I Don't Know Where It's Been

"Dan, please don't do anything crazy. I'm on my way home, so that we can talk. Please, don't do anything until I get there," she said sounding a little distraught.

I don't really think smashing an answering machine is crazy. I figured the crime deserves the punishment. It said something I didn't want hear, in a voice I didn't want to hear it from, so I killed it. Okay, so maybe it was a little unreasonable, but they are cheaper then walls. Don't do anything crazy, I wonder what that means? Well, crazy or not, tired or not there was not going to be any sleep this kid tonight.

I went out into the garage, and found all the luggage she had bought over the years. I pulled out a matching large black case, and a garment bag, and set those aside, and took the rest up to the bedroom. I went over to her closet, picked out an arm load, and crammed it into one of the big bags. I did that a few more times, and then started in on the dresser. She had things in those drawers I haven't seen for years, and she told me I was a pack rat. But then what the hell do I know, she might have been wearing them for someone else. When I finished with the dresser, I went down, and got a couple of boxes for her shoes.

I moved everything down into the front room near the door. I went in, got a bottle of water, and went back to sit and stare at the pile. What now? For one second the thought of how nice it would be to go get some hotdogs, and marshmallows, and have me a nice little cookout, and while satisfying, there again I'd end up dealing with the local law enforcement, and her, and that I could do without. Well, I wasn't going to sit around waiting for her to get here so, on a whim I took off for the hardware store. I bought some new locks, and went home to install them. When I got there and saw the big pile in the front room I knew it couldn't stay there, and thinking along the lines I had been earlier, I loaded it all into my car, and started for her mom's house.

I backed into their driveway, got out, and started unloading it all next to the garage. I didn't want to make Greg work too hard, and I knew he'd be getting no help from his wife, and daughter. As the third case hit the ground, out came my dear, sweet mother-in-law.

"Hello Dan, what's all this?" she asked.

"Well, when Kate gets here she might want some clothes. I was going to let her bring them, but I didn't want to look at them sitting in the front room any more," I said.

"What do you mean, when Kate gets here? I thought she was still out of town, and why would she need them here?" she asked.

"Well Debra, I'm not sure where she's planning on living, but I thought she would be staying with you, until she figured it out. For all I know she might have already made arrangements to move in with the guy she's been having sex with, but I don't know that for sure, so I brought them here," I said watching her face turn pail.

"What on earth are you talking about? How can you stand there, and accuse my daughter of such a thing? She had to stay there because of her job. She most definitely is not cheating on you," she said getting close to being hysterical.

"Well, when last I saw the happy couple, they were celebrating their two month anniversary in a nightclub near their hotel. See, after almost begging her to come home for OUR anniversary and her going into tears saying how sorry she was that she couldn't get here for it, I hopped on a plane. When I got there they were already at dinner together. It looked pretty romantic, so I didn't want to disturb them in the middle of their meal. Besides, after I saw them kissing over the table I needed a seat. Then when they walked by me in the lobby, I suppose I could have said something then, but the way she looked at him, and whispered in his ear, I didn't have the heart to disturb them then either. Then all I needed was air, so I went out to stand by the curb just in time for them to come out, and head for a little nightclub a couple of doors down. While I was sitting at a table near them, I heard her tell him that there was no way she could leave him on their two month anniversary, only to hear him tell her that it should be their third month, and she shouldn't have played hard to get when he asked her out after the first week they met.'

"I finally figured that if I was going to get a flight out of there I was going to have to break in on their celebration. I tried to be as discrete as possible, but I really did need to get them something. So I downed the first drink I've had in ten years, actually ever since you told Kate my drinking was going to break up our marriage, and I gave her my wedding ring, and him a broken nose. I thought it was rather thoughtful of me to have gotten something for each of them. I think I liked his gift better, though. So, after she comes home and gives me another Oscar winning performance, and I throw her ass out the door, I'm sure she will be coming by for an extended visit," I said shocking her.

"None of this is true. How could say such things about your wife of eleven years?" she said sounding shocked.

"Don't ever call that woman my wife, again. Maybe you have to stand by her, she's your daughter, but I don't. I saw it all with my own eyes, and I've been there the last two months living a sexless, single existence, while she's out with this asshole from the moment he got to that company. That's some piece of work you raised. She has looked me in the eye for three months, and seemingly without a shred of guilt, lied to me every minute of every day of it. If you think I'm taking that back into my house, you are even crazier then she is.

"Anyway, what you choose to believe is your problem. As for me, I'm cutting my losses. She seemed pretty hung up on the guy, well he can have her. She won't have the problem of sneaking around trying to keep it a secret. After she's done trying to lie her way out of it, I'm sending her over here. You can see for yourself who's lying," I said dropping the last box on the ground. "Now, I've got to get back home. She didn't say when she'd be there, and I have already changed the locks. Wouldn't want her to have to stand around outside, would we?"

"I'm going right in to call her, and tell her what you've done. When she gets done with you, you will regret the day you were born," she said in a huff, stomping up into the house.

"Too late for that, if she answers tell her what you want, including that I'll be waiting to hear how she plans to talk her way out of it," I said, and got in my car.

I was expecting a call, after Debra's threat to call Kate, but it never came. After roaming aimlessly around the house for a couple of hours I went out to the little corner of our garage that I had turned into a work area. I puttered around doing nothing, until I heard the front door bell. After a quick dust off of the clothes, I went to the door. After I opened it I stepped back without a word, and let Kate walk in.

"You must have been in the garage, I tried knocking," she said as I shut the door, and followed her in.

"Ya, I was cleaning up a few things," I said.

"From the sounds of it, you've been doing a lot of cleaning. My mother called me a while ago. It sounds like you've pretty much made up your mind, about what to do with me," she said.

"You didn't leave me a whole hell of a lot of choices. What, did you think I'd be okay with you having a boyfriend?" I asked her.

"I guess I wasn't doing a lot of thinking. Not with my head, anyway," she said.

"Too bad, I've been doing nothing but. See, I haven't had anybody around to take my mind off things. You know, go to dinner with, go out to a club with, to sit in the dark, and whisper, and kiss. You know what I get; I get a woman that can lie to me while looking me right in the eye. She can sit here, and share my house, my food, and my life, and then go and be completely intimate with someone else. So ya, I think I've pretty much made up my mind," I said.

"Doesn't paint a very nice picture, does it? Are you really going to give up on eleven years together?" she asked.

"I don't recall being asked, and I didn't give up shit. You had my stupid ass believing everything was hunky dory. Did I miss something? Did you at some point ask me; Dan you don't mind if I start a relationship, not just fucking, but a relationship with someone besides you, do you? You would think I'd remember something like that. But then it really doesn't matter anymore, does it? Now you, and what's his name can feel free to go about your business, and not have to worry about me any more. No more hassles like juggling which anniversary to spend with whom. Hey the two of you can even carpool to work, that'll save you guys boat loads of time," I said walking over to a chair.

"You don't have to add all the sarcasm. I think I get the point," Kate said.

"Do you Kate? Do you get the point, because I don't really think you do? See, to you it was just cheating. Hell, you probably even figured out a way to justify it. For all I know, it was probably my fault. Was it Kate? Was it my fault that you fucked this guy?" I asked.

"No, I didn't blame you for it, it just happened," she said dropping her head.

"Bullshit. Fucking someone, for three months, other then your husband of eleven years isn't something that just happens, you have to work at it. Then you have to work to hide it so you can continue to do it. And let me tell you baby, you are damn good at your job. I fell for it all, hook, line, and sinker. I don't know how you two could have found the time to have sex; you must have been laughing your asses off, at what a fool you had made out of me. And that crying scene on the phone the other night, holly shit, you really need to consider a career change. That performance would have beat out the last three academy award winners, hands down," I said.

"We never once laughed at you. One time he tried to put you down, and I wouldn't speak to him for a week. And the crying wasn't a performance. I was so full of guilt I was crying for real. There you were just about begging me to come home, but I had already made a promise to stay, and I figured that after eleven years you wouldn't really mind me missing this one," she said looking away again.

"I can't tell you how much I appreciate you sticking up for me. Man and you didn't sleep with him for a whole week, wow. And I guess I wasn't even supposed to think about the little stunt you pulled three years ago, when I was doing something important, and you went into such hysterics, that I almost lost my job to come home to you. I am sorry for making you feel guilty though, but I noticed you were over it by the time I saw the two of you at dinner. The little intimacies the two of you were showing one another made it pretty clear that you were where you wanted to be, with the one you wanted to be with. I saw you walking across the lobby. I saw the way you were looking at him. Don't stand there and try telling me it doesn't mean anything to you. I saw you look at him Kate. Sorry to say it's been a long time since I've seen that look," I said.

"But..., but I don't love him," she said looking up at me.

"Well, now that you can spend more time with him, maybe that will change. Maybe the two of you can get a place together. Think of the fun we had when we were first starting out. It'll be a whole new adventure for you," I said.

"I guess I should have put that differently. What I meant to say was that I love you," she said.

I was pretty proud of myself, just the one short, little uncontrollable outburst of laughter, and I stopped. "I'm not really sure where that came from, but you sure as hell do NOT love me. If this is what you do to people you love, please God don't let me get on your bad side."

"How can you sit there, and think that after eleven years I don't love you?" she said.

"Okay Kate I see you're into questions too, so here's one for you. Knowing yourself as well as you do, you know how you would react to certain situations. Taking it from there; how do you think you would have reacted if you had found out I had slept with another woman, just once. Nothing long term, just the one time?" I asked.

"I probably would have thrown you out of the house, and already had the divorce papers drawn up," she whispered.

"Thanks for being honest. That's pretty much what I thought you would have done too. I kind of threw in, you tossing something at me, but who knows," I said.

"I probably would have," she said with a weak smile.

"Okay, now suppose that you found out that every day, for as near as I can figure three months, every bit of time I spent with you, and it was damn little, meant nothing to me. All I did was go through the motions, and make you think that everything between us was great, and then go to work, meet up with my lover, and spend the entire day with her. So does this give you the impression that I love you? After close to thirteen years, give me some credit Kate. Besides, like I said, now you two should be able to get closer, you know without all the sneaking around," I said matter of fact.

"You are making it sound like you don't even care. The time I spent with you meant a lot to me. I was not just going through motions, I enjoyed being with you," she said.

"When was the last time we had sex Kate? When was the last time you came up and started one of our five minute kisses? You could answer a question without having to the about who you were talking to. When was the last time you were my wife, Kate? Don't stand there declaring your love for me after what I saw, and heard. I may have been born at night, but it wasn't last night. Jesus, you were talking about him, to that old bag Marge, the second he walked into the office. Then you two sit there, and talk about getting the old bag a gift for getting you together. It sounds to me like you just found your next matron of honor, all you need is his best friend, and you guys are set," I said leaning back in the chair.

"So you are just like me after all. Should I be expecting the server at my door?" she asked.

"First you'll have to tell me where you are planning to be, but then no way, not a chance, you will not see some process person at your door handing you your divorce papers. I reserve that right for myself. I was there when we started, I'll be the one seeing that the last, I, is dotted, and the last, T, is crossed. You know me, if I didn't do it, it isn't right. I trusted one person completely Kate, and now you know, after all these years, why I never trusted the important things to anyone but me. Somehow the, I told you so thing, doesn't work so well when you have to say it to yourself," I said.

"It sounds like you spent a lot of time watching, and listening to us, why did you wait so long to break in on us? Were you getting off watching?" she asked, putting a little venom in her voice.

"When I saw the two of you kiss over that table in the restaurant it kind of took the wind out of me. Then when the two of you were strolling across the lobby, I was too shocked at the way you were looking at him, and when I got my bearings I kind of went into overload, and needed some air bad. As I was standing out in front of the hotel, the two of you pushed your way out of the door together, and started for a club my cabby had recommended, when I told him I was here for my anniversary, as being quiet, and intimate. I got there a little after the two of you, but there you have me. I'm not real sure what more I thought I needed. I had intended to just walk up, and beat the shit out of the guy. Instead, I found a table next to yours, and ordered a drink. I listened to you two for as long as I could, and when you toasted him to a long, and happy life together I had had all I could stomach.'

"I had to almost pull my finger off to get that damn ring off, but that drink burned my guts so bad I didn't really notice. Sometime you'll have to tell, what's his name, how close he came. When that asshole looked up at me like he was wondering what my problem was I came that close to grabbing that windpipe, and giving a quick twist. After a second of thought though, I knew you weren't worth the risk of spending the rest of my life in jail. You had made your choice when we talked earlier on the phone, and I decided that was fine by me. I have to admit I was pretty satisfied when I felt his nose crunch, but hell with your two combined incomes, he should be able to fix any permanent damage," I said.

"So that's it, case closed, get rid of Kate, and move on. You show up, see me with another man, don't break us up, but step in and break his nose when you don't want to watch any more. What is that supposed to show me?" she asked, standing there with her hands on her hips.

"I guess I didn't know I needed to show you anything. What I did, I did for me not you. Why would I fight for someone like you? Someone that respected me so little, that she thought treating me like that was something that I'd tolerate, or excuse. When I gave you that ring I thought I was making myself pretty clear, I'm done with you. I'm not putting anymore energy into something that, NOW, means so little to both of us. There's no way I'm going to forget, and forgive, and I can tell from the way acted before, and now that I haven't been very high on your list of important people, so ya, it's get rid of Kate, and move on. I don't presume to know how you thought this was going to end, but you messed up the bed, now you sleep in it," I said looking her square in the eye.

"So that's it. You just throw me out, and keep everything? Somehow, that seems like a poor deal, after eleven years," she said.

"It's always about a deal isn't it? Okay, here's the deal; you want the house, you pay for the house. Me, I want the house. I like it here. With all the extra room, I can finally make it into something I want. I just assumed you and asshole had a place lined up," I said.

"His name is Paul," she said.

"I don't give a fuck if his name is Eggbert, does he, or does he not have a place to live?" I said.

"Well, of course he does," she said.

"Well, there you go, problem solved," I said.

I waited for her to say something, and then it dawned on me.

"So, you don't think his wife will go for the arrangement I guess," I said watching her eyes.

"What, did you check up on him? How did you know he was married?" she said.

"Jesus, it's not a joke, you really do think I'm that fucking dumb. Why else would you be here Kate? So which is it? Is he not willing to get a divorce for you, or are you getting cold feet? I hope you weren't really thinking of trying to come back here with me," I said.

"I had given it some thought. I thought maybe after eleven years..."

I cut her off. "Think again. There is no us. That was your call. 'Here's to the best two months ever, and many more to come' Do you recall that line? It's like I told you earlier, when I gave you that ring, that was it. Don't give me this, after eleven years crap. Those eleven years meant nothing to you before, and they mean nothing to me now. So, I'll take those eleven years, and raise you a set of papers as soon as I can have them drawn up. The offer on the house stands as it is. If you don't want the house, feel free to come back, and take what you want. Most of it will be going to the Salvation Army as soon as I can get replacements on the way, anyway" I said.

"So you'll just move on without a second thought? Divorce me, and forget about me. Is that all there is to it?" she asked.

"You're not really trying to make me feel sorry for you, are you? Of course I'm not ever going to forget about someone I spent so much of my life with, but as far as remembering goes, it's going to take a long time to get the sight of the two of you together out of my mind. The thought of you sleeping in my bed after being with that piece of shit makes my stomach turn. Waking up, and getting that cheery greeting, and a little sunshine blown up my ass, day after day. There is nothing left for you here. I won't have someone I can't trust living under the same roof with me, and I will never trust you again. So what will it be? Do you want the house?" I asked.