All Comments on 'Hot Sister'

The story is pure rotten, being wrecked by the extreme over use of "..." such that reading is an eye sore. It would be a far smaller size by removing the above mentioned junk. Shows an author who failed school.

How did you know? Well, you're not totally right, but I did flunk Senior English. Still graduated though somehow. But never did learn how to properly use those uh ... whatever they're called.

Trace, I again think you've written an excellent story. Anonymous that was bitching about the use of quotation marks is either a retired english teacher who forgot he/she isn't grading the writing or just plain an asshole who is reading your literotica for the wrong reason. I loved it!! Dick

Retired school teacher makes a lot of sense - probably the English teacher that flunked me in my Senior year.

This WAS a pretty good story. Just enough tension to hold the reader's attention. And, while the author does use the ELIPSIS a little more than usual, the rest of the story was well constructed and grammatically clean. I was certainly not distracted from a pretty good read.

And now, for all you "Anonymouses" out there who nit pick on this or that grammatical or spelling faux pas, just remember that most of these stories are written by people with NO prior experience with expository writing beyond the last assignment they had in High School. They write them because they have a story inside them just clamoring to be written, and they do it in spite of their lack of experience. I can tell you that the reason I have only one story under my belt is because writing these things is hard work and it takes FOREVER to proofread and edit them. And if you were to read my story, you would, in spite of my best efforts, probably find something to complain about. So go easy if the writing is not Pulitzer Prize quality.

So that's what she was trying to tell me when she put that 'F' on my final exam paper. I'll bet I was using too many of those things back then. And to think that for all of these years I never realized that all she was trying to do was help me. Well, I'll sure be more careful from now on. Elipsis you say they're called?

So proofreading and editing are hard work? Well, that comes with the territory. If you're not up on writing rules, get an editor. I've seen many people say : " This is a porn site, grammar don't matter " It is still writing and very much does matter. Good writing is both an art and craft. Failure to follow these rules cheat both the writer and reader. As we've all seen, errors can make a story hard to impossible to read. We don't expect Pulitzer writers here, true enough. But I think an author should take care, or enlist help, to write a good story. (...ellipsis) :) No offense meant XXX :)

So, Donnie and Jen grew up together as brother and sister, but they really aren't. Is having sex really incest, or not? By law, probably; by blood, how could it be? How would a court decide? Probably depends on how sympathetic the judge is. Of course, I don't think any sex is anything but sex, and that is simply "doin' what comes natcherly" as the old song says. Incest is simply something priests and other politicians invented to gain power over the people.

Sorry, I forgot to add, A Great Story.

I'm not an English teacher.

Just a guy reading a good story.

So if any grammar was wrong I didn't notice

But I did enjoy reading it

Keep up the good work

Seems like mom might want to get in on the action as well. Why else would she not be as concerned about her daughter sleeping with her step-son, even if he was not biologically related to her daughter. Of course he also is not biologically related to her as well.

If Mom and Dad were still married, or they were still living in the same house, then it would be incest by affinity. However, since Mom and Dad are now divorced and the two have been separated to different houses the overwhelming majority of courts do not view them as related any longer. There MAY be one or two that would, but none that I am aware of.

As far as I am aware, adoption is the only affinitive relationship that is not considered dissolvable by the courts for the most part. However, if Jennifer had been adopted by "Daddy" and vice versa, they MAY could have filed a proceeding not unlike a divorce to rescind the adoption. (Rather frightening thought, isn't it? Divorce Dad so he can be your father in law.)

The court of public opinion, though, and not to mention the feelings of the two principals who apparently watched each other grow up, would still view them as brother and sister although neither genetics or affinity would mark them so under the letter of the law now.

Have to say, I really, really enjoyed it. Thumbs up! (and sliding down... and back up... and sliding down...)

It was gearing up to be a good read, until Mom dropped the bomb that they're not really brother and sister. After that it's just not really an incest story anymore, to me anyway. That being said, it is well written. Definitely better than a lot of the garbage submitted here. So even though it's not my personal taste, well done Sir/Ma'am.

Great concept with a nice twist, I thought. I like that you've got all the elements/suspense of an incest story, and continue that suspense by keeping Donnie out of the loop, but reconcile their feelings with the mother/daughter/phone plot device.

The pace of the story was great, except during some of the dialogue with the over use of the ellipsis. Perhaps you can incorporate more dashes, colons and semicolons to change the pacing of your dialogue; used appropriately they could give you those breaks without overusing the incomplete thought pauses, signaled by the ellipsis.

http://writing.wisc.edu/Handbook/

If Mom was not concerned how about Mom & Dad reconciling and having one hell of a foursome...just think of the combinations~!

I really did enjoy this one. Please keep writing more stories, even some about real incest! Still, I loved it!

I loved how she let him think it was incest until after they Fucked and then told him they aren't related great story keep writing you have real talent for this site unlike most people on here

Unbuttoned and/or see-through tops with panties flitting in and out of view; friends and/or cousins serving as eager witnesses, heightening the taboo aspect while also providing perfect fodder for the female lead's seduction games; the volleyballing back and forth between the two horny but timid leads with their incessant bouts of "I want to, if you want me to...."; the stripping down in front of those friends and cousins and rubbing against their bodies as a means of testing and expanding the exhibitionist waters.

I really don't notice too many ellipses, either. An occasional ellipsis here and there is not only absolutely fine, it helps to add tension. They work great with hesitant dialogue, in which the character is stunned, or trying to be provocative, or only just becoming aware of something, etc.

If I were to make any suggestions, I would like to see you break free of the rigid mold you use in every story. Perhaps you might take one of these things a bit further before calling it quits. Maybe you could have the female avoid following the exact same seduction pattern every time, and actually let her blossom. With all the near-naked flirting she does with the male lead's friends and cousins, it would make sense that she and they would eventually succumb to temptation and go for it, and if it happened to be with her brother right there watching, or even joining in, all the better.

Lastly, I would love to see you return to the one key character you utilize in a couple of your stories: the "foil", i.e., the trusted friend or mother to whom the lead female tells her story, as a means of narrative exposition. You introduce this person only to abandon her, never to return. This was particularly abrupt in the "Just Turned 18" series, and I fear it will be the same here. Now that the mom is involved, I want her to remain involved. She's an interesting character. Give us more revelatory interaction between her and her daughter, and possibly the son, too. She's like a mirror to her daughter's awakening. She's involved now, so let us enjoy her.

Otherwise, again, I love your taste in the sexy tease.

Your dialogue makes your characters sound like insipid morons. It was annoying trying to read this because it was so unoriginal and boring.

All dialogue does not have to be eloquent and precise. The style that was used was crude and "gapped" for a purpose to retain astonishment and a sense of uncertainty that comes in an unexpected "once in a life time dream like scenerio" that this seems to be. Yeah, we all expect the characters to be suave in these stories but to have it represent a more truer respect to actual life instances, this dialogue is perfect.

I have been in some odd sexual situations like this (not w/sister) and I did not sound too far off from this. One of these days I will have to write and share them on here.

really nice story!!! porn directors should make a movie out of this story

This was fucking hot

Well Crafted!!!

That was perfect, very well done

OMG!! That was epic! Very well written :)

Well executed story, a bit far-fetched, but in keeping with the genre. I'm not so sure if this would fly in real life, but it is very apropos for stories like this one.!!!!

I loved the story, especially the first part with the towel but I kind of wish the thing about them not being related after all had been the mother tricking them both. Maybe it's just me but it would have made for a great double twist.

enough said

I didn't like her playing with other guys and bro allowing it. recipe for cheating later...showed there was ZERO true love in this story...

Close to a ' 5 '. Great story loved it. Thanks.

Very nice story!

Loved it especially the hot conclusion. So where do they go from here? I would like to read some more about the parents reaction, do they stay as a couple? Are there babies soon. What do his buddies think about them being together? So much more to enjoy yet if you feel up to writing it I will read and enjoy. Thanks.