All Comments on 'I Host my Niece's Pool Party Pt. 01'

A little mechanical in some descriptions of some things, but over all an enjoyable story.

This could have been a pretty good story but the writing was so bad that I had to quit. You need an editor. Not just for the spelling and punctuation but for continuity within the story. Keep trying, though. Practice makes perfect, eventually!

I thoroughly enjoyed this story. Please continue the storyline and use of these characters.

I enjoy reading all your stories. A lot of fun. 5 stars. I agree some of the sex seems a little mechanical, but I think it’s meant to be! I don’t think there are too many Phil’s out there!

This is a good story. Liked the part about not yelling @ the Ump. I Umped girls rec league softball Yrs. ago & hada pitcher yell @ me for supposedly blowing ball/strike calls on her. I knew the YL even though she was several Yrs. younger than me. I was glad when she moved to another Town w/ her parents. I'm too old now & too disabled to ump anymore. As Archie Bunker & Edith would sing, " Those were the days !!!!"

'Gina' became 'Ginger' and then back again?

Do you know the difference between 'your' and 'you're'?

Because you are the author of the story and not a professional writer, I would say no to an editor and let the reader just enjoy the story. I saw the same mistakes and read right over them. In my mind Ginger changed to Gina on its own. I do enjoy your stories and look forward to reading the next one. Cheers

This was a great story, thanks. I hope you have couple more parts.

I had ZERO problems with this story. yeah, Gina/Ginger, so what? It didn't detract from the flow of the story, so no worries.

Honestly, I was busy enjoying the wish-fulfillment fantasy of 24 MILFs and their daughters at a party in a huge house with all the features... I'd love to have the house, but I'll keep my wife instead of the MILFs and daughters.

I really liked this story. You put real people in it, and gave a good back story for each. I hope you are going to do a next chapter. This is to good not too! Thank you for putting it on here.

I applaud your enthusiasm. The story is so far out there that it creates a great fantasy for any person reading it. Great job keeping the storyline going. I really wouldn't like to be Phil. I would want to be a fly on the wall. All of those girls and moms...mmmm! 5*

Decent story but the writing needs alot of work. Starting literally every sentence with "I did this" or "I said that" makes reading it uncomfortable.

Looking forward to more.

I can't think of a better story.

Every part was perfect. Phil was AMAZING in the way he treated everyone.

He showed love and concern.

I can't think of a better way to start and finish a story

I hope he and Carrie end up together.

I can't wait for another loving story.

And I believe you are submitting here under two user names ;)

Commenting on other comments, indeed, I just take she was Ginger who went as Gina for friends and didn't really notice. Few other technical flaws and the overall oh so out there fantasy where none among those 24 mother daughter pairs have any reservations at all, and the incredibly arrogant yet declarative sweet guy host, but yeah it's how it's intended I guess, and enjoyable enough.

Good story. You need to learn how contractions work, especially as it applies to dialog. People don't say, "It is nice to meet you." They say, "It's nice..." They don't say, "You are welcome." They say, "You're welcome." To not use contractions makes the dialog stiff and awkward.

The behavioral logic in your world is completely off. Couldn't immerse myself in the story for this reason, as everything just felt so unbelievable.

Loved the story. Really got in to it, wished I was one of the attendees to the party. Well done!!

wonderful, beautiful story. Looking forward to the next chapter. I was hooked from your very first few lines

story and EXCELLENTLY written. Well worthy of 5 Stars.

A lot of males would benefit themselves and their women if they'd take the time to read and understand what the author wrote and then put those techniques into practice.

Maybe the author should write a How-To Manual, it would especially benefit those young males with no sexual experience. The women they encounter for a sex in the future would also benefit greatly. Of course, there may be a significant number of males who are unaware of the author's manual who soon find their options for female companionship drawing up, radically.

Try using past tense more. It makes it easier to follow.

I really, really liked this story however, I was wanting more detail on the sexual encounters, something more descriptive - you failed on that in this story. Regardless, you did a good job on the story.

Awesome!!!!

Boring and redundant. Very passe 12 year old boys fantasy.