Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 067

"I knew someone who tried something similar." Abella scowled, remembering Emily's efforts to populate the house. "Your intentions may be good, but I question your methods."

"On this, we agree. You cannot make an omelette without first cracking some eggs." He chuckled, and the trees trembled. "For example, the Arachne is a problem that deserves to be cracked, don't you agree?"

"What would you have of me?" she asked, curious what he would say. The offer to deal with Velvet was obviously tailored for her, and she could detect an undercurrent of untruth to it.

"I couldn't ask you to turn on the others," he said. "It would be too hard, they are your friends. But maybe I could open the barrier and you could just...leave for a few days. Make it that much easier for me to finish what I started."

"And what of the Caretaker?" she asked.

"You still feel for him, and I understand." He reached down and touched her hair with a bony claw. His cowl shifted, and she thought she saw horns inside. "But does he feel the same about you? I had hoped to avoid the Caretaker's involvement, but now that he is here, he is another egg that needs cracking."

"So you would kill him?"

He sighed. "Humans are unpredictable. Perhaps he and I will speak and come to an arrangement. I would even lie on your behalf and explain that I trapped you outside. This place could be here waiting for you after he dies many years from now, he would never have to know."

Abella frowned. This guy was laying it on thick. Why did he need her to leave so bad? What was she missing?

"And if you can't come to an agreement?" she asked.

"I think you know the answer. I shouldn't have to say it." He almost sounded sad. "I can't make any guarantees. I have my own goals to pursue, and I won't be stopped."

"Why even attack the cabin in the first place? Why not just walk up and knock? This place was meant to be a refuge, why not just ask to be included?"

"I have...bad blood with one of the occupants. It wouldn't have worked."

"Yet here you are, trying to get me to turn on my family?" She could feel a fire building inside of her chest. "To get me to simply walk away? How could you ever trust someone willing to do that to the ones they love?"

"You love no one!" His voice was magnified, and the shadows all around her twisted about. "You think because he doesn't look at you with disgust that you are actually loved? Do you think he actually values you? Thinks of you as an equal? You fill a need, and nothing more."

She thought back to how Mike had held her hand in the forest. The times she had fought for him, and the times he had fought for them. He had bought her a tablet to watch movies so she wouldn't get bored, had visited her on the roof just to say hi. Whenever he dropped by for a chat, he didn't see a monster or a guard dog. He saw her as a person.

It was the way Velvet wanted to be treated, and Abella already had it. She would be damned if she gave it up.

"Do you have an asshole?" she asked. "Because that's where you can stick your offer."

Those crimson eyes flashed, and the figure vanished. When he next spoke, his voice came from all around her.

"We could have made this work," he told her in a whisper. "I could have used a powerful ally such as you. In your final moments, I want you to know that I intend to rip your beloved human to shreds and feed him to the Nirumbi."

Before Abella could react, he snapped his fingers. The shadows tightened around her legs and yanked her through the forest. She crashed through the foliage with gradually increasing speed. The shadows were like giant elastic bands that somehow yanked harder the further she traveled. She managed to sit up just as she crashed through a copse of trees and then skidded out onto the icy surface of a small lake.

The shadows were gone now. She coasted nearly sixty feet from the shore, her wings spread wide in an attempt to distribute her weight. Beneath her, the ice groaned in protest.

"Asshole," she muttered. Even if the ice broke, the cold was no danger to her, and she didn't need to breathe. It would take her some time, but she could make it back to shore. With her current energy levels, she could spend a few days at the bottom of the lake before she was in any real danger.

Beneath the ice, something moved. She looked down, then used her hand to rub away the snow, revealing a clear window into the murky depths. Instead of darkness, she was treated to the sight of scales shifting against the other side. The scales slid beneath the surface, their patterns shifting until an eye the size of her head opened. The pupil narrowed in the light of day, then focused on her.

"Merde."

When the ice shattered, she felt thick coils wrap around her body as she was dragged into the cold depths below.

The temperature in the house was dropping, and Beth wondered if it would get cold enough to need a fire in the fireplace. The house relied on hot water registers down by the floor, but without Naia or her spring, there would be no way to heat the whole house.

When Beth stepped into the kitchen, there was a noticeable chill in the air. The cupboards were all open as if someone had gone rummaging through them, and the basement door was closed. She closed all of the cupboards, then rubbed at her arms. The hair on the back of her neck was standing up, and she didn't know why.

"Hey." Lily stepped into the kitchen from the dining room and hopped up to sit on the counter with her legs crossed.

"Well? Is she okay?" Beth had asked Lily to check on Tink, seeing as dreams were her domain.

Lily nodded. "It's a sleep spell. She's currently trapped in a dream, but a far better one now that I've made a few tweaks. You would be absolutely astonished at the shit inside that goblin's head. It's like MC Escher got drunk with the Marquis de Sade! Anyway, it's not something I can easily break, which is worrisome. The process itself could hurt her."

Beth sighed. At least Tink would get better, whatever the problem was. She rubbed her arms again. "It wasn't even this cold outside," she grumbled. "How the fuck is it so cold in here?"

"I have one idea." Lily pointed at the door to the basement, which was now open. Beth inhaled sharply at the realization that the door had opened itself. "Maybe whatever got out of the Vault is sapping the energy out of here? Exorcist Barbie does a similar trick before she manifests, right?"

"I guess, but—Tick Tock!" Beth ran over to the kitchen table and picked up the large backpack that was sitting in a chair. She was relieved that the mimic had made the transition with them.

"Hey there, little clock." Lily approached and playfully tugged at one of the zippers. When she let go, the zipper undid itself, making the flap look like a grinning mouth. "You still carrying precious cargo?"

"Let me check," Beth said, then stuck her hand into the bag. Her fingers closed on the edge of the Grimoire and she let out a sigh of relief. "Go ahead and keep it," she said, then zipped the bag shut. She slid the bag onto her shoulders and the straps adjusted themselves.

"Looks like he's got a crush on you," Lily teased. "Maybe you can introduce him to that suitcase you've got. Do you think magic luggage likes to fuck? Instead of tops and bottoms, they could be ins and outs."

Beth ignored Lily, but her cheeks burned with embarrassment. Maybe it was time to store her collection somewhere else since everyone seemed to know about it. Not that she had even really looked at it since moving in. Her monster infatuation was currently well fed.

At the top of the stairs, an icy gust of air blasted her hair away from her face. She covered her eyes and closed the door.

"Guess I'm getting my coat," she told Lily, then ran to her room to get it. When she came back, Lily was wearing a colander on her head and holding a spatula.

"What are you doing?" Beth asked.

"Isn't this what you wear to fight the monster in the basement?" Lily stuck out her tongue, and Beth laughed. It helped lighten her mood immensely, and she pulled out her phone to snap a picture. Maybe she would make a photo book of how fucked up her week had been and look at it fondly while being absolutely tanked on wine.

They opened the door and stared at the looming darkness. The bottom of the stairs wasn't visible, so Beth went to get a flashlight from the kitchen. When she returned, she clicked the light on and sighed.

"I don't remember this many steps," she said.

"Nope." Lily looked at Beth, then took the colander off her head and threw it down the stairs. They could hear the colander crashing against the concrete steps for quite some time before it finally went quiet.

"I hate this." Beth started down the stairs, but Lily grabbed her by the shoulder and stepped ahead.

"I can take a punch far better than you can." She winked at Beth. "And a bullet, a knife, a back-handed compliment..."

Beth playfully kicked at the succubus, and then the two of them started their descent. The house wall, which usually terminated only a couple of feet down, continued onward as if it had been stretched out to accommodate the new length of the stairs. After they had gone down for a minute, Beth turned to look back and frowned at how tiny the basement door looked.

"We're gonna have to climb back up these stairs," she mentioned. "At what point do we decide this is a bad idea?"

"When something tries to eat us."

"That's not very funny," Beth replied.

"And I'm not laughing." Lily looked over her shoulder. "Can you feel that shift in pressure? That's nothing friendly."

Beth shivered. Maybe she should have brought someone else with them, but who?

"Also keep in mind that Tink was down here unconscious. Kisa brought her back not that long ago, so this is new. If something is putting together a trap for us, it's probably tired."

"It almost sounds like you're trying to make me feel better."

"Is it working?"

Beth nodded. "A bit."

"Good." They kept going for a few more minutes before something shiny reflected the light from the flashlight. It was the colander, now covered in dents.

"Well, at least Sofia can make us pasta when she gets back," Beth quipped. "Maybe if you're good, I'll convince her to make you some devil's food cake."

"Now you're trying to make me feel better." Lily picked up the colander and studied it.

"Is it working?" Beth asked.

Lily shrugged. "I haven't decided yet." She threw the colander down into the darkness and then put her hands on her hips. After several seconds of metallic clattering, it stopped once more.

"How far do you think that was?" Beth asked.

"Too far." Lily started walking again, and Beth followed. After several more minutes, they eventually found the colander on the stairs again. This time, Beth picked it up.

"I'm starting to think that going any further is a bad idea," she said, then turned her gaze toward the top of the stairs. The tiny square of light up at the kitchen was barely visible.

"What's eighty-two minus thirteen?" Lily asked, her face suddenly frantic. She grabbed onto Beth's arms. "Quick, it's important!"

"What? I—" Beth concentrated on trying to do the math in her head, then screamed when Lily pushed her backwards. Terrified, she tried to catch herself against the wall but stumbled and fell.

Tick Tock broke her fall, but the wind was knocked out of her lungs when she found herself lying on the cold, hard floor of the basement. Gasping for air, she rolled over and coughed a few times. Her breath turned into fog with each exhale.

"What the hell did you just do?" she asked, then turned toward the stairs. Lily had her arms crossed and stood on the bottom step.

"So, if I did that correctly, you should be in the basement." A look of concern crossed Lily's face. "If not...I'm really sorry."

"Of course, I'm in the basement." Beth shined the light in Lily's face. The beam also illuminated the stairwell, which now appeared normal. "How did you know that would work?"

"Beth?" Lily winced without recognition, then took a step forward. She vanished and reappeared at the top of the stairs. "Romeo is going to be so pissed at me if I accidentally killed you."

Puzzled, Beth waited for Lily to descend the stairs, then watched as she vanished and reappeared up top again. When Lily made it down to the last step this time, Beth reached out and grabbed her by the arm, then pulled.

There was a soft pop as Lily stepped onto the basement floor. She smiled when she saw Beth.

"Explain." Beth held the light in Lily's face, causing her to squint.

"Both times we threw the colander, we found it two-hundred and fifty-six steps later. I started counting when we started, demons are good at stuff like that." Lily gestured at the steps. "The odds that it would do that twice were exceedingly small. Why stop at all? I threw it way harder the second time. The house does weird shit, but an infinite stairwell? It's way easier to manipulate the space you're given, but even that has limits. Just some illusion magic coupled with reality warping."

"The math problem was to distract me?"

"Uses a different part of the brain, which weakens the illusion's hold. When I pushed you back, you were looking at me and the doorway. It couldn't teleport you up top, and it couldn't alter the doorway, so you fell out of the loop." A smoking jacket and a pipe appeared on Lily, and she took a deep puff and blew out a smoke ring. "Elementary magic theory."

"You didn't look too sure of yourself after I fell," Beth said in an angry tone.

Lily shrugged. "I would have kissed your boo-boos."

"I'm asking Sofia to make you angel food cake."

"Ooh, hurt me more." Lily's coat disappeared, but she kept the pipe. "Whatever will I do if I'm forced to eat a fucking cake?"

"We'll sing you Happy Birthday," Beth continued. "And add all those stupid fucking verses at the end."

"Ugh, fine, I'm sorry." Lily tossed the pipe into the shadows, where it disappeared in a puff of smoke. "Anything but listening to Happy Birthday fan-fiction."

Beth took a moment to survey the basement with her flashlight. There were dark stains on the walls and floors, and frost had formed around the doorway to the Vault. Along the opposite side of the room, the mysterious scarab room appeared empty.

It took her a moment to realize that the dark stains were actually moving. The one closest to her shifted toward her feet, but then shrank away when Lily's tail took a stab at it.

"Probably shouldn't touch those," Lily said. "Give you an STD."

Beth mulled over the acronym. "Shadow transmitted disease?"

"And they say lawyers are dumb." Lily chased the shadows away with her tail, then stood before the door of the Vault. "So enlighten me, I've never come down here. This is supposed to close up?"

"Yeah. You draw a chalk outline to open the door, then it just vanishes when you close it."

"Looks like your magic door is out of power." Lily tried to pull it shut, but it didn't seal. She pushed the door back open and peered inside. "Okay, yeah, this place is terrible. It's like a clearance-sale for cursed objects."

"You can sense them?"

Lily smirked. "More like I can feel them hiding from me. Most of what's in here know better than to tangle with a soul-eating demon. Some stuff is just dangerous to have. For example, do you see that folding fan over there?"

Beth leaned in to the doorway and pointed her flashlight. It settled on a decorative fan with a picture of a Japanese man painting on a blank canvas.

"What's that do?" she asked.

"It steals faces." Lily summoned a fan of her own, then waved it over her face. Her head was now featureless, with only a pair of holes for breathing.

"Who the fuck invents a fan that does that?" Beth asked.

Lily snapped the fan shut and her face reappeared. "It wasn't meant to. You ever see those mask-changing acts? Was supposed to do that, but the enchantment broke. Now it only takes."

"You can tell all that from here? How?"

"I recognize it. When you are chained to the world's most knowledgeable bastard, you hear about these things. Even handling it could cause you to accidentally suck your own face right off. I bet a lot of stuff in here is like that. Too dangerous to let out, but no safe way to dispose of it."

Beth frowned. If there was this much stuff down here, how would they keep the house safe until the Vault could be closed?

"So what do you think is missing?" Lily asked. "I'm guessing something escaped."

"The only person who might know is—" Beth groaned. "It's Tink. She came down here because I bet she suspected that the Vault was open."

"And she's the only one who would know what got out. Clever." Lily looked around the room. "Do you think we could ask Jenny?"

"Good luck getting her to come down here. She hates this place." Beth raised the beam of light to Jenny's former prison and paused. "Ratu wanted me to keep that thing safe," she said, indicating the vial. "I should probably get it out."

"Allow me." Lily walked through the room, shrinking her body down to fit between the overstuffed shelves. Once on the other side of the room, she opened the glass case and pulled out the vial. "This your demon spunk?" she asked.

"If that's what we're calling it, then yes." Beth heard whispering in her ear. She looked over at the corner where the painting was stored. It had been tilted toward the door, and the cloth covering had come partially undone. "Ugh, no thanks."

Lily chuckled and tucked the vial into her cleavage. "I think the locals are getting restless. Maybe we should—"

There was a ripping sound, and the air behind Lily turned black. Dozens of shadowy hands wrapped around her and pulled, causing her to vanish into the void.

"Lily!" Beth took a step into the Vault and stalled. The whispering was even louder now, and she froze in place as several objects in the room started moving. A creepy Elvis bobblehead doll rotated to look at her, and she jumped when a rocking chair slid toward her from across the room.

"Lily, where are you?" Beth shined the beam around. The whispering was grating at her nerves now, and she could hear Lily's voice echoing from different corners of the room. It sounded like she was fighting with something.

There was a rasping noise behind her of metal on metal, and Beth's gut filled with ice. She turned to see a fencing foil slide across the shelves and then hover in the air. It rotated in place, then shot across the room at her.

She threw herself back and out of the Vault. The foil shot through the air and bounced off the far wall of the basement. It clattered to the floor, then lifted itself up again.

"Lily?!?" Beth looked at the stairs. If she ran up them, would she get caught in the loop again? If the sword chased her, her miserable last minutes would be spent running up an infinite number of stairs.

The sword came at her again, and she dodged to the side. This time, her foot landed in one of the shifting shadows, and she sank up to her shin.

"Oh, fucking hell!" She tried to pull her leg out, but a spectral hand came with it. The other shadows now moved toward her, and she saw the sword coming her way again.

Tick Tock shifted violently, and then a pair of metallic arms swatted the sword out of the way. Beth said a silent prayer and tried again to free herself. The whispers from the painting were making her teeth itch. There was a loud thud, followed by the same tearing noise, and Lily's legs now dangled from the ceiling up above.

"Fuck you!" shouted Lily before her legs were slurped back up like spaghetti.

"Lily, I'm being eaten by the floor!" Beth saw that another shadow was coming close. Her leg was going numb below the knee.

There was a loud thud, and then Lily's head appeared from a nearby wall. Her eyes were bright yellow, and her horns were covered in black blood. "Then you should offer to pay for dinner," she hollered. Several hands grabbed her by the hair and horns and yanked her back into the wall.