I Hate You (Justin's Side)

His smile broadened. God I was so gone on him. That still didn't prepare me for what he said next. "I think we should start dating next semester."

Coffee spewed everywhere as I tried not to choke. I gasped a few times and stared at him. "What?"

He shrugged. "You know, girls, dating? I think we're becoming hermits. Maybe we need some more social outlets, you know?"

My world went from Technicolor to muted greys in the span of a few short words. It took everything I had not to cry; I'd been wrong, and it hurt like hell. I looked at my cup and shrugged. "Yeah, sure."

He draped his arm across my shoulders and gave me a quick hug. "It'll be great, Just. You'll see." Maybe for him; I was determined not to bother.

* * * * *

I had no idea what to do. I didn't want to move out, but I also knew I'd fuck up if I had to spend too much time around Bryan. I added another course when I got back; it put me in academic overload, but it also kept me too busy to think about Bryan. Ok, that wasn't true. I thought about Bryan constantly. One night in his arms; a basically platonic experience, at least on his part, and I just couldn't get it out of my head.

It didn't help that he just kept getting better looking. At times I almost hated him. He seemed to unconsciously do everything short of rubbing himself against me to keep me in a perpetual state of frustration. He was standing in front of his dresser, naked as usual, when I couldn't help but stop what I was doing and remember what he'd felt like. I wanted to take that long, soft, inviting meat that he kept on display and show him how much I appreciated the view. I was practically drooling over my need to taste it.

He caught me staring and he grinned at me. God I hated that; it was almost a "come hither" look. I wasn't his bitch; even if I wanted to be. I frowned. "Why do you do that?"

He looked bewildered. "Do what?"

Maybe I should have told him, but I chickened out. "Wander around nude all the time." I rolled over and tried to ignore his naked body.

I swear he sounded disappointed, or maybe a little hurt. "I didn't know it bothered you."

He didn't know it bothered me? Of course it didn't bother me; it drove me nuts. I spent half my time trying not to drop to my knees and worship him. I tried to toss the comment aside. "Did I say it bothered me? I was just curious."

"Never thought about it, really, you rather I keep the towel on?"

I shut my book and jerked off the bed. I was getting pissed "Why the fuck should I care what you wear, Bryan?" I grabbed my textbook and board. "I'm gonna hit the library." I got out the door before he could make matters worse. Little did I know that in a few hours it would get much worse.

Bryan came bursting into the room like the winner of the tri-state lottery. Behind him he was dragging a pretty girl from Campus Theater. Her name was Tina. I'd seen her a few times and she was a really good actress; she was also as good looking as Bryan. For a few moments, I was amused and caught up in Bryan's enthusiasm. "Justin, I got the part!"

"Which one, you only rehearsed a half dozen?"

"Romeo!" He stepped back and gestured to Tina. "This is Tina; she's Juliet."

I felt my stomach tighten and I knew I must have been turning green with envy. At that moment, I hated Tina. "You'll make a great pair."

"We're going to have to rehearse a lot; we've only got a month." He couldn't seem wait to get going.

Neither could I; I was feeling sick. I nodded and tucked my laptop into my backpack. "I've got some research. You guys can use the room."

His face fell. I knew he was excited and wanting to share; if I wasn't looking my primary rival in the face, I might have been able to share. Instead, I just rained on his parade and headed for the door. "Ok." I was almost out the door before he asked, "See you at dinner?"

I paused; his eyes were pleading. I guess I was being hard on him for things that weren't his fault. He'd still been the same Bryan I'd fallen for. He continued to treat me like gold, even when I actively put up barriers and made distance. I was shutting him out, and I didn't have the guts to tell him why. "Yeah, sure, I've got to eat anyway. Thanks."

He finally cornered me at dinner. "Ok, Justin, what gives? Last semester you didn't mind when I rehearsed in the room."

I frowned. "Well, last semester I wasn't taking twenty one credits."

He shrugged. "Granted, but that hurt when you just walked out like that. I thought you'd be happy for me."

Stabbing at my mashed potatoes, I sighed. "I am, but look at it from my point of view; Romeo & Juliet is a romance." I couldn't get more obvious than that.

"So?" He sounded genuinely confused; he couldn't possibly have been that clueless.

I couldn't face the idea that he couldn't see how I felt; I looked at him anyway, but it hurt. "It'd feel like I'm the third guy on a date, Bryan. I know it's just a play, but you guys are going to be declaring your love, kissing and stuff." I shrugged and looked at my plate again. He didn't get it; I could see that in his eyes. I lied. "It'd be too distracting."

"It's not like I'm dating Tina or anything, Just. It's just acting."

I shrugged; it didn't matter, and I saw no point in bringing it up now. "I know. Let's drop it, ok?"

He sighed and let it go. "Ok."

* * * * *

I gave them the space they needed. I know it bothered Bryan, but I just couldn't face it. I tried a couple times, but I could see the connection growing. The chemistry was almost explosive and I knew it was only a matter of time. I could see them, years from then, as one of the "hot couples" of the theater or Hollywood. Even so, I wasn't prepared for seeing it first hand.

Through it all, I kept fighting with the conflicted signals I got from Bryan. He would act like we were just friends, but every so often he would do something that said it was more. Those little things: the unexpected neck massages, the smiles and warm looks when he didn't think I was looking, they all kept my hope alive.

I was too caught up in what I was thinking to notice the odd sounds coming from the room as I unlocked the door and walked in. I just stood there, staring, as Bryan's sweat covered body flexed against Tina. I knew we weren't in that kind of relationship, but having it presented in no uncertain terms took the wind out of me. I couldn't even say anything as Bryan scrambled out of the bed. That only made it worse. I finally got to see what I'd been dreaming about for months; he was naked, flush, glistening with sweat, panting from exertion, and hard as a rock. I lost it.

Bryan grabbed my arm as I tried to run out the door. This time I wasn't going to be restrained. "Justin, wait!"

He flinched as I glared at him. He let go. I hissed at him through my tears before I slammed the door on our friendship. "I hate you." I don't think I've ever regretted anything so much as that in my whole life. I didn't hate him; I never could. That was what made it hurt so much more.

I don't know how long I wandered around aimlessly. I finally ended up at Jeff's room. He was my best friend after Bryan, and he knew all about how I felt. He'd warned me not to fall for a straight guy. He'd been there himself and had honestly tried to divert disaster. I hadn't listened. He held me as I cried myself out, and then suggested it might be best if I just spent the last few weeks before exams with him. His roommate had graduated in December, and he had the room to himself.

When I got back to the room, Bryan was sitting on his bed looking miserable; he hadn't even put on any clothes. I didn't say anything; I couldn't. I just pulled out a bag from under my bed and started putting some clothes in it. He stared at me. "What are you doing?"

I shrugged; I couldn't look at him. "Jeff said I could room with him till the end of the semester."

"Why?" He choked it out, and the pain in his voice forced me to look. He was crying, and it was contagious. "I thought we were friends."

All I felt was defeated. Even with all the pain he still didn't get it. "I guess that's all we were, Bryan. It's not your fault I thought it was more." I turned back to my bed and finished stuffing what I needed into the bag.

"Do you really hate me?"

It felt as if he'd slapped me. I couldn't even say it; it hurt too much to know that with everything that'd happened he just never saw me the way I was. I couldn't break my eyes from his as he stood up and crossed the gap between our beds. Just being that close to him had me trembling. His hands bracketed my face and he studied me for a few moments. It was as if he were looking at me for the first time. He bent down and kissed me.

I whimpered as he pulled back. My reality had just been turned upside down and I wasn't ready. "Bryan..." He put his finger to my lips. His eyes begged me not to end the moment. I didn't.

When he kissed me again, I gave way. I could feel him hardening between us and the way he kissed me was too real to deny. I didn't care if it was only for one night; I needed it. Then it happened. It was like a circuit had been thrown and suddenly we understood each other.

We didn't even do much more than some oral work and exploring each other with our hands before we blew. It was the most intense orgasm I'd ever had. I almost blacked out as I struggled to keep from screaming. Bryan followed me moments later, and I knew he wasn't acting. No one was that good an actor. I fell asleep, spooned against Bryan with his dripping need between my cheeks. My body trembled again, just before I fell asleep. I was where I was supposed to be, and my body knew it.

I woke like I had back in December, but this time Bryan's hard-on was wedged against my ass without my having to do anything. In fact, Bryan was slowly working his shaft back and forth with slow, small motions as he kissed my neck. I sighed as I pressed back against him. He was awake.

His movements stopped, but he held me tighter to him. "I'm sorry, Just. I'm sorry I kept you waiting so long."

"It's ok." I was smiling, but there was still a small pit in my stomach. "I love you, Bryan." I kept my eyes closed and prayed he wouldn't freak.

He didn't. His fingers brushed my chin and tilted me up so he could kiss me. "I know..." When I opened my eyes, he grinned at me. "I hate you too."

For a moment, the words jarred me, but then I realized what he meant. The words didn't matter; what mattered was what emotion they carried. I'd screamed them at him, but we both knew what I'd really meant. Through all the pain and frustration, I was still telling him I loved him. He finally understood. I smiled, and I knew we had a game we'd be playing for a long time. "You know what I'd hate?"

He nuzzled me again and I felt him flex against my ass. "No, but I'm hating this."

I sighed. "I'd hate it more if you were to finish what you've been doing all morning. I'd hate that a lot."

Bryan slowly pressed me down onto the mattress, his cock never leaving my cleft as his full weight settled onto my back. "You'd hate that huh?"

I bit my lip as he rocked against me. He was dripping so much that I knew we didn't need any lube. "Yeah," I gasped, "I'd really hate that."

Matt had proven I was a consummate bottom. It wasn't that I wouldn't top, but I just really got off having a man in me. Matt had been a bit longer than Bryan, but Bryan was thicker and had a nice size head. He rubbed himself against my hole, pressing in a little and pulling back. I was panting by the time he felt I was moist enough to venture in.

I gasped as my ring gripped around his shaft after he pressed in. Oh God he felt good. Bryan moaned. We didn't say anything else as he slowly claimed me. Honestly, I think we claimed each other. I had no idea how long he stayed above me, supported on his arms while he slowly slid in and out of me. All I knew was each stroke sent me further and further from the loneliness and frustration I'd been living with since December. When I came, I whimpered out his name before shuddering into the sheets. I must have really clamped down on Bryan because he didn't get more than three strokes further before he bent forward, shaking, and bit into my neck to muffle his cry.

Bryan sank down against me as his trembling subsided. I was deliriously sated. Then he did the only thing that could make the moment even better. He chewed softly on my ear and whispered, "God, I love you, Just."

We missed our morning classes. I didn't care. Bryan made love to me three times that morning. The wall was gone, and the warm looks and smiles he gave me meant so much more. That night, while lying in his arms, I asked him about Tina. He said he'd deal with it.

He did. I came face to face with Tina the next day between classes, and I didn't know what to do. She just leaned in, kissed me on the cheek, and said, "You two make such a great couple." We had dinner, and she explained how it had happened, and how guilty she felt. She was between boyfriends, but she honestly hadn't been after Bryan. Now that they both knew the state of things, she knew it would never happen again. Honestly, I believed her.

Over the week we discussed us, our dreams, and the fact that neither of us wanted to give up our relationship. I still couldn't believe Bryan loved me, but he said that looking back, he'd fallen in love when I'd plowed him down on my skateboard. He only asked me to do one thing; he hated my glasses. Lucky for him; I had contacts, I just never wore them. I called home and had Mom ship them to me. I planned to surprise Bryan for the opening night. As we got closer to the first performance, I got nervous. The one thing we hadn't discussed was whether or not we were going to be "out".

Bryan just smiled and hugged me when I asked. I wanted a definitive answer, but all he would say was, "Just let what happens, happen."

* * * * *

I had to blink though the tears as I watched Bryan and Tina take their bows. Part of the reason was I wasn't used to the contacts; the other was that the performance really was that good. They had such a connection on stage that to anyone watching it the romance went further than the roles. Of course, only a week ago I believed that too. Seeing his eyes immediately search for me the moment the curtain was down and Tina had danced off to the dressing room made it clear that was not the case. Tina and Bryan did have a connection, a strong one, but Romeo was looking for someone other than Juliet.

I had to stay tense to keep from throwing myself at him as he saw me and made his way off stage. Bryan was just that hot; most of the girls and nearly all the gay guys were lusting for him. Honestly, it was intimidating to be there. We'd only been officially together for a week, and I still wasn't certain it was real.

"What'd you think?" The way his eyes laughed and his lips curled with mirth, I knew he was faking. He liked playing with me this way. I didn't mind; it was a reminder of how close we'd come to ending and what it'd taken to get where we were. Of course, I'd always over-analyzed everything. Bryan was all about the experience; I was all reasons why.

My lips curled into a grin as I looked into his eyes. He liked what he saw; I'd put away my "practical" eyewear for the sting and inconvenience of my contacts. He was worth it. He could just melt me; the way his eyes burned as he looked into mine made my heart beat faster. "I hated you in that scene."

I stiffened for a second as his arm snaked around me. Then I just let go and let him pull me in. Every time he held me I'd tremble; it was like my body was recalibrating itself or something. What ever it was, he's the only one who ever did that to me. If you've never had a beautiful, strong man pull you up against him and nuzzle your neck in front of God and creation, then you haven't lived. He kissed his way back to my lips lightly before pulling back and smiled. "Yeah, I know, I hate you too."

I didn't need the words; not any more. Everything he did, or said, told me what I needed to hear. "I love you". It was easy to understand once you knew the language.