All Comments on 'Indoor Paradise Ch. 01'

Damn, this was good. Hope Stick Man sticks it in Mom in chapter 2

Stop writing in present tense. It's dumb.

you have given no reason for mom to walk in and ask her son to tit fuck her.sounds like he is dreaming,so he needs to wake up before he fucks up

So we've got a sequel and other excellent stories to look forward to. 18 year old Parker is a all lanky kid, but long and thick where it counts. At his age, the boy's a nonstop semen producing machine--as his mother soon finds out. Massaging his mom's voluptuous body gets him harder than he's ever been before and really stirs his hot young balls. I love how his mother calls herself "mommy" as she presents her bountiful breasts to embrace her boy's hard young cock. Parker feels his cock surrounded by warm loving mommy-tit, and the kid soon gifts his mommy with huge spurts of his warm creamy semen. As doug_nought suggests, mommy's got an even better place for her boy to spurt his sperm. Tell us all about it, Mr. RH.

Writing in present tense isn't a mark of maturity or good technique; it's pretentious and annoying. The story is on par with "I saw my mom, and suddenly she took off all her clothes and said 'fuck me , baby!' so I did and it was good, the end."

I agree with Redlion75; this came out of nowhere, no build-up, no prior indication that there was anything brewing between mother and son, noting in the first half of the 'story' except that he was permanently horny; duh! He's eighteen, of course he is, that's a given. Other than the obvious cliches, this story is about nothing whatsoever, so it's a 1*, because you couldn't be bothered (or don't have enough talent) to try and be even a little bit original.

If this was your first story, you did OK. Check out some other writers and see how they carry on the story to a really great climax. Cannot wait for your next chapter. Regards,

Although short, many true feelings and emotions are revealed in this story. Mom probably knows about hidden desire but is unsure how to react. A good situation may present itself if patient.

Sorry, but this is just a one sided lust story (more like a dream than reality).

Nothing in the past to suggest such an action from the mother.

Mum sees his cock and hands full of jizz and flips into an uncharacteristic slut mode with her son.....just lacks so much credibility that hasn't been brought into the story.

So he's covered in jizz and told to go to lay down 🤣

How about a clean up? Derrr!

Congratulations however, on your first effort and thanks for trying, but I think your readers need more credibility or believability to your story.

3*🤔🙏🙏🤔

Sure wish my mom had been so willing to address the issues between us. She knew I enjoyed spying on her, yet she never closed her bedroom door. But neither of us walked in on the other to discuss our options.

Good story. Well written. Thank you.