How to Punish a Vindictive Boss

"Are you sure you don't want me to see if I can straighten out your evil boss for ya?"

"Ha!" Tessie laughed out loud. "You really are the best friend in the world. No, but seriously, though, I'd really better get back to the office. Don't wanna be late for my presentation."

"Okay." Plates empty, Sandy stood with her, gurgle-sucked the last of the milkshake through the straw, and they returned their trays. "Oh! Y'know what? Let me walk you out to your car. I just thought of one more thing I wanted to tell you."

"A'right, sure," Tess agreed as they passed through the automatic door. "What's that?"

"Well! If by chance you do have a sec to spare, I think you oughta stop by the ol' doughnut shop. There's one right around the corner from your office, isn't there? Unless on the off chance your 'presentees' are diabetics, it's a nice gesture, and it can't possibly hurt. Doesn't have to be an out-and-out bribe or anything. Just saying, everyone likes doughnuts. Unless you're a damn robot."

"Hm," Tess chuckled. "Now why didn't I think of that?"

"Oh, no worries," Sandy waved it off. "I do know a little something about psychology, y'know.

"Okay, sweetie, gimme a good hug...and only the absolute best of luck to ya today. I know you're gonna do great! Make me proud!"

***

Detour

Thursday, July 23rd, 2015, 1:48 p.m.

Fifteen minutes, eight assorted doughnuts, two croissants and two crullers later, Tess returned to work. She had her presentation mapped out in her mind, and practiced in her car on the way back. Her heart was beating just a little harder through the door, hastening her way to her cube. Now, there was something she needed to do right after lunch. What was it again...

Ah! She needed to print out her weekly report. Luckily, this would only take a minute. She sent the command from her computer and trotted to the other end of the office to retrieve it. She checked the clock. Almost 1:50. She had twenty-five minutes until she'd get the shot at her fifteen of glory. All she could do was sit, wait, and go over her outline. Sit, wait, and go over her...her...

Rrrrrrrruuuuurrrrrmmmmble...

Tess placed a hand over her stomach and gulped. Oh, dear. Something else was taking control of her faculties right at the moment, and it wouldn't wait. Apparently, the roughage in that greens salad was more effective than she'd anticipated.

Crap. Literally. This wouldn't be pretty or pleasant, but it had to be done. She'd quickly go over the report while on the throne, and as long as she could make it back by 2:15, she'd be okay. She broke into a gait for the ladies'.

***

Surfing With Sharks

Thursday, July 23rd, 2015, 2:10 p.m.

A very relieved and enthusiastic Tessie McGilles shook her hands dry, report tucked under her armpit, as she hurried back with five minutes to spare. Just enough time to sit down, calm herself, catch her breath, and give her presentation a final once-over, she thought as she reached her cubicle divider and rounded its corner. Just enough time. Just enough...

...Wait a second.

Something...was wrong here.

She took a second to look and see that, yes, this was indeed her cubicle. Those were her files, that was her nameplate, that was her computer, and that was certainly her purse. But, in comparison to the state of her desk once she'd left it, it now seemed somehow...

...Emptier?

She pinpointed what was amiss, and panic seized her.

My...my presentation!!

Gone.

It was gone! The entire folder—the outline, proposals, recommendations, everything, the whole kit and caboodle—all her hard work built up over the previous week—had vanished!

And...and, yes, so had the doughnuts! The doughnuts were gone too!

Imaginably, Tess couldn't believe it. Less than five minutes until she was to show her stuff, and she had nothing! Where did it go?!

She had no idea what to do. She couldn't very well shout at the top of her lungs, disrupting her colleagues out of their wits. She couldn't just freak out, leaping all over the walls, cubes and furniture. She had to remain calm. Yes, calm. That's it, calm. But...but...

...HOW?!!

This was unreal. Inanimate objects did not just get up and walk away. Tess was not crazy. She would not absentmindedly take this vitally important set of documents—not to mention her snacks for the bosses—place them somewhere else for any reason, and just forget about them. The only remaining possibility made her stomach lurch. Someone had stolen them.

Somebody else in the office had nabbed the opportunity, while she was answering nature's secondary call, to take her materials, right off her desk—and the doughnuts—and abscond with them. Who?? Who would do such a thing? Who stood to gain from taki—

Tessie's blood froze.

There was only one person in this office she could possibly presume to stoop so low. It took her all of five seconds. Tess made a prompt, deliberate beeline to her office, only to find it empty.

Oh, what's this? The coward's way out?? Huh! Just the sort of craven behavior I'd expect from such a little...

She let silence take over. Once it would allow, she detected a faint murmuring coming from the far end of the office. The adjacent office, where the presentations were taking place, occupied the other side. Panicked but curious, Tess approached the door connecting the two. Each step carried an extra small dose of trepidation. One part of her thought she already knew what was going on. The other part didn't want to find out, for fear that the first part would be right. She wanted to know, and also didn't. Finally, she reached the door, as the muffled speaking behind it grew more audible. She took a breath, braced herself, brushed her hair behind her ear, and pressed it against the door. A medium-pitched, high-timbred female voice.

"...And so in summary, ladies and gentlemen, through the...eh...ah, yes—the liquidation of our outstanding assets, combined with a close eye glued firmly to the bottom line..."

Tessie's mouth slowly descended open in confirmed horror. This was, indeed, the closing statement of her presentation! It had been given—the whole thing had been presented—by someone else! Tess was beyond incredulous. She could see her career passing before her furious eyes. Her hands clenched into ired fists. Her body began to twitch and quiver with rage. If she concentrated, she thought she could recognize the voice delivering her final words, but there was no focusing on such trivialities. What did it matter who had done this, so long as it had been done?? After this much, it proved difficult to hear any more, what with the smoke pluming from her ears. She started having forward-flashes of being sent to prison for murder.

"...And of course, possibly the most important ingredient of all—an uplifting, hundred-percent positive workplace environment—I believe we can parlay our efforts and determination into the best J.D. & Associates we can be—if not better. Thank you."

A moment of silence ensued, followed by zealous applause. They liked it. They really liked it! It was too much. Tess couldn't let this happen. She had to do something. She had to defend herself, exposing this impostor for the fraud she was. She reached for the knob.

But...what would she say? What would the company superiors think? How would they react to such a situation: a crazed employee bursting into the office a full sixty seconds before her scheduled appointment time, claiming with delirious abandon that the presentation which had just been given was in fact hers? Would she, would Tess herself believe it in their shoes?

Still, she had to do something. This was plain wrong, and she had to set it right.

But before she could grasp the doorknob, it turned on its own. The door opened outwards toward her, and Tessie was obliged to remove herself from its path so as not to get bonked in the nose. She heard the horrific sound of the wild applause dying down, as the culprits exited the room. The revelation set Tess' eyes on fire, even though she had already deduced this much.

Paige...

But not alone. When Tess first caught the voice from outside the door, she knew it wasn't Paige's. She didn't know who was speaking her words, until the owner of the voice too emerged.

Demmy. Paige's niece.

Tessie pieced it together in the moment it took for both parties to register. So it had been Demmy delivering her speech and ideas these last fifteen minutes...which, as she thought about it, made inexorable sense. Paige was department head, but Demmy was one of Tess' peers. This series of presentations was as much opportunity for Demmy to rise up the corporate ladder as was for Tess. Oh, this was even more dastardly than she'd thought. Any final vestiges of sanity were melted down by the white heat of her wrath.

"You!" Tess pointed her index finger. Given the surroundings, this was the most tactful finger to utilize.

Seeing her shocked into such wild anger gave Paige evil relish. She smiled sweetly.

"Why, Miss McGilles!" Paige chirped, palms together with glee. "What a lovely surprise! To what do we owe this delightful honor?"

Astonishing. Unbelievable as it seemed, Tess had actually underestimated Paige. She had been foolish enough to give her boss credit for being professional, for playing by the rules, as it were. She could now see just how vilely unscrupulous her boss really was. Unbeknownst to her, however, Demmy was a bit taken aback. She wasn't aware of all of the circumstances here.

"You know gosh-darned well, you...!" Tess snarled through her teeth, not looking to draw unwanted attention, or put a stain on her record by popping off to the boss lady—more than justified though she was. She did, however, want everyone to know that—

"You stole my presentation!"

Demmy's face clouded in confusion. "What?" she asked, turning to Paige. Her aunt leaned down and lowered her voice.

"It's Miss McGilles, sweetheart," Paige explained. "You remember how I told you, she's a bit, eh..."

She raised her eyebrows and traced a circle around her ear with her finger. Demmy nodded in sudden realization.

"Ohhh..."

"Go back to your desk, dear," Paige told her niece. "I'll be along to talk to you some more in a bit."

"Okay, Aunt Paige. Thanks so much for all the help!"

"Ah, kids," Paige noted as Demmy ran along. "Bright future ahead of her, that girl's got. Well! If you'll excuse me..."

Paige whirled 180° from her and started back on her merry way. Tess, however, was not so keen to excuse her just yet. She stalked after, pursued Paige into her office and slammed the door behind her. As she may have suspected under normal circumstances, the noise caught the startled attention of several office-mates. Just sitting back down at her desk, Paige looked up to see her.

"...Won't you come in," Paige invited matter-of-factly. "Would you like to have a seat?"

Understandably still angry as ever, Tess forwent the seat and stomped in on her.

"I want a word with you right now!"

Paige merely blinked at her, unnervingly calm.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but is it not about time for your, eh...presentation, Miss McGilles?..."

That was more than all the fuel Tess needed. She launched directly into her tirade. She hadn't prepared this as she had her presentation, but she was prepared to wing the hell out of it.

"How dare you?!" she yelled. "Who do you think you are?!"

Paige arched her eyebrows, not fazed in the slightest.

"...Problem, Miss McGilles?"

"'Problem'?...'Problem'?? I'll give you a problem, you monster!!" Tess screamed. Her mind faintly warned her she was starting to cross lines here, that this was still her boss, but she paid no heed. As if someone pulled the string from her back, off she went.

"If I didn't know how morally bankrupt you were before, it's clear as day now, you...you-you chiseler! You despicable thief! You stole my presentation so your little niecey princess could give it and take credit for it! That is just the sleaziest thing—even for you! If you had any decency at all, you'd be ashamed of your disgusting self! And as if that wasn't bad enough, you made off with the treats I brought too?! Just to add insult to injury?! Just the icing on the doughnuts, you slimy...slime-ball?!! You make me sick! I hope you die, the slowest, most painful, torturous death humanly possible! Or—no! No, actually, I take that back! The most painful death possible for whatever lower form of life you are! I, want, you, dead!"

Halfway through her little rant, Paige had begun sitting back in her chair, idly rolling a pen between her fingers. She couldn't say she expected Tess to have no reaction whatsoever to this pilfering of her good work, but she wasn't about to let it intimidate her either. This was still her employee. A few moments after she stopped shouting, Paige answered her.

"...Just what is it you're trying to say, Miss McGilles?"

Tessie turned almost as red as the lava her blood had transformed into. She was ready to strangle her, but she had another idea first. She leaned down and slapped her palms on the surface of Paige's desk.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't report you to the labor union for this right now."

The relaxed Paige was all too ready.

"For but one," she began without missing so much as a beat, "The presentation has been placed in the capable hands of the company superiors, each and every detail of which is Demmy's as far as they are concerned, already putting any naysayers at a bit of a disadvantage in claiming ownership. For another, even if—hypothetically—it was yours, I'm afraid you'd have made the mistake of excluding your name from its contents, rendering your claim proofless. In simplified terms: your word against mine.

"This, henceforth, disadvantages you yet further, Miss McGilles. You see, our higher-ups recognize that Paige Kinsington has not attained her position with J.D. & Associates through dishonesty. I, as you may know, have built a reputation in this company; a reputation of diligence, perseverance and integrity. I head an entire department, and my seniority is well-established in our circle. I've been around far longer than the labor union. I trained half the labor union. The labor union eats from the palm of my hand."

Paige chose this moment to rise from her chair, meeting Tessie's scorned eyes. Her demeanor suddenly turned very hostile.

"Whereas you...Miss McGilles, remain a mere pawn in my queendom. Don't flatter yourself by imagining you have freedom. Inside this building, during these hours, I own your freedom. I tell you to run, and how quickly. To jump, and how high. To grovel, and how pitifully. Because otherwise, I can make things quite difficult for you. You think I've been a bear to work for to this point? You've seen nothing yet. Of course, if you wish to resign, then resign. At any point. That is the one decision that's yours to make. But I suggest you bear in mind that given the prestige of J.D. & Associates, future employers will contact me for reference."

She briefly paused for effect, deepening her voice for more ominosity.

"...And I've no qualms about seeing to it that you never work in the city of Juniper again."

It was now Paige's turn to conclude her speech, leading into a short staring contest. The office fell eerily silent. Finally, Paige backed off and sat down in her desk chair.

"But, then again, you only asked for one reason, now did you not?"

Tess didn't know what to do or say. She hadn't been aware of a lot of this. If these things were true, Paige really did seem to be holding the winning hand here. Tess wouldn't put it past her to fib, but adding the heinous act of lying to her accusations was serious. If she did report Paige, and falsely accused her of something, she could face dire consequences. This conversation had brought her a long way back to rational thinking. She began to restrict herself to the mantra of, Better safe than sorry...

But...what are we going to do, just let her get away with this??

Several more moments of silence passed as Tess weighed her thoughts. Suddenly, her boss raised her head to glare at her.

"What are you staring at?" Paige asked her coldly.

Tess opened her mouth, but this time no words found their way out.

"I...I-I..."

Paige narrowed her eyes to slits.

"That's what I thought," she snarled.

"Get the hell back to work."

***

It Just Takes A Beat To Turn It Around

Thursday, July 23rd, 2015, 5:42 p.m.

"Hello, this is the lovely Mrs. Sandra Burton speaking. What can I do for you on this glorious day?"

"Enough with the small talk, Sandy. It's me."

"Tesser! Long time no nothin'! How ya been in five hours?"

"Beyond hell and back. Sandy, I totally changed my mind. Y'know that offer of yours? I'm taking you up on it. Torture my boss."

"...Heh?"

"You heard me. I want her evil ass dead, but I realize that's asking a little much. I just want her taken down a few hundred pegs."

"I see...um, Tess, just out of my own curiosity...what happened? Your presentation didn't go so great?"

"Oh, nooooo! Oh, no, Sandy, it went just Jim-freaking-DAN-dy!"

"...Then...why do I feel I've missed something significant here?"

"Sandy, are you sitting down?"

"...IIIII...am now."

"Sand, the witch stole my presentation while I was in the ladies' room so her little royal niece could give it herself."

"..."

"Sandy?...Did you hear what I just told you?"

"...Wwwwhoa."

"Uh-huh...yeah, then when I confronted her about it, and threatened to report her to the labor union, she rattled off this whole dissertation to me about how she's got them wrapped about her little finger, and basically convinced me that no matter what I do, she wins, I lose. So finally, when she gets me in a spot where I don't know what to say to her anymore, she snaps at me to—and I quote—'Get, the hell, back to work.'"

"Whew...well, I'll be a daughter of a bitch.

"Well, now, y'know, Tessie, I have been known to bring about a change of heart in your occasional stubbornhead. As you may be aware, I've got my methods; a few nice, persuasive tricks up my sleeve. But, babe, as much as I hate to sound like your Mommy...are you sure this is what you want? It could have its consequences."

"Sandy...the only thing I wanted was my chance to give that presentation. It was good. I believed in those ideas! I worked so gosh-damn hard! I really thought this would be my opportunity to make something of myself! I just...

"...Sandy, I have never...in my life...felt so betrayed."

"Oh, Tessie, sweetie, I...

"T—...Tessie?...Ar—...are you crying?"

"...Oh, God, I am...how embarrassing. A thirty-eight-year-old woman sobbing like an eight-year-old girl."