." She picked up one of the boards and it wiggled in her grasp. "Wood doesn't bend this way unless it's under a spell."

"Well who would cast a spell like that?" Mike asked. Abella opened her mouth to respond, but they all heard the low whistle of air across the room. Where the wardrobe had been standing was a large hole in the wall. Mike groaned.

"I should have known." He walked back into the hall and opened up Tink's toolbox. He brought back flashlights and handed them out. "I'm hoping this doesn't go to another Labyrinth."

"Not sure." Tink was inspecting the inside of the hole. "Not natural. Someone chew hole."

"Did you say chew?"

"Yes. Big teeth, look." Tink ran her fingers around the edge and Mike saw the large grooves. Beyond the plaster and wood was a thick layer of something that looked like particle board. He shined the light in the hole and marveled at the weird collection of vents and pipes on the inside.

"Not a cave. It almost looks like someone tunneled through the house." Of course, the statement was only half true. The length of tunnel he was looking at would easily carry them outside the external wall. "In for a penny, in for a pound I guess."

"Tink first." She scurried into the hole, her goggles on. She could see in the dark with those, but used her flashlight to illuminate the passage ahead. "Husband come, then rock girl."

"Sounds good to me." Abella was able to squeeze through the opening with her wings folded in, the shaft widening to about ten feet. The passageway creaked ominously under her weight, but it held. They moved slowly, all three of them sweeping the area with their flashlights. Cerulea had dimmed her own glow, hidden just behind his shoulder. The space made Mike think of one of those sci-fi movies where the heroes crawled through the belly of a large ship - pipes and large vents seemed to be connected with no real direction intended, and he even spotted a broken door that opened into solid concrete.

"Where are we?" he asked.

"Inside house," Tink whispered. She looked back at him. "Between walls. Bad place, be very careful."

"I don't understand. This is the house?" Mike touched one of the walls. He had figured this was just another interdimensional space the home was connected to.

"It is very bad. None of us know very much, but on a couple occasions, the house got damaged badly enough that we saw a space like this." Abella tapped on a pipe with her finger. "It's all beyond me, but I imagine this is where the house keeps... itself I guess. All folded up between the walls."

"I see." Mike touched a different pipe. He wondered if Naia's spring moved through any of them.

"Not good for house." Tink patted a random piece of wood that stuck out of the wall. "We find other side, then Tink fix right away."

"You can fix this?"

"Mm-hmm. Tink patch up walls. Once both sides patched, tunnel close up like scab. No be inside when happen."

"Or?"

Tink turned around to face him. She squeezed both hands together and blew a loud raspberry.

"Husband become jam."

"Interesting." He followed her in silence. Up ahead, a dim light filled the corridor, and someone had laid down a tattered red carpet. They moved into a large room that had been piled high with broken furniture and various trinkets along the walls. The room was lit by a singular lamp which had been tilted to cast its glow on an antique high-chair made of wood. Sitting in the chair was a creature about two feet tall, wringing its hands together like a nervous fly. It shifted forward into the light for a better look at them, a tiny gold crown on its head and a dirty robe draped across its shoulders. Long white hairs along its jaw made it look like it had a beard.

"Oh fuck." Mike whispered.

"Who dares to enter the Rat King's domain?" A shadow by the high-chair stepped into the light. This rat was not as big as the rat king, but still stood at just over a foot tall. It wore a dark pair of glasses that Mike was certain had been stolen off of a Mr. Potatohead toy. "You are trespassing in his kingdom!"

"No trespass!" Tink was pulling her hammer free, but Mike was able to grab her by her pigtails and pull her back before she could move any closer.

"My name is Mike. I am the new Caretaker of this home." At the word caretaker, a muttering filled the room and he watched several rats appear from the shadows, their beady eyes shimmering while they inspected him. "Was it you who clogged up the doors of my home?"

"Where is Emily?" The Rat King spoke this time, his voice surprisingly deep. He had leaned farther forward, revealing a yard-stick with a green gemstone duct-taped to the top of it.

"My Great Aunt Emily has passed away. I am her heir." The muttering this time was louder.

"Silence!" The Rat King commanded. "So the Destroyer is dead?"

"Uh... if you mean Emily, then yes." Mike was startled when the whole room erupted into cheers, the rats around the room dancing in place with one another. The Rat King let them have their fun for several seconds before raising a hand in the air.

"This is truly a great day for we have lived in the shadows long enough." He pointed his scepter at Mike. "In the spirit of good cheer, I give you one week, child of man, to conclude your business in my kingdom."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You have seven days to move out. After seven days, if you and your ilk have not vacated this property, then we will consider it a declaration of war." The room was now silent, the rats all looking to Mike for his response.

"This... this is a joke, right? We don't need a war. Actually, I have no problem with you being here, but you can't be chewing holes in the wall or shitting in my doors. There's plenty of room for everybody to-"

"Silence!" It was the Rat King's speaker now, and he was holding a kitchen mallet. "His Majesty has been gracious enough to grant you this boon and you will honor him by accepting it."

Mike felt the air behind him shift and looked back to see that Abella had unfolded her wings, her face becoming a mask of anger. All around the room, the rats began to move, waiting for Mike's reaction. Where had these rodents come from and why were they suddenly so determined to take over his house?

"Cheese fucking Rat King go stick shiny rock up his ass!" Tink kicked a rat that had gotten too close to her, knocking it backward into a pile of wood. Rats nearby bared their teeth, letting out a collective hiss that had Mike gripping his dagger tightly.

"Now look-" he said, but the Rat King leaned to the right, his fingers closing on the end of a very long cord with a number 9 pool ball attached to the end. He gave the cord a yank, and the ground vibrated beneath them. He looked down and saw that the floor had a pair of thick seams just beneath his feet.

"You've gotta be-" was all he managed to say before the trap opened and all three of them tumbled into darkness.

I hope you liked it! I loved writing it. I also apologize if I ruined No Nut November for you (sorry, not sorry).

A special thank you to my readers here on Lit, you simply are the best! I love getting comments and feedback from you, so fill out that form! I read them all (but don't always respond to them) and want to send a special shout out to the few of you who have reached out to me recently about how my story has helped you through some tough times. Nothing makes me feel better than knowing that my story has helped you through the death of a loved one, cancer or relationship trauma. This chapter is my way of sending you an extra hug as we go into the holiday season.

Don't forget to rate or review, and I will see you next time!